"I do care clarke, but I made this decision with my head and not my heart. May we meet again". These are the last words Lexa spoke to Clarke before turning her back on their alliance, their friendship and budding romance. Clarke remained on her back in the same position for some time despite the cold pool of sweat chilling her bones in this unforgiving weather. It had been two weeks since the night Lexa made her deal. Her peoples safety for the lives of Clarkes friends and in turn most likely losing any future they could have possibly had together. "You should come with me to the Capitol". Clarke remembered the invitation Lexa gave her. Something akin to hope gleaming in Lexas eyes. She had not answered a definitive yes because her mind was on her friends, on the war, on the almost impossible feat before them. Clarke had not been able to tell Lexa the truth, that in fact she wanted more than anything to go with her. To see a new world. That she would follow her anywhere.
Clarke stared at the bag she had packed, she knew then that her mind had made the decision before her mouth was able to say it out loud. She was going to the Capitol. She was going to find Lexa. She hadn't thought further than that. Her people were safe. That was all she had ever wanted. There was no more human threat from the Mountain Men and not from the Grounders since they had left camp over a week ago to Polis. There wasn't anything here for her. Once the idea of going to Polis had formed in her mind the internal battle of leaving her family and friends began. Though even then Lexa had won. This war that Lexa was not here to fight or know of became her victory as well. "Damn you Lexa" Clarke silently cursed. She exited her tent out to the crisp air that only dusk can provide. She took a deep breath and dipped her head in the tent to grab her pack. No time for goodbyes, she told only Bellamy and Raven of her plan. Trusted they would keep it quiet until she was gone. After hours of protesting they knew Clarke was going. That she would be going alone.
Quietly Clarke crept to the stable that had horses the Grounders had left for the Sky people. No doubt it had been ordered by Lexa. Guilt possibly being the motivation for such an action "Lexa...". She mounted the large black Stallion wearing battle armor. This was one of the steeds she had seen Lexa ride before. There was a satchel tied to its side. A scabbard with the dagger Lexa held when they first met lay sheathed in it. Clarke stared at it, tears brimming threatening to loose themselves unto her cheeks. She pulled her pistol out of her waistband and added it to the dagger in the satchel. May we meet again Lexa, no matter what it takes.
2
Clarke rode swiftly, willing herself to be devoid of thought. Only noticing her breath coming out in little puffs of smoke. Watching her horse breathe out smoke as he surged forward sensing the urgency of his rider. She wasn't sure how long it would take to get to Polis. Although the map she carried indicated it was at least four days of travel she had no clue what lay ahead of her. What dangers may lurk in her future. For a moment she wished she had brought at least one person with her but she quickly pushed that thought out of her head. This was her choice, her quest or mission. She needed to do this.
After what seemed like four hours of riding Clarke checked the time on her fathers watch. It had been a little over three hours. She pulled on the reigns slowing down her horse before coming to a full stop. She pulled out her map to make sure she was still on course. She stared at the the etchings on the map quickly recovering a memory of Lexa leaning over her command table pouring over this map. Staring intensely before making markings and changes. Clarke had watched this beautiful woman, nay girl because Lexa was free of her war paint making her look young soft and gentle. Something Clarke knew Lexa was deep down. She watched her comforted in knowing that Lexa was meticulous. That she took her position seriously. Clarke wondered when exactly she came to start caring about Lexa. After all she had put Clarke through, after all the harsh decisions Lexa made her understand she needed to make. After Finn... And even now her heart ached with longing to see her face. Love and hate are truly one and the same.
Clarke rode until the sun started to set over the horizon. She found some moist flat ground near a tree and fallen tree stump. She tied her steed to a makeshift post and fed him some apples and water. After seeing to her horse she set up her tent. She looked at it thinking "big enough for two". She shook her head to clear the thought. This trip was only meant for her. After making a fire she went back to the satchel tied to her horse and took out her gun. Almost as an afterthought she grabbed the scabbard with Lexa's dagger inside it. She laid back against the fallen tree and dug in her bag for some food. Traditional Grounders bread and spicy cured meat. She took a few bites before wrapping up the food and stowing it away. She sat quietly listening to the noises surrounding her wondering if any predators crept close. She shivered and decided it was time to sleep. Just a few hours, no more than necessary. She got up and stretched her body loosening her muscles from the tense ride. Clarke stomped out the small fire and crawled into her tent. Finding sleep almost instantly.
3
Clarke awoke with a start. She heard twigs breaking under light careful steps. She tensed, slowly reaching for the pistol beside her. She undid the safety as quietly as she could. She peered through the opening of the tent flap afraid of what she would find. She saw long brown hooves, a deer walking slowly towards her horse. The horse snorted and kicked a leg. The deer froze not knowing wether to come closer or flee. Clarke came out of the tent startling the deer and it took off in the dense trees. Relief washed over her. "Am I crazy?" she thought. Coming out here alone was probably one of her stupidest ideas to date and she knew Lexa would have agreed. "Where are your guards?!" Lexa asked her the day Quint tried to kill her. Already then she had begun showing concern for Clarke's well being. Clarke sighed quietly, wondering how things would be right now had the war gone differently. Had Lexa made a different choice.
