He shouldn't have come. The realization came, as is so often the case with realizations, pretty late. Too late to be exact, because now there was no going back. He had thought about it, of course. He had thought about it with every step he took further down the corridor. At every safety check point, every time he had to pull out his identification, every time he'd uttered his name and rank and where he was heading. Every time he had to confirm that, yes, he was indeed that Kaidan Alenko. The one who'd helped save the Citadel with Commander Shepard and yes, he was here to see her and yes, it's an honor serving under her.
In his naivete, he'd believed he'd be safe from any interrogation as soon as he'd safely passed the cluster of reporters loitering in front of Huerta Memorial Hospital. His hands deep in his pockets, face hidden in the shadows of a hood, staring at his feet while walking at a quick (but not suspiciously quick) pace so they wouldn't recognize and fire questions at him that he couldn't and wouldn't answer. The most persistent of the bunch had made camp in front of the hospital for a chance to get a glimpse of the "Hero of the Citadel" – no matter that said hero was confined to a bed on the other side of the building after nearly getting squashed by the remains of a gigantic machine with the goal to wipe out all sentient life.
The memory of those dreadful few minutes when he believed he had lost her forever still took his breath away, making his heart clench in a way it was not supposed to, it wasn't allowed to. But his heart cared very little for what was expected of it, as it had proven time and time again in the last few months as well as in the last few minutes when it had made his feet slow down, dragging out the moments until he finally reached her door.
The familiarity of the situation was almost absurd. It'd only been a few days ago, after all, when he'd last stood in front of her door, beating himself up over everything that could go wrong, wondering if he was even wanted there, knowing he wasn't supposed to be there – at least not for the reasons driving him. A few days ago he had been wanted, more than he ever dared to hope. Right now he wasn't so sure. Even if he'd hinted that he wasn't one for casual flings, the way in which they'd come together had been so fast and desperate in the end that he wouldn't be surprised if Shepard had dismissed that claim. He just didn't know. He hadn't seen Shepard since they'd helped her out of the rubble and Anderson had insisted in getting her to the hospital ASAP – something Kaidan had agreed with, of course, because even if the Commander insisted she was fine, the angle of her arm and the way she cradled it against her chest spoke a very different language. Knowing Shepard, she probably would have claimed everything was alright even if the arm had been missing completely, if she thought she'd get away with it.
The thought almost made Kaidan smile but it froze on his lips when the marine next to the door of Shepard's room noticed him awkwardly lingering at the corner, and hastily saluted.
"Lieutenant Alenko! They said you'd arrive any minute. You've already be cleared to go in, sir."
The one time he really wasn't in a hurry to get somewhere, the Alliance suddenly started getting efficient. Now there really was no turning back.
Stop being ridiculous, Alenko. You've been wanting to abandon everything and see her ever since they dragged her away and pushed you in front of the cameras instead. Man up and get into that room.
Steeling himself and ignoring the voice of doubt whispering that he had no business being here, he nodded to the marine and mumbled his thanks before knocking hesitantly. It only took a second before the door opened, revealing a jungle.
Kaidan froze and blinked, taking in the scenery before him. The whole room was full of flowers, some from Earth, but most of them colorful, alien varieties that he'd only ever seen while passing flower stores on the Citadel, mulling over whether he should pick some up for Shepard. Looking at the sea of colors and petals he was glad he'd opted out after his brain successfully convinced him that Shepard was too practical to be a flower kind of woman. One look at her face right now told him he'd been right with the assumption.
Shepard was sitting upright in her bed, scowling at a particularly bright purple … cactus with tentacles, if he had to guess, sitting right next to her on the nightstand. The way she stared at the bizarre plant he was surprised it hadn't withered and died yet. He'd seen politicians and mercenaries caving under that stare, but the plant-thing seemed to be blissfully unaware of the danger it was in.
The door behind Kaidan closed with a soft whoosh, drawing Shepard's attention to her visitor. To his surprise, the glare instantly faded, being replaced with the same rare, soft half-smile that turned his knees into goo and his heart into a wild creature too big for the cage of his chest. It also dangerously slowed down any coherent thoughts that would stop him from becoming a bumbling idiot by putting his foot into his mouth. Thankfully it was Shepard who spoke first, preventing him from blurting out something stupid like "I missed you" or "I think that cactus just moved its tentacles".
