Title: Cancer

Author: moe_sense

Pairing: LavixAllen

Rating: G, because it's pure angsty fluff.

Summary: (lulz wat OOC) When it comes to the end, most find it best to say goodbye before they can't.

Suspicion is a bad thing, like a person beating a dog. It just keeps happening and happening and it just gets worse all the time. It rips apart lives and it tears up relationships. It destroys you to your very core.

And it was eating Lavi alive.

They all heard those words come out of the lips of their dear comrade Allen Walker. Such painful words to utter, but he said them. Loud and clear and ringing in Lavi's ear. And what could he do? Just stand there and write it down. "Oh, that's nice. You might kill me in my sleep." "You might have to kill yourself to save us." That's so damn nice!

Allen finished his morbid little speech and was led out of the room, leaving the other Exorcists to huddle up and gossip and whatnot. Lavi slipped out of the way and ducked into his own room. Panda wasn't there. That's good. Just a nice quiet evening to read… and read… and read. Like he did every day. Like he would do for the rest of his nice little life. Just sit in his library of a room and study until his eyes were sore and he was drooling right on the pages. Live alone, die alone. Shrivel up in the confined space with no one around. Just… so alone in that dark place.

Mr. Allen-Walker-Maybe-14th-But-Maybe-Not was walking down the hall. It felt like he had cancer. Just going down and counting down the days until he would slowly fade away. Even right now he felt so dizzy and confused. He always heard that little voice whispering and giggling in the back of his head. About to take over. Like a beat-beat-beat in his head. Beating so hard like a hammer. BAM! BAM! BAM! Heh. Maybe Lavi was smashing his head with that big old hammer of his.

Speaking of that funny little bunny, Allen glanced to his left and noticed that Lavi's door was open.

Lavi saw a little white ball of fluff pop into his doorway.

"Oh, Allen," he said. "Come on in, if you can get through the maze of books."

Lavi watched as the boy tripped and stumbled over the construction site of books. He wondered, How long would it be until that sweet little boy would be gone? How long would it be until sweet little Allen had been blown to smithereens and was replaced by the 14th?

When would the smile go away? When would the laugh not be his laugh at all?

How long will it be before Allen was not Allen?

Allen finally made it over to where Lavi was sitting on the bed. "Heya Lavi!" Allen cheerfully greeted him as he flopped down next to Lavi on the bed. "How are you doing on this fine day in the middle of the night?"

"Same as usual," Lavi replied.

"Hm? Lavi, is something wrong?"

"No, nothing."

"You seem a bit… off."

Allen was doing it again. Digging into his heart, a heart that was supposed to be hard as stone. Impenetrable, incorrigible. Clinking away like a little pick. Hoping to find hidden thoughts and feelings and all that his soul held. It frightened Lavi in that sense, since his heart was supposed to be a rock. It wasn't supposed to be beating like this. Good thing Panda isn't here. This wouldn't end up well at all.

"Say, Allen," Lavi said, not even turning to face him.

"Yeah?"

"About your little… speech today…"

"Oh… yeah…?"

"Um, yeah…"

Oh Jesus, how am I going to say this? I've got no experience and… and… erm…

"Lavi?

"Oh yeah… erm…"

He felt some kind of stinging at his eyes and he raised one of his hands up to find what it was.

He gave a little gasp as he felt a single tear drip down his face.

"Lavi! Why-" Allen cried, hopping up to attention. "Lavi, did I say something to-"

"No, no… it's just me…"

"Lavi! I'm so sorry about today! If I upset you! Sorrysorrysorrysorry-!"

Allen felt Lavi's hand push on Allen's back and grabbed him in an awkward embrace, giving Allen a small "shhh."

"Lavi…" Allen spoke softly.

"Just… don't speak, okay? I just kind of… want a… moment…"

Allen felt his emotions boil up as he felt Lavi's tears drip down into his outfit. Tiny little squeaking sobs came, muffled, from Allen's shoulder. Allen felt like he should do something, anything… He started to pet Lavi's head like he'd pet a cat or dog. He couldn't think of anything else to do, so he kept running his cursed hand through the boy's orange hair.

"Allen… you know, I think it's never too early to say your goodbyes."

Allen's eyes popped open wide. "Lavi, what do you mean?"

"Oh you know Allen… good to say goodbye before they die."

"Oh jeez… I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I'm just-"

"Shh, Allen. You have the easy part. The hardest part of this is leaving you."

Brooke Sanders, 10/7/08, 8:36 PM