Silent Hill: The Nameless Parody 2

Chapter 1: Enter Room 302

Far far ago . . . in a galaxy long, long away . . . huh? What? Oh . . .

Long, long ago . . . in a galaxy far, far away . . . not too far, really. Huh? Wrong cards? Oh. Ahem. And they all lived happily — FOR GOD'S SAKE, PETE, PICK THE RIGHT CARD! Ahem; it was two years ago — not one, or three, or even four — that Henry Townshend of South Ashfield moved into the Room 302. It was one year later that a Mr. James Sunderlando, a mustachioed blonde wearing a sombrero, moved in with him. Many people thought they were gay — they were probably right — but that is not important. Anyway, it was approximately five days ago that Henry Townshend began having a recurring dream. One other thing.

He couldn't leave Room 302 !!!!!!!1111!!!!!!

— — — Henry's thought process — — —

Huh? I'm waking up. At least I'm waking up . . . never know what James will do when I'm sleeping . . .

Why does it smell like wet dog — or James — in here? Oh, that's right. I haven't bathed in five days.

Whoa, this place looks really crappy. Crappy? I mean creepy. Well, both, really. Creappy. Heh, I made a word!

Dear God . . . James did something bad . . . there's a FACE in the wall. Ooh, it's hard. That's what she said. Ugh.

Where is James? I thought I had a record player here . . . James probably sold it . . . I'll kill him, that was an antique! What is this? Looks like a device for music—

HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP, THAT'S LOUD! Ooh, but 'Spirit of Radio', I like that song. And I do the Robot — now the Worm — and top it off with a few break dance moves. Yeah — Room 302 just got served.

This sucks, and it's boring. I'm going back to bed. Or better yet, I'll burn the place down. Just let me get the—

What did you DO James? He's coming out of the frickin' wall!

'Hello. It's good to see—AHHH! No! Not there! Anywhere but theeeeeereeeee!'

And now I die. That was fun.

— — — James's thought process — — —

Author: I know I should write something here, but truth is . . . we have absolutely no idea what was going inside James's head in here. In involves him stripping, throwing the furniture around, and reciting 'I am the mighty Gumbotron' repeatedly. Then he urinated all over the kitchen, ate a portion of the wall, and took a nap while snoring so loud that it shook the apartment building. Then Pyramid Head came out and raped him—there the dream ended. So, let's just go ahead and—

— — — Room 302 — — —

Author: HEY! I wasn't finished!

— — — ROOM 302 — — —

(Author: Fine.)

Henry Townshend sat on his bed, having just woke up from the strange nightmare. He lifted his head up and sighed, very depressed.

'Oh man . . . what a dream.' He stood and dialed the phone number 867-5309 — nothing. Sighing, he walked away, singing 'Eight, six, seven five, three O nie-ee-ie-ine.' Suddenly the phone rang, and he quickly zoomed around to pick it up. 'Hello?'

'Help . . . meh . . .' came a woman's voice.

'Yeah . . . I kind of can't leave my apartment.'

'Why?'

'It's complicated.'

'That sucks.'

'Tell you what . . . could you help me?'

'No, I'm in a Subway with a bunch of demonic dogs.'

'But if I look out the window, you're still standing at the Subway entrance . . .'

The line went dead.

'Oh well,' Henry said as he hung the phone up. Walking out into the living room/kitchen, he found James crashed on the couch. Henry walked tenderly to the front door and looked at the chains. Then began a long cutscene.

'I can't leave the room, door chained from inside, windows sealed, can't get people to hear me, no power, how get out?' Henry summed the cutscene up. 'This is worse than the time me and James found that body in Richard Brainfart's room.'

— Flashback —

James and Henry are crouched by a doorway, with a bloody female body behind them, and footsteps are heard, along with many curses from Richard Brainfart, resident of Room 207. James was shaking, and Henry was panting.

'Okay, well, we'll just wait here for him to fall asle—' Henry began.

'Time to shoot up some crack and take a bunch of caffeine pills!' Brainfart's voice came from down the hall.

'Uh, plan B . . .' Henry muttered. 'James, do you have the pistol?'

'No . . .' James said. 'I dropped it back in our room.'

'Crap!' Suddenly James's stomach growled, then Henry's.

'James . . .' Henry said. 'If Richard never falls asleep . . . I want to eat you.'

'No need!' James said, pointing to the body. Henry raised his eyebrow.

— End Flashback —

Suddenly there came a loud breaking noise from outside the room. Henry peered out the peephole, seeing Eileen Calvin scooping up some groceries. He pictured her topless for a moment, before he realised there were more pressing matters at hand, and he quickly stopped.

'Oh man,' Eileen said. 'Hope my luck changes before the party!' She then turned to the peephole. 'And that means that I want you, Henry!' she cried as she skipped away. Henry was stunned, but quickly snapped out of it as a loud BANG resounded through the house.

'Fluffy rabbit!' James screamed as he sat up from the couch, falling off and hitting his head on the coffee table. There was a small cut. James began to cry.

'Oh, James!' Henry cried running up to examine the wound.

'It h-h-h-h-hurts!' James cried, tears sliding through his slammed eyes.

'I'll get a Band-Aid,' Henry said. 'Scooby or Fred Flintstone?'

'S-s-scooby,' James pouted. Henry entered the bathroom to find an enormous hole (or H013 to James) in the wall, with a steel pipe hanging down. Grabbing the bandage, he threw it to James absent-mindedly and ran back to the hole to check it out.

'THIS IS THE FLINTSTONES!' James bawled.

'Shut up!' Henry screamed. Ripping the pipe out, he tapped the insides of the H013 and smiled.

'James! We can get out!'

'Really!?' James screamed, running up to Henry. He had a Flintstone's bandage on his forehead.

'Yeah!' Henry replied. 'Come on, let's go!'

'You go, Hen. I don't like H0135.'

Author: For those who don't speak leet, 'Holes'.

— Flashback —

James was in the morgue once more, and, opening another door, found himself looking at another H013. Screaming 'w333!' James leapt down into the darkness.

He landed on a fluffy mattress, stained yellow and brown. Standing up, he opened another door to find another H013. Jumping down, he found himself face down in a pile of shit.

— End Flashback — —

'Okay, fine, I'll go through and get help.' Henry crawled through.

'Be safe, sweety!'

'Huh?' Henry said, turning back his head and finding himself falling out of the H013.

—To Be Continued . . .

— — —

YES! Number 2 is here! For those of you who don't know why James and Henry are roommates, read 'The Nameless Parody', and you'll get this more. Where does the H013 lead? Is it safe? What will James do in Henry's absence? Why is this only four pages when the others were six? (Because, it's the first chapter, bear with me) Find out next time in: the Subway!

P.S. Frog, Crono, and Robo will be appearing, and maybe some unexpected guests. Probably not, I think just F, C, and R.