"Trying to become an infiltrator?" she asked, the smile still lingering on her much too kissable mouth.
Don't even go there, Alenko.
"Huh?" he asked, blinking at her in confusion, tearing his eyes away from her lips to her eyes. She'd either dropped her walls or he was getting better at reading her, because it seemed like they were sparkling with amusement when she nodded to his head.
"What's up with the hood?"
"Ah, I didn't want to get recognized."
"Fans already becoming a problem, Kaidan?"
He snorted. "Unlikely. More like reporters trying to get to you and having to settle for me."
"Ah. Sorry about that," she said, not sounding sorry at all. "Udina thought it would be best to get someone in front of the camera who is not, how did he put it? A cold, unlikeable bitch."
Kaidan raised his eyebrows. "He didn't call you that."
"He didn't have to, I'm good at reading between the lines." Before he could reply, she gestured to a chair almost hidden in the forest around her bed.
"Take a seat. Just push away the green stuff if it's bothering you."
"Seems like you have some fans yourself," Kaidan remarked while carefully stepping around a particularly extravagant bouquet almost reaching his hip. He dragged the chair in question closer to her bed – only to get away from the tentacle-cactus, of course – and settled down.
Shepard snorted. "Seems like it. Could've gone without the greenery, though. You could probably feed a whole family for a month with the credits one of those things costs."
"They meant well."
"Yeah, I know. Doesn't change anything about the smell, though. I can't open any windows and the nurses already took away some of the worst offenders but it still smells like someone dumped a whole flower shop in here."
It even looks like that, Kaidan thought. The smell really was overpowering, too sweet and too thick for his liking. No wonder Shepard had glared at the plants when he came in. It was nothing but a miracle she hadn't tried to escape her floral prison yet. He'd have to ask one of the nurses on his way out if Shepard had already tried bribing her to let her go against the doctor's orders.
"Need me to spring you?" Kaidan joked, hoping to elicit another smile from her. He wasn't disappointed.
"Ask me again in seven minutes."
He chuckled, finally relaxing a bit when Shepard's smile didn't waver. It was a rare enough sight, one he'd only gotten to enjoy in the few hours they could spend together alone and even then smiling openly didn't seemed to come easy to Shepard. She always seemed to hold back, the cool mask of the commander rarely slipping enough to show glimpses of the woman behind. Not that this woman was any more likely to open up but still, it was a first step. A first step to where was a different kind of problem ...
Smiling back at her he felt foolish for his doubts. Talking to Shepard was the same as it always was, ever since she started seeking him out regularly after missions. It seemed like nothing had changed at all. Except that it had. His treacherous heart made sure to remind him of this every time his thoughts went back to the night before Ilos, every time he so much as thought about Shepard, which was, much to his dismay, pretty much all the time. The fact that they still hadn't had a chance to talk about it wasn't helping the situation either. He'd never dealt well with unknowns, especially not when it came to matters of the heart. And Shepard was as much a matter of his heart as an unknown, a mystery he desperately wanted to uncover.
Before his head got the chance to point out how screwed he was by falling for his commander, the woman in question pulled him out of the emotional chaos of his feelings for her.
"So, Kaidan, what are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be on shore leave?"
Yeah, but you promised to spend shore leave with me so where else would I be right now?
What he said instead was: "Technically I am."
"No plans for going back to Earth?"
Not without you.
"Not at the moment. The council made it pretty clear that I'd have to stick around if they have more questions."
Shepard's eyebrows shot up, the smile on her lips slightly broadening.
"Seems like they've taken an interest in you."
"They just need someone who was there telling them what happened over and over again. And since Wrex vanished and you're here … well, I'm the only one left."
"Don't sell yourself short, Kaidan. You're one hell of a soldier and you'd make one hell of a Spectre."
The way she said his name in her low, intimate voice went straight through him, almost drowning out everything she said after. He had to swallow twice to be able to talk again.
