The pain was unbearable. Every time I thought of even the slightest memory of Bella, the pain eternally in my mind became physical. This meant that I was always in pain, for what was there to think of but my sweet Bella? Of her blushes, of the conversations we had, the surprises always in store for me. Her acceptance of me, so unnatural. The love in her eyes. The love turning to horror, then resignation, at my cruel words. How Bella, how could you believe my lies? How could anyone but you satisfy me, be my soul mate? Only you…
I was out of that disgusting attic and running full-speed due north before I realized what I was doing. I immediately stopped running. Just because Bella was the only one for me, I could not be the only one for Bella. Some other man is meant to spend his life with her. Some other man is meant to be there when she waked, to caress her, to kiss her… My frustration ripped a scream from my throat before I controlled myself. As the birds flew from the trees, I sank to my knees, sobbing dry tears. A thought came, one that I immediately pushed away. No matter how much I was suffering, I could not allow Bella to suffer as well. She could never see me again. I promised her that she would never see me- but could I see her?
This random thought immediately quieted me. The idea was so tempting- but no. I promised. But if she never saw me, did not get the slightest hint I was near… I could feel the hope flame in my chest, and knew that I couldn't survive letting go of it.
And I was off, Forks-bound once more.