Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs
Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers
are proud to present
The Marauder's Abridged History Book
Mr. Moony would like to inform the reader of this history that this work is not a real history, but, rather, a history of the Marauders during their time at Hogwarts, including a detailed version of how the Marauders met and details on some of the more spectacular pranks pulled.
Mr. Wormtail thought that the Marauders were rewriting the History of Magic textbook.
Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.
Mr. Prongs wonders why the Marauders are starting their history book like this.
Mr. Moony wonders if Messrs. Wormtail and Padfoot have ever even touched their History of Magic textbooks, and has seen this type of thing at the beginning of all good history books, and thought it would be appropriate.
Mr. Wormtail wonders what the point of this is.
Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.
Mr. Moony recalls it to be called an 'Author's Note', and remembers that it explains a bit about the text.
Mr. Wormtail thinks it is pointless.
Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Wormtail.
Mr. Prongs thinks that this history will need some explaining, as the Marauders rarely make any sense.
Mr. Moony is astonished that Mr. Prongs agrees with him.
Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony should do the recording of the history, as Mr. Moony is the most sophisticated and academic Marauder, and is most likely to record the adventures of the Marauders accurately.
Mr. Padfoot is amazed at Mr. Prongs.
Mr. Prongs would like to remind Mr. Padfoot that this history will probably be quite long, and the original plan was for the Marauders to share in the writing of it.
Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs thinking Mr. Moony is very sophisticated and academic, and would like to add that Mr. Moony has the best memory out of the Marauders, and can recall the actual events as they happened.
Mr. Wormtail doesn't get it.
Mr. Moony is not going to let Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs get out of helping write that easily, but thinks that Mr. Wormtail may have a chance at getting out of most of it.
Mr. Wormtail pleads that he has a very bad memory.
Mr. Padfoot would like to use the puppy dog face card at this time.
Mr. Moony rejects the use of the puppy dog face card, and regretfully agrees that Mr. Wormtail has a bad memory.
Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony is very cruel.
Mr. Prongs knew the efforts were futile, but still thinks Mr. Moony would make the history that much better if he wrote.
Mr. Moony agrees that he does have the best handwriting of the Marauders, but is still going to make Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs write some of the history, and thinks that the Marauders should actually start the Marauder's Abridged History Book.
Mr. Prongs wonders where the Marauders should start.
Mr. Moony believes that the pudding incident at the Marauder's sorting feast is the best place to start, as that was how the Marauders met.
The tale of the Marauders starts at with the naming of the Marauders, Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, but the true tale starts at the sorting feast of the Marauder's First Year at Hogwarts. More importantly, it starts with the Bread Pudding during the desert part of the feast, not the Marauders' having all been sorted into Gryffindor, or them having sat in the same compartment on the train to Hogwarts. No, it started with the pudding.
Mr. Padfoot would like to point out that the pudding incident wouldn't have happened if the Marauders hadn't been all sorted into Gryffindor, and thus thinks that the tale starts there, not with the pudding.
Mr. Prongs argues that if it was the sorting, then it would've been the Sorting Hat's Song to start the tale, as the Marauders were mentioned in the song.
Mr. Padfoot concedes to Mr. Prongs, and thus agrees.
Mr. Moony would like to move on with the story.
So instead, it was the Sorting Hat's Song that started the mayhem known as the Marauders. For the Marauders would have never thought of a suitable name if they hadn't remembered that song, and named themselves the Marauders.
Mr. Wormtail thinks that the Marauders would have come up with a good name regardless of the song.
Mr. Moony wonders why the song matters if the Marauders would've had a good name regardless.
Mr. Prongs reminds Mr. Moony that they wouldn't be the Marauders if it weren't for the song, because they would've picked a different name instead of the Marauders.
Mr. Moony wonders why Mr. Wormtail interrupted if that was the case.
So it was the song that inspired the marauders to become the Marauders, but the four would've never realized they were to be the Marauders if it weren't for their being sorted into Gryffindor.
Mr. Padfoot thinks they wouldn't have realized it if it weren't for the bread pudding, not the sorting.
Mr. Moony would like the Marauders to stop interrupting the story.
Mr. Padfoot thinks Mr. Moony is being hypocritical.
Mr. Moony wants Mr. Padfoot to shut up.
And if it weren't for the bread pudding, the Marauders wouldn't have become what they are today.
Mr. Prongs thinks that Mr. Moony is boring.
Mr. Padfoot agrees, and thinks Mr. Prongs could do better.
Mr. Prongs will do better.
And there they stood, scared to death that they'd have to face a troll, but that was just their parents trying to fool them. But they were still scared of where they'd end up, and who they'd have to share a dorm with. And then they were led into the hall, by a professor, Professor McGonagall. All that awaited them was an old hat on a stool. Before they knew it, the hat burst into song. But the song was terrible, and the rhyming was all out of place. Four of the new students wondered why the song wasn't better, but they all listened regardless, each wanting to get into a good house, preferable Gryffindor. Yes, Gryffindor would suit them just fine.