"Ah, well, thanks. But I really don't think –"
A faint beeping interrupted his stammering. To his surprise it didn't come from any of the medical equipment he just now noticed between the greenery but from Shepard's omni-tool, prompting her to throw back her blanket. Kaidan blinked in confusion as Shepard shed the medical gown she had been wearing, revealing her already fully clothed body. As she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and started digging in one of the dressers next to her hospital bed, Kaidan awoke from his stupor.
"What are you doing?"
Instead of answering, she just tossed some clothes at him and said: "Take off your hoodie. And your shirt."
"Shepard?"
She looked over her shoulder, now shooting him a full out smirk that made his heart drop. He knew that grin only too well. It was the same she displayed before she did something truly insane, mostly involving an obscene amount of explosives. It was the last warning before shit hit the fan and it was the same smirk that would go straight to his groin because for some reason he seemed to have developed a … thing for insane women with an apparent death wish.
Noticing he still hadn't moved, Shepard raised an eyebrow.
"Alenko, stop thinking and start stripping."
The commanding tone of her voice almost made the soldier in him comply without hesitation but fortunately for him, his instincts seemed to have gone out the window the moment he'd stepped into the room and Shepard had first smiled at him.
"But –"
"Kaidan, we're running on a timeline and you said you wanted to help."
He said he wanted to … oh hell no. Kaidan's eyes widened, understanding finally dawning.
"Shepard, you can't just –"
"Can and will. Might be easier if you helped, though. Less risk of hurting myself."
That shut him up. Glaring at her and clenching his teeth, he started taking off his hoodie. He knew fully well that he was being manipulated, but he also knew that it didn't change a thing. Something Shepard was fully aware of if her smug expression was any indication. He tossed the hoodie on the bed and stripped off his shirt to have it follow before grabbing the clothes Shepard had thrown at him. He was about to pull the new shirt over his head when he found Shepard had stopped tying her shoes to blatantly stare at his now naked chest. When she noticed him looking, her eyes wandered to his, the promise in them sending a new wave of heat through his body. He didn't even notice he'd stopped breathing until she broke eye contact to grab his abandoned clothing from the bed.
Kaidan closed his eyes and pulled the shirt over his head, trying to shake off the overpowering reaction every little movement Shepard made stirred up in him. His schoolboy crush was embarrassing, to say the least, as was his naive sense of hope that there was something more to them than the one night they'd shared when living to see the next day seemed like a sheer impossibility.
The problem was, he'd left the crush part far behind him to reach much more dangerous territory. He didn't even dare to think about it, much less hope that the woman slipping on his hoodie shared his sentiment.
To stop himself from going down that particular road again, Kaidan looked down for the first time to see what he was wearing, eyebrows shooting up the moment he did.
"Shepard, why am I wearing nurse's-"
The rest of the sentence died in his mouth when he looked back up, mouth suddenly going dry. Despite the fact that his hoodie was way too big for Shepard's slender frame and she had to roll up the sleeves to not get lost in them, the unfamiliar casual style still suited her just perfectly. But what really was drawing his attention was the distinct swelling of her belly the overlarge jacket was only emphasizing. A swelling that shouldn't and couldn't be there. They were both soldiers; they both got regular injections so something like this wouldn't happen.
As Kaidan's mind prepared for a full blown panic, rummaging through his memories for the last time Dr. Chakwas had given him his injection and wondering when Shepard had last been with someone before him, his heart once more proved what a dirty traitor it was by suddenly feeling like it was doubling its size. It was Shepard's amused snort that brought him back to reality and stopped his heart attack in the making.
"No need to faint, Alenko. It's just your shirt."
For the second time that day Kaidan started breathing again without even having noticed he'd stopped in the first place, eyes wandering to Shepard's face. Her eyes were sparkling with amusement, red hair for once not in a bun but falling freely around her face. That sight was even more rare than her smile and would've probably stunned him to silence if he hadn't already lost the ability to speak with the sight of her swollen belly. Seeing both of it at the same time almost made him dizzy. He really was hopeless.
