And I'm back from Otakon and a day late for this fic! Sooo happy late AkuRoku day! xD This is my submission, as SD isn't done yet. This fic is based off of Akuhen's KHII: Manga on deviantArt. I tried my best to interpret what she had drawn as well as extending it, as she never finished the manga itself D:
I'm a little iffy on this fic, actually. I don't… really know. xD But don't forget to review! :3
Based off of Nightwish's - "Amaranth"
Amaranth
Drip… Drip…
Somewhere, there was the sound of water droplets falling to the floor, creating an incessant noise that filled the silence. Behind the trickling noises were the soft sighs of candle flames, and even softer was an echo of all the sounds and distractions put together.
Drip… drip… shh…
The lone occupant of the morbid room sat still, silent, and cold, alone in the far shadows of the room that the candle light couldn't even reach, unmoving in his chair. The only illumination fell on his blond hair, which seemed to glisten in the faint glow of the room.
Suddenly, the whispers of the candles flickered as a rush of fresh air entered the confined area. The lone door in the entire room had been opened. The single resident dully stiffened, too confined and bound to the seat to react any other way.
"Yo…" came a soft, sneering voice that the blond knew all too well, "Living well?"
Footsteps resonated throughout the cell, sounding eerie and mocking.
"You probably never thought that you'd return to the Organization…"
The candles' murmurs abruptly died. It smelled of smoke. The room was cast into the ever familiar black.
Drip… drip…
"Welcome back, Roxas."
It was dark. It was always dark, especially in the World That Never Was. There was no point in casting light on a world of nothing. Axel shut his eyes, face already hidden in shadow thanks to the cowl of his raised hood. He wanted to leave. Escape. Get away from the unshakable fate of a nobody. It was a pity that he didn't have the guts to go through with the act. And he hated himself for it.
He couldn't follow his fate. He could only chase, chase, forever chase after him.
And he was getting sick and tired of it.
Which was why he was currently brooding, sitting on the ground in an alley, watching heartless slowly begin to sneak up on him from the shadows. He could see their shining, beady eyes and his bottom lip curled in disgust. They were repulsive.
"No point in coming after me, y'know... no heart."
He had a choice, really. He could very well allow the spawns of darkness to swarm over him. It would be an easy, if not painful death. The man would have welcomed some excruciating reminders of his damned existence. Pain makes you feel alive, right?
But once again, the man couldn't go through with it, couldn't take the last step into oblivion and free himself of his everlasting damnation. With a simple flick of his fingers, the red-head summoned nobodies that easily dispatched the small heartless. Axel emotionlessly watched the white beings silently devour and rip apart the bodies of the dark creatures, the sound of heartless' dying screeches filling his ears, and wondered if he would ever meet the same fate one day.
With the way he was going, probably not. His talents of self-preservation were just too hard to resist.
For Roxas, it had been easy enough to sever the ties and break the bonds of a previous life. So easy, especially when there's a gaping hole in your chest that keeps away those pointless feelings of regret, guilt. There wasn't anything to build chains of attachment to. It was just empty.
When you're a nobody, loneliness comes with the uniform.
That meant no fond memories. No friendships. No signs of actually having a heart at all. You start out with nothing and die with nothing.
And yet, Axel ached. His very core was flaming with something beyond his very own comprehension.
You can't just leave the Organization!
Apparently, you can.
He hated Roxas. He loathed him for what he had selfishly done. Axel wanted to take his petite, fragile but tough body and just pummel at it in hopes that the blond would feel half the agony that Axel did. But at the same time, he wanted to see his eyes again, hear the sullen, sarcastic voice, see his unruly yellow locks, tease a smile from his usually down-turned lips.
He wanted it all… from the real Roxas. The sham of a Roxas living in Twilight Town only caused him more bitter pain. It only proved how much stronger Roxas was, how far he was willing to go to get what he wanted. He had even deferred from the Organization. Axel could sneak and kill secretly all he wanted, but he could never give up everything, could never cast aside everyone, including Roxas, to follow his own aspirations, his own goals.
He didn't have any in the first place.
The nobodies, job done, vanished through their own respective portals at that moment, leaving Axel in solitude once more. The red-head stared out at the far-off, faint lights of the desolate city, then stood. He had somewhere to be, after all. The orders had been given and the mission was waiting.
