Magnolia

by Yours Truly Serendipity

It has become a custom of our new society that, when one person confesses an attraction to another, these two become obligated to learn as much about each other as possible. But what happens then... when you already know the person you're attracted to?

Magnolia

Dear Journal;

It has become a custom of our new society that, when one person confesses an attraction to another, these two become obligated to learn as much about each other as possible. Not always, though, is this the case. There are others, who after years of friendship, or other forms of companionship, realize one morning as they are coiffing their hair in the mirror as they wait for the bus to take them to school that morning. This leaves the question... what happens then... when you already know the person you're attracted to?

Just... nevermind: I'm tired of hiding it... not that I was hiding very well. Upon rereading it... I now realize that I'm not very good at keeping secrets. That's definitely something to note for the future.

There are always exceptions to every rule, including the rule introducing this entry; but my case is far more strange than any exception that typical society could ever conjure. Not that anything in my family had ever been anything close to typical.

I digress: I noticed it as my well-slicked hair shone in the natural light coming from the unobstructed windows in my and my brother's room. My brother, who from this point forward will be known as 'P', waltzed into our room wearing only a towel; this was a sight that I was accustomed to seeing, as that had been his ritual for three years. It isn't like he dressed while I was in the room with him; he walked in, grabbed clothes, and then returned to the bathroom, where he promptly – and rapidly – got dressed. But... somehow, this morning was different. I'm not really sure... but I had noticed the difference as I had gotten out of bed. Somehow, the sun was brighter than yesterday, the birds' songs were more beautiful and melodious, and as I saw 'P' standing behind me in the mirror... something had changed.

I wish I could claim to have noticed it immediately off the bat, but I can't honestly say that. I only knew that some variable had changed – for example; he walked up behind me, his towel draping lowly around his waist, and gave me a firm, one-armed embrace – one that he had been giving me for as long as he ritualized his mornings – and whispered into my ear, "Good Morning." I recycled his greeting for my answer and continued prodding my hair – I remember now that I needed to look perfect, it had been an order from 'J', the previous day. 'P' noticed how meticulously I was pressing my hair, and during one of my quick prods, he grabbed my hand and grasped it tightly within his. "'G' (for if anyone were to ever find this, it couldn't be traced back to me), your hair looks fine." And I believed him, as I looked up into his soft, beautiful cerulean eyes. I also noticed then, how his nose crinkles in the most adorable way when he gives one of his heartwarming smiles.

My heart started pounding, as I nodded slightly. 'P's smile faded within a few moment's of having shown itself. But... 'P' gave me a short, lopsided grin as he walked back out of the door, clothes in hand, to go back to the bathroom and dress. The sensation of feelings that had blindsided me while 'P' had been in the room stopped, leaving me with only a cessation of feeling; I felt blank, empty... unsatisfied. But, I pushed everything aside – my thoughts of 'P', my feelings related to 'P' – and suddenly I felt semi-normal again.

But alas, as is with all good things in this world, this cessation of thought ended. And so it happened, as I walked into the school and saw the face of my girlfriend, 'J', (coughquoteunquoteuncough); for when I say I'm in a relationship, I mean I'm forcibly in a relationship with a girl who I thought I liked, and had the unfortunate pleasure of having T – 'T' intervene.

Wow... I've decided now, that I'm really not good at this secret-keeping. Anyone who knew me would know that I've kept this journal for 2 years, and they would know who I was from every other letter... I guess, from this point on... I'll keep it casual.

Without it being a secret anymore, I arrived at school and saw the face of my girlfriend, Jo. It was precisely at that moment, that I, Gabe Duncan, remembered my thoughts – and the feelings related to those thoughts – of PJ, the man with whom I shared a room.

Now, how's that for casual? Am I overdoing it? … Only just a little? Well, then I guess I'm doing better than I thought.

… Well, now rethinking the topic, I'm going to fast forward until some important event.

[fastforward]

[fastforward]

[fastforward]

Okay... I'm sorry for fast forwarding so much, it's just... I had a very bad day at school today,.

After school, I walked into my house, only to find myself face to abdomen with PJ, (why is he so much taller than me?). This abdomen happened to be uncovered, and immediately I found myself having to conceal a blush. His faded six-pack was glistening with sweat... or water. I couldn't tell the difference. Then I looked up to find his soft, cerulean eyes boring into my own. I was entranced, I was unable to change my focus. My heart's palpitations quickened, and my palms began to sweat. It felt as if I had literally swallowed a swarm of butterflies, which built up as a frog in my throat, who suddenly jumped out of my mouth as a cat, slicing my tongue and taking my tongue with it. I was speechless, I was breathless. I noticed that PJ wasn't saying anything also, but I attributed that to his heavy breathing – which I assumed could be attributed to a game of basketball or some other sport. Sweat ran across his brow, and slowly made it's way down the slope of his face, accentuating the whole surface – and not only the most favorable parts.