Shepard on the other hand looked completely unruffled, checking her omni-tool before looking to the door with her head slightly sideways like she was listening for something. Before he could ask another question that would most likely go unanswered, she began moving, signaling him to tag along. By now he was used to following her orders without asking questions on the battlefield and maybe it was because she was treating this whole thing like a mission that made him just shut up and follow her lead again. Some habits were hard to shake, and it was definitely the soldier in him not trying to stop her escape from the hospital, not even wondering why Shepard was disguised as a pregnant woman while he was dressed like one of the nurses. It was definitely the medic in him looking for any kind of weakness or sign of pain in her movements, ready to abort this whole thing before it even started. Definitely the soldier and the medic. Definitely not the foolish man who fell head over heels for his commanding officer and was trying to think of a way to tell her without either making her run, throw him out the airlock or outright kill him for his audacity.
Before following Shepard to the door, Kaidan grabbed the bottle of pills standing on her nightstand. As he opened his mouth, Shepard raised her hand, signaling him to wait. The way she was acting you'd think mercenaries were waiting just around the corner, ready to blow them to bits. Knowing Shepard and the way she attracted trouble, that wouldn't even have surprise him.
"Now", she almost whispered, opening the door to slip into the corridor. Much to his surprise the marine who'd guarded her door wasn't at his post and the hallway was deserted except for a single doctor with his back to them. Understanding dawned on Kaidan. So this was what she'd been waiting for: shift change.
Shepard sneaked in the opposite direction, feet not making a sound. He'd always wondered how she did that, moving like a shadow, startling him more than once because he never heard her approaching him. He'd known quite a few infiltrators but not one could hold a candle to the commander and her way to scare the shit out of him, making his heart beat jump to through the roof (because it was definitely the stealth and not any misguided feelings for her that made his heart go crazy whenever she was near). Next to her he felt light a loud klutz, waiting for the doctor to turn and spot them any second. The thought of sneaking around with Shepard like a couple of teenagers trying not to get caught by their parents sent an odd thrill through him.
Still he sighed a breath of relief when they reached the door Shepard had been going for. Despite his expectations it wasn't a stairway though but a closet.
"Keep an eye out for trouble."
Kaidan was half tempted to ask what kind of trouble but Shepard had already vanished inside the janitor's closet. When she emerged again, she was pushing a wheelchair. Just when he thought the situation couldn't get more bizarre ...
Without offering any kind of explanation, Shepard placed the wheelchair in front of him. She was about to lower herself into it, when she caught his gaze. It took him a long moment of almost getting lost in her eyes before he realized she wasn't even looking at his face. It was the same moment her hand shot up, burying itself into his hair, beginning to ruffle it, destroying his usually carefully styled hairdo with which he tried to get the static of his biotics under control. He was surprised she didn't get an electric shock while messing with it. When Shepard was satisfied with the result, she shot him a smile and let go, the tips of her fingers gently brushing over his cheek in the process. His eyes fluttered shut for a second and he couldn't help but slightly lean into the touch. When her fingers vanished, his eyes flew open to find Shepard in the wheelchair like nothing ever happened.
"End of the corridor and then left. There's an elevator for the staff leading to the ground-floor. Turn left again and then follow the hallway. Before you reach the doors to the emergency room, turn right. There'll be a huge door to the landing pad for emergencies. Ignore that and take the smaller one a bit down the corridor again."
"Are you sure this is such a wise idea?" Kaidan asked with slight hesitation. "There's a good reason why you haven't been discharged from the hospital yet."
"Yeah, the good reason being the doctors are way too happy to waste my time and theirs." She shot a look over her shoulder combined with a disarming smile. He'd thought it manipulative on anyone else but the softness around the edges killed that thought right away.
"I'm fine, Kaidan. Really," she added softly, meeting his eyes with a sincerity he'd trouble doubting. Then she turned around again, voice of a woman who'd spend all her adult life in the military.
"Window of opportunity is closing."
With one last internal sigh, Kaidan started pushing the chair into the direction he'd been given, wondering when he'd gone from dutiful soldier to lovestruck idiot helping his commanding officer with hospital jailbreaks.
Shepard's plan went surprisingly smooth until they reached the last door separating the increasingly impatient commander from her desired freedom. Much to his surprise Shepard had managed to come into possession of one of the staff's keycards, facilitating their escape a great deal. That was until they suddenly found themselves face-to-face with a member of the hospital's own security, who was anything but pleased about two people suddenly appearing at the staff's back entrance, obviously interrupting his smoking break.
