Alone Again Or by tattva Sirius can't sleep, and he needs to with his NEWTs approaching! What's keeping him awake? Shounen-ai sbxrl, casual swearing sometimes. I don't know if I should continue this: R&R please!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of J K Rowling's original characters, or anything Harry Potter-related. I do own Rebecca, Micha, and Ben, but that's not really any consolation. The lyrics at the start are from 'Alone Again Or' by Love, which I don't own either: if I did I'd have enough money to rescue Sirius from his mistreatment at the hands of the evil Ms Rowling.

Chapter One: Alone Again Or

Yeah, I heard a funny thing
Somebody said to me,
You know that I could be in love with almost everyone.
I think that people are
The greatest fun,
And I will be alone again tonight my dear.

The pillow felt more like a rock with every second that Sirius' head lay upon it. The soft cotton sheets seemed to itch his pale skin no matter how he lay against them. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was 2:00 am, and he'd been trying to get to sleep for three hours. He turned over onto his back, quietly kicking the blankets onto the floor so as not to wake the others. It was always so very dark in the dormitory with the drapes drawn, but Sirius had left one of the curtains at the head of his bed open and a silver bridge of moonlight was illuminating the canopy. It's like this sometimes. Some nights, sleep comes so easily that the glorious moments on the knife-edge between consciousness and dreaming melt into nothing. Other nights she's more shy. She's scared of fear, of longing, of anxiety, and she'll play around your eyes but won't dare penetrate your mind. And you can't will yourself to sleep, that's when her narcotic power is at its most elusive. Flat on his back, staring at the velvet ripples above his head, Sirius knew this all too well.

He didn't even know what was keeping him awake. It was a Saturday night in the Easter holidays, so there were no exams or lessons to mar the coming day. He'd even done most of his assignments, which was an extremely rare occurrence. He hadn't fallen out with anyone: he, James and Remus had visited Hogsmeade in the afternoon. It had been a pleasantly warm April day, all blue skies and fluffy cotton-ball clouds, and they'd had lunch outside at the Three Broomsticks, before stocking up at Honeyduke's and Zonko's then returning to Hogwarts for dinner. In the evening, Remus had gone to the library to work, and, much to Sirius' horror, had taken James with him. It was true that his NEWTs were fast approaching, and unlike his OWLs Sirius had a niggling feeling that he might have to work for them. But it was futile to try and work on such a gorgeous evening. He'd taken a walk round the lake, and as a light wind whipped soft tendrils of dark hair across his face he'd tried to run through some potions in his head. It didn't work. Other thoughts kept jumping in the way, thoughts of long hot summers in his newly purchased London flat, and of starting training as an Auror in September. In a way, it was depressingly cyclical: none of that would happen if he failed his NEWTs and had to re-sit them over the next year.

As the sun began to sink away west, he had walked inside to the main hall, where he'd found his friends sitting with a large group of people drinking hot chocolate. Sirius recognised them all: there was Lily Evans and Rebecca Martin, two Gryffindor seventh-years with whom James shared Charms classes, Micha Lawrence, a Ravenclaw who took Transfiguration with them, and Ben Fisher, a Hufflepuff and Sirius' potions lab partner. Ben was sat on the table, all wild red hair and exaggerated gestures, and seemed to be telling a very amusing story.
"What's so funny?" Sirius asked as he approached the table and sat down next to Remus. On seeing him, Ben's grin widened and he jumped down from the table.
"Sirius, old chap!" he exclaimed, "Just the man I was looking for!" Sirius rolled his eyes; Ben usually took this tone when he'd invented a particularly accurate joke at Sirius's expense. Sirius gazed indifferently at the exuberant boy.
"Yes?" he intoned, trying to humour the group even though he knew what was coming. Ben looked gleeful.
"I got you a present," he smiled, holding out a paper bag to Sirius. Sirius reached in and drew out a small, bright red bicycle bell. James, obviously no longer able to control his laughter, burst into giggles and spilt hot chocolate on his Transfiguration notes, prompting a wave of laughing and clapping from the group. Sirius looked at Ben in mock disdain.
"Now you can let the Hogwarts community know when their favourite mode of transportation is in the vicinity," he laughed, leading the table in another round of cackles and sniggers. Micha was trying but failing to keep her composure as Ben sat across from her, ringing the bell. Lily and Rebecca still seemed to be laughing at James' drink spillage, and James was almost bent double as he tried to rescue a particularly badly damaged page of writing on metamorphmagi. And Remus… Remus seemed surprisingly solemn. A small smile was playing on his lips, but he certainly wasn't half as amused by the joke as the others.