PJ gave me one of his grins – the world famous, heartwarming, once-in-a-lifetime treat... and I had gotten two of them in one day. He wiped the bead of sweat off his face and nonchalantly said, "Hey, Lil' Bro." I answered softly, as it was all that I could muster. A look of utter distress planted itself over his beautiful features. "Are you okay?" he asked with a serious tone. I nodded, adding a grin for emphasis; his face softened as he watched my expression carefully. "Good. I couldn't take you being unwell." He gruffly nodded and then watched me in silence. Awkwardly, I stepped out of his way, and he then took his leave. And I was alone in the living room.

Silently, I plopped myself down in one of the comfortable armchairs. Teddy ('T') bursted through the door leading to the kitchen and, following that, emptied the room of silence. "So, what was that all about?" Her voice was dripping with undisguised curiosity. I didn't answer, I closed my eyes and I pretended as if she wasn't there. Her impatient gaze on me was making that task hard, though, as I could feel the intensity of the glare. "Gabe. Tell me. I saw all that happened; what was with the awkward atmosphere? Tellme Tellme Tellme." It became clear to me, at that moment, that she wasn't going to give up. I, then, was left with two choices: 1) tell her a lie and hope it was convincing enough to leave her satisfied, or 2) just tell the truth. I groaned in annoyance as I sat up and looked her dead in the eye. Her glare began to weakened, and I knew she could tell that she had won.

"Fine," I began as her glare evened out into a normal stare, "well... there's a boy..."

Her eyes widened as she suddenly felt the implications of my sentence. She stood silent, though only after a quick gasp that startled me. So much so... that I couldn't continue until I was sure she was silent. "And... amazingly enough... you happen to know the boy that happens to be there..." I watched as her eyebrow rose in confusion and, then after a minute, returned to it's rightful place.

"Gabe – I honestly cannot say that I approve, but the heart wants what the heart wants-" I knew the hopeless romantic side of Teddy would come in handy one day, "I won't tell Mom. And I won't tell Dad. But remember that I honestly don't like how you're feeling, it just hits me the wrong way." My lips ghosted the question I really wanted to know the answer to... "And I especially won't tell PJ-"

"Tell PJ what?" PJ stepped into the house, wearing one of his characteristic smiles; this was when I noticed how they made my heart swoon.

"PJ!" Teddy exclaimed, easily sharing my surprise – but the fact remains that I wasn't as easily able to express the anxiety. "Now... if I told you, that would ruin the surprise now wouldn't it?" And for a split second – the single split second I turned my eyes off of PJ and turned them on Teddy – a look of pure, unadulterated pleasure crossed her face; I could tell that she liked knowing something that PJ didn't. I returned my gaze to PJ, who at that time was staring down at me. Chocolate met Cerulean and I felt as if my skin would melt; the feeling was delicious and utterly intoxicating. PJ only nodded out of respect, I could tell that he hadn't actually heard what Teddy had said – of course, that isn't to say that Teddy's victory felt any less spectacular to her. Though, a few moments later, I heard a sigh coming from her general direction and her footfalls retreating down the stairs. I couldn't blame her though, the tension had seriously built up in the room – if I had been her, I would have left too. Hell, being me, if I hadn't been so captivated, I would've left as well. PJ used this cessation in sound to take his place in front of me.

"You still okay, Lil' Bro?" His voice was still tinged with concern, I figured he was replaying what had happened earlier in his head. I nodded fervently and gave PJ a wide grin. The grin that had disappeared from his features promptly returned. "That's good, I was a little worried about you while I was playing. Actually, that's kinda why I stopped; I just wanted to check in on you and make sure you were okay." I lowered my gaze to hide a blush, though I nonetheless nodded to his statement. Firmly, PJ hooked his fingers under my chin and forced my gaze up to his. And here is when he found that I had a blush. Rapidly, he placed his head to my cheeks and then to my forehead – after which the color drained out of his face, and he rushed into the kitchen. He was back moments later, with Mom in tow. "Mom," PJ said in a low, urgent voice, "I think Gabe might be sick."