Kaidan's brain was going into overdrive, mulling how to get out of this situation, preferably before the man recognized them. That shouldn't take too long considering both of their faces had been all over the news for days now. Saving the universe had its downsides. Fake baby bump or not, their disguises would never withstand a second glance, even if Shepard's flowing hair hiding much of her face made her almost look utterly different from the picture used in the news in which it was pulled back, drawing all the attention to her fierce green eyes boring right into whoever was looking like she was appraising them.
Just as the security guard opened his mouth to say something to Kaidan, his startled eyes fell on Shepard, slightly widening in surprise.
"Oh no, you don't!" The woman in the wheelchair snarled, voice sounding nothing like Shepard's, filled with an anger he hadn't ever heard in hers no matter how pissed she was. It was all heat and exasperation, not the reserved, quiet cold that seemed to frost her words when she was truly done with someone's shit. But what was even more perplexing was the sudden British accent coloring her words instead of the careful lack of any accent that could betray her unknown heritage. Stunned, Kaidan blinked and even the man towering over the chair took a step back.
"I've had enough of this charade! This is just unbelievable! First, it's raining machine parts all over my apartment interrupting my own baby shower, then all those bloody reporters harass me because they think I'm the woman responsible for the chaos and now even you people will not let me leave in peace because you are too bloody blind to tell I'm not her! As if the fact that I'm pregnant is not enough to clue you in! If I have to hear the name Shepard one more time, I swear I'm going to-"
"Please, ma'am, there's no need to-" the security guard started, eyes panicked darting from side to side, afraid someone would hear the almost shrill screeching of the woman before him. If he wasn't still so shocked himself, Kaidan would've trouble pulling himself together and not start laughing at the poor man's miserable face.
"Oh no, do not even dare interrupting me! I've had it with his hospital! I should have been released hours ago but I can not even set a bloody foot out of the door without being swarmed by those … those parasites! And your people are not any help! Just watching while they harass me, asking all those silly questions about some Saren and the geth and whatnot! If you don't let me go this instant I will call C-Sec and have you arrested for … for deprivation of liberty! My husband is a lawyer and –"
"Please, ma'am, that won't be necessary," the security guard all but yelled at her. His face was drained of any color. Kaidan almost would've felt sorry for him if he hadn't trouble keeping it together. Resuming his role as the nurse of the very angry British lady in his care, he gently placed a hand on her shoulder as if to reassure her. It didn't even take a second for her to swat it away, sending a murderous glare over her shoulder. Even if their eyes hardly met, Kaidan still noticed the amusement in Shepard's. She was having way too much fun with this.
"It's alright, Mrs. Vakarian. Nobody is preventing you from leaving. Am I right?" Kaidan asked, directing the sharp question at the security guard who'd started shaking his head before Kaidan had even finished the sentence.
"Of course not!"
"I'll bring you to your skycar and make sure no reporters will harass you. I told you before, there will be no need to threaten suing the hospital."
Kaidan wouldn't have thought it possible but the guard blanched a bit more.
"No, ma'am, no need at all. I'm very sorry about –"
"Yes, yes, yes. Very sorry about all of this," Shepard, or rather Mrs. Vakarian, snapped while waving her hand impatiently as if to shoo away a bothersome fly. "I've heard that quite a few times by now, let me tell you! I'm not senile, you know?"
With another glance over her shoulder she spit: "What are you waiting for, James? I've been wasting enough time at this forsaken place. I've got a flight back to Earth to catch. I don't want to stay on this deathtrap of a space station one minute longer than absolutely necessary. Who knows when they start blowing things up again!"
Kaidan heaved an exaggerated sigh and started pushing the wheelchair again.
"Of course not, Mrs. Vakarian."
Hastily the security guard stepped out of the way. Kaidan would bet everything he had that the miserable man would gladly offer to help pushing if it meant getting the dreadful woman in front of him off the station sooner – be it in a skycar or just off in general ...
"And you! Dispose of the cigarette right this instant! Hasn't someone told you not to smoke around pregnant women!"
"No, ma'am! I mean, yes ma'am! Sorry, ma'am!" The poor man stuttered while throwing his half smoked cigarette on the floor, earning another death glare from "Mrs. Vakarian". While she started muttering about the lack of manners, littering and pollution on space stations, Kaidan slightly leaned into the guard when he was on the same level as him.
