Making fun of Draggy
Hello my little minions. Welcome to the Realm of Insanity in all its glorious wonder! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha! *cough, hack, wheeze* Okay, enough of the diabolical laughter…
You have just entered the realm of no return, till you hit that back button or that little 'x' that can be found in your top right hand corner of your screen… NO! Wait! Don't press that….
Drat…
Oh well, any who have left will be scrounged up by the penguins later… *clears throat* Now. You may be wondering what I am doing and why I am harassing you and stealing your braincells… wait, you weren't supposed to know about that… DARN!!! Anyway, I am here to guide you to a bright and cheerful future! Well, cheerful for me anyway, as I will be the leader of the world! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *hack, cough, wheeze*
…
I really need to cut back on the diabolical laughter. Yes, note to self… Moving on…
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"NOSEDIVE!!"
Nosedive looked up from the piece of paper he'd been writing on and frowned as Mallory stormed over to him.
"What? What'd I do this time?" he asked, confused.
"My room…"
"Oh yeah… Toilet paper… Sorry?" he gave her a cheesy grin and she sighed, looking heaven ward. Then she spotted his 'work'.
"Nosedive?"
"Hmmm?"
"What are you doing?" He looked down at the paper, then grinned at her.
"I'm writing a fic."
"Another one?"
"Yep! This time I'm doing it about Dragaunus!"
"What?! Why? Why would you want to write a fanfic about him?"
"I'm not. I'm making fun of him."
"What's the plot?"
"There is no plot. Well, yet anyway… I'm writing it from his point of view." There was silence for a moment, then…
"Can I help?" Mallory asked. Nosedive nodded and moved over so she could pull up a chair.
"Sure! Any help making fun of Draggy is appreciated." He told her cheerfully. She sat down next to him and shook her head at what he'd already written.
"Does Wildwing know you're doing this?" she asked. Nosedive nodded.
"Yeah. He wants me to let him read it when I'm done." He grinned. Mallory grinned back evilly.
"Shall we?"
"We shall. Now where was I… Ah yes…"
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Continuing on from where I left of… Why did I leave off? Oh never mind. I am a Mastermind! All shall worship me! But first… How do people start these things? Ah yes… It was a beautiful day….
I awoke this morning looking as good as ever, and unfortunately my fingernails were stuck in the bed sheets, so I had to spend an extra hour peeling the covers off of my dainty fingers. After I had finally freed myself, I found that my nails were now dreadful looking! Horrified, I ran to my vanity and searched for my nail file. Alas, it was all in vain till I looked down and, there it was! Lying on the floor. Angered, I shot the tail end of it, causing it to flip up into the air where I merely reached out and caught it, then began filing my poor beautiful nails. Unfortuantely, I filed them too short, and when I realized this I howled loudly in mourning for my gorgeous nails. Now they were a length shorter than they had been before. Now I was sad. So I threw the nail file back on the floor and blew it up. Darn the evil nail file for plotting against me. Maybe it was in league with the penguins… wait, wrong enemy… I mean, the Mighty Ducks! Ooooh I hate them. Especially the two younger members for they are more fashionable than I. Curses… And of course I hate their leader because he's better looking than I am and as much neater accessories. And I hate the blonde female because she has good hair, and she's smarter than me… And I hate the one eyed one because he's got more finesse, and then there's that big tall guy. Oooooh, I hate him too. He's stronger than me… I think… I hate them all. They're ducks. There, that's a good enough reason. Yeah… *cooing to self while petting own tail* Yes… Draggy hates those nasty ducky's, gonna take them all out yes he is. Who's a good megalomaniac? I am! I am! *clears throat and looks around looking for witnesses. Seeing none, clears throat again and begins telling story once more*
After hating the ducks for a moment, I decided to get dressed. I was feeling a little down so I decided that I wanted to look pretty. Therefore I looked into my closet and found my favorite purple dress!! I put it on and then posed in front of my mirror. Ooh I looked so pretty! *Clears throat* Remember, if you want to be evil and good looking, you must always start with the clothing. ^-^ Clothes make the megalomaniac! I wondered about wearing my high heels, but decided not to and daintily walked out of my room to face the day in the control room.
Seige was in there, wearing his normal tacky clothing. You see, there is the difference between lackys and Overlords. We Overlords know how to dress while you pathetic lackys know NOTHING!!! NOTHING AT ALL!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! *hack, cough, wheeze* Note to self. No. More. Diabolical. Laughter. None. At all. None.
Anyway, I ask Siege what news he has for me, and can you believe what he tells me? Nothing! He has nothing to say! No good news to my beautifully scaled ears. Nothing at all! NOOOOO! So I blast him in the rear and make him jump a good ten feet in the air with a cry of pain. Oh I do so enjoy that sound. I do it again. Fun! I shoot him in the head… and he falls over dead. Darn… Now what am I going to do?
"WRAITH!!" I bellow for the stupid, slow and ugly saurian who appears in a cloud of smoke and immediately doubles over, hacking like he's choked on a hair ball. Which is strange because none of us *have* any hair. Hmmm… I must ponder this some time. Oh! Ow! Nevermind… That hurts…
"Yes Lord Dragaunus?" he asks me in that old stupid voice of his. He *could* talk like a normal person, but then again we're talking about Wraith here. He's been old and decrepid since the day he was hatched. No wonder none of the females wanted anything to do with me… I mean, him… They liked me. My clothing I mean. Oh females loved me, they fell over when they saw me.^-^ Of course, many of them were laughing… *Clears throat* Moving on…
"Bring Siege back to life, would you?"
