I'm back with another Akatsuki parody/humor story. I hope you all enjoy, hm.
I don't own Naruto and I never will.
Random warnings that we all already know: Cursing and some OOC-ness
Notes: Some chapters will be short but I'll try to make them as long as I can. There may be more notes as it goes on.
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The Akatsuki household was always a buzz about something, if it was a celebration of some sort or even the UPS deliveryman having the courage to come by and drop off a package. Today, there didn't seem to be one, which was new as the neighbors could let out a sigh of relief though there actually was. Konan planned to spend time with some of her other friends but didn't tell anyone until the last second to see how they would deal without her. The blue-haired woman could only deal with the men of the Akatsuki for so long but compared to others, she ruled as champion.
It was only morning though everyone was crowded at the dining table to eat. Plates of food were slowly shrinking as each person took portions to put onto their own plates. Forks clanked against plates and talking went on at the table while everyone ate. "These fuckin' pancakes are good!" Hidan shouted though it was muffled by all the pancakes he hadn't even bothered to swallow before talking. It was quickly ignored though Tobi didn't let it go. "Oooooh! Hidan said a bad word!" he said, making himself sound like a five year old. To this, the silver-haired male just rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Shut the hell up, ya twit!" he ordered and the other fell silent within seconds. More time went by until Hidan asked the burning question as he brutally stabbed a pancake with his fork, "How made these shits?!" and everyone pointed to Konan who was sipping her orange juice. As if to make sure, he looked to her and saw her nod back. Not even another word was said and he was back ripping the pancakes apart. "Well, I'm happy you like them, Hidan." Konan smiled once she finally put her glass down but then frowned when everyone stared at her with disbelief.
"What?" she asked out loud, breaking an awkward silence that flooded the room and then stopped to see Hidan screaming about something. "Oh, my Jashin! She's planning something! Something… horrible!" he yelled and got a piece of pancake onto the floor during all the commotion. Of course, the action was seen by Kakuzu who instantly pointed to the fallen piece of food. "Hey, jerk-off, quit wastin' money!" he ordered, his finger still to the floor as the other just ignored him. The two went back and forth as the others simply turned their attention from them and started a new conversation.
"He has a point though. What's with the good mood?" Pein asked her while the others nodded, also being curious on the whole situation. Konan tried not to laugh on how they so suddenly interested in her mood. She just shrugged finally and replied, "It's nothing. Just… happy, that's all." Everyone nodded but then began to whisper amongst themselves, "She must be in denial about something…" and broke apart when a barbaric war cry sounded. Quickly, all eyes were on Kakuzu who created the cry as he was wrestling with Hidan on the floor. "I'm not going to let you waste money, you prick! Now, eat the piece of pancake!" the masked man shouted as he wrestled his way on top of the Jashinist. He protested in a combination of curses and words that didn't even seem to exist as his combed back hair was grabbed by Kakuzu. "I said to eat the fucking thing!" he roared but Hidan continued to flail about, "Holy shit, Kakuzu! Get the hell off of me, you fat fuck!"
Sighing, Itachi leaned back in his chair as he looked away from the wrestling men. "Well… it wouldn't be normal without them." He mumbled and the fighting just raged on. Not long after that, Zetsu slowly got up and walked over to the small breakfast food that stared back at him from the floor. Shifting his golden eyes from the food to the fighting men, he sighed to see they weren't even that close to the fallen pancake piece. They'll never stop… might as well give it to- He began to think to himself as he easily took up the food but just dropped it back down when he heard more shouting but directed to him. "Don't tell me you're throwing it out!" Kakuzu begged but Zetsu calmly shook his head. He picked up the piece of pancake again as he explained, "I'm not going to throw it out. I'm just going to give it to one of my Venus flytraps so it doesn't go to waste. Happy?" and saw him nodding. Once it was said, he left the kitchen as Kisame smiled, "Isn't adaptation a wonderful thing?" he asked out loud and got met with the rosy brown eyes of Sasori. "Oh, yeah. You'd know all about that." He said and watched the blue-skinned Akatsuki made a face back.
The fighting was now officially over as Kakuzu sat back in his chair and continued to eat what little was left. Hidan did the same but mumbling to himself, "I fucking swear… "As he finally sat down. It wasn't long afterwards that Zetsu returned and took his usual seat at the large table. It went silence again until Konan turned her attention to the rooster clock they had bought in a yard sale that was on the wall and her eyes slightly widened. Already, it was early afternoon and she had to start getting ready to go out for the day. How could it be afternoon already? Her thoughts whispered but then stopped when she remembered how everyone ended up playing a never ending game of monopoly and got drink off of soda. It all went into six in the morning until everyone crashed on the floor or squeezed their way onto the sofas. Oh… that's right. I should really start getting ready to go out. With that thought, she wordlessly stood from her chair and took her things to the sink. After that, she turned to leave but then stopped when someone questioned her actions. "It's nothing. Just going to my room." She said and hurried out.
