He told her that if she really loved him, she would leave him behind. She replied that she had only said that to protect him. She still refused to run without him. Just like the tiger that "don't change its stripes", being trapped and confined was Kate's worst nightmare. Sawyer knew what it took for her to climb those bars a second time, this time from the outside. The fact that she willingly, or at least not under direct duress, put herself back in captivity so she could stay with him was hugely significant.
He'd seen her when they brought him back from the implanting of the non-existent explosive pacemaker, pacing back and forth along the dirt floor of her cage, looking exactly like a trapped animal. Her eyes had taken on the look of an almost feral creature at times during their stint in those cages, her entire being consumed by the primal need to run, to escape. She fidgeted and twitched like a bird dying to take flight during the day; by night Sawyer could sometimes hear the despairing sounds she would make as she slept, fitfully.
Sawyer wasn't feeling entirely human himself. He ached to rip the throat out of all the bastards who were keeping them here, the ones who had made Kate cry. He hungered for blood. He could feel a great roar of rage and frustration building in his chest and he started to see the Others as prey to annihilate and destroy.
Hey, they were treating him and Freckles like animals, why shouldn't they act like beasts?
Freckles. Kate. The only thing that was keeping