In times long past,
When I was still on Godric's Head,
The founders would sort the children
And then send them off to bed.
But now it's my turn
To sort you where you'll go
For I can see your minds,
And see the seeds you'll sow.
Based on your heart's qualities,
I'll separate you out,
Off to a house you'll soon call home,
I just hope you won't pout.
First is Gryffindor,
A home for the brave
Lions, the lot of them,
But courage is all the rave.
And then there's Slytherin,
You'll find cunning is the tide,
A snake's den, if you ask me,
Where all the sly reside.
Can't forget Hufflepuff,
Most loyal you'll ever meet,
A kind badger, you'll see.
Always ready to greet.
And evermore is Ravenclaw,
Filled to the brim with smarts,
Quick as the raven,
They'll always know their parts.
And now, a warning I give you of times to be,
So I tell you of the four who enter now;
Rule breaking is their specialty,
For they claim to be the Marauders...
And now the sorting begins!
"Abbott, Jacob," Professor called out, they all felt sorry for the poor bloke who had to endure being sorted first. The hat sorted him into Hufflepuff.
"Albequet, Miles." He was sorted into Ravenclaw
"Black, Sirius," And so Mr. Padfoot was sorted into Gryffindor, the first of the four.
"Bones, Evan," Hmmm, a slimy Slytherin.
"Evans, Lily," Another Gryffindor, a girl this time.
"Eicher, Rachelle," And another Gryffindor, soon to be a dorm mate of Lily.
"Lupin, Remus," And the next of the Marauders was sorted.
"Pettigrew, Peter," And the third Marauder in to Gryffindor.
"Potter, James," And at last, the Marauders were sorted, each into Gryffindor.
"Snape, Severus," The Marauders' soon-to-be enemy was sorted into Slytherin.
"Now, eat!" Dumbledore proclaimed with gusto, knowing his students were very hungry after the sorting. And the students were really hungry, naturally. Around the hall, Muggle-borns gasped as the plates filled with food. It definitely wasn't something they had ever seen in the Muggle world, but this was the magical world. And in the magical world, there was an inextinguishable amount of pudding, essential for the survival of the Marauders. Well, the pudding was inextinguishable until it landed on Mr. Moony's head. It would have been much more hilarious if the pudding had kept coming after landing on his head.
It was time for dessert, and the desserts had just appeared. The four marauders looked around for their favorite, before spotting it, all at the same time. Naturally, they all grabbed for it, and a tug-a-war ensued. And who won? Mr. Moony won the tug-a-war, of course. But in all reality, Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs all just let go at the same time, accidentally, of course. Maybe it was fate that the pudding landed on Mr. Moony's head, and that Mr. Moony declared revenge by sprinkling itching powder on his dorm mates' beds, and that doing that caused the Marauders to declare a prank war on each other, each man for himself, which ended in a truce. Yes, definitely fate.
Mr. Padfoot would like to congratulate Mr. Prongs on a story well told.
Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Prongs' grammar skills are lacking.
Mr. Prongs thanks Mr. Padfoot, and thinks Mr. Moony is mean.
Mr. Wormtail thinks it could have been better.
Mr. Padfoot dares Mr. Wormtail to try and do better.
Mr. Wormtail accepts the challenge.
Once upon a time, there was a sorting feast song that mentioned the Marauders. Then the marauders were all sorted into Gryffindor. They got into a fight over the pudding at dessert, and the pudding landed on Mr. Moony's head. Mr. Moony retaliated, and a prank war ensued, and it ended in a truce and the naming of the Marauders.
Mr. Padfoot thinks that Mr. Wormtail's attempt could have been more epic.
Mr. Moony wants to see Mr. Padfoot write something more epic.
Mr. Wormtail agrees with Mr. Moony.
Mr. Padfoot accepts the challenge.
And there they were, glaring at each other, occasionally glancing at the pudding. They held their glaring contest until Mr. Moony started to reach for the pudding. Then, they made their move. They darted for the pudding. And then it happened in a blink of an eye. Messrs. Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs suddenly released their hold on the pudding. It went sailing through the open air, only to land with a plop on Mr. Moony's head. Mr. Moony pulled out his death glare, before throwing globs of pudding at the offenders, while secretly planning a terrible revenge of itching powder in their beds.
Mr. Prongs congratulates Mr. Padfoot on a job well done.
Mr. Wormtail regretfully agrees with Mr. Prongs.
Mr. Padfoot was the best.
Mr. Moony disagrees, and thinks that Mr. Padfoot was unable to accurately portray the flow of events.
Mr. Padfoot didn't understand a word of what Mr. Moony just said.
Mr. Moony is pulling out his death glare.
Mr. Padfoot is sooo afraid.
Mr. Moony thinks the Marauders should move on to the next chapter.