A lazy hand summoned the portal to Twilight Town and without a backwards glance, the red-head stepped through.
He was going to go kill Roxas today.
Roxas was running as fast as his legs could take him, every breath being ripped from his chest. He had been summoned to the old mansion. The blond knew that that place, the looming, abandoned building, held all the possible answers he had been yearning for.
He had just barely escaped from the strange red-head's presence. It had really been a lucky break, the freeze on the town, even if the blond felt no gratitude. Now, heart pounding in his chest, he sprinted, eager to only get an explanation for everything that was going on before he missed his chance while knowingly leaving behind all that he had.
He already knew. Sora was going to wake up today.
So intent on racing towards his goal, the blond just barely managed to skid to a halt as a small group of nobodies blocked his path before the mansion gates. Frustrated, the keyblade jumped to Roxas's hand. It should have been an easy fight. His feet carried him in the direction he wanted to go, weapon flashing as it cut through the white creatures. He did it without any thought, hardly even sparing the nobodies a glance. Roxas didn't have time for them.
It was his first mistake.
Roxas spun around, knowing that there was still one last nobody left behind him. He pulled his arm around to deliver the final slashing blow.
His keyblade met metal chakram with a resounding clang and as appropriate as it would have been to say that time stood still, it would have been incorrect. In fact, many different things happened all that once before the blond's eyes.
For a moment, Roxas did freeze stuck in an offensive position as he met a pair of vivid, green eyes, blazing with hatred. Then he just managed to take in the razor-sharp smirk before there was a soft chuckle.
The blond didn't have even a moment to notice the second circular weapon that came up on his right before it was much too late. With the cold feeling of pain erupting from the side of head, stars were exploding in his eyes, followed quickly by darkness. Still, the green eyes continued to glare at him past the swirls of black and Roxas couldn't help but reach out for them, even as his limbs went numb and mind went dead.
Despite the fact that he barely knew the man, he felt betrayed.
I thought we were friends, Axel.
The last time Roxas had lost consciousness in Twilight Town, he had found himself back at home, confused, startled, but safe.
This time, Roxas woke up screaming.
His cries of horror barely made it around the small bar of metal that was serving as a gag and he could only assume that it had straps, because he felt its restrictions at its cheeks which wound around to the back of his head. He couldn't actually tell because of the cruel strip of cloth wrapped tightly around his eyes. He was blind. He was mute. And he was bound firmly to a chair, unable to move. And all he could hear now was the drip-dropping of the water and the whispers of the candles in the cold, near silent room.
It was agony. It was torture. They put him there for a reason. He was a prisoner now, even if he didn't know what for. Roxas tried yelling himself hoarse, pulling and tugging at his bonds with a desperation that was fueled with panic. He struggled and cried but it made no different. The water continued to drop. The saliva continued to collect around the edges of his mouth as the gag restricted his mouth from moving. The tears dried on his cheeks as sweat collected on his brow.
He had never experienced such cruelty before. Alone and imprisoned, Roxas eventually lost steam and settled. There was obviously no way to escape; he had no weapons, no sharp object to possibly even attempt to cut through the thick ties about his limbs. The idea of simply being Roxas from Twilight Town was beginning to ebb from his mind. There was no way that side of him was involved.
Only Organization XIII Roxas, a boy he barely knew, would be involved in this.
Home felt like miles ago and years away. Roxas was slowly growing numb, falling victim to hopelessness. Had it been minutes or hours? Days or weeks or months? He had no idea. It had been forever, beyond even eons or light years. He had nothing to judge the time by and no sensory devices aside from smell and limited touch to go by. But he did know that no one was coming. Not for Twilight Town Roxas. Not for Number XIII. And the sudden feeling of being absolutely alone struck him harder than anything else.
No Hayner, Pence, or Olette. No Naminè, either. No one.
He went through all the stages, as a confined prisoner would. Anger that pulled at him and gave him energy to growl and move his body in fury, stretching at the ropes keeping him confined to his seat. Anxiety that eventually filled his being in so completely that he began to hyperventilate, wheezing and sobbing hysterically. And finally, the eerie calm of a quieted storm of emotions; the defeat.
