Title: Forbidden Emotions
Summary: Obi-Wan's forbidden emotions lead him on a dangerous path and to the ultimate choice. Will he strike down his enemy, or will a forbidden emotion pull him from the precipice of darkness?
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns Star Wars, not me. Jude Watson owns the characters from JA and JQ, as well as the book Secrets of the Jedi and its entire contents, which inspired this little fic.
Author Notes: This vignette was written for Aelan_Greenleaf at , whose prize for delurking in one of my fics was a vignette of her choice: any subject, any characters.
/
Attachment was forbidden. Love was forbidden. Passion was forbidden. Possession was forbidden. The tenants of the Jedi Code were simple. Each forbidden emotion was a path to the dark side. He'd been warned time and time again. It didn't matter.
He became attached to her.
/
"I never want to see the day that we're not together," muttered Obi-Wan Kenobi as he held his wife in his arms.
"As long as I have a say in it, you never will," she whispered back. "I don't plan on ever leaving you."
/
Without realizing it, he became captivated by her beauty. Everything about her touched him. The way she said his name made him smile. Her gentle teasing brought him laughter. Her smile lit every dark corner of his heart. The way she believed in him brought him peace.
He'd fallen completely in love with her.
/
"I love you," he told her.
Siri spun around, her long blonde hair flying about her head. Her blue eyes blazed. "You what?" she asked, sure she'd heard him wrong.
Obi-Wan moved closer to Siri, taking her into his arms. The more she squirmed, the tighter he held her. "I said that I love you. I can't stop thinking about you, Siri. You occupy my every thought."
"You can't love me," she whispered to him. "It's forbidden for a Jedi to love."
"I know. I don't care," he insisted. "I can't sleep at night because my thoughts dwell on you, on your smile, on your voice; everything about you."
Silent tears made their way down her tanned cheeks. "I love you too."
/
Obi-Wan found himself constantly needing her to feel complete. He ached for her; his heart and his body craved her presence. He found it hard to breathe without her in his arms. His perceptions were clouded unless she was near.
Like liquid fire, his passion for her was consuming him.
/
The sounds of labored breathing cut through the silence of the empty Jedi Temple hanger bay.
"We have to stop," Siri whispered as she tore her lips from his. "Someone may see us."
Obi-Wan drew her further into his embrace, his lips attacking her slender neck. He pulled back for a moment to look into her soft blue eyes. "I can't stop, I don't want to. If someone sees…then they see; it doesn't matter."
Siri wanted to believe him. Every look, every kiss, every touch they shared brought them that much closer; so close she didn't often know where she ended and he began.
"It doesn't matter," he whispered again. "I love you. I want you."
/
Frantic was the best way to describe his state of being. Siri was being watched by Senator Elian Gravis. He could sense the man's attraction to her. After all, Siri was beautiful. But she was his. It didn't matter to Obi-Wan if anyone else looked at Siri, or if they wanted her. She was his now and she would remain that way until he breathed his last.
Her heart, her soul, her body; he wanted to possess her. He did. The need to possess had entered his being.
/
"We were only talking," Siri argued.
"I don't care!" came the screamed answer from Obi-Wan. "He touched you, Siri. He touched you and you let him."
"You're being completely ridiculous, Obi-Wan," Siri calmly told him. She could see the rage in his blue eyes. He was beyond angry. He was possessed.
"I am not being ridiculous!" he screamed at her. "He touched what is mine."
"Yours?" she asked, unable to believe he'd actually said those words. "I may love you but you do not own me, Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Just as Siri turned to walk away from him, Obi-Wan reached out and pulled her to him. He held her close and looked deep into her eyes. "But I do, Siri. I do own you. I own your heart and your body and your soul. Just as you own mine. We own each other and we belong to each other. We possess each other. Forever."
/
Fear, hate, anger; all three led to the dark side. All three were pouring off of Obi-Wan Kenobi as he jumped down into the ship. His eyes immediately landed on the still form of Siri Tachi.
"Oh Force," he whispered as he walked slowly towards his love and knelt down beside her. His fingers immediately went to her neck to check for a pulse. He knew before he touched her what he'd find. Siri was dead.
/
"Where is he?" Anakin Skywalker demanded as he stepped up next to Padme.
"He went inside the ship," she explained. "Anakin, something is wrong."
Anakin sighed deeply. "I know."
Padme glanced at him, her look asking the question before she spoke it aloud. "What do you mean?"
"Master Tachi is dead," he said without preamble.
