Incoherency

By: Yamiko #7

Hello hello hello! 'Tis I…several weeks after my last update… (cringes) I just got the last volume of Chrno Crusade today (IT'S OUT IT'S OUT IT'S OUT! Let the squealing begin!), and I've been having fun. And then I decided to write this… Um, yeah. The spoiler warning is for (obviously) Chrno Crusade vol. 8, as well as the anime (because I cannot resist mocking the anime. It's just too easy).

And for those who don't know, Kit is my proxy. That way I can't get pegged for SI. So ha. n.n

So, I guess…on with the insanity!

"It's in it's in IT'S IN!"

Chrno winced as the squealing soared in and out of audible range and caught the paperback that had been thrown at him. "Ow. What is…" He stopped as the words "Chrono Crusade: Vol. 8" caught his eye. "Nevermind…I take it you've already read it?"

"Well, duh." Kit grinned as she threw copies to Rosette and Joshua. "Why do you think I'm so excited?"

Rosette gained a grin to match Kit's. "Great! Now I finally get to see if I live or…" She flipped a few pages. "Ah, shit."

"Keep reading." Kit waved a hand at her and gawked at Chrno, who was halfway through. "Jeez, you're fast."

"Um, yeah." He turned several pages in quick succession.

"…Okay…" Kit flopped down in a chair. "So, what do you think?"

"I think Moriyama and Yamiko are a lot alike." Chrno shut the book, already finished. "They both seem to like beating me up."

Joshua blinked. "Yamiko hasn't written any stories where she beats you up…"

"Oh, yes she has." Rosette rolled her eyes. "Remember "Priorities?'"

"And that won't be all." Chrno's resigned tone fooled nobody. "I got her to outline the plots of the next three stories for me…" He sighed.

"There's gonna be three more?" Joshua wondered. Will I be in any of them?

(The authoress' answer to that: yes. Because Emu would kill me if he weren't.)

"Well, at least in Yamiko's universe you have both your arms," Kit pointed out.

"Which is good, 'cause I'm a righty." He wiggled the fingers of his right hand.

"You are such a dork."

"Says the girl who comes running in here squealing like a…a…uh…" Chrno trailed off. "Metaphors fail me."

"Like a ninny," Rosette filled in.

"There is no way I am saying that, but yes," Chrno nodded, "that works."

Kit rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I liked it…"

"You ended that sentence with an ellipsis," Chrno stated. "There's more coming."

Rosette leaned over and whispered, "How can you tell?" in his ear.

"I'm just that good," he replied quietly.

Rosette pouted.

"…except for two lines," Kit finished.

Chrno and Joshua exchanged looks. Chrno's was simple: No. No way.

Joshua's won. Hey, I'm still reading. He turned a page for emphasis.

Oh, fine. "Okay, I'll bite. Which lines?"

"The first one was one of yours." Kit performed a semi-dramatic point at Chrno.

He heaved a sigh, keeping it as small as possible in the hopes he wouldn't notice. Oh, for the love of…

"You had this great thing going," she continued on, oblivious to the obvious discomfort of her audience, "about monsters, and destruction…it was just great! And then you have to go and end it with, "So I will destroy the bonds of sadness!'"

Chrno sighed – audibly this time – and covered his eyes with a hand. "I don't write the script."

"Oh, I know," Kit replied airily. "That's why I feel like I can make fun of it in front of you."

"…and what would you do if I did write the script…?"

"Laugh my ass off," she responded promptly.

"Oh, thanks. That makes me feel so good…"

"She's right, though." Rosette, the only one who was still reading, decided to add her two cents. "That line was just dorky."

"Well, I'm sure it sounded nice and poetic in Japan." With Joshua's addition, the conversation pool was up to four cents.

"Probably," Kit conceded. "Here, it sounds like it should be followed up by a declaration to fight for love and justice."

"And a pose." Joshua, getting into the spirit of things, hooked one arm around the other and made L's with his fingers.

Now both of Chrno's hands were over his face. "God forbid."

"Yes, I believe your Cool Points plummeted with that one," Kit said simply.

"…cool points?"

"No, no," she waved a hand, "You have to say it like it's capitalized."

Another look exchange occurred. That was just weird.

"Let me try again…Cool Points?"

"Yeah. Points to keep track of your coolness," Kit explained simply. "Joe started keeping track of them when we started watching Scrapped Princess. I'm pretty sure Shannon won."