Mom nodded carefully, "If so, then maybe you should go upstairs for now; if he is sick, I don't want you to catch it." PJ quickly raced up the stairs. Mom, then, turned back to me. She felt my face in the same ways PJ did, placing her hand on my right, then my left cheek, and then ultimately on my forehead. "Don't worry, Gabe. I think PJ was just overreacting, your temperature is normal. But... that does leave a question that's just begging to be answered."

I waited for a moment, halfway expecting her to just continue on into her question, but she was, instead, waiting for an answer from me. "Yeah, Mom?" My voice was shaky, I hadn't had the time to recover my voice completely.

She gave me a small smile, "Is PJ okay? Do you know? Because, though I'm glad that he rushed to me at the smallest sign of his younger brother being sick, I do find it kind of strange... especially for PJ. If there's anything important you need to tell me –," her face flashed a knowing look, but I still was unable to tell her the truth, "I suggest that now would be the time to tell it." I shook my head adamantly under her scrutinizing stare. Fortunately, Mom didn't press her authority much longer. She stood and stepped back into the kitchen, glancing once back at me and receiving a grin.

I was confused... how could Mom know? I mean... I guess, Teddy would have had to tell her. So, I decided at that moment to pay a visit to Teddy's room, where I rather hoped she would be. And, after walking down the basement stairs, and turning into her doorway, I found her laying lengthwise on her bed on her stomach with earbuds in her ears. I passed over to her a pressed a finger into her shoulder sharply twice in succession. "Ow," she called, pulling both earbuds from her ears at once, "why'd you do that?" Her voice was quiet, demanding.

"Because, I need to know why you told, Mom." I was a little hurt, but her reaction sent me overboard. Not to say that I didn't understand her reasoning, ("Well, Mom sat me down – she was down here doing some laundry and as she had walked from the kitchen to down here, she had seen you're little debacle in the living room – and asked me straightforward what was happening up there; it was weird... it was as if she had already known that I would know. And then she gave me that glare thing... the one that always gets me to talk..."), rather the contrary because I had dealt with the glare, but I had denied it and I had emerged relatively unscathed. Teddy apologized twenty times over, before I asked her to be silent and the clanking of heels became a prominent sound. Heels... Mom's heel boots, she was downstairs.

I looked out Teddy's door, watching and waiting for her to pass – and as she did, our eyes met and I could swear that I saw her infinitesimally shake her head. I bounced off of Teddy's bed, and walked in silence over to wear she was then standing.

"So..." I started nervously, "I guess you already know, because Teddy spilled the beans."

Mom gave me a grand nod, "You should know by now, you should never try to outsmart the Momma Bear. Because Momma Bear knows everything." She went silent after say that, her attention returning to her task at hand – folding clothes.

She was quiet for a while, until I realized that she probably wanted me to broach the subject, since I had never actually told her myself, "Umm... so what do you think about it... the Me... and the PJ?" My voice was inconsistent and full of holes, as my voice kept vanishing.

"I'm sure, by now, you must realize that I can't support such a relationship; though I could support one if you liked a boy that wasn't your brother. I understand that Teddy said, and I quote, 'The heart wants what the heart wants,' and though that may be true, I really feel that it cannot condone this type of relationship. I'm sorry that it has to be this way... but there is only one way I can think to deal with this problem – and that is to move you and PJ out of the same room. Tonight, I feel, should be your last night sleeping in the same room as PJ." Her voice droned on after this point, for the force of her words hit me at full speed. I almost toppled to my knees, the pain was that powerful. I ignored it though, and waited for Mom to finish her oration. Once she had done so, I left her in a walking pace and walked directly to my room, where I laid on my bed.

At this time, it was 5 in the afternoon – family dinner at our house occurred at 7:30, on the dot. Tonight, though, Mom allowed me to be excused. And then, only after he finished all his food, Mom allowed PJ to be excused to come find me and check on me. At this time, it was 8. I hadn't moved for those three hours, I had blinked only the bare minimum, I lost count after 36. I didn't cry, I didn't lament, I only thought – and I didn't even think about the predicament, I just thought about life. A timid knock on the door, followed by a quiet, "Gabe?," banished all the thoughts from my mind.

PJ opened the door, closing it gently behind him, and walked the distance to my bed. He sat on the end, and pulled my feet from my shoes – which at that time I realized I hadn't taken them off after school – and pulled the socks off my feet. It was strangely relaxing, the feeling of his hands gently pulling off my shoes and socks, and then his hands gently kneading my feet. The feeling was so intense, I even closed my eyes. "Gabe, buddy, are you okay?"

