Eh. Random one-shot half inspired by this random comic I found, and the other half inspired by my complete boredom from being sick with supposed "Swine Flu" and strangely amusing pleasure that comes out of painting my nails while lying in my sickbed. Let's take a journey, shall we?
Disclaimer: Je ne possède pas Death Note is crappy French for I don't own Death Note.
"Hey, why do ya' think the Boss wears that black shit on his nails?"
"Beats me. Maybe it has a purpose."
"What the hell could come from black nail polish?!"
"Hygene?"
"Ya idiot. hygene got nothin' to do with it."
Matt involuntarily rolled his eyes. Why did Mello have such stupid subordinates? Couldn't he have picked smarter ones, maybe even ones who could at least count to twenty? Perhaps the reason Matt was so annoyed was because he was stuck in the same room as the sordid men due to technical "difficulties."
Well, if you count the room being put under destruction from Mello's temper that is. Matt silently shuddered at the thought of that horrid night; he ached fro many days because of it.
Their mixed and deep voices filled the air and Matt felt headache sinking in. The clicking noise of his gloved fingers hitting his abused keyboard did not drown out there questioning as he would of liked it to. Where was Mello when you needed his violent tendencies to erupt a complete fearful silence?
"Well, what is it then?"
"I don't know. Hey, ask that red-head. He's the boss's pet."
"Hey kid!"
Matt groaned and looked up to see the huddling group of men crowding that twin couches. Matt contemplated ignoring them, but seeing the size of their brawny arms convinced him to do otherwise, "What do you idiots want?"
They narrowed their beady eyes scornfully, "Watch it boy, we could shoot you right here and now without the Boss ever knowin'." Matt chuckled, knowing full well Mello would notice the gamer's absence- who else would go and steal prized chocolate for Mello or annoy him immensely with loud video games?
One small, bouncy subordinate broke the awkward silence, "Do ya' know why the Boss wears black nail polish?" The others gang members nodded their heads rigorously like a scary display of bobbleheads in a store window.
Matt thought deeply while fiddling with end of his cigarette between his gloved fingers, "Well....." Through his goggles he could see their anticipation sweating from their grimy hands, "...Telling you idiots would result in a painful demise for me."
They moaned in unison, "What? Come on!" Matt valued his life more that their amusement so he calmly went back to hacking into a Government's secret files, easy work for the basic hacker. Matt could sense them approaching as his fingers typed away into secret files.
"Well, buy you any new game you want..." Matt's eyes widened at this. Mello deprived him of any revenue to go and freely buy his beloved obsession. What an opportunity this was, but it all came down to whether he valued his life over his games...
"All right, I'll tell you." The choice was made.
They gathered around the gamer and waited for him to begin telling all of Mello's secrets. After a long drag from his cigarette, Matt spoke, "It's a basic reminiscent of his tyranny days," At their confused faces Matt dully explained, "He likes feeling fucking pretty. He acts tough but like every damn leader wants to feel made up-"
"Who likes feeling made up?" Matt's cigarette dropped out of his agape mouth, the gang members proceeded in feeling like deer caught in headlights, and Mello's boots clanked as he stepped in on the unusual scene.
"Well?" Mello's icy eyes narrowed.
Matt lazily looked at his partner with a bored look, "They want to know why you wearing nail polish like a damn girl." The men glanced amongst each other each with a look of betrayal etched on his forehead. At the sight of Mello's shaking fist, they frightfully ran out of sight to escape Mello's foreshadowed wrath.
But Matt stayed.
Some of them men thought Matt was really stupid. Matt thought the men were cowards.
Mello wanted to shoot them all.
"What makes you think I'm a girl because I wear fucking polish?" Mello stormed up to Matt with a hand gracing his hip. The blond pulled out his gun from his hidden spot, which would make most mothers scream in fright of, and jammed it into Matt's forehead.
Matt hadn't even looked up from his computer screen. Instead, Matt picked up his cigarette that had slipped out of his mouth during Mello's surprising entrance. With the smoking stick leveled between his lips, Matt said with a sly grin on his face, "Girls where nail polish, Mello. You get fucking pissed when you chip a nail like a girl. Plus, that color you have on right now is purple, not black. There are tons of reasons why you are feminine that don't even include your nails like how you behave in bed..."
Mello, livid at this point, yelled coarsely, "How did we get from nails to how I behave when I fucking top you?!" Matt laughed at this and looks at Mello with a shining humor in his eyes.
"I think you have it backwards Mello. I top you. And we got from nails to this because every time afterwards your nails end up chipped and you must..." Matt displayed a dramatic pose with his hands covering his face, "-fix your nails."
Mello twitched with anger.
"Yeah and Mello..." Matt's grin widened, "one of your nails is chipped on your right hand."
Mello, unbelievably furious at this point stormed out of the room to kill one of his subordinates to ease his anger. However, hoping Matt wouldn't know, he slipped into the bathroom to fix damaged nail. Mello, of course, was disgruntled by the fact that Matt was right when it came to his polish, but he eased up a little at the thought that the redhead would never discover Mello displaying his loss by touching up his chipped nail.
Unbeknownst to Mello, however, Matt was watching the whole time with a smirk on his face as the security cameras were displayed on his laptop's screen. Ah, how Matt relished in his victory as he recorded the scene for blackmail.
The redhead wondered how much Near would pay for these tapes…
Matt pwns all :3
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