How to say...?

Autor: Kuma-chan

Warning: Shonen Ai, One-shot. It's maybe too sweet, so don't complain, you've been warned!

Pairing: KilluaxGon.

Notes: Possible grammar mistakes.

Don't refrain from reviewing!

"Gon" whispered a voice in the darkness. No reply. "Are you sleeping, Gon?"

The two boys that had rented the room were resting in the only bed it had, as they frequently did. It had been a long day and they were really tired, but the one named Killua had been lookin at his watch since he set his head on the pillow. It was already midnight.

The boy sat on the bed and observed the one who was lying down beside him. He was resting peacefully with all his features relaxed in a quiet gesture, his back at him. The white-haired boy placed his hand on the other's shoulder and shaked him softly. "Gon..." he repeated, though this time a little higher until the figure finally began to stir up and then turned around as he yawned.

"What's the matter?" he asked slowly, rubbing his eyes.

"Um, it's just... were you awake?"

Gon opened his eyes one at the time and smiled briefly. "Sorta."

After a short pause, he spoke again: "Ne, Gon... I just..." Killua stopped when realised that his friend was totally awake and waiting for him to talk. When he noticed the gaze upon him, he blushed a little and lowered his head so that he was looking right to the white sheets that were covering his lap.

"What I wanted was..." one more time, he wasn't able to finish the sentence. He was too embarrassed to speak and though he had decided to talk to the boy what some weeks ago, he wasn't ready yet.

"You can't sleep, ne?" said Gon.

"No, it's not that. I wanted to tell you... something."

Gon fixed the sheets that were disarranged to cover himself up. It was not a cold night, but he liked being covered up to the neck because he felt safe somehow. Moving a little closer, Killua helped him and made sure he was comfortable.

"What would *yawn* that be?" asked Gon. Another pause.

"Do... do you know what date it's today?"

Gon took some time to think and after a few moments he smiled brightly.

"What's the time, Killua?" he asked without answering the other's question.

The white-haired boy pushed a button in his watch and said: "Um... it's five past twelve."

"Well, then it's been a year since we took the Hunter Exam, then..."

"... it's been a year since we know each other" finished Killua.

Quickly, Gon sat on the bed too and faced his friend. Then, with his left hand he grabbed the other one's and squeezed it playfully. And though it wasn't the first time he did that, Killua blushed and turned his head a little. Gon's beautiful and big brown eyes were watching him attentive. "I like to hold your hand within my own like this," he started to say "I can feel your warmness, your closeness. Killua, you are my best friend and when I'm with you I feel I can do anything. I want to stay with you forever..."

"Gon, stop saying all that stuff... you're making me nervous."

The smaller boy smiled at the remark, how could he feel nervous? He was speaking only the truth.

"Come on, Killua, I just wanted to make sure you knew all this, because I like you so much.." Killua blushed a deeper shade of red.

"...you know, sometimes, when I see you, I feel this weird urgency to run to you and hug you. And I always thank destiny for having you by my side all this time. I like you since the very first moment I spoke to you."

Gon squeezed the other's hand a little harder and sighed quietly, his heart full of the best feelings towards his friend.

"Killua.." he suddenly said, unaware of the silence that had fallen between them. "...do you like being with me?"

The question floated in the darkness. Outside the room they were staying in, a light rain had begun to fall refreshing the air. The moment had come, thought Killua. It was now or never: there it was; the opportunity he was waiting to tell the boy what he felt, but the words wouldn't come out. He wasn't as good as Gon when expressing his feelings. He might even ruin the mood, he wanted to stay in that bed holding his hand for the rest of his life. Killua reviewed the last words he heard. Of course he liked being with him! It was the first time that someone had actually attracted him in that way, but it was not a friendly way at all. What Killua felt was much more than friendship and the only idea of confessing all that was killing him. On the other hand, he also thought, he had quite opposite feelings when he was with Gon. Somehow, he felt unsure of himself, always remembering his brother's words. Illumi had told him that there would come a day when he gets tired of Gon, as if he were a mere pet. He was an assassin after all, and assassins don't have any friends. They don't need them because in the end they are only a burden. Assassins are incapable of having such feelings as compassion and love. And although he hated to admit it, his brother had been half right about what he said. Gon WAS a weakness, someone who stopped him from acting like he would always do; someone who'd make him look back when danger was close or make him loose his composure whenever he felt unhelpful, unable to save him from pain. But still, he loved him. He loved each strand of his hair, each centimetre of his skin, and each attitude he had. To his eyes, Gon was perfect, and wherever he went, he'd follow. How could he say all he wanted to say? His thoughts were never clear, it was too much to express. He couldn't find a way.

"What's the matter?" the question stroke Killua out of his state. He had taken so long that Gon was already worrying, his eyebrows raised in preoccupation.

"It's nothing!" said Killua.

"Then answer me."

"Do you really need me to answer?"

Gon moved his head closer to look at his friend. "Yup."

"Isn't it quite obvious?"

"No, it isn't." Gon was now frowning. He let go of Killua's hand and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Answer me, I want to hear it."

Killua looked down at his empty hand. It didn't look right that way. "OK" he declared "I like being with you, are you happy now?"

And to his surprise, Gon jumped onto him and hugged him tightly, so that he could feel all his weight on him. All kinds of emotions were growing inside of the white-haired boy, the closeness of both bodies, the natural scent in Gon's hair, he was in heaven. He encircled Gon's waist with his arms and rested his chin in his shoulder.

"Finally I made you admit it!" smiled Gon. His cheerful voice ran through Killua's ears so nice and clear. "You're my best friend, Killua."

And he was happy, although he couldn't say the words he wanted, and although he knew his feelings would not be corresponded by the other because he was too young and innocent yet.

"I like cuddling with you too, you're *yawn* comfy... let's lay down and sleep like this."

All his blood in his cheeks, Killua was too perturbed to disobey, so without letting go he reset Gon in the bed and covered both bodies with the white sheet.

"And do you know what else I feel the need to do when I see you?"

Killua shaked his head from side to side. He could feel Gon's breath in his nose, rising fast and inconstant and then closer and closer.

Gon moved his face forwards and with no further advice he placed his lips over Killua's. Now the sensations were stronger than before, the softness of the kiss, the brushing of his nose against Gon's...

After a few seconds, the smaller boy moved back and looked into the Killua's eyes, which were wide open in astonishment.

"I've always wondered how you tasted like. Good night."

And with those words, Gon closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep. Tightening his grip, Killua watched the smaller boy for another few minutes and closed his eyes too, whispering an unheard "I love you" and hearing the rain dropping outside.

Yes!! I know!! Too sweet I'd said. Too sweet it was. Still, I like it ^.^u