A quick one shot of Xehanort as a boot camp instructor. This was done at the suggestion of a friend.
Uhh let's see. Xehanort, Sora, Keyblades, and what not belong to Square-Enix. Private Melody belongs to Melo because it's basically her.
The accent Xehanort uses on hearts, darkness, and Heartless is intentional. Don't ask.
"Ten-hut!" came the instructor's cry.
Sora stopped staring at the bugs in the ground and looked forward. Why oh why did I join the military anyway? I bet the instructor's a total psycho.
"Listen up you sorry sacks of shit with heartssssss!" came the voice from the front of the line. "I am here not to baby you. I am not your friend. I am not your mommy. I am not your Nobody! I am the man who will make your lives a living hell for the next six months! I will turn you into lean, mean, Heartlesssssss fighting machines!"
Sora frowned when he heard the voice, not willing to break line. He figured they had already shaven his head for signing up, he didn't want to know what happened if he screwed up. But still that voice sounded familiar, especially the accented s on "hearts"
Sora continued to stand at attention as the instructor moved further down the row. "I am sick of your sniveling and whining. In my day, those of you who acted like little pansies lost their heartsssssss and you know what we did? We laughed and mocked you for losing your heartsssss."
Sora looked down at the ground. This guy seems really familiar, he thought. I know his voice. I just can't place it. Wait, it couldn't be-
Sora's train of thought was cut off as he found himself on the ground with a dull ache at the back of his head. "Stand up you sad excuse for a soon to be heartlesssssss maggot!" Sora groggily got to his feet and stared into the eyes of his very irritated commanding officer. "What is your name you retarded excuse for a Keyblade master?"
"Ack! Xehanort!" came a startled reply from Sora as he recognized the all too familiar face of his superior.
Another smack. This one drew blood from Sora's mouth. "Listen to me you dreck! If you didn't have a heartsssssss you'd be strung up from the flagpole for trying to be funny. NOW WHAT IS YOUR NAME YOU GODDAMN DRECK?"
"S-Sora."
Xehanort backhanded Sora again. "YOUR NAME IS DRECKY BITCH WITH HEARTSSSSSSS. You have no name as long as you are under my command. You do not deserve names. If I catch you trying to put an X into your name as some feeble attempt to create identity, I'll have your ass; er I mean your heartsssss thrown in solitary! Do I make myself clear you sorry heartssss possessing piece of trash?"
Sora decided that being hit wasn't in his best interest so he responded the way he had been taught. "Sir, yes sir!"
"Good. Now listen up you ragtag bunches of dreck! My name is Major Xehanort. If that is too complicated for you, you may refer to me as His Excellency Xehanort, Ruler of All Heartsssss and Darknesssss"
Sora raised his head. "Sir, that sounds dark and evil sir!"
Xehanort smiled and waved his hand. "Private Melody, please apply the Taser of Knowledge to our stupid friend here"
Sora felt a crackle at the base of his spine and fell like a puppet with cut strings. "Taser…no fun…ouch."
Xehanort laughed. "Boy, what is your name?"
"S...ora…Sora, sir."
"Okay, listen up everyone," Xehanort sneered and kicked Sora hard in the ribs, feeling something give. "This insolent little fucktard is Sora. He gets a name as an example," Another kick. "Of what happens," Xehanort kicked again. "When you disobey me." Xehanort pulled his leg back. "Private Melody, the box of heartsssss please."
The young girl in uniform saluted Xehanort and ran off towards the barracks. By the time she returned Sora had struggled to her feet and Xehanort was screaming at the entire group. "BACK IN THE WAR WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO BE WORRYING ABOUT OUR SHINY KEYBLADES YOU TOOK WHAT YOU HAD! IF YOUR BUDDY LOST HIS HEARTSSSS YOU TOOK HIS KEYBLADE AND GOT IN THERE!"
She handed a small box over to Xehanort and went back to standing behind the line. Xehanort held the box high, "Any of you sorry sons of bitches know what this is? No? Anyone? Goddamn fucking rejects. This is the heartsssssss box. Anyone want to guess what's inside it?"
The line remained silent. Sora wanted to speak up but really didn't want to meet the Taser of Knowledge again.
Xehanort frowned and backhanded Sora again "I THINK WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE! WHAT PART OF HEARTSSSSSS DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND YOU SORRY EXCUSE FOR A KEYBLADER? THIS BOX CONTAINS ONE PERFECT HEARTSSSSSSSSSS"
Sora stood there in silence, feeling a small object in his mouth. Xehanort had knocked out a tooth. He leaned forward to spit it out, only to feel the crackling at his back again. Xehanort smiled again. "Thank you Private Melody, you are dismissed."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir!" Melody ran off to the barracks, taking the taser with her.
Xehanort helped Sora up. "Listen to me you sorry pre-Heartlesssss dreck! You like to be disobedient because you're the Keyblade Master, but listen to me, you sorry fucking excuse for a Somebody, in here, you are nothing. I own you and I will make the rest of your short, miserable life, a fucking nightmare if I see fit, do I make myself clear?"
Sora nodded, almost in tears. "Sir, yes, sir!"
"Good," Xehanort slammed his foot down on the ground and a hole opened up behind Sora. "Have fun in the abyss, you stupid fucking waste of a good heartsssssss." He tossed the box in after Sora. "Now onto basic training," He continued.
Sora winced as he hit the ground. "Ow," no sooner had he finished speaking did the box fall on his head. "What is this anyway?" He opened the box to reveal a glowing heart. "Why did he have thi…" Sora trailed off as the heart illuminated the pit, revealing a horde of angry Shadow Heartless, hungry for the heart. "Oh…shit…"
Xehanort snapped his fingers at the rest of the recruits. "Listen up maggots! Your first order, if you want to keep your heartsssss, fill that hole! Now!"