"Thanks, mate, I owe you a beer. She's been going at it for an eternity now and I can't wait to get her into that skycar …"
"I heard that, James!" Came the peeved voice from the wheelchair. Kaidan just rolled his eyes, earning a commiserating look and a nod from the other man.
It took an equal amount of strength not to start running while guiding the wheelchair and not to start laughing about the ridiculousness of the situation, but fortunately for them, Kaidan managed both until they'd crossed the next corner. As if flipped a switch, Shepard stopped ranting in a British accent and instantly got out of her wheelchair. She quickly looked around, before targeting one of the skycars waiting in the hospital's blessedly empty parking lot. Her stride was full of purpose, signaling she knew exactly what she was doing, following just another part of the plan. Unfortunately for him, he didn't know the plan nor his role in it or if he even had one any longer.
"You coming?" She yelled back at him. His feet were moving before he even realized it.
Since Shepard was flying, Kaidan had no clue where they were going but he didn't really care anyway. He was content just sitting beside her, letting comfortable silence grow while still grinning about their successful escape as well as the fact that she'd wanted him to tag along.
It was the first time since the night before Ilos that they were actually alone long enough to talk but he didn't know what to say. For once at least he knew what not to say, namely all the thoughts running through his head and all the questions accompanying them. All the things that could ruin this moment of content. He was never one to ask a woman what it was between them, mainly because there'd only been a few times when he'd cared enough to wonder and the issue had always resolved itself rather quickly. And then came Shepard.
Shepard who was as big of a mystery as the past she never talked about. Shepard whose face usually was closed off and hard to read. Shepard who chose her words and actions with care and always seemed seven steps ahead. Shepard who was more alien to him than any of their non-human squadmates.
"Thanks for the help," the woman in question suddenly said into the silence, yanking him out of his thoughts. "My infiltration program has a hitch and I couldn't fix it at the hospital."
"That's the reason for our disguise?"
"If you can't go unseen, draw their attention to something they're not expecting to throw them off."
"You didn't really need my help with that. You could've just walked out and knocked the guard out when it came to it."
"But where would've been the fun in that?"
Where indeed. Kaidan settled back into his seat. Wondering how long it'd take them to notice Shepard was missing and put together the pieces. He opened his omni-tool to block any incoming calls that might follow that particular realization as well as the fact that he was her last known visitor. He'd deal with the fallout later. Probably.
It didn't take them long to reach their destination, an out of the way apartment complex. Kaidan hadn't paid attention where they were going but it looked like one of the outer wards. The surroundings were nice enough, clean and nondescript in a way that told him people only came here to sleep, probably not spending enough time at their apartments to care much for looks. It seemed like a place for soldiers and business people who spent most time off planet anyway but wanted a place of their own when they were on the Citadel without being ruined.
They ditched the car at one of the rental checkpoints and went straight into the closest building. Kaidan trailed a few steps behind Shepard, looking for any sign of pain or unease in the way she moved but couldn't find any, much to his relief. Anderson had mentioned that the bone weave they'd used on her arm had fixed the damage but she still should feel sore and physically exhausted from the process as well as the fight itself. Looking at Shepard strolling along the empty grey corridor you wouldn't have noticed. It helped squelch the guilt he felt for assisting in her hospital breakout.
After an agonizingly slow elevator ride and a few minutes of walking through more grey hallways, they finally reached what looked like every other apartment they'd come across. The only difference was that Shepard keyed in a code and stepped inside as soon as the door swooshed open.
The apartment was sparse, to say it politely. There was hardly any furniture, no personal items at all. Even the sole picture frame on the wall displaying some abstract art looked like it had already been there when Shepard moved in. There was a weapons locker on the table in front of the couch and a small counter with two chairs separating the … living room, for a lack of a better word, from the kitchen where Shepard was headed to. He could see two closed doors and a few cabinets but that was all. Next to Shepard's even his hardly used apartment on Arcturus looked like the work of an interior designer.
"Nice place," Kaidan commented carefully. Shepard snorted from behind the counter.
"Just a place to stay when I'm not in the mood to be found."