Sirius started. In the warmth of the dormitory he had nearly been asleep, but now he was wide-awake. He knew now what was bothering him. What he didn't quite understand was why it bothered him. He certainly was the Hogwarts bicycle, there was no denying it and he didn't see any reason why he should. It was generally agreed that life in the seventh year would be much more dull without discussion of Sirius' latest love interest or sexual conquest. No, what seemed to be bothering him was Remus' reaction. In anyone else he'd think it was jealousy, but Remus often made a point of disapproving of Sirius' exploits, although he usually found such jokes as funny as the next person. This time, though, he'd seemed sort of… distant. Why was such a reaction bothering him? Sighing heavily, he turned on to his side and buried his head in the feather quilt.

The next morning, Sirius awoke unable to breathe. When he opened his eyes he couldn't see either, everything was obscured by something grey against his face. Something grey and squishy…
"Gerroffme!" he mumbled and kicked out blindly towards the edge of his bed.
"Ow! Fucking hell, Padfoot, you got me right in the knee!" laughed a slightly hoarse voice next to him. Having removed the pillow from over his friend's head, James was limping back to his bed. Sirius glared at him. It was 10 o'clock; he'd gotten about five hours of fitful sleep. Sirius swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat up woozily. Aside from James, who was gazing intently into the mirror as he made sure his hair was quite messy enough, the dormitory was empty.
"Where's Moony?" Sirius asked, running a hand through the front of his hair, so that it fell over his face and obscured the offensive daylight from his eyes.
"Shower," said James simply, "he said he'd meet us at breakfast at quarter-past." He glanced over at Sirius and then slipped on his shoes. "You'd better hurry up if you want to eat anything this morning. I'm going to meet Lily from the library and then go down. See you there, alright?" Sirius stared after him. James' relationship with Lily sure had made him organised. It took a lot of effort to get out of bed, but Sirius managed it after a few attempts, swaying slightly as he pulled on James' bright-orange Chudley Cannons dressing gown and headed off towards the Great Hall.

He arrived at the Hall before James, and his attire earned him a disapproving look from Remus as he sat down at the table. Rebecca Martin, with whom Remus had been discussing his Defence Against the Dark Arts dissertation, laughed as he slid into the chair. He gave her as a quizzical look. She smiled.
"I hate to break this to you, Black," she said, "but orange really isn't your colour." Sirius gave her a flippant look and helped himself to a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea.
"Mm, she's right you know, Padfoot," said Remus, idly thumbing through the morning's Daily Prophet. Sirius watched his friend as pale, thin hands gracefully turned each page. Remus was so different from himself. Sort of like a watercolour painting, beautiful in a washed-out way, all light brown and grey and purple and ivory. Sirius was still staring absently across the table when James arrived, hand-in-hand with Lily. Sirius awoke from his daydream with a start as James attempted to balance Advanced Transfiguration on his head. The book slid off his messy hair as he looked up.
"Yes, you can borrow my dressing gown," said James good-naturedly as he grabbed a slice of toast from a large plate and began to spread it liberally with chocolate spread. Trying to ignore the luvvie atmosphere that had descended next to him, Sirius drained the remainder of the milk from the cereal bowl. As he put it down on the table, Rebecca gathered up her books and stood up.
"I'm off," she announced, stepping over the bench. "Are you coming to the library this afternoon, Remus?" Remus looked up from the paper and smiled softly.
"I don't know," he said hoarsely, "I'm thinking of having a day off, maybe doing some preparation for tonight's festivities." He grinned, and Rebecca nodded and walked towards the stairs to the library. Sirius looked around, confused for a moment, but then he realised that today was James' 18th birthday. James had insisted on throwing a large party for anyone who was still around for the Easter holidays, and the planning seemed to have gone on for years.

A/N: I'll update in a couple of days if people are interested. I haven't written anything for ages, so please R&R! Cheers, Tattva x