PREQUEL
Oh,you can hear me cry
See my dreams all die
From where you're standing
On your own.
It's so quiet here
And I feel so cold
This house no longer
Feels like home.
Oh,when you told me you'd leave
I felt like I couldn't breath
My aching body fell to the floor
Ben Cocks- So cold
No. NO.
My body was in a state of utter denial.
My love. My best friend. My family.
They were gone.
Can't. No. Can't be true.
They wouldn't do this.
They never loved you. They accepted you because Edward wanted you.
Edward didn't want me.
They dont want you now.
I took in the barely recognized room that was mine.
Who? How?
Where was the forest floor.
The mudd, the rain, the moss.
They must have found you.
Who?
Your father. You know he'd look for you. He still loves you.
I want him to want me. I want the Cullens to want me.
They left me behind...
I have to make sure there gone.
I have to see for myself.
I stood up, my bones ached, I was cold, shaking.
I dont care.
Let me die.
If he isnt here...why should I be? If he dosent want me...I have no purpose.
I pulled on a think hoodie to stop the shakes.
I snuck down stairs, it was still dark outside, my father would be asleep.
I bolted out the door and into my truck.
I needed to see.
My body was aching.
My vision blurry.
Some how as if on autopilot I made it to my home.
Tugging at my heart-strings the beautiful Victorian house stood in all its 3 story glory.
I ran from the truck leaving it on and the door open in the process.
Up the familiar stairs and to the door.
My hand found the doorknob, cold.
Icy cold.
I opened it.
It wasnt locked.
Good sign?
With hope in my heart I opened it roughly.
The entrance way and all it's furniture was covered in white sheets.
I floated like an out-of-body experience to the living room.
White sheets over everything.
Panic.
I screamed.
I screamed each of their names until my lungs heart.
Until I couldnt breath and I was on the floor again.
Gone.
My family...
The numbness in my chest disappeared.
The flood gates of an endless pain struck me hard in the chest.
As if a vampire had punched a whole through my chest and left me to suffer.
Well, several did.
You caused my heart to bleed and
You still owe me a reason
I can't figure out why...
Why I'm alone and freezing
I had to be found again.
This time it was my father that actually did the finding.
He knew he'd find me here.
I was staring out my window in my room now.
I dont know exactly how long it had been since he brought me back here.
I havent been to school, Angela brought me my homework.
I did it on autopilot.
I didnt smile.
I didnt say thank you.
I didnt sleep.
When I did nightmares would plague me.
I talked mostly to my thoughts.
I was trying to find a reason.
A reason why my angel would lie so much to me.
Why my topaz eyed angel?
How?
Why did you have to take them with you?
Why couldnt you just end it like a man if that was your real reason?
I had to go back to school today.
I was staring in my reflection in the mirror on the dresser.
I looked like death.
No. You look like one of them. With out the pretty eyes.
Long brown hair.
He calls it mahogany.
I've always hated my hair.
Before this town I did everything with it.
Cut, dye, cut short, cut weird, dye weirder.
My mother had told me she wanted my hair back to the normal for a while.
I did it just for her.
I planned on changing it once I got here.
But he loved it so much. Running his long fingers through it. Absently playing with strands.
Hatred engulfed me.
I hate it.
The scissors found my hand, I didnt find them.
I started cutting and I couldn't stop.
Gone.
It was short and boy like.
Sticking up in different directions.
The girl in the mirror smiled.
More of a sneer than a smile.
Lets see what they think of you know. The girl he abandoned. The girl who went crazy.
I'll show them crazy.
I didnt talk to anyone at school.
I sat at the Cullens table and stared out the window.
Wishing for lunch to be over.
I payed rapt attention to biology just to try to not remember who was my partner.
I couldn't stand the stares.
I wore a hood up most of the time until the teachers told me differently.
Got more stares.
Didnt care.
Didnt feel anything but the scorching pain in my chest.
My grades improved.
No distractions can do that to someone.
When I was home I made dinner for Charlie.
Ate little.
Watched tv with him if I didnt have homework.
Mainly, I watched.
I watched from my window.
"'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever feels like home
Sitting all alone inside your head
How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of folks"
STONE SOUR - THROUGH GLASS
Time went on, when the threat of leaving this place, the place the Cullen were welcome came from my father.
I panicked.
Nothing good comes from panic.
But this time I did.
I gave my self a reason.
With this spark of life in me, I started to see how absurd I was being.
Letting someone ruin my image of my self so much.
I was distorted.
In all that was his beauty, I got lost.
In his eyes I was lost. No longer myself.
