a/n: this is a story about James Potter and his attempts to woo Lily Evans. there will be eleven chapters. the story is based on the album from the click five, greetings from imrie house. each chapter is the title of each eleven songs on the album. it is set in James' pov. enjoy!
Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it. No, honest, I can. I never lie. This is it.
It's going to be my year. I'm going to rule this shithole. Well, no, I like this place. So scrap the shithole bit. Otherwise, I'm going to run the scene.
Shared of course, but I'll still hold one fourth of the running.
When is this old fart going to quit with the start of school speech? Merlin's scraggy toes, I'm bored out of my mind.
This summer started off great. Jane Summers started off great. It's a sign. Starting tonight, it will be great.
God, Peter needs to stop frothing at the mouth from the sight of chicken legs. It's disgusting.
"Bet you that Mary Macdonald will cry soon." The whisper on my right side suggests wickedly, as we both glance to the figure up ahead on the table.
"Ten galleons alright with you?" I ask, feeling the pockets of my robes for the exact change. Can't go anywhere with at least twelve. I lose at least eleven of them to Sirius.
I ignore the disappointed glare from Remus. It's particularly hard to ignore that bloke when he's sitting directly in front of you. I just knew I should've sat in front of Peter, despite the frothing. It's better than the everlasting glares of the perturbed werewolf.
The old fart is still ranting on. On and on about the Forbidden Forest, which by the way is nothing to be afraid of. Just some unpredictable beasts that are larger than life with poisonous fangs and sharp claws. Come on, what else is new.
"She'll cry in ten seconds," Sirius whispers, nudging my elbow in the direction of Mary Macdonald. Of course she's going to cry. She's been crying the past five years. The sixth cry isn't too shocking. Well, bet lost then.
Seeing as I already know the actions of unfortunate Mary Macdonald, I decide to linger on the girl beside her. The Psyche to my Eros. The bumble to my bee. The glorious Aphrodite. Beautiful, brazen, Lily Potter.
Evans. Whatever, it'll all be the same in soon time. Trust me. I never lie.
Look at her gazing upon the old fart with such concentration and respect. Only a great woman can accomplish both things at once with one look. The way she absent-mindedly picks at the itch on her slender arm is like music. Even her voice has little trinkles of notes to it. Fantastic!
"Ten galleons are mine, I believe," Sirius says, holding out his palm.
Sometimes, I hate Sirius. Just when I begin my fierce Lily-staring, he needs to barge in.
Rolling my eyes, I reach into my pocket. "Here."
He gives me a toothy smile to the extreme, snatching the precious golden coins from me. I look up on the platform. Aha, Dumbledore's speech is coming to an end - thank god. As soon as those hands clap together for the signal -
"I was reaching for that piece!" Sirius snarls, teeth bared at Peter, who doesn't even seem to care. I doubt he even heard, the froth could've impared the hearing. Sirius reaches for another piece, significantly smaller, chewing with anger as he throws occasional glares for Peter.
Reaching for a slice of steak and kidney pie, I watch Remus cutting into a porkchop. I don't get Remus sometimes. Quite strange. No, seriously. When we were eleven, he treated girls like they were our equals. I mean, sure they are, but when you're eleven and male, no one rises above the male race! And just look at him, the werewolf, picking up a fork and knife and cutting like a civilized oaf. I really don't understand.
I hear a tisk coming from up the table. Glancing up, I see Lily Potter - fine, Evans - making a disgusted face at me. It's not like I can make a face back at her. She's so pretty. Nor can I smile. Steak bits and kidney slices will come out. But I don't think that's what she's looking at. Probably down my shirt. I basically shoved the pie right into my mouth anyway.
But why be disgusted? I assumed every man who could eat in a macho manner was ultra sexy to any woman. I mean, take a look at Remus for Merlin's sake. The fingers that wrap around the knife and fork are so feminine. I'd rather look rude than gay. That way, Lily will know for sure I'm completely straight for her.
Oh my god I don't feel so good. What the fuck is in this pie, cow bones? I swear the elves de-boned this shit - oh shit.
"And this is why you should always chew before swallowing, mate," Sirius says in a not-so-soothing voice after literally pounding my back four times. Great. Now my back will be bruised and swollen. How the heck am I suppossed to go down swiming in the lake in shorts? I specifically toned my body for that exact moment tomorrow. To show off my fab abs to the fab girl of my dreams.