"You've got a safe house on the Citadel?" Kaidan asked incredulously.
"The Citadel, Arcturus, Ilium, Omega, …"
Shepard turned back to him, a bottle of Tequila in one hand, two glasses in the other. Kaidan's eyebrows shot up. Considering she was still supposed to be at the hospital, she really shouldn't be drinking right now. If Shepard knew that, she didn't seemed to care judging from the generous shot she poured. Setting the bottle aside, she grabbed one of the glasses to raise it in a salute to him. It was an odd sight. She still had her hair open and his t-shirt was still under hers making her look at least seven months pregnant.
Before the glass full of Tequila reached her mouth, Shepard froze, blue mist crawling over her skin. Her eyes widened slightly before searching him out, boring into him as if to ask what the hell he thought he was doing. Slowly Kaidan crossed the room until he stood right in front of her, picking the glass from her slender fingers without any fight. When he'd extracted it, he lifted the stasis again, allowing Shepard to move. She didn't. She just stood there and stared at him, uncomprehending.
"You shouldn't be drinking while still taking meds," Kaidan explained, putting the bottle he'd picked up at the hospital on the counter. Then he put the glass to his lips and knocked the drink back. Instantly he remembered how much he hated Tequila. The taste was sharp and bitter without any of the rich flavor a good whiskey offered.
Taking a deep breath to push down the burning in his throat, his eyes returned to Shepard, still staring at him. Usually she was pretty hard to read, at the moment everything about her told him she really hadn't expected him to do this. A mixture of wonder and amusement was on her face and she wasn't trying to hide it. He counted this as much a victory as the fact that she hadn't shot him outright for taking her drink.
"You my doctor now, Kaidan?"
"Since I've helped you with your jailbreak from the hospital, the least I can do is make sure you don't do anything harmful to yourself. Like taking meds with alcohol."
He shot a meaningful look to the pills. Shepard rolled her eyes.
"And here I thought I escaped the dictatorship of medical professionals," she said dryly while taking one of the pills, swallowing it dry with a last, almost longing look to the Tequila.
"What's next. Are you ordering me to bed?"
His thoughts happily took the suggestion and ran with it.
"Ah," he stammered, slowly setting the glass down while trying to get his brain, and hormones, under control again. Like the predator he knew she could be, Shepard stepped around the counter separating them, stopping right in front of him. He could feel her heat bleeding through his stolen shirt, her fake bump brushing against his abdomen. Shepard's hand went under her own shirt, pulling his out and destroying the illusion for good. The lack of fake swelling also made it possible for her to take another step closer to him. Their faces were almost touching and he was sure she could hear the thundering of his heart thanks to their proximity.
His mouth was dry, everything at him was screaming just to grab her and draw her even closer, bridging the last few inches between them and just kiss her. Kiss her and then push her onto the counter until they were both breathless and boneless and couldn't stand on their own anymore.
As lust begun curling in his stomach, trying to convince his brain to just give in, Shepard leaned in until her mouth was right next beside his ear.
"Because I was thinking of taking a shower. But you are more than welcome to make sure nothing happens," she whispered, breath creeping over his cheek, raising goosebumps on his arms.
Even if he'd been able to reply right away through the whirlwind of emotions and hormones rushing through him, Shepard didn't wait for it. Instead she took a step back and with a wicked gleam in her eyes never leaving his, she let his hoodie fall down to the floor. Her shirt and bra followed. Without waiting for his reaction she turned and made her way to one of the two doors, probably leading to the bathroom.
Unable to move his eyes followed her, watching as she stopped just to dispose of her shoes and pants, bending over generously as she pulled them down. He didn't need another invitation after this.
Kaidan caught up with Shepard as she turned on the water, his own clothes hastily ditched on the way to her, making him almost stumble over his own feet. He'd probably be at least slightly ashamed for his urgency if there'd been enough blood left in his brain for any coherent thought. Or any thought at all for that matter.
For once he didn't hesitate. He drew her into him, hands framing her face as he crushed his lips against hers, trying to say everything with his touch that he couldn't with words. How much he'd missed her these last few days, longed for her. How much she'd scared him during the Battle of the Citadel and the moments after that felt like an eternity. How much he'd feared he'd lost her forever in the ruins they'd created. How much he wished he could've just said to hell with protocol, pushed Anderson aside to run to her and shown her back then. How much he needed her despite knowing he shouldn't.