After Clarke packed up her camp and tried her best to cover all tracks indicating she was there she set off. She rode hard, pushing her horse to a thunderous pace. They rode fast and fiercely for hours. This time she refused to check her watch. She rode silently urging her steed to go as quickly as possible. Daylight had broken hours ago thus rendering Clarke completely visible to anything and anyone. The thought made her stomach flip flop but nothing more. "I will make it!" She said out loud to no one in particular. She continued riding with flashes of deep beautiful green eyes pushing her onward. My mission. For the second evening she found a similar patch of earth to set camp. She fed her horse two apples and water. She decided she would need to make a quick search in the daylight to find more fruits and water for herself and her horse. She petted him gently before settling by the fire.
Clarke sat back and closed her eyes. She thought of the moment Lexa had kissed her. A dull ache slowly growing in her chest. She knows that at that moment her thoughts were too confusing. On one hand she wanted nothing more than to pull Lexa closer, kiss her deeper. To tell her she wanted her just as much and another part of her felt like she was betraying Finn. It took every fiber of her being to pull away but she needed Lexa to know it wasn't that she didn't want the same things, she just wasnt ready. "Not yet". She pictured the Commanders eyes then. Going from surprised to confused to hurt to understanding. Clarke still wasn't sure what she would do once she stood in front of her. If she would be ready or if she would unsheathe that dagger from its scabbard and plunge it deep into Lexas heart.
4
The next morning Clarke took her gun and the dagger with her deeper into the forest foraging for any fruits nuts or berries. The Grounders had taught her many useful skills, such as identifying which berries were edible and which were poisonous. She found a large brush of edible blackberries and at once began to pluck and fill her satchel. She ate some whilst she continued to pick. Her bag was nearly brimming when she realized how much she had. Her mind thankfully was very quiet this morning. She ate a handful more and closed her bag. She carefully looked around her location seeing that there were many rocks covered in moss. There must be water near. She walked for another ten minutes before finding a small creek. Gratefully she dipped cupped hands into the creek and drank deeply. Once she had her fill she rinsed her face and filled both water skins she brought with her. she retracted her steps as quickly as possible. Once she got back to camp she fed her horse and was on her way.
She rode quietly for an hour when she smelled it. Smoke. For a quick moment she panicked. She sat on her mount heart racing not sure what to do. She pulled out her map and checked her location. She was still at least a day and a half away from Polis. "Who could be camped here?" She wondered. She rode slowly and as quietly as possible for another thirty minutes until she saw it. A camp, at the base of a long steep hill beneath her. She tried to steady her quickly beating heart. Clarke had to rationalize her thoughts. "Did you not think to find anyone out here? What did you expect Clarke?". She dismounted the steed and tied him to a tree. She sat crouched low watching the busy bustling camp. She surveyed all the tents and huts watching the Grounders go about their day. It was a big camp, larger than that of the tree people clan. The trikru. It was at the edge of the camp where she saw it. A little farther off from the rest of the camp. A tent bigger than the rest, a red tent. Her heart rose to her mouth as she saw the red banner that whipped in the wind. The banner with the Commanders insignia.
Clarke's head was spinning, she had no idea what her next move would be. She wondered why she was so afraid if this is what she wanted. She closed her eyes and steadied her breathing for what seemed like a lifetime. A number of questions pegged at her. "Should she ride down there now? Should she ride when the camp was alsleep for the night? Should she wait until dark and leave her horse tied here and sneak down?" When she was calm enough she decided to wait until dark but while the camp was still awake. She needed time to process, and think of what she wanted and what she would do.
5
It was sundown. The last rays of the sun disappearing. Clarke had fed her horse, fed herself and had thrown up her meal in a matter of twenty minutes. She had decided to sleep even though her mind screamed against the idea, knowing that there could have been scouts watching her. She watched the dying light and decided it was time. The hill was steep but not steep enough that she couldn't make it safely. She had opted to leave her horse tied up. Only taking her gun and Lexas dagger. Once she made it to solid ground she stood watching the camp. Many sitting by fires, talking and eating. She took a deep breath and started walking slowly to the edge of the camp.
At first nobody seemed to notice her, but then more and more heads started turning. The once noisy camp started becoming quieter and quieter until all Clarke heard was the crackling of flames and her own soft tentative footsteps. She looked behind her and saw some Grounders had stood up but none were following her. She kept her head held high and chin pointed out. Determined not to show her fear. Closer and closer she was to the commanders tent. Her body started shaking but she willed herself to calm down. A few more minutes and she was in front of the familiar tent. A tent that now held many important memories for her. She stared at the two guards one of them being Nyko. He stared at her eyes widening briefly before returning to an even stare. She looked at him questioningly for a moment before he stepped aside allowing her passage.
Once she stepped over the threshold she let out a huge breath she didn't know she was holding. At the sound Lexa looked up from a parchment she was reading as she sat in her Throne. Her eyes grew wide and her mouth was slightly parted, but as quickly as her surprise appeared is as quickly as it was gone. Commanders mask smoothly back in place she regarded Clarke quietly. This didn't fool Clarke. She could see Lexas chest rising and falling quickly. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity neither willing to look away. The spell was broken by a noise behind Clarke. She whirled around to see Indra walk in. Indra paused at the sight of Clarke and slowly put her hand on the hilt of her sword. She stared at Clarke curiously "Heda?" She queried looking past Clarke. "Leave us" Lexa replied nearly hissing the words into Clarkes ears. Clarke flinched knowing the Commander was right behind her.