"I told you she's planning some shit." Hidan announced once a few seconds have passed since she left the room. No one said anything but nod until Tobi spoke up, his hand raised in the air for some reason. "Tobi doesn't think she's planning anything. She said she was happy so Tobi believes her." He said and put his hand back on the pale tablecloth. A few of the other Akatsuki shrugged as others muttered a few words in return but stopped when the sound of heels echoed into the room. "Is Konan wearing heels?" the question and others were whispered across the table until they were all answered at once.
In the wooden doorway that connected the kitchen to the living room was Konan who stood there as if thinking about something. Her figure was dressed in a black shirt with a pair of jeans that showed off a dark wash with a small black handbag as her feet were covered with boots, which had a slight heel to them. Her hair and everything else was the same as ever though. "Konan?" Kakuzu asked out loud as he stared at the woman with wide eyes, just like everyone else. His words just floated in the air until the sound of heels cut through them again as she crossed the room to get to the refrigerator. "Yeah?" she asked as she pulled open the white door to it and took out a bottle of water. The other Akatsuki said nothing, too busy watching her sip some water and twist the top back on, only to be held in her hand and not returned into the refrigerator. "Going somewhere?" Sasori asked, getting right to the point when his patience on what was happened began to run thin. The female nodded, "Yeah. Spending the day with a few other friends of mine. I'll be back by… I don't know. I'll call, if anything." She said and began to cross the room once again to leave.
Her heels created a beat that her hair swayed to until she stopped to another question. "What's that on your face?" Pein couldn't help but ask. He couldn't take his eyes from her face, which had some delicate color to it that wasn't there before. Her lips had a slightly pinker color to it and her eyes somehow looked different. Konan just stared at the pierced male as if confused, "What are you talking about?" and he reached forward to point to her lips and then to her eyes. "Your face. What is that? Your eyes and lips." He said and watched her put two fingers to her lips and then leaned back her head a little as if finally understanding what he was talking about. "It's just a little makeup." She explained with a shrug but got him confused even more. "What's makeup?" he asked though she didn't answer him. Turning to leave, she waved, "Anyway, see you guys!" With those final words, the pounding of heels on the floor carried her out of the room and into the living room. The more seconds past, the fainter they got until a door opened and then closed, only to have it all sealed with the sounds of a key locking the door closed.
"Was that really Konan? I mean… our fucking Konan?" Hidan asked with his voice loud in disbelief. No one answered his question until Itachi nodded. "That's Konan…. Our Konan." He said and saw the silver haired male shake his head slowly. "Why would she want to hang out with them? We're so much better than her other friends, un!" Deidara whined with his arms crossed, "They're stupid anyway, un. Remember when she invited them over? One of them thought the pudding was from those plastic cups and put into bowls when I actually made them straight from the box, un!" The whining went on and Tobi frowned from under his mask, "So… Konan left us? Did Tobi do something bad?! Tobi's a good boy!" he cried out and ran off to his room. Everyone stared at the doorway that the brunette male had gone through and then slowly looked away. "So… how what the fuck are we going to do?" Hidan asked out loud as he lazily got up to put his things into the sink and then went back to the table, "Damn. I told you she was planning something. I bet this was when we got her to bake us cookie and fucking read those stories to us."
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By now, everyone was in the living room and very bored. Even Tobi returned from his bedroom and in a somewhat better mood. The group was confused on what to do and just stared at the television, some reading a book or just looking out a window. "This is crazy. There's nothing to do. Come on, it's just us guys. We can do whatever we want now without Konan holding us back." Pein encouraged with a fist held up. It helped a little as Zetsu suggested, "Oh, like how we wanted to have that water gun fight but Konan wouldn't let us?" and got replied with cheers. "Yeah. Something she would NEVER let us do." The pierced man said back with a thoughtful look to the floor. Just a blink and his eyes widened as he clapped his hands together, "That's it! We should sneak into Konan's room!" His words got quick glances from all the others that shouted, "Are you friggen serious?!" and he just nodded though no one had said a word. "Seriously. She always has her door closed and she never lets anyone even take a peek inside. Aren't you guys at least a little curious?" he tried to persuade and eventually got them on his side.
The only ones to object to it were Tobi and Kisame. "No way. She'd kill us if she found out… besides, they're giving my show." The blue-skinned male spoke as he changed the channel and smiled, "Nina the Dancing Dolphin." The television showed a dolphin that was literally dancing in its tank, jumping around and doing flips. "I love you, Nina!" Kisame cheered and Tobi clapped his hands happily when the dolphin twirled its body in air as it jumped from the water. "Uh…Tobi? Why not?" Pein asked and saw him shake his head. "Kisame is right. Konan would kill everyone if she knew we went into her room without her permission." He said and then looked to Sasori who was shaking his head. "Tobi… she's never going to give us permission so what should it matter?" he explained, "We should make the most out of this day." The orange and black mask of the other bounced up and down as he nodded and turned his attention to Pein who stood up. "Alright. Let's go… and you're coming with us, Kisame, or I won't make those mozzarella sticks you like so much ever again!"
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The first chapter is officially down and I hope you guys liked it. Hm, thanks for reading and hugs to all.