Throughout it all, he couldn't shake the feelings of fear and confusion, but he sat still soon enough, out of energy. It had grown steadily hotter in the room and the blond only hung limp from his bonds, dull and almost lifeless, unable to twitch a finger. He had no other choice. Even his mind, which had been put into overdrive from panicked thoughts, had died down to a low hum. He had considered Axel, the Organization, Naminè, that strange man in the red coat, Sora, even, earlier. Who could have done this to him and why? Why?
What could they possibly be hoping to accomplish by capturing him?
It had been frustrating, with only half of his memories returned and a hazy recollection of what had happened before he had been knocked out cold, but even those thoughts left him eventually.
His captor knew what he was doing. He had deprived the blond of everything, leaving him empty and lifeless. Who needed torture devices when one only had to pick the perfect victim with the fraying psyche?
Axel chose that very moment to enter. The second that he saw Roxas break. It was wonderful to see the boy's entire soul just crumble into dust. It had been an easy task, really, to capture the blond after that annoying encounter in front of his silly 'hangout'. He hadn't completely recalled all of his previous life with the Organization, either, which only weakened him.
The blond now sat in his seat amidst mere candles and shadows. Axel had, of course, taken all the necessary precautions, just in case the blond managed to do something sneaky and figure out how to escape or, even worse, somehow regain his memories. He glanced over the gag in his mouth, the blinding cloth over his eyes, the collar with a chain that hung down past the chair and attached directly to the floor and, probably most torturing of all, the leather binds around the boy's ankles and wrists that effectively cut off all movement.
It had only been about a day since the blond's capture, but Axel had seen him deteriorate and eventually collapse in on himself over the hours. He was ripe for the picking now. Axel had even thrown the blond back into an Organization coat, just to up the irony a bit more.
I'll make you feel now, Roxas. You may have hidden your true self from me before and pushed me away, but I won't let you do that now. I'll answer your questions. I'll make you remember… properly.
It was time for the climax. He had deprived the blond of everything; now he would overwhelm him.
Axel saw Roxas freeze when he shut the door behind him and couldn't help but smirk. Still jumpy, then.
"Welcome back, Roxas." He chuckled, slowly stepping forward and making sure every click of his boots echoed through the small area, a chamber he had personally created in one of their holographic training rooms. The blond twitched with every reverberation.
"Heh… don't be nervous. I just want to give you a proper welcome." The red-head finally stood before the bound Roxas. Leaning in, he wrapped his slim fingers gently around the smaller boy's wrists, watching the blond's every reaction. Roxas began to struggle again, grunting and protesting through the gag, turning his head left and right as obvious beads of sweat ran down the side of his face and spit dribbled from the corners of his mouth.
He had recognized Axel's voice and he was furious. That much was obvious. Axel only smiled. He knew that what he was doing was wrong. So wrong. None of the other members even knew about Roxas's return yet. But the red-head didn't have emotions to spare on regret, pity, or guilt.
"Did you know that… I tried you keep you by my side? All that time, I was more than willing to help you." Axel briefly slid a gentle hand into Roxas's hair, keeping his movements slow, before allowing his palm to rest against the boy's quivering cheek.
The red-head breathed out hotly, exhilarated at the way that he was finally so close to the blond, free to do what he felt like doing for such a long time. "Now that you've returned to me… I would never let you go."
Leaning in, Axel licked a slow trail up Roxas's gag, teasingly tasting the blond and ripping a whimper out from his throat.
No one would miss me.
That's not true. That's not true at all. I would miss you.
Axel's fingers skittered down to undo the straps about Roxas's limp wrists. The blond weakly tried to hit the red-head, but Axel merely grabbed his hands and pinned them against the wall behind him, leaning the chair back in which Roxas was sitting in at the same time.
I missed you. I needed you. And yet after all that mindless searching… to find that you had forgotten about me and had even been willing to give your everything for Sora… that was the biggest insult of all.
What about me, Roxas? How could you forget about me?
If Axel had had a heart, it would have ripped in two from the emotional eruption in his chest. Losing some of his control, he pushed Roxas back and began to heatedly bite at his neck, making sure to leave deep marks as his fingers dug into the boy's wrists possessively.
