A/N: Okay, I'm sure there are some people out there waiting for me to update one of my other fics but to be completely honest, I've hit a brick wall in what to do for those. I don't want to abandon them but if I don't get some inspiration for them soon, then that is what I'll have to do because they've been out there for a good two to three years now and I'm not even sure what I'm doing with them anymore. On top of that, I've got more stuff than ever to do now because of College so I have even less time than I did before to write. I'm gonna mainly do one-shots or song fics (like this one) until I make a final decision on what to do with those three fics. If you have any suggestions for them I will gladly consider them, but please tell me which of them you are speaking of so that I can plan accordingly.
Disclaimer: I do not own the songs "All of Me" or "The Motions" and I definitely don't own Narnia. Those each belong to their respective owners, Matt Hammit, Matthew West, and Clive Staples Lewis as well as Walden Media.
Through Trials and Tribulations
Edmund's POV
As I lie down on my hammock, my brother Peter long asleep, I found myself thinking back to my talk with Aslan and my subsequent "welcome home" from my siblings, something that I know that I don't deserve.
This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
Aslan told me that all is forgiven and is in turn forgotten. He will not hold it against me, but something tells me that that isn't right, it isn't correct, that I deserve much worse.
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life
I know that Aslan's forgiveness is sufficient and that I shouldn't worry about other things such as how the Narnians will look upon me and how the Fell Beasts will be sure to jeer at me because of my stupidity and I don't, but the one thing I do worry about, is how my brother will look upon me.
I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I know that it sounds stupid and that if he can't forgive me then I shouldn't worry about it, but the thing is, I love my brother more than life itself. If he doesn't forgive me then it would destroy me completely. I rub my burning eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay but I know that it's useless. The very thought that my brother might reject me and want me out of Narnia and his life forever always makes me want to cry because, no matter how I may have acted out to Peter in these past years, I've never wanted anything more than to be like him.
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
My brother was always the one who understood me the best, sometimes even more than Dad and especially better than Mum, Lucy, or Susan, that is until Dad left for the war. I remember that Dad had effectively passed all of his responsibilities on to Peter and I know that the way that I resented him wasn't fair. I could see the weight of his responsibility now as the oldest child and as the man of the house. He always worked to keep us safe, even Susan who is only a year his junior. Now that I think about it, I was downright awful to him when all he wanted to do was help me and protect me. All I saw was him getting control and always being right, even though I know now that he took most of the blame for my screw ups.
No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
Oh rot, I'm crying now and you know what? I don't really care; I just want my brother's forgiveness for me being an awful beast to both him and to Su and Lu. I know that I don't deserve it, I never would give a git like myself anything such as that, but maybe I can hope beyond hope that Peter will give me the forgiveness and friendship that I now so desperately want and need.
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life
Even if he doesn't give it to me outright, I will give my entire life just to have that, he's that important to me. I remember when we were younger; we were so close, even closer than what he was to Lu when she was born. She was always coddled by him, Su, and me once upon a time. I just want that relationship back, he was more than my brother, he was my best friend, and I could have effectively ended his, Su, and Lu's existence with but a word to Jadis.
'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
If only I hadn't been so bloody stupid! I could have saved Mr. Tumnus, I could have saved my family a great deal of grief…I could have saved my relationship with my brother.
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"
Tomorrow is the battle against the witch. I will stand by Peter whether he wants me to or not. I'll even die for him if it means he gets to live. I know there are four thrones in Cair Paravel but I'm absolutely certain that I don't own one of them. I'm a traitor. What place does a traitor have on a throne to the very country he betrayed? None. Absolutely none.
take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
take me all the way
I've made up my mind. If I am to die tomorrow saving Narnia, or even saving my brother, then my death will be worth it and may very well make up for my betrayal. One thing is for certain though, I don't believe that I will ever forgive myself for my stupidity and blindness to everyone but myself. I may die, but I'll die fulfilled.
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Third-Person POV
Contrary to Edmund's thoughts, Peter was very much awake and was very much aware of the quiet sobbing in the background and he was also very much aware and who was sobbing. The very sound of the broken sobbing tore through his heart like razor blades. He was sure that he would much rather face the White Witch a thousand times than to see or hear his little brother cry. He was also fairly certain that he was connected to the reason Edmund is crying.
Afraid to love, something that could break
Could I move on, if you were torn away?
Edmund may not be aware of what he was doing, but there were words he was speaking aloud that Peter could hear very clearly, words like "traitor" "die in the battle" but the one that nearly drove him to tears was "want forgiveness," "want my best friend," and finally "Peter."
And I'm so close to what I can't control
I can't give you half my heart and pray He makes you whole.
