A.N:Hey Guys! I'm back. Well, actually this was written in the spring so its pre-Vampire's Of Venice don't ask me where Rory is.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Broken Inside
They say that life is not about the breaths you take but it is about the moments that take your breath away. What if he didn't want to breathe anymore? A normal person, a human being could have said it literally but he had already tried, dozens and dozens of times. He had chokes himself to death again and again only to start from where he had left with a harsh breath. Life wasn't easy, at least not for him, not anymore. He wasn't willing to live. He was just a prisoner of life.
He didn't have those moments anymore, all he had got was those moments they gave their last breaths, his name on their lips. Their last hope, their last thought. He didn't deserve them, so just like that he didn't have them.
He tried to get up but stumbled and fell down to the floor. At least alcohol still worked. Good old Rose, so she really did now her job. Keep the man alive forever if you want but give him a drink first.
Sometimes he wished he'd never met the Doctor. Never saved Rose, never had all those opportunities. At the time it all seemed like a miracle, the biggest, the best gift ever. It took him long to understand it was curse, too long that he didn't even think about running away. All those countless thoughts about destiny, getting old in a time machine while time means nothing to you. It all had vanished to thin air with a single decision.
The right decision. His willingness to fight and die for human race had made him immortal. Oh, how he wished that he'd never woken up. That he'd died and forgotten with the tragedy of Satellite 5.
He needed a big shot of hyper-vodka. This goddamned planet was so primitive; even though they had so many alcoholics they didn't have decent alcohol. He tried to stand up again, slowly and carefully this time. He went into a bar, walked like he owned the place and all, even almost fell a couple of times. Then out of the blue, a guy stopped him. He was too thin and girly to be a bodyguard and to be realistic he had no taste of fashion. How old did he think he was, seventy?
''Would you mind?'' he said sarcastically. Laughing to the man's face. But the man, as always, refused to let him go.
''I said would you-'' The strange man hold his head straight and looked into his eyes. There was sorrow, and pain; then shock, anger and hate.
''Doctor?''
''The one and only. Well obviously not only but, never mind.''
This new man, claiming to be the Doctor seemed very sad also, almost given in like him. But unlike Jack, there was something that kept him going on. Jack really wondered what it was.
''No more crazy bubbling then.'' He whispered. He wasn't planning to whisper but it really didn't matter.
''So what happened to you? You died and wanted to have a party over it?''
''I was looking for you actually.'' The Doctor said, slowly.
''A little bit late for that don't you think, you could have came four months ago. Back then you would have mean something to me. Now you are nothing more than an ally who used to help but stabbed me from behind while I was looking away.
Doctor tried to make him sit down but it was no use. His hand went to his ever bigger hair, like his previous self's often did. ''You know Jack, you should know that there are something that just can't change. Some events that I can not possibly interfere.''
''And we used to think how really human you were at heart. But we were wrong, weren't we Doctor? Under that skin, you were to most alien of them all. Your conscious just proves that.''
''Jack.'' The doctor tried one more time but Jack wasn't going to listen.
''I should know right, that's why you hate me. That's why you left me. Where the hell is Rose anyway? And Donna?'' This time it was Doctor's turn to taste the fresh pain. He was just about to say something when a girl came in and tapped him on the shoulder.
''C'mon Doctor, you promised!''
The girl was someone around twenty with red hair and a beautiful complex. Not that he'd cared anymore.
''Oh, did I interrupt something?''
Jack gave the Doctor a cold glare, then turned his attention to the girl.
''Not at all, Captain Jack Harkness and who might you be?''
No matter how he talked or how Amy smiled in return, the Doctor knew that Jack was so very far away from flirting.
''This is Amelia Pond, she is my companion.''
Jack seemed dumb-founded for a moment. But to think about it, it was no big surprise.
''Your new, new, new companion you mean.''
''That's rude Jack.''
''Do I look like I care?''
''You should.''
Doctor seemed to taken back by the look on Jack's face.
''You didn't.''
Amy's first instinct was to take a step back and seeing the anger in the captain's eyes, it was probably the most rational think to do. Jack didn't seem drunk anymore, even if he was before. His hand was over his gun and a voice inside her head said that he wouldn't hesitate to shoot the Doctor down.
''Jack, just calm down!''
Then it dawned to her, the man had to be crying before to have eyes that red. And the Doctor also seemed sadder than the usual. They already had to be talking about something painful. So why was he so upset and angry at the sight of her?
''You couldn't have left her there, not after she tried that hard.''
''Who are you talking about?''
''Not now, Amy.'' The Doctor cut her off, looking directly to Jack's ice cold blue eyes. They had reminded him a happier past. Still, ever so painful but those eyes belonged to him once, him with the two best of three companions he could ever have.
''She was better off without me, he was better for him Jack. He could give her a happy human life, with her family.''
''Her family? You know it as well as I do, she considered us as family. Any you know that she would have been happier, even after you regenerated. She would have Mickey and Martha. They would have been best friends Doctor, you know they would. Think of all the fun she could have had with Donna while teasing you. And I, I could have hold my sister at nights when nightmares haunted me without sleep. She would have been here for me and if she were…maybe''
''Rose couldn't have helped, Ianto had to be there.''
Jack got even angrier to this sentence and for one moment Amy thought that she should walk away, leave them to figure this out. But curiosity took over so she stayed and listened to the conversation about the most personal parts of their lives.
''Had to be there? I took him there, he died for nothing. He died with me before, before I could tell him…''
He didn't finish his sentence, Doctor already knew what was meant to be said.
''I know that Steven had to die Doctor, and I know that I'm the most horrible person, if you can even call me that, in the whole wide universe to chose my lover over my grandson, but he didn't have to die.''
The Doctor stood there. He didn't say anything. He had that pitiful look on his face, a look that the other him used to wear at times like this. No it wasn't exactly pitiful. It was sad and angry. It was painful but somehow comforting.
''He didn't die because of me Doctor, he died for me.''
''I know the feeling.' Whispered the Doctor, there was no physical contact between them and frankly there was no use. They felt what the other felt, it was an empathy like no other. It wasn't some kind of a mind trick, it wasn't a bond, it wasn't something they wanted to have.
It was about experience, something that grew stronger as the years passed. It had fed from anger and pain and death.
''five minutes till the show starts.'' Reminded Amy silently. The Doctor couldn't have cared less.
''We have a time machine Amy, besides we can catch another séance.''
Jack looked at him and sat down, getting ready to order the heaviest alcohol the bar had.
''Are you sure you are going to be OK, Jack?'' asked The Doctor, understanding that this conversation was over and he wasn't welcome anymore.
''I know that I wont Doc, now go!''
Doctor turned his back to Captain, ready to leave.
''It's your last chance.''
''I lost my chances long ago.'' Then he turned his attention to the red head again. ''It was nice meeting you Amy Pond.''
He smirked all though he didn't feel like it.
''You know Jack, you'll be happy again someday.''
Jack's smirk died on his lips, leaving a desperate face and tears threatening to fall.
''I Really hope not.'' he said. ''For the universes shake, I really hope not.''
Knowing the feeling, the Doctor left with Amy without looking back, not for once.
Reviews are always welcomed here =)