Disclaimer: Don't own them, darnit.

A/N: I hate writing sadness for these guys because I love them so much, but I couldn't shake a couple of ideas I had, and this is one of them. I also do not want long pauses between my chapters (there will prob just be 2 more) so I will post very soon. The only reason they're not all posted now is because I am still writing some. And let me add that I have cried while writing this, especially while listening to Here Without You last night thinking of the words to write. It tugged at the heart. As emotional and sad as it is I do hope you enjoy(for lack of better term). Please review if you want. I would love to hear from you if you'd like. This chapter was the happy chapter. (Although I will try to add some happiness and fluff, if only in flashbacks, in all chapters to break the sadness). Keep in mind this is the first chapter and I stopped here b/c it was the best stopping point, the next chapter is way more in depth so I do hope you give it a chance. I am a recent SLASH convert. Flashbacks in italics.

------------------------------

"Drake get out of bed!" Shouted Megan.

"No!" he shouted back "Not today. I don't want to get up"

She sat on the bed beside him and touched his shoulder. "I know you don't but you have to," she softly told her brother.

He pulled the covers down from his face to look at her. His eyes were red and had dark circles under them. She knew he had barely slept and when he did he must have cried himself to sleep.

"I don't want to wake up anymore Megan," he told her with tearful eyes "I was hoping I wouldn't wake up today. I prayed that I wouldn't. Why? Just why? If I'm going to keep waking up and living then why can't I wake up a year ago?" he screamed.

Tears came out of her eyes and she knew he was hurting. She dreaded this day. She was unsure how it would be but she imagined it pretty much the way it was going. She knew he would want to cry, they all would want to cry and ask why a life was taken so soon and so young, but she also knew he was going to yell and be mad. So she would let him yell she decided. Nobody could change that today.

"Drunk drivers. Stupid drunk drugged up driver. I hate him. I hate him!" He cried. She let him get it out of his system knowing that if it wasn't a drunk driver that killed Josh that Drake would be doing the same thing. The only thing stopping him was the fact that he refused to put himself in the same caliber as the man that stole his world.

Over the past year he and Megan got very close. She was the one person he could really talk to without feeling judged or weirded out around. She was very intelligent and mature. She had been his rock. The only person helping him go on.

Audrey and Walter had tried to be supportive, they really did. He knew it was difficult for them to understand and it shocked them to find out and the way they found out isn't the way Drake or Josh had wanted them to. No, that was supposed to come from the both of them. In the end though Drake was the one and only because he couldn't help it. On that fateful awful night that would haunt him forever or at least until he could die too.

"Okay, this is it right? Josh said smiling while relaxing leaned up against Drake on their couch,"

"Yes, definitely I don't want to hide it from them anymore do you?" He asked and wrapped his arms around Josh.

"No. I've hated hiding it even the last few months" Josh said.

That is when it started officially, the last few months. Josh was kind of actually surprised that Walter and Audrey didn't suspect anything when he decided to wait until next semester or next year even to go to college. They didn't though. He guessed Drake rubbed off on him because when he told them it was because he was always so focused and serious about school he would like to just take some time off and relax and prepare for the college life, they actually bought it.

The real reason is because he had loved Drake for so long that when Drake finally admitted to loving him back he didn't want to leave.

Drake still remembered how it all started.

"Drake I have to tell you something," Josh said the night of graduation after they got home.

The hair on the back of Drake's neck stood up. It wasn't what Josh said, it was the way he said it. "Okay" Drake told him.

Josh walked over to his bed because he wanted to pretty much hide when he said this and that was his personal space so that is where he went.

"Well?" Drake said.

Josh looked at him. "Turn the light off" he said.

"That is what you have to tell me. Turn the light off, okay" Drake said.

"No but I can't look.. just please do it," Josh pleaded.

Drake went to turn the light off.

"Oh," Josh said "make sure the door is locked too.

Drake sighed but did as his stepbrother asked. He locked the door (both locks) and shut the light off.

"Okay it's off it's locked now tell me," Drake ordered.

"Turn on some kind of music," Josh said.

"Okay Josh what the hel" Drake started to say before he was interrupted.

"Drake just please, anything it doesn't matter. I just can't stand silence right now," Josh told him.

"You could have asked me to do this before I turned the light off," Drake said and then wondered when he was the one doing stuff that Josh asked him to do. Like his personal servant or something. It didn't' matter though he was kind of having fun with what almost seemed like a verbal scavenger hunt. He made his way over to the stereo and pushed play on the cd player. He smiled. He wondered if Josh felt like this when He did something for HIM.

"Okay now your majesty, anything else," Drake said acting irritated but he really wasn't. Just really curious.

"Well maybe.." Josh tried to say.

"JOSH! Just what is i…" Drake said when Josh cut him off.

"I love you!" Josh said.


Drake stopped breathing and he was sure his heart stopped for a moment. Did Josh just say he "loved" him. Well of course, right. He loves him.

"Josh, I know that and I …" Drake said before Josh interrupted.

"No Drake I LOVE you. I'm sorry to tell you now and like this but I have to before this summer comes and goes. I can't NOT tell you anymore. It is killing me not telling you. I love you." He said again.

Drake was stunned. His stomach had butterflies and he was sure that wasn't really how he was supposed to act but he knew why he did. He was in love with Josh too. For a long time now. He almost went too far in telling him once but stopped. What would people have said if he would have confessed everything. What if Josh would have laughed at him or worse, hated him after that. Drake was silent.

Josh continued "I know you are shocked and don't feel that way about me and I can live with that but I couldn't leave or live without telling you; I felt you had the right to know. How you process this is up to you. I hope it doesn't change us hanging out because I am leaving in a couple of months and …"

He felt Drake's hands on his shoulders pushing him on his back on the bed. Josh wasn't sure at first if he was going to kill him or what and became breathless at the touch of Drakes hands on him. Josh was unable to move or breathe full of fear and excitement at the same time.. Drake straddled him and moved his hands down to Josh's hands and intertwined his fingers with his. He brought Josh's arms up and pinned them over his head. He looked into Josh's eyes "I love you too Josh. I love you too," he said and then touched his lips to Josh's.

When their kiss deepened, their fingers tightened around each other's and moans escaped both of them. The kiss was broken for a moment and Drake could hear Josh said "Oh my God" almost breathlessly.

The way he said it sent a tingle of emotion through Drake's body. "Josh" is all he could get out and kissed him again. He finally released the grip on Josh's hands and put his hands back on Josh's shoulders. Josh moved his hands to Drake's hair and wrapped his left hand in it. Drake inhaled when he did that but when Josh gently pulled his hair Drake moaned and couldn't help but say "oh my God". Neither Drake nor Josh knew until that moment that pulling hair would be Drake's biggest turn on.

The kisses turned more passionate than they already were. Their hands started exploring each other's bodies. Neither one of them could believe they were in that moment and doing what they were doing and neither one of them wanted it to stop. Neither one of them were going to let it stop either.

This was different for Drake more so than for the obvious reasons. He was doing something with someone he really loved and had loved for a long time. He had sex before, several times, with several girls, but tonight was the first night that he ever made love to and with someone.

Josh only had one prior experience and that was with Mindy. He liked that experience, a lot but it was different. Not because she was a girl and he wanted to be with guys, that wasn't it. It was because she wasn't Drake. Nobody but Drake could ever be Drake.

That night was the best night of their lives and it was one they wanted to live everyday and especially every night and they could, at least for now.

-----------------------------