So resolutely yet quietly, Peter got up out of his hammock and moved across the tent, being careful not to make a sound, and approached his little brother. Once his eyes fell on Edmund's turned back he felt himself beginning to break down, but tried to hold it together to try and see if he was right in his earlier assessment. He found that he was painfully correct. He was the root of the problem in that he never told Edmund that he forgave him fully.
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every fallen tear
You're worth facing any fear
Peter couldn't hold up anymore, he finally let the tears fall, if only silently as he watched his little brother lay there crying his heart out letting his mind fall back to what happened when Edmund arrived at Aslan's camp. He remembered seeing his battered and bruised form speaking to the Great Lion and he was frozen stock still. He didn't know what to do, all he could focus on were the injuries that his brother carried (and even still there were some that he couldn't see he was sure). When Lucy called out to him, Peter caught sight of his eyes for the first time in days and he nearly broke down. He saw brokenness, emptiness, and hopelessness. It was almost too much for his Thirteen-year-old mind to handle so he looked away and looked to the Great Cat for strength. Aslan's eyes showed a solemnity that he could barely handle, but they did serve their purpose, for it gave him resolve. A resolve to kill the one who nearly destroyed his family slowly and painfully before Aslan's eyes reprimanded him for such a thought.
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
The reminder of Edmund's condition had him begin to panic. He reached out gently to confirm that he is still alive and breathing. Once he touched him however, Edmund jumped and looked at him with wide eyes, his face still tear-streaked.
I won't let sadness steal you from my arms
I won't let pain keep you from my heart
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose
For every moment I'll share with you
For all of one second the brothers simply stared at the other's tear-stained face, suddenly aware that the other was there and then Edmund simply lunged at Peter and pulled him into an embrace that nearly cracked his ribs, despite Edmund's apparent weakness from his abuse at the hands of the White Witch.
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every fallen tear
You're worth facing any fear
Peter was at first stunned, Edmund was the one person in their family that showed his affection for anyone else the least. Once he came back to himself he gently returned the embrace that Edmund so fervently gave to him. He gently kissed his dark hair, not caring if he liked it or not, but simply wanting him to know that he was there and he was loved.
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
After a few minutes of Edmund's broken sobbing and Peter's silent crying and gentle kissing Edmund's crying started to subside.
"How could you do this for a traitor?" Edmund
"'What's done is done.'" Peter said simply, "I have forgiven you fully; I know that what happened is partly my fault. I was too hard on you and I was trying too hard to take Dad's place instead of keeping my own. I know that you wanted a friend, but I thought that being a guardian for you would have been better. I see now that I was wrong…" Peter's tears began to increase in frequency.
Heaven brought you this moment, it's too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you, even when I bleed
You're worth all of me, you're worth all of me
"Peter don't you dare start blaming yourself for my mistakes." Edmund said fiercely. That was his wonderful older brother; taking the blame for his mistakes once again, shielding him from the consequences of his actions, "I won't let you shield me from my mistakes this time…not when I wholly deserve them." He choked out.
You're gonna have all of me
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every fallen tear
You're worth facing any fear
"Eddie, I hope you know that I love you," Peter said. Edmund's eyes widened a fraction before becoming soft when looking at his brother, "I never stopped seeing you as my best friend, even when we didn't act like it." Peter continued, "I never forgot the way we were, and if you'll have me, I'd like to return to that." Edmund's eyes once again filled with tears, but these were not tears of anguish and pain, they were tears of unbridled joy before he nearly tackled Peter in another hug without hesitation.
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
"Of course Peter!" He hitched, "I wouldn't want anything more!"
"I'm glad to hear that." Peter chuckled thickly, "I swear by Aslan, that I will never stop loving you because to me, abandoning my family is among the greatest sins to ever be commited."
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every fallen tear
You're worth facing any fear
"And I swear to always be by your side, even when you don't want me." Edmund said without pause, "and to never stop loving you and honoring you as my older brother, my king, and my best friend."
They embraced one last time before climbing into Edmund's hammock and falling into a relatively peaceful sleep before being awakened by a dryad with grave news from their sisters.
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
But giving you all of me is where I'll start.
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A/N:Done and Done. I hope that this turned out as well as I envisioned. I like the idea of Peter and Edmund having a close relationship but not one of incest. I simply don't like the idea of a person having sex or a sexual relationship with another relative, especially one of the same gender. I don't have anything against gays, don't get me wrong there, it's just that The Chronicles of Narnia are a direct allegory to the Bible which disapproves of homosexuality. So you won't be seeing any of that from me.
Till next time!
-Ultima