I will never let you forget about me. Roxas.
His hands were shifting of their own accord, hurriedly tracing the familiar leather coat, twitching at the zipper until it slid down to reveal smooth, quivering skin. Roxas's protesting hands lost strength from the onslaught soon enough and fell limp, allowing the red-head to drop them and make better use of his appendages.
Already, Axel was moving on to nip and suck at the tender flesh by Roxas's collarbone while his nimble fingers made it to the protesting boy's nipples, rubbing and teasing at them until they betrayed the blond and stiffened. Roxas only continued to weakly shudder and jerk his body beneath Axel, gag growing wet from saliva as he moaned and struggled for breath around the metal bar.
Eager to coax out more noises from the helpless blond, Axel changed course and teasingly wrapped his lips around one of the pink nubs, lathering it with his tongue and drawing out more pained noises. Roxas was tossing his head but was obviously falling victim to lust. Nobodies were naturally drawn to emotional actions; Axel had known that the blond wouldn't be able to resist for long.
It still wasn't enough.
"Come now…" Axel breathed out, sinking to his knees as he reached up to undo the gag.
"Let me hear your voice."
Roxas was lost. His words of protests were trapped in the muddles of his brain and all he could manage were weak whines.
"Ahh… stop… it'll hurt…"
Why was this happening? How could his body be reacting this way to something he had never experienced before? Fear was overwhelming his senses and he was growing increasingly horrified at himself. Somewhere inside, he was actually… enjoying it.
Had he and Axel been best friends… or lovers?
A sharp nip from Axel's teeth had Roxas's eyes rolling into the back of his head and his back arching upward. "Nn…"
He didn't want this. He didn't want this. He didn't.
The gag came off then. Roxas panted, lips flapping to form words as he blindly tried to ascertain what was going on. Stop. Stop!
"St-Stop…"
His words were cut off with a harsh push of lips against his, which stunned the blond enough into silence. For a long moment, there was only the feel of Axel's lips, the whisper of the candles around them, and the feeling of agony deep down inside himself.
Then Axel began to move.
He tugged in Roxas's bottom lip and sucked hard on it as his free hands unzipped the rest of the blond's coat. Roxas's was still blind, but the hours he had spent in the darkness had fine-tuned his other senses. He could feel Axel's tongue sliding up and down his lip, warm and soft. At the same time, the red-head's slightly callused hands were occupying themselves by exploring all of the new bare skin he had just exposed.
And Roxas just could not understand. If this was supposed to be something like punishment, like torture, then why was the red-head being so gentle?
"Why?" He breathed out, visibly shuddering and clutching at the arms of the chair. "Why?"
Why are you doing this? Why am I reacting this why? Why me? Why now? Why?
He heard and felt Axel's chuckle, "It's for your own good, Roxas."
Swallowing shakily, the blond took a soft breath to collect himself and reply, trying his best to ignore the heat spreading over his body and into his groin. He could still taste Axel in his mouth, even though the red-head had already moved on, placing soft bites, then kisses along his jaw-line, leading right up to his ear. Roxas writhed about in his seat, feeling his coat being pushed off his shoulders while hot lips wrapped around the outer shell and a tongue explored the tender skin.
"Please… don't." Roxas mumbled, trying to angle his head away. Axel stopped him by harshly digging a hand into his hair and dragging the blond's ear right back to his mouth.
"You're enjoying this, don't fight me." Axel sighed, licking a path beneath Roxas's earlobe, "You would have enjoyed this before, too, but you'll just have to bear it for now. Until you get your memories back."
"I don't want this!" Roxas blindly made a move to push the red-head away, hoping that perhaps Axel had forgotten that his hands were free. It was in vain, however. His hands connected with Axel's chest, but the taller man retaliated and snatched up the edges of Roxas's coat, pulling him from his chair and onto the ground.
Roxas didn't remember when the Organization member had undone the binds around his ankles, but his body still cried out in joy at the feeling of finally being released from the seated position. He could still feel the collar about his neck, though, as well as the chain that was now pinned beneath his bare torso. There was still no escape.
A heavy body also moved in to trap Roxas to the cold stones that made up the floor of the room. Roxas felt something briefly probing at the back of his head while Axel's soft breath washed over his sweat-covered face.