Shepard replied with the same force, boring her fingers into his shoulders as she pressed her body against his, whole and lean and running nearly as hot as the water raining down on them.
It almost pained Kaidan to break contact to draw a much needed breath. He'd be content to just kiss her forever if it meant he didn't have to stop touching her but Shepard had other things in mind. Kaidan hissed as her hand connected with his length, bobbing up and down until he was close to losing his mind. With a deep growl his hands left her face to grab another pair of cheeks, hoisting her up against the wall. Shepard wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him so close he could feel the wetness and heat between her legs that had nothing to do with the shower. He forced one of his hands to leave her behind, finding her center instead. Shepard's head fell back, connecting with the wall and exposing the length of her neck.
Kaidan placed his mouth against the pulse in her throat, feeling the beat of her heart flutter against his lips and gently biting while his fingers were drawing delicious noises from her. Her hips moved as if on their own, the friction alone was almost enough to drive him over the edge but he didn't stop. He didn't even stop when he felt Shepard go tense, her fingers digging harder into his shoulders, probably leaving bruises for days to come. He didn't care. All he cared about was the sight of the woman before him coming undone, her long red hair glued against her freckled skin by water and sweat alike, mouth slightly agape and eyes shut tightly as she rode out her first orgasm.
She was still slightly shaking when she opened her eyes again, leaning forward to claim his mouth with hers. Burrowing her hands into his hair she held him tight, pressing herself against him like she'd never let him go. He hoped with everything he had that she wouldn't.
His fingers left her center just to help placing himself at her entrance, finally entering her. He groaned against her lips, never breaking the connection. A few long seconds he stayed still, just treasuring the feeling of being inside her. That she'd welcomed him back in her arms a second time after he didn't even dare hoping for a first.
Kaidan probably would've stayed like this a while longer, just standing under the waterfall with Shepard wrapped around him, wondering how he could be so lucky. But Shepard herself had other plans so she started rolling her hips against his, making them both gasp.
After this, there was no more hesitation. No more slow movements as she rode him purposefully, balancing his thrusts with her own until they were both gasping for breath but still not ready to stop kissing. He wanted to trail his lips down her throat, to discover every single inch of her skin with them but he couldn't bring himself to leave hers, to disconnect even for a single heartbeat. Later, maybe. When the first heat had died, when they'd reassured themselves that they were still alive and whole. When every last fragment of fear and doubt was shattered and gone, when they allowed themselves more time to discover each other in a way their desperation wouldn't allow right now. Now it was all about need and heat and the joy of being alive and being together.
The desperation made it hard and fast, driving them over the edge way too soon. When they reached the peak, they fell together, almost crashing to the floor under the force of their relief. Kaidan was leaning heavily on Shepard whose back was pressed against the wall, legs still wrapped around him. When he tried to draw back to give her some room, her grip around him tightened until he gave up, too tired to fight a fight he didn't want to win. His forehead was resting against hers and when he opened his eyes he found hers already watching him, green eyes only half open, lazy smile on her lips.
Almost reluctantly she unwrapped her legs from his waist to stand on her own feet again, the movement making them both gasp as he slipped out of her. Kaidan expected her to step back but Shepard stayed exactly where she was, body pressed against his and fingers still winded in his hair. By now he was accustomed to not being able to read her face but even if his brain couldn't decipher what he saw, it still made his heart ache and thunder in his chest. Her eyes shone with uncertainty and confusion and something else entirely. Something, he was pretty sure she found mirrored in his. Whatever she discovered, it made her body relax against his and her hands drawing his head even closer.
When Shepard claimed his lips this time, it was slow and deliberate, almost painfully so. She took his breath in more way than one and he realised that he didn't need a name for whatever it was they had, as long as it just didn't end.
Author's Note:
Entry for my first Mass Effect Big Bang! Some much needed fluff between the doom and gloom I usually write. Big shoutout to my two betas, femshepfit & spectrezhulik, and of course to the wonderfully talented greendelle who chose to illustrate my story for the beautiful art.