Padme gasp coincided with Obi-Wan climbing from the ship and striding towards them. Anakin could sense as well as see the anger and rage on Obi-Wan's face. He'd known for years that his mentor loved Siri and that she loved him; had seen it between them on numerous occasions. Losing that would certainly crush his Master.
"Master, I'm…," Anakin began. "…I don't know what to say."
"Get out of the way, Anakin," Obi-Wan harshly commanded.
Startled by the tone of voice, Anakin moved immediately. He and Padme watched silently as Obi-Wan unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and ignited the brilliant blue blade.
"Anakin, do something," Padme whispered. "He's going to kill him."
Anakin's icy gaze fell upon the writhing, twisted form of Magus, the man responsible for Siri's death. Taly Fry was standing above the crumpled man, holding a blaster rifle on him, ready to fire should he make even one small move. Anakin found himself hoping that Taly would find reason to kill the man.
Obi-Wan pushed in front of Taly. The younger man moved away, but not so far that he couldn't still get a clean shot at Magus.
Obi-Wan angled his lightsaber down and held it at Magus' neck. He could see the fear the bounty hunter felt at that moment. He knew his life was about to come to an end.
Anakin stepped up next to his mentor, his own glowing green saber lit. "Don't do it, Master. She wouldn't want this."
Obi-Wan turned sharply to look at his teenage apprentice. "Do not presume to know what she would want me to do, Anakin," he snapped.
"I know that Master Tachi wouldn't want you to let her death be the reason you betray everything the Jedi have taught you, everything that you are," Anakin shot back. "She'd never have approved of what you're about to do here."
Obi-Wan's breathing was deep and heavy. Rage was building in his heart. Anger filled his mind. Hate was weaving its way into his very soul. He wanted to kill Magus. The bounty hunter deserved to die for his crimes and he wanted to be the one to exact his punishment. He wanted to avenge Siri's death.
"Don't do this, Obi-Wan," Anakin tried again. "Please, don't do this."
"Listen to him, my love," they both heard in the distance.
Their eyes snapped up and together they looked upon the shimmering blue figure of Siri Tachi. Her long blonde hair was once again framing her beautiful face and her blue eyes were shining in love as she looked at her beloved Obi-Wan.
"Don't taint yourself, Obi-Wan," the ghostly image of Siri begged. "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny," she quoted Master Yoda.
Obi-Wan deactivated his lightsaber and fell to his knees. Tears gathered in his eyes and poured down his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, Siri. I should have…if I'd been faster or stronger or…," he started, but stopped when his tears overwhelmed his ability to speak.
"You did everything right," she said. "Don't betray yourself or the Jedi now by killing Magus in cold blood, in anger and hatred. It's not your way. You're better than that."
Anakin watched, amazed at the happenings. He'd heard of such occurrences like this, of dead Jedi coming back in ghostly forms. But he'd never seen it before and hadn't ever been completely sure he believed it was possible.
"I love you, Siri," Obi-Wan managed to whisper through his tears. "I'll love you forever."
Anakin watched as her shimmering figure moved in close and knelt down in front of Obi-Wan. She closed her eyes and leaned forward, brushing her lips over his. Anakin knew that they weren't really kissing. It was no longer possible for her to be a physical presence in their world. But he could feel the peace that suddenly flowed through his teacher.
"Just as I will love you forever," Siri whispered back.
Obi-Wan opened his eyes and stood. He and Anakin watched as Siri gave one last wave and a brilliant smile before her glowing form faded into nothingness.
"Are you alright, Master?" Anakin asked gently.
Obi-Wan gave a small nod. "I will be, Anakin. I will be."
Padme and Taly weren't sure what had just happened. But they knew that whatever it was, it kept Obi-Wan from venturing down a path best left un-traveled.
Obi-Wan clipped his saber to his belt and looked down at Magus. The bounty hunter was beginning to move a bit more, his fear having bled away once the lightsaber was no longer close to severing his head from his shoulders.
"Anakin, Taly, get him on board; he's under arrest for crimes committed against the citizens of the Republic. He's now a prisoner of war."
Anakin smiled. "Yes Master."
Later, inside the ship as they headed back to Coruscant, Obi-Wan was alone in his quarters. In his hands he held a holopic of himself and Siri. It had been taken years before, when they first fell in love. Both were smiling and obviously happy. She had inspired so many feelings in him. Love and hate, happiness and sadness, passion and rage, possession and the lesson of letting go; he'd experienced them all with Siri. He'd nearly lost himself, but she'd pulled him back from the edge of darkness. She'd saved him. He would always remember her, but he knew he must let her go. She would forever possess his heart, but hers was no longer his to possess. She belonged solely to the Force now.
"Goodbye, my love."