"I was going to let you stay blind… but I guess it's better if you see this."
With a soft rustle of cloth, the binding around Roxas's eyes slid off. The blond blinked sluggishly, taking in everything around him as quickly as he could. It was dark in the room. What little light there was came from the flickering candles he had heard before. Roxas didn't manage to glance around too much; Axel's face looming before him quickly dragged his attention back to the matter at hand.
Axel reached out to gently run his fingertips down Roxas's cheek. "There we go…" He murmured, "Those blue eyes. Why aren't they filled with hatred, Roxas? You just look a little… confused. Don't you hate me now?"
Roxas hadn't expected the question and he couldn't think of an answer. He stared at Axel in the dim light, trying to make something from his expression that he knew that he had known so long ago... and yet was still the face of a stranger. There was pain in his eyes. Longing. And something… crazed.
"I've missed you… Roxas." Axel leaned in and attached his mouth to Roxas's neck as he reached down to stroke at Roxas's groin. The blond choked into the rough kiss, still trying to struggle. However, Axel's hands were much too devious and in no time at all, Roxas's body was growing increasingly more limp as another part of him… grew hard.
"Ahh…" Roxas dug his heels into the floor, gritting his teeth and trying to resist. He didn't want it. He wanted Axel to stop.
And yet… he wanted Axel to keep going, too.
"I'm not going to stop, either way, so you can quit saying that." Roxas looked down to see Axel gazing at him. There was a gleam in his eyes that sent shivers and fear up the blond's spine.
"There's nothing I can do… to convince you?" He asked slowly, mouth going dry. Axel laughed bitterly, sitting up to unzip his own coat. Roxas, straddled and stuck to the floor, could only watch. Axel also purposely ground his own clothed erection into Roxas's as he undresses, making sure that the smaller teen didn't forget what kind of situation he was in.
"Can you remember who you were?" Axel cocked an eyebrow as he tossed off his coat and ignored the blond's question.
Roxas closed his eyes, thinking back to his last days at Twilight Town. "Naminè said we were friends."
"Did she, now?" Axel abruptly tugged at the chain around Roxas's neck, pulling the blond up until his mouth was mere inches from his own, "I think I'm about to prove different."
"Axel, pl-nn!" Once again, the red-head proved that he rather have Roxas shut up more than anything else. A firm had returned to his groin and pressed hard. Roxas's eyes snapped open at the feeling. "Stop!"
Axel only shifted to unzip Roxas's pants and tug down at them, as well as his boxers, eyes glazing over as he did so. "I'm not going to stop. And by the end of this, you won't want me to."
Hot fingers soon found their way to the blond's length and whatever else Roxas had hoped to say was lost in a guttural groan. The red-head, as promised, didn't cease. Not when he had seen the panicked but aroused look in his prisoner's eyes. He had Roxas right where he wanted him.
Axel tightened his fingers around the blond's cock and began to move his hand in firm up and down strokes. Roxas writhed beneath him, helpless to the emotions he had always craved since his birth as a nobody. The red-head would have never been able to get Roxas into a position before, but he tried to convince himself that he wasn't completely forcing it on the blond. Roxas wanted it; he was just denying himself.
Pressing on, Axel silently stroked harder, making sure to occasionally run a thumb over the slit at the top while using his free hand to hold Roxas closer. He kept his own erection in check, however. That would have to wait. He needed to use Roxas's helplessness to its full advantage.
Just as Roxas's wordless whines and moans that were being ripped from his throat reached a climax, Axel stopped all his movements completely. It wasn't time for release yet. His blond lay beneath him, panting, shaking, his neck decorated with bites marks and mind lost in his lust, shivering in confusion from the halt in pleasure.
Axel curled a hand into the boy's hair as he slid off the rest of Roxas's pants, sighing. His blond?
He was never mine.
Frustration came back up to Axel as bile in his throat. He was never mine. Roxas had proven that much when he left. He was nobody's, and especially not Axel's.
With a growl that startled even the overwhelmed blond, Axel released Roxas and began to rid himself of his own pants. The sound of the zipper being undone in the hushed room broke Roxas's daze completely.
"Wh-what are you-?"