Life is never fair to me. Granted, my folks are rich and so great. But geez, why do they have to be so much older than everyone else's parents? Mine look ancient compared to Damien Forrester's cool hippie parents. My best friend is the most vile and violent bloke I've ever met, with the biggest temper. And he's better looking than me - without effort! I can't go swiming tomorrow to impress the pants off Lily. And last but not least, that same Lily hates me. And to add insult to injury, she'd rather stay in company of that stupid Severus Snape. Fine, I know I'm no Sirius, but damnit, I'm way better looking than Snape. My nose is regularly shaped, my hair - though the same colour, has the to-die-for messy look and it's clean, and I don't pretend to be some goth. For fuck's sake, I don't see in gray-scale! I wear colours!
Okay, so maybe tonight isn't off to a great start. And maybe I won't be able to dip into the crisp clear lake. But I'll be damned if tomorrow isn't going to be a good day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
See? I knew it. Today is already starting off brilliantly. I passed the OWLs - twelve to be exact - and I'm in practically every lass with none other than Remus Lupin! The heavens have finally forgiven me for dumping frog poo in Trelawny's pea soup three years ago.
It's great having Remus in classes. He's smart. Well, of course he is, he has to be in order to be a prefect. But not only will he tell me all the things I've missed during lectures - because obviously, I stare at Lily - I can basically cheat off of him in class tests. Yes, he's my friend, but this guy is so dumb, the entire class can cheat right off his paper. He doesn't hide his answers. I don't have the heart to tell him.Well, I do. But I want to pass.
Oh yeah, Lily's in every single one of my classes. Too bad Remus has Divination, or else he too would be in all my classes. That doofus is missing out on arithmancy for tea leaves and cards with wonky swords on them.
Sirius however, is only in three of my classes. The unfortunate failure only received seven OWLs. Even Peter did better! Beat him by two! Oh the embarassment!
Potions class right off the morning. Not the best subject, as it takes immense concentration, but can't change anything.
I hate Potions with the utmost passion. Why I took it, I don't know. Well, I do. It's one of the few opportunities where I can see Lily smile for longer than one minute in my presence.
But if it weren't for the blissful look on the lass, I wouldn't be here. It's always fuming hot. And it smells weird from past potions that were brewed wrong. Oh yeah, and that Slughorn. Merlin, that dude pisses me off so bad. Him and his stupid elite members-only club made of a bunch of fogeys with nothing better to do.
I'm smart and I'm popular! I still don't see why I'm not invited to join! I hear he has the greatest food. It's not fair.
Fuck Slughorn.
"Everybody ready?" he asks the class. Not really a class if I should say. The only Slytherin present is Snape, and only fifteen sit. Including Slughorn. "We're going to take a stab at Veritaserum today! Take out your books and start brewing!"
I hate this man. Look at his stupid mustache-beard combo. Makes him look like a fucking walrus. And his stupid little jaunt as he walks around the cauldruns. Don't come here. Don't come here - !
"Mr Potter, is something wrong?"
Okay, no one listens to me. I look up in annoyance at the Professor. Even the way his fingers scratch that ginormous belly is irritating.
"No, sir."
"Very well then, get out your book, you only have two hours to complete a rather difficult potion." He skips along to Snape's table - which also holds Lily - and smiles rather largely. It pains me how Snape excels at this subject. Yet another reason why I hate this course.
Wait a second - why is Lily even sitting with Snape? Rumour has it that those two had the biggest spat of Fifth Year history! Or has rumour got it wrong? I've learned often times that rumour isn't always the best thing to rely on...
"James, will you stop stalling at start working?" Remus hisses into my ear. I look back at my table. Sirius and Peter are both working, and Remus seems to have already started brewing. "You haven't even started slicing your Fire Pea pods!"
"Yeah, and it'll also stop Slughorn from coming over and telling us yet one more time what complete imbeciles we are," Peter mutters, whipping the pods into the cauldrun with angry gusto. "It gets annoying after his second stop to here."
After one more glance at Lily and Snivs, I turn my rapt attention to my book. My book that isn't even on the table. I reach for my bookbag, feeling the contents inside for the familiar thick bind of the potions book. Which isn't in here. Shit.
"Remus, share your book with me," I whisper, watching for Slugsy.
"Where's yours?"
"Left it upstairs, now move your book over so we can share!"
With an annoyed sound coming from his mouth, Remus nudges the book between the both of us, and I quickly start gathering the needed ingredients - which I do not have because my potions kit is also left behind upstairs.
"Peter, lend me some of the ingredients, will you?" I ask him, making sure Slugsy is out of ear-shot. "Please?"
"Oh so you say please to him." Remus gives me an indignant look, nose up and all. "I see how it is."
"Peter, please?" I beg, trying my hardest to make the big eyes. I wear glasses. The effect is at least seventeen times stronger.
