Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Natural Male Enhancement

Summary: Mario is trying to get his head back into the game and, with Bowser's devious advice, decides to try some Gamer steroids.

How in the Sam-Hill could I let those young wippersnappers beat me? Oh, goodness! I'm even talking like an old foggie now. See? Who says foggie? Anyway I've really got no idea what in the hell I'm supposed to do.

"I'll tell you what you need to do," came a gruff, monstrous voice from the right wing of the lobby. "You need to get some Viagra!"

"Bowser, you scum! Wait a second. Viagra! I don't need any Viagra! First of all Peach never complained and I need to start fighting like I used to not... Wait a second! How do you know about my problems performing... fighting?

"Everybody knows. Hell, you've been saying it for a long time now. 'It's another one of those battles you wonder why the hell you're still in the game.' We all heard."

"You go that from my private room, didn't you? You... you dragon-turtle love-child! Those are private!"

"Hence the name private room? Duh! I can't believe you're that gullible. Anything you say in there can be downloaded and played on that Jumbotron up there while everyone's hangin' in the lobby. Peach was very surprised at your performance anxiety. Anyway it's not like we don't here you half the time."

"What do you mean, sulfer breath?" I was beginning to lose my patience with this sucker. If he didn't watch it I'd have to let him beat me down.

"You're always mumbling about how you feel old. You just said it a couple seconds ago."

"I did no such thing!"

" 'How in the Sam Hill could I let those youn wipersnappers beat me?' Any of this ringing a bell?"

"I was talking out loud?! Oh, gosh. I'm getting so cenile I'm losing my mind!"

"Now for that you might want to take some Ginko. But for your little problem I think I might be able to prescribe something."

"I'm not taking crap from your scaly hide! I'd rather kiss a toilet seat."

"What a coincidence because that's exactly where your career is headed. You might wanna listen to my suggestion."

"And what, play tell, is that?

"Ninsteroids. Guaranteed to make a lame gamer a hot shot. Free 30 day prescription. Also comes in "Banana-berry", "Coconut", and "Chocolate Truffle".

"Are you out of your mind? Those things will get you kicked off the game. That's what happened to that Pokemon, uh, umm what's his name? Psyduck! He used so many he got severe brain damage and that nixed him during production. Is that what you've been using? Is that why you're so strong?"

"No, but my mother was high on them when she was carrying me."

"Oh well that explains it. Well sorry to telly you, brimstone butt, but I'm not using those. I'd rather do a guest shot on Pikmin."

Master Hand: "Will Donkey Kong, Young Link, Ganondorf, and (chuckles) Mario please report to your positions for battle. Heh, heh. Crappy game system with the boing noise. Hahaha!"

Punk I cannot stand that guy. Anyway I had better get going. Check out the next chapter.

P.S. I don't really expect anyone to read this 'cause the site is old now. This is just a skit for my humor. Anyway R&R.