"You didn't expect this?" murmured Axel, pushing Roxas into the floor and forcing one leg up onto his shoulder as he positioned himself. He gave him no warning, pushing two fingers into the blond's entrance to prepare and stretch him as fast as he could.
Roxas whined in pain, hands curling into fists as he fought the feeling. Axel didn't tell him to relax and offered no comforting words. The time to gently handle Roxas had passed. The time for a lot of things had passed, really.
"Do you hate me yet?"
As Axel thrust harshly into the smaller blond, making him cry out and continue pleading in a soft mantra to stop, Axel realized that the time to make amends had passed, too.
The red-head left Roxas alone on the floor once he had finished. He had left him naked, tired, and drained of everything. But he had also left food, to make sure he didn't die.
Axel let a day pass before returning, and the same thing happened. He entered the room and lost control. Roxas always made him lose control, and so he paid the consequences.
Naminè warned him that the constant ruthless treatment could rattle his memories back into place. Axel said nothing. He had already sensed some of the blond's recollections returning. Roxas would remember everything eventually. Axel's precious time to figure out what exactly he wanted to do with him was running out. He didn't have many moments left and whatever time he had spent with Roxas before were wasted on meaningless things.
He had originally desired to teach Roxas a lesson; to make him feel the loss that Axel had felt after Roxas had deferred from the Organization. However, after their first meeting, the blond's attitude had shaken the red-head. Roxas never, not once, stared at Axel with loathing in his eyes. True, his gaze was usually blank or pained, but the smaller boy never did what Axel expected him to do.
The third day, Roxas didn't say 'stop.'
"Why are you doing this?" Naminè said softly, knowing it was pointless to argue with Axel about releasing Roxas at all.
"I don't know anymore."
The blonde girl picked at the edge of her notebook, obviously concerned. "Does he make you feel?"
"He always made me feel." Axel replied dully, arms crossed over his chest, "Anger. Guilt. Pain."
"And nothing else?"
Axel lowered his eyes, thinking back to the ache in his chest when he first kissed Roxas, when he had seen Roxas leave, when he had realized that Roxas had completely forgotten about him.
"No. Nothing else."
The fourth day, Axel came in and just barely avoided a keyblade to the head.
"You really do remember this time." The red-head said mildly, taking in the empty expression on Roxas's face, as well as the two weapons gripped in his hands from where he stood in the middle of the room, freed from the single neck collar, "Know our leaders name and everything?"
"Why did you do it?" Roxas grit out, eyes blazing, "Why did you take me from Sora? How can you possibly be so selfish?"
Axel stood calmly in the doorway, shrugging, "Dunno. Guess that's just my personality."
"Are you happy now? Did you get everything you wanted out of me?" The blond's face took on a furious expression, "What did you think you would accomplish, keeping me here?"
"I don't know. I just didn't want you to go." Axel admitted honestly, doing his best to ignore the way Roxas was holding his keyblades in an offensive position, "I wanted you to stay with me."
"Don't give me that!" In a sharp woosh, half the candles around them toppled to the floor, sliced in half.
Axel smiled sadly, "Do you hate me?"
"Do you love me?" Roxas shot back angrily, frowning.
"That's not fair, Roxas."
"And taking me here was?" The blond threw his keyblades to the ground with a growl of frustration, "I remembered everything two days ago. Naminè helped put the pieces back together, but she had hoped that you would come to your senses beforehand."
Axel didn't know how to reply and was left staring at the blond, unsure of what to say. Roxas shook his head and moved forward, shoving Axel out of the doorway
"Why didn't you leave if you already knew?" Axel repeated softly after Roxas, knowing that he couldn't stop the blond from escaping. He had overstayed his welcome, anyway, and Axel had just made a mistake. Roxas paused, taking a moment to considering his answer before looking over his shoulder.
"See you in the next life, huh?"
Roxas stepped through a summoned portal and disappeared, leaving Axel behind once more. He hadn't demanded any more explanations. He hadn't fought Axel. Without another word, he had just left. The red-head stared into space a few moments. Then, he laughed gently, shaking his head in the silence.
"You don't know either, huh? Guess we both have our own answers to figure out."
The data that had created the cell around him dispersed, leaving behind an empty room and an even emptier occupant.
His question went unanswered.