"Yes sire." Lifting his arms, and causing me to cover my nostrils since he doesn't believe in deoderant, he mumbled some stupid spell and Seige popped up alive and well! So I shot him again for dying. He then sat down and began wailing like a ten ton baby.
"It's your own fault for dying." I stated, crossing my arms and sticking my nose in the air. Then I made a face because Wraiths arms were still raised. Therefore I shot him too, for contaminating my breathing spaces. With him dead I didn't really know what to do…
Excuse me my Lord but I'm not dead. Not really.
*Sighs* Okay. So I shot him again and he merely laughed at me because now he had his little shield up, so I told Chameleon to get him. Chameleon therefore morphed into a rabid dog and bit Wraith, then grinned at me happily as Wraith disappeared to give himself a rabies shot.
"I got him! I got him!" Chameleon cheered, rushing over to the wall to give himself a smiley face on our 'I'm a good villain' chart. I merely shook my head and looked over at Siege.
"Have any plans?" I asked him, bored out of my poor little over worked walnut sized mind.
"Yes my lord! We can attack a plant, draw out the ducks, and destroy them!" he exclaimed. I looked at him for a moment.
"That's stupid!" I exclaimed. Then I thought for a moment *owie*, and an idea came to me! "I know! We will attack the power plant in order to power the Raptor and bring our brethren to this planet, and in the mean time we will destroy those ducks!" I exclaimed happily. Am I a genius or what? I sat back in my chair happily as Siege nodded and praised my intelligence. Well, either that or he was grumbling at the fact that I am the Overlord and can at any time steal his ideas and make them mine, and better yet make them a hundred times better. I shot him in the back just in case.
^-^
The plan was wonderful! No one could have thought of anything better, and that is why it was thought up by me! The Hunter drones and my lacky's had broken into the power plant and were now syphoning out all the energy and putting it in port-able generators to store until they got back to the Raptor. And by some great luck *or fluke on their part…* they had captured the ducks! So now I was standing before them in my pretty dress, with all my nails nicely done and I was gloating about my wonderful prowess. The ducks were terrified! Hanging above a tub of molten metal that I'd had Seige transport from the building next door, they had no choice but to listen as I told them of my wonderful plan to take over the world and turn all the potatoes in the world into mind melting devices that will… wait, that's another diabolical plan…
"Stop right there Dragaunus!"
"What?" I turned at the sound of the voice behind me that appeared out of nowhere and nearly blew up when I realized that it was none other than Wildwing standing there. He was wearing his normal tacky suit with that awful puck launcher in it and it was pointed right at me. Now why wasn't he in the trap with the others? I asked him this and he gave me that annoying smirk of his.
"Publicity Stunt ala Phil." He stated. Then he fired. I disappeared and went to the ship to wait for the others. Darn that stupid Siege! This was his idea! It took a while before they arrived and I began shooting them for such a horrible plan.
"Next time, *I'll* decide what we're doing!" I yelled at them.
"But wasn't this your idea in the first place my lord?" Wraith asked. I shot him and he disappeared with a yelp. Chameleon fled from the room and Seige curled into a ball and rolled away. Stupid lizards.
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Mallory and Nosedive both fell from their chairs to the floor as someone pounded on Nosedive's door.
"Who else's room did you toilet paper?" Mallory hissed at the blonde teen. He shook his head at her.
"I only toilet paper your room." He told her. Mallory rolled her eyes heavenward.
"Well *that's* a comforting thought." She mumbled, shaking her head as Nosedive put an arm over her in order to stand up. Unfortunately, the door opened at that moment and Wildwing looked in.
"Nose…" he paused as Nosedive and Mallory stared up at him surprised. Mallory was sitting on the floor with Nosedive leaning over her. Wildwing blinked at them, then put his hands in front of him and shook his head. "Never mind." He muttered, shaking his head and backing out of the room. Nosedive and Mallory paused, then looked at each other.
"No wait!" they cried as one, fighting to get up.
"Nosedive, don't you ever clean your room?" Mallory asked angrily, shoving Nosedive away from her and standing up, trying not to trip on a comic book.
"It is clean!" Nosedive exclaimed.
"You call this clean? There's stuff all over the place!"
"Hey, at least I don't leave dirty underwear lying all over my room!"
"I don't leave underwear lying around my room!" Mallory exclaimed, mortified.
"Oh really?" Nosedive grinned evilly at Mallory and rushed past her to the door, where he stood and grinned cheekily. "Amazing what you can find when toilet papering someone's room."
"NOSEDIVE! YOU STAY OUT OF MY ROOM!!" Mallory bellowed, rushing at the teen. He squeaked and fled for his life, wondering if he should tell her about the toothpaste he'd put in her shampoo.
Ehhh… nah. He'd let her try and chase him down for that one later…
END
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Mighty Ducks belong to Disney. ^-^
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Um… yeah…
*shakes head slowly and walks away*
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