Disclaimer: Do I LOOK like I work for Namco?

Author's Note: Needed to vent AGAIN, and I've been thinking about a darker-ish Xiaoyin oneshot with a tinge of AU, for a long while. Have tried to keep it as T as possible. If I should change the rating or whatever let me know, I'm not too sure on this. So I combined the two together and am quite pleased with the result :)

PALE LIGHT

Once upon a time, I was proud to say I was your light. Bright, shining, eternally joyous…

You were kind, honest, loving, and thoughtful, like a gentleman. Like the gentleman you used to be. You would buy me flowers on your way home from school, you would shower me with kisses once you arrived at the front door of my house unexpectedly, and unveil your wonderful surprise… And I would grin and say 'thank you for the gift, Jin'.

Once upon a time, I was proud to say that you were mine. The man of my dreams, my knight in shining armour.

You'd defend me when I was bullied, telling them all to go pick on someone their own size. You would leave school with me, cut class for me, and take me down the street to my favourite ice cream parlour. You'd shower me with all the ice creams I desired until I was full and feeling better. Then you would surprise me again, taking me out to wherever it may be. The carnival, a circus, the movies, dinner… Anywhere and everywhere.

Once upon a time, I was proud to say that I loved you. And I was so happy that you loved me back.

As soon as Heihachi stepped down from the Mishima Zaibatsu throne, you stepped up in his place. It was amusing to see you look around the office frantically, your mind boggled as to how you, a twenty-year-old, was able to inherit the largest company in Japan. When I first visited, you had just found the remote control that opened and closed the doors to your office at will. You were so… amused by that little device. At one point you even suggested putting a walnut between the doors and then have the doors snap shut on it.

Once upon a time, I was quite happy to wait for you at our home to come back from work. I knew you wouldn't take long.

Me, your light. The light waiting for you to come home, staying up so I could at least say hello and help you put your stuff away. I had your clothes all ironed for tomorrow already, your lunched packed and ready to go. I'd stay up watching crummy, sappy soap operas until you got home. And all I would want was a simple 'hi', 'how are you'… The normal things couples say to each other when they see or speak to each other for the first time in a day.

Once upon a time, I trusted you with everything that I am. You never led me astray, not once.

You'd murmur soft things in my ear, Jin. Soft, loving things, confined behind tall white walls and absolute darkness. Those times that all couples treasure and hold in the deepest depths of their hearts. When love's at its strongest point, held tight by everlastingly strong chains… And it's these memories that hurt the most. If only I had the key so I could open the padlock, and pour all those memories into the ocean to be forever washed away.

Present day, I'm not proud to say that I am your light. I am dull, dark, forever pale…

You never had self confidence, but you still managed. Now all I see though is boasting. It's as though you've been injected with self-confidence, and the belief that you're better than everyone else and more important than everyone else. More important than… me. Though for the last two years or so you'd say that I was more important in your life than you yourself… Like I used to be. It's almost like you've sucked the light out of me, sucked it dry.

Present day, I wish you weren't mine to bear. The man of my dreams no more, more the beast of my nightmares.

Fitting that I describe you as a 'beast', Jin. You're no better than those who bullied me at school. You do it now, too, verbally or not. You're relentless with your words, your training-hardened hands. You don't stop, not even when I'm paper white, shivering and pale, without a glow. You'd leave the house and storm off, most probably to find succour in the arms of another woman. Don't tell me you don't, because I know you're lying. And I am left here. It's not even that… You say that you care but… But…

Present day, I'm afraid to say how I really feel, which is hate. I don't love you. But I think you still do.

You might be showing it the wrong way, but sometimes when you'd come home from work, I can see the care in your eyes. But you still don't tell me anything anymore. Where have you been, I'd ask? At work, where do you think, you would reply harshly. But I swear it doesn't feel that way. My gut feeling says that you're lying to me, still. You shouldn't lie to me… It's not right to lie… to the one you love…

Present day, I don't wait for you anymore. I can't. I am too zapped of energy, of the will to do it in the first place.

You take too long now. Me, your light, now off and covered, no longer glowing. Shivering and hiding under the sheets, wondering what could've possibly gone wrong. I still do your clothes and stuff, because you expect me to… but… I can't do this forever… can I? Is my love for you still there? Is it still strong enough to go through this beastly torture?

Present day, I fear you with everything that I am. You lead me astray everyday.

There's nothing sweet about you anymore. You have been completely taken over by darkness with no light to guide you anymore. The flame atop the candle, that I held for you, has been blown out. You put me out. And without the light to guide you, you are beastly. Confined behind tall white walls and absolute darkness are my soft whimpers of fear and pain. And it feels like a story, like a Mary Sue story… But its not, its reality, its cruel, cruel reality.

And after… After –

"I love you."

Your love… is… poison…

And I tremble –

Your love… kills… me…

You put me through hell and back, and through it again, day in, day out, and say –

"You're my light, Xiaoyu," Jin smiled.

Pale and torn, your light no more.

I fall further down.