He shoves his potions kit into my hands, turning back to his own concoction.
After slicing up every single ingredient, which probably took more time than it will the potion brewing - I look to the book for the next step.
'Stir in slowly the Fire Pea pods, while pouring in the Gineva flower root-juice. Both ingredients must be stirred in at once.'
Now how the hell am I suppossed to do that while stirring? Whoever said books are always right are wrong. All wrong.
I look around cautiously. Good, Slugface is at his desk, pouring over some document. Probably a how-to instruction, on how to get a girlfriend. Single people are never happy. Take me for example. I'm not happy. Sure, Jane Summers was good, but lets face it, she's no Lily.
Remus' potion already has turned from opaque to transparent. Peter's is transluscent. Sirius' is purple. I purposely glance over to the table across the room. Lily and Snape's. But not in Lily's direction do I gaze. She may be an expert potioneer, but it's pretty obvious that Snape is the better brewer.
What did he just do? I whip my head around to quickly scan the instructions. No where does it say stir counter-clockwise. And neither does it - did he just whisk it three times? Hmm...
Maybe if I try it out...
"You have that face on," Sirius murmurs, stroking his chin and staring at me. "What plan have you that you did not bother to share with me?"
"Don't even think about it, James," Peter says with caution. "It won't have the same results - "
"Hush Peter," I tell him. I quickly dump the pods and root-juice and every other ingredient into the cauldron. No, not even that odd green hiss of smoke emmunating from the pot will discourage me!
"James - " comes Peter's voice again, but I stop him.
"Trust me, Peter. If you are my friend, then trust me. I know what I'm doing."
"But James - "
Stir counter clock wise - hey! It's completely clear!... and whisk three times... - shit - ! -
Well, I never thought this would be the outcome.
"James, his potion was different from yours," Peter mutters, swiping off the liquid from his robes. "He was mid-way done. You, on the other hand, never even started."
I look to my left, where Remus is looking longingly at his own cauldrun. Its contents have been spilled out over the floor, drying up upon the stone. Sirius doesn't seem to fazed though. But that's because his potion wasn't even correct most likely.
"Congratulations, Mr Potter," comes the voice of Horace Slughorn. "Not only have you managed to humiliate yourself in front of your professor and peers, but you have also managed to disrupt my classroom and cover it with an unidentifiable goo. Twenty points from Gryiffyndor."
"Oh, come on sir, twenty points?" Sirius complains, glaring at Slughorn. "Surely this little spill isn't worth a whole twenty - "
"Why, surely it is, Mr Black. I cannot even get the slime off my robes. Imagine scrubbing it off the floor and walls."
Right then. So maybe today isn't off to a great start. But let's be real here. What morning actually does start off great? It's morning, people. Mornings don't call for greatness. The rest of the day will be fine. Just fine. Trust me. I never lie!
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - -
"Oh, my god!"
Yeah, I was wrong. The rest of the day hasn't been any better.
I thought I'd put the morning behind me. I mean, exploding an entire cauldron along with its contents and drowning the class with a mystery slop, I assumed it would get better. Usually fate has a way of making everything better. But never would I have thought it would all crash down.
So Potions was a dud. Fine, but in no way did Transfiguration need to be a bitch. I'm awesome when it comes to Transfiguration. Even McGonagall thinks so. I own the entire year when it comes to transfiguring a rat's ass into something pretty. So why, why! Why did that bumbling idiot Todd MacMillian have to aim a completely wrong spell at my wand? My beautiful wand. My precious wand. My right arm! Gone. Just gone, broken beyond repair. The woe.
And now, here I stand, in the Great Hall. I stand yes, in front of every single one of my peers, turning red by the second. Red! Never in my life have I ever turned red.
That is, if you don't count the time Sirius and I had a bet to see who could hold in their urine the longest.
But anyway, I'm here, embarassing my poor pathetic self in hopes that this chick would finally say yes to the question I've been asking since fourth year.
"I don't get it," I say, wringing my hands awkwardly. I watch as Lily trembles with fear - or anger, maybe it's ager, at me. I can see Sirius, Peter and Remus through the corner of my eye. Them, and I think the rest of the entire school, staff included.
"I don't get it," I repeat, ignoring the voice in my head, the voice that is against this very moment. "Oh my god doesn't really give a yes or a no, you know. So, what'll it be?"
"What will it be?" Wow. So maybe her head can explode. Such a shame, since it carries such a beautiful face. "Oh, my god. James Potter, you have got to be the most ignorant son of a bitch I have ever met!"
"I know that. You've said it to me eighty-three times."
"You counted?" she asks incredulously, brows furrowing even deeper.
