(I would like to make the following acknowledgements (in this order): South Park, Flaming Moe (*the Simpsons), Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, "Honey, I Ate the Kids" (the Critic), *Bart vs. Australia, *$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling),Daria, The Exorcist, Winnie the Pooh, Kefka from Final Fantasy III, Jim Henson's Dinosaurs, *Marge in Chains, Daria (again), *Bart the Murderer, *The Brother from Another Series, and *Mountain of Madness. I own none of these book(s), game(s), shows, or movies; I might some day, but not now. Enjoy looking for all them juicy quotes!)

(P.S. I should probably mention, this delightful story was meant to take place between 'A Link to the Past' and 'Ocarina of Time,' but it didn't quite work out as well as planned. Instead, just image Link and Zelda are kids. Okay, you can enjoy the story now.)



[Scene 1]

I guess it all started when the annual Lon Lon games got rained out.

It was set for a midsummer afternoon. The preliminary games in the morning went off without a hitch, with Link winning first prize: a four-night stay in Hyrule Castle's presidential suite. Everything was all set to go: the horse races, the Bombchu contest, the treasure chest game, the Cuccoo-catching game, the cook-off. Every living being in all of Hyrule came to enjoy the festivities. Ganondorf, the evil King of the Gerudos, had it all planned: the punch would be spiked with rancid milk, the Cuccoos would be fed crumbled sugar to make them hyper, and a whoopee cushion was to be placed under every saddle.

And then, that morning, it rained. Heavily.

Ganon was inconsolable.

Nabooru approached the bridge holding a triple-layer chocolate cake in one hand, and a straw umbrella in the other. The guards at the gate watched her inquisitively. "What is that for, ma'am?" they asked, pointing to the massive heap of sugar.

"It's for his Highness," she replied monotonously. "Ever since this morning, he's been sulking in the basement because the Lon Lon Games were cancelled. Shit, what a baby." The guards nodded in reply, opened the gates, and allowed Nabooru entry. She ran through the heavy rain until she reached the Gerudo Fortress.

Tossing her umbrella to the side, Nabooru walked through the basement tunnels until she reached a cul-de-sac with a door. There was nothing to show signs of anyone inside, with the exception of a light bulb hanging just above the door. Steadying the cake in her left hand, she knocked on the rusty, metal door. "Your Highness?" she called out. No one responded.

She managed to pry open the door, which creaked with an ominous groan: there was nothing in the room but darkness and suspenseful-water-dripping noises. "Your Highness?" she muttered once again. Still no answer. "I brought you something-I thought it might cheer you up." Nabooru gingerly stepped into the cell, set the cake on the floor, and when she still didn't see or hear anything, ran out of the room and slammed the door behind her. A guard had been watching the whole time, and took the opportunity to speak to Nabooru. "Is something wrong, Great One?"

Nabooru let out a great sigh. "Oh, our king is just acting like a total wuss, but what else is new?"

The instant the word 'wuss' passed her lips, the cell door behind her swung open, and a triple-layer chocolate cake sailed through the air in a noiseless arc, and slammed full-force into Nabooru's face, knocking her into the nearest wall. As the three-pound slab slid down to the cement floor, she let out a furious roar.

"Oh, gross!" she cried. "Ew! Eeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!!!!" She and the guard observed the dark-brown globs of sugar and cream in her hair and on her clothes in horror. Nabooru screamed incoherently once more, and kicked the cake back towards the door in frustration-it didn't go far. "Fine! You wanna behave like a little baby?! Go right ahead; rot in your little dank cell for the rest of your life! See if I ever give a shit about you ever AGAIN!!" She then ran up the stairs to the nearest bathroom, sobbing uncontrollably. The guard blinked in shock. Could things have really gotten this bad over some simple, Hylian tradition? This wasn't like the Gerudo King she knew. Looking back at the door as it slammed closed, she realized it would be best to find some other part of the Fortress to guard.

Meanwhile, Ganondorf, the mighty King of the Gerudo Thieves, curled himself back into a ball in the corner of the cell, and continued ranting to himself. "Stupid rain. Stupid Lon Lon Games, who needs them anyway? Dammit, why'd it have to rain today, of all days?! Had to go and ruin my fun. Well, I don't need them. I don't need those stupid Hylians, either. There are plenty of innocent, little creatures I can torture to have fun. Besides, I'm sick of 'em anyway. You know what I need? [Of course, no one answered, but he continued anyway] I need a change of pace-something besides stealing the Triforce and whoopee cushions. I need something new. Something different-" he stopped, interrupted by the growling of his stomach. "Something to eat," he chuckled out loud. But that gorgeous cake was officially destroyed. He would have to resort to some other means...