Psychoticbunny: Yep. Another parody. is shot I'd like to say I meant no offense while writing this, but it was created after reading a particularly repulsive fan fiction so... oh well! U

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The Ultimate Naruto High School Fic

"Class, this is Uzumaki Naruto, a new student," Iruka announces.

The class all turns to the newcomer and their jaws drop. He is absolutely gorgeous. He is also extremely feminine for some strange reason. In fact, the only way they know he is a guy is because he is wearing ridiculously skimpy clothing (insert long, annoying, and pointless description of his clothes and how they clung to every curve his body had), which would not be permitted at all in any other school.

Sasuke stares at him with lust in his dark, midnight black eyes. He drinks in the view of his new, delicious-looking classmate. He, too, is clad in obscenely revealing clothing (insert yet another description of clothes clinging to his curves now added with a description of all of the jewelry he was wearing for no apparent reason whatsoever, and maybe even a description of a tattoo here or there), however, he is not feminine at all.

Naruto takes a seat next to Sasuke because it is, conveniently enough, the only seat free.

Iruka begins teaching the class, who are still drooling over Naruto, which would later lead to why their notes were so wet and unreadable. The grades for that quarter were an all time low, but that's a different story, with different disgustingly girly men.

Also, because the author has forgotten to mention it the past two tedious descriptions, they have both grown their hair out because she/he has a fetish for long hair. You think it would look absolutely ridiculous, but continue reading, thinking it can't get any worse.

You're wrong.

"Hey, babe," Sasuke whispers huskily in Naruto's ear, even though this is extremely out of character.

Naruto shivers and looks at the stunning face beside him. (Insert yet another long description of Sasuke with a few details here and there about how feminine Naruto is.) His face turns bright red and he tries to concentrate on the lesson.

However, Sasuke then begins to grope him, regardless of how they are in the middle of class, and there is no way no one could notice it, considering everyone is still drooling over Naruto. Still, it continues with Sasuke muttering dirty things in Naruto's ear until the period is over and it's lunchtime so that the author can make Sasuke and Naruto grow close to each other in an extremely short amount of time.

Sasuke invites Naruto to sit with him and his "gang," who include all of the Konoha ninja their age. (Insert long, unnecessarily detailed description of each, who are also sexy and wearing the least amount of clothing possible. There a couple of pairings described here, each more disgusting and unfounded than the next. There are also some OCs sitting there, who are made to look cool and awesome, and bear strange resemblances to the author and his/her friends.)

Instantly, Naruto is locked with two pairs of other lustful eyes. They are Sakura's and Ino's because the author doesn't actually like them and figures this was he/she'll have more ways to bash them.

They sit around, joking and laughing while finding an insane amount the same likes (which include the author's favorite animes, clothing brands, bands, ect.), and then Sasuke invites Naruto to come over to his house that evening. The author has long since forgotten that in the real series they are constantly fighting, and there is no way on God's earth they would get along so easily and well.

Naruto is well-liked by the group. Sakura and Ino stalk him to his next class, annoying him to no end, but he pretends to smile and like the attention. (The author then describes how Naruto's life was miserable and he had learned to put on a mask. They make up some sob story with his parents dying and Kyuubi, who is his older brother, beating him. It turns out he has to pose for porn or something else cliché to support his life because his brother is an alcoholic. There have been no signs of this earlier in the fic.)

The afternoon flies by and we skip to the scene where Naruto is walking home with Sasuke. They stare at each other with lust in their eyes while people on the street ponder their lack of clothing.

They reach Sasuke's house, which is an insanely large mansion. Naruto's mouth drops because he lives in a shitty apartment to make his life appear even more sorrowful. Itachi greets them and stares lustfully after Naruto because he, too, has fallen in love with the he-she. Itachi is wearing as little clothes, if he is not completely naked, as the two boys are.

Suddenly, he tries to molest Naruto (to add yet another thing to list of ooc actions the characters are performing), but Sasuke fights him off, screaming something about how Itachi has to take away everything good in his life, but he wouldn't allow it this time.

Itachi runs off and elopes with Kisame or something (the author doesn't bother going into detail about this) and then Sasuke embraces Naruto, who is now sobbing hysterically. It turns out he was also sexually abused by Kyuubi and rants to Sasuke while the author inserts a bunch of random flashbacks to make the story seem longer than it really is. Sasuke is furious at Kyuubi, but then decides to have hot, amazing sex with Naruto. The author seems to have forgotten that Naruto is emotionally scarred and there's no way he would ever have sex if he got so upset over someone molesting him.

Then, Naruto decides to live with Sasuke and moves out of his shitty apartment to Sasuke's house. They have more sex, and then go back to school. Sakura and Ino are still drooling over him, but then Sasuke starts kissing him and they act like bitches and don't accept the two of them.

Naruto begins to cry because he suddenly cares for their affection, but Sasuke tells him that they aren't worth the trouble. And then they have sex in the bathroom, an empty classroom, and just about everywhere possible. The author has forgotten about having them use protection, but it's okay because neither of them catches an STD. This may seem stupid, but it's actually a good thing, seeing as it would make the fanfic even longer, with even more meticulous descriptions when they went to meet the doctors.

And now you have to go kill yourself because it turns out there's a sequel.