"That's beside the point," I say, jaw jutting out. "Okay, so that still wasn't really an answer. I'd really like your answer."
"Well James, for maybe the fourteen-hundredth time, no, I won't. I will not go out with you. I refuse to go out with you actually."
Huh. I think this is the first time she's actually said it without yelling. I think I'm getting closer to a yes. And she counted wrong. It's not the fourteen-hundredth time she's rejected me. It's the nine-hundredth fourty-sixth.
"May I ask why?" I look up at her. I'm surprised she hasn't stalked off by now. She usually does at this point.
"You know why, Potter."
"No, not really."
"Yeah, he's pretty thick, in case you haven't noticed!" Sirius calls from the side, one hand on Remus' shoulder and the other making drumming beats on his lap.
"Shut up, Black!" Lily hisses, as she turns back to face me. "You want to know why?" I give her a fervent nod. "Because you damn well piss me off. Not just a regular piss. But a real big one. You can piss me off into Pluto and still not be done. You're rude, James Potter. You're so rude that even you are blind to it. You're arrogant, you always smirk, a snitch follows you around everywhere, not to mention your little posse over there on the side. You have no respect for your elders, nor for your peers! And you can't really expect me to go out with you if you aren't even in any way polite to any of my friends?"
"But what if I changed - "
"But that's it!" she screeches, hands clawing at her hair in frustration. "That's it! You can't change! You can change, but you won't. You like being the centre of attention. You like girls following you around like shameless dogs. You like defying authority when you can get away with it. Dumbledore may find you amusing, but not everyone does! You will continue on pursuing Potions which is clearly not your subject, considering your attitude towards it. You don't even care that your potion blew up! And what's even worse is that you didn't even bother to stay back and help clean! I would know, because I did! I volunteered to clean your fucking mess - "
"Because you're secretly in love with me and hoped that there was a small chance I'd make an appearance?" I suggest weakly, offering a crooked smile. The crooked smile works. It's worked on at least four girls.
"Fuck you, Potter!" Her breathing is hard. Great. She's probably going to hit me again. I hope it's not on my eye this time. Damn, if it were, it'd be even more insulting. "You can't really think I'd go out with you after you just tossed about with Jane!"
"How did she know about Jane?" Peter whispers audibly to both Sirius and Remus. But both are too wrapped with the scene.
"How did you know about Jane?" I repeat, scratching my head on confusion. Odd, I thought that was a secret. Afterall, it's Jane Summers. That dirty girl can keep a secret.
Oh wiat. Dirty girls usually can't. Shit.
"She's my cousin!" Lily cries, obviously irritated by my slowness.
"Oh fuck, she's your cousin?" Sirius exclaims, mouth wide open with shock.
Oh fuck, Jane Summers is her cousin?
"You two can't possibly be related," I start, shaking my head at her. "For one thing, she's pretty hot - "
"Bad move, man," Remus mutters, sighing out loud.
"Not that you aren't hot!" I say as her eyebrows rise from the earlier comment. "Because you're so hot!"
Even higher eyebrows. Girls need to stop plucking eyebrows. Seriously.
"I won't be objectified!" Before I know it, a fist if flying in direction of my eye, despite the glasses. "Maybe my cousin doesn't mind your sexist remarks, but in no way will I be objectified, especially by you, Potter! Go fuck your own self if you're so desperate for action!"
And with that said and done, I can make out with the other remaining eye that she's stalking off, book bag bouncing behind. God that bouncing bag looks so hot against her back.
"Come on," Remus says, coming forward and slinging one of my arms around his shoulder. He motions for Peter to get my other arm. "Don't be difficult, James. It was your eye that's been punched, not your legs. So come on, hoist yourself. Peter and I are helping you to the Hospital Wing."
"Hate Hosptial Wing," I mutter, as the pain really starts to hit home. "Must kill Hospital Wing."
"The Hospital Wing is there to help you," Peter says, tugging on rather fiercely at my arm. "Evans on the other hand, is here to kill you. So shouldn't you start the hate party on her?"
"Hate Hospital Wing. Must kill Hostpial Wing."
I can faintly hear the footsteps of Sirius behind the three of us, making his way loftily. "You gotta admit guys, aside from James' pain, that was a pretty funny scene. Did you see the way she lunged at him? Who knew Evans had it in her?"
"No man, did you see the crazy look in her eyes? Now that was freaky!" Remus comments, completely ignoring my sounds of protest as he and Peter drag me up the moving staircase.
"Can you believe she just pumelled him? Gosh, think of the embarassment! Now every girl will come to the realization that James Potter is just another little pussy-twat - "
"Fuck off, Sirius!"