I couldnt lose myself.
I wanted me back.
I wanted to have my family believe in me again.
So this is how I changed.
How I gave them hope.
Only because a small hope flickered, that if I stayed here, they might come back.
How sick is that?
Bella died in the forest floor.
His Bella died three days after her 18th birthday.
Does it make you feel alive,
I had to die to finally let you go
Stop me,
I find myself believing
Oh the story gets rewritten so, blasphemy is permitted once again
Oh and you were
So perfectly imperfect.
Oh I never tell you what to do when all you have are lies
Stonesour- Imperfect
The Story-
Days, weeks, months… Hell, I don't really know how long after ...Ed...He… left, I was nothing but a zombie.
There were no signs of life in me, and there was horrible pain in my chest. The utter sheer loss I felt for each of the Cullens consumed me.
The day my father told me he wanted to send me to Jacksonville to live with my mother, I realized this.
I couldn't be like this any longer. I had to change.
For my father, my mother, my friends.
For myself.
I deserved that much. So I applied myself more at school, I started talking to my group I abandoned for him. I'd sheltered myself from a high school life. For him.
I started hanging out with Jacob Black on the rez. I liked him. From the very start, he made me smile. I never spent time with Jake because of HIM.
I went out to eat with my father, I actually talked to him. I never was a good daughter because of Edward.
I could say his name now. It had been a very long time since then. It seemed like it was forever ago that I couldn't say his name.
It wasn't some profound way I could say it either. I just started talking. To Jake, Angie, my mom, even Charlie.
Here I sat, in boring-as-hell trig. Less than a month left of school and I'd be a graduate.
What was the point?
What could i learn that I hadn't already?
I glared at the ever slowly-ticking clock. I hate math.
I hate math.
I hate math.
Last period, such torture. So close… the bell would ring at any minute now, but he'd make us stay so he could assign homework, because that just how much of a douche Mr. Bond was.
The bell sounded with a shrill, annoying ring. At this point in time, it was the sound of freedom.
I packed up and waited for him to yell out a chapter, which I'd never remember, to review or a problem number that I would forget as soon as i heard it.
I trekked out the door and down the hall. I was still clumsy. That would never change. I got myself back up from my falls now, though - I didn't need help.
I slid my earbuds in as I made it through the never ending rain to my truck. My beast of a truck that I loved so dearly.
I maneuvered through the rain to my house at my own pace, and then pulled in just like normal.
Today was a good day. It was Friday, Jake and Billy would come over, and I'd make dinner. Dad would be happy.
I'd talk to Jake about his newfound ability to turn into giant freaking wolf. No one was normal in my life. I was half expecting Angela to be a witch, Jessica to be a succubus, Lauren to turn into a giant snake, and Mike Newton to be a vampire hunter.
Before I headed inside, I went to the mail box and got today's mail, managing to slip only once. Proudly, I applauded myself as I quietly sang to Hinder's "Lips of an Angel."
Once inside, I tossed down my backpack and sorted through the mail. Along with the bills was one handwritten letter addressed to me. There was no name to give an indication who it came from.
I sank down into the dining room chair, staring at it, afraid to open this unknown envelope.
Who was it?
The Cullens.
A sense of dread and hope crept into me. I knew in my gut that it was them, just one of those feelings.
Even though they hadn't had contact with me, I just knew it was them, although I couldn't explain the feeling even to myself. I mean, other than me, who would think it was them?
I didn't know which Cullen it was, though. I dreaded the possibility that it could be Edward, hoping for anyone else.
I missed my big brother, the mother I truly never had, the mentor I'd always wanted, the best friend. Wow, I'd even want to hear from Rosalie. Jasper...I wonder if he's okay.
I didn't know him, only really talked to him at the hotel in Phoenix. He told me I was worth it.
Strangely, those words echoed in my mind a lot these past months. Being an empath, he must've been going through a lot. Blaming himself for Edward doing what he did.
I'm not stupid, I knew he made them leave. They loved him, they'd do anything for him. They'd known him longer. I was mad at them, sure, but should they ask, I would forgive them. Edward didn't want me. It was simple.
I got up, abruptly grabbed my backpack and the letter, and ran upstairs to my room.
I put the letter under my pillow. I would read it that night.
I wanted to have more of a good day before I was disappointed. I would be disappointed, no matter who it's from. I knew that for sure. It was just a letter.
Whoever it was, they weren't here to explain, weren't here to give me the answers I needed. I let out a heavy sigh. Later, Bella, later.
When your father is asleep and can't hear you cry.