"Who came in second?" Chrno was curious.

"I dunno…I'd like to say Leo, but it was probably Furet."

"Yeah," Joshua started, "I bet he got major points after he –"

The fic screeched to a halt as the authoress went in search of a roll of duct tape. Finding one, she tore off a strip and applied it firmly to Joshua's mouth.
Joshua stopped, cut off by the inexplicable appearance of a strip of duct tape over his mouth.

"I think maybe we should drop this topic," Chrno said slowly.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the spoiler warning doesn't cover Scrapped Princess." Kit nodded. "So, somebody change the subject."

"Hey," Rosette exclaimed suddenly, "I'm on the soul train!"

Time seemed to freeze –

Chrno poked the authoress. "Please don't say that. It's not my fault."

The authoress fwapped Chrno – "Shaddup, I'm writing." – and returned to the fic.

Time seemed to freeze as everybody stopped to stare at Rosette.

Chrno poked the authoress again. "Thank you."

The authoress glared and double-fwapped him. "I said shaddup!"

Time seemed to freeze as everybody stopped to stare at Rosette. Then –

"Like that," Kit said simply.

"Speaking of corny lines…" Joshua said slowly, having managed to pry the duct tape from his mouth.

"Oh, yeah," Kit snapped her fingers. "I had another one."

Chrno cringed.

"One of Aion's."

The cringing stopped. "What is it?"

She grinned sheepishly. "It's probably just 'cause I'm American."

"Okay, now I'm interested." Joshua sat up.

"It's when he starts going on about the system, and how it "ties people down" and "robs them of their freedom." I realized…he's totally emo!"

Yet another shocked time freeze ensued.

Chrno poked the authoress yet again. "Please, please stop saying that!"

"Oh, hush." The authoress refrained from fwapping this time around. "It's called figurative language. Everybody knows you're not doing it."

"Oh…" Chrno sat back slowly.

"Now go sit in the corner like a good pet."

Chrno blinked. "What?"

The authoress blinked and waved a hand at him. "You didn't hear that. Any of it. Now go and…I dunno, amuse thyself." Okay, so Freudian Slips R Us…

Chrno opened his mouth, thought better of it, closed it again, and went to go rejoin the fic.

Yet another shocked time freeze ensued.

"Or maybe he's a Goth," Kit continued on, seemingly oblivious.

Chrno blinked. "I thought you liked Goths."

"Oh, I do. I'm talking stereotypes." Kit waved a hand at him. "You know, "The system has oppressed us! They system is taking over! I'm a nonconformist because I shop at Hot Topic like everybody else!'"

"But you do shop at Hot Topic," Joshua offered tentatively.

"Thank you for completely missing my point."

"Well, that sucked." Rosette blinked. "I died twice!"

"And we're still trying to find a respawn point," Kit murmured under her breath.

Chrno looked at her. "You didn't finish, did you."

"Well…no."

"Keep reading."

Rosette flipped through the few remaining pages. "…oh. Well, that's better."

"One would hope."

"Well, it certainly beat the hell out of the anime," Joshua observed dryly.

"Hey, at least you survived," Rosette shot back.

"If you can call that "surviving,'" Chrno added. Six cents.

"Everything beats the hell out of the anime," Kit stated flatly. "Yaoi doujinshi beats the hell out of the end of the anime."

Chrno had his hands over his face again. "Please, please stop giving me these images…"

"But why?" Kit smiled sweetly. "It's so much fun…" She stopped as something on her person rang. She whipped out her pager, looked at the message, and sighed. "Sorry, gotta go…I need to go read Bleach 7 and make fun of the man with the tin foil in his hair. Later!" Before anybody could really process what it was she'd said, she was already out the door.

"…Well, that was bizarre," Joshua said.

"At least she's gone." Chrno leaned back in his chair. "Thank God."

"Hey, I have a question." Rosette sat up. "What's a yaoi doujinshi?"

Both boys just looked at her. Chrno was the one to speak.

"Dear heart, believe me when I say you don't want to know."

I figure that was as good a way as any to end this thing. I realize this was large and stupid and a good waste of two hours of my time (as well as another step on the road to getting me kicked off I don't really care…I had fun.

And yes, there will be three more fics after the end of The Source of Power. None of them fit with the world described in Volume 8. I think for now I'll just stick with my own world…I know what's happening there, at least. n.n

Thanks for reading and enjoy your day!