That was all it took. "No, PJ, I am not okay; nor have I been okay at all today. I've had to deal with so much shit –"

I guess right now would be the appropriate time to further explain the 'shit' part... oh – you thought I was talking about my Mom and Teddy? No, they were child's play compared to the one who's opinon – aside from PJ's – mattered most to me... Jo's. School today, remember how I said it was bad? If you don't, then I suggest you scroll back up and reread that relatively small section dedicated to my school day today. And now that you're thinking about it, I bet you are wondering why I didn't have such a good day at school, but I know you weren't earlier. It was Jo... I confided in her... and, well at least I can say she kept her promise not to tell anyone – but, she called me a disgusting, vile, bastardy, contemptuous whore and told me I needed die now. Yeah, I know, right? Extremely pleasant; and now you understand why I very much wanted to keep you in the loop, not. This is actually only the second time I'm acknowledging the existence of the incident.

"Wait – let me say something first, Lil' Bro." I went silent, choosing to first allow him to comfort me, "I knew, when you got home, that you were upset. But... I have to say, you are pretty good at acting, you almost had me fooled for a while. But I'm here for you, no matter what might be wrong. Okay?" He let go of my feet, and then reached forward. I reached back towards him, lost myself in the embrace that ensued. Then he let go... not long enough, I thought.

But, still, I continued with my problems: "Me and Jo got in a huge fight today, and now Teddy and Mom both disapprove of me for the very issue that caused me and Jo to argue." That was only the easy part, but I couldn't find anyway to phrase the next part, so I stayed silent.

PJ stared at me curiously, "What is this central issue?" I was silent... I continued to be silent, and yet PJ was incredibly persistent. Almost to the point where it became a fault. But, it worked – again – and he broke me down.

"Fine," I huffed, causing PJ to fall into a deep silence, "I'll tell you, will that make you happy?" I got no response at all to that question, but at the time I honestly didn't care. "The central issue is how I like you. Somehow, even though there are 6 billion people living on this earth, you became the one my heart longed for... how, how could this be. I know it's wrong, I've been told time... and time... and then time again, I don't need to be told anymore! So... just please answer." Silence. And I returned the silence. And we sat there for a while, the tension building again. "PJ," I whispered apologetically, "what could have possibly changed." And finally, that's when I noticed it. It was a scent. It smelled beautiful, and distinctly like something I liked. Upon lifting my nose in the air and sniffing long and hard, PJ stood and walked over to his desk to retrieve something.

It was in a blue box, much like a box to hold a ring, though it was bigger – in length and width and depth – and it wasn't covered in layer in velveteen fabric. But, honestly I didn't care. He held the box out to me, and after I grabbed it, said, "Please, open it." He didn't have to ask me twice. I untied the small ribbon bow that had been tied into place perfectly, and opened the box to find the bloom of the Magnolia tree. And my mind began running the flashbacks, and I finally realized what something had changed. It was ingenious, it was beautiful... and – "It's for you, I know that your favorite flower is the Magnolia – and today was the day that I had finally worked up the courage to explain to you the same thing you just told me... and I know that this situation is so utterly wrong, but I can't help the feeling that the situation is so utterly right, and so utterly perfect."

I was astounded, in preparation for today... PJ had made a painstaking effort to immerse me in my favorite flower; his hair today was washed in a shampoo scented with Magnolia, he had bought body spray and purposely played basketball for as long as he did for a reason to use the body spray – scented with Magnolia – and he purposely walked across town to the lone park in Denver where the few, majestic Magnolia's stood and chose the most beautiful of their blooms to give to me.

"I – I just... I just don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." PJ, then, allowed me to fall back down onto my bed. He maneuvered himself so that his body would be laying next to mine. He leaned over and placed a small kiss on my forehead, and I felt safe.

My happiness was short-lived. "PJ, we're going to have to move to separate rooms... Mom told me, she was talking to me about it earlier." I began frantically gasping for breath – honestly, I don't know what came over me.

PJ commanded me to stop, and my breathing returned to a normal pace, "I know, she was discussing it with me and Dad at dinner, though she didn't say the actual reason why. Though, I have to admit – Teddy was arguing for you staying here with me very well. Mom decided to give us a few days."

A few days... that's all we needed; a few days and then forever...

Well, if you had been paying enough attention, this explains what happens if the person already knows you and you find a mutual attraction... it is so much easier for them to court you~

Well, that's my story for today – as always, love, you were an amazing listener.

Signed, Gabe.

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Well - hmm... I don't know how I feel this turned out, good... bad - either or? Well, please comment! I'd appreciate it very much.

As for my other stories, I will be rewriting them and after I get my laptop, they'll be done quicker, and after I go off to college I'll be on more often, hopefully, because my first year I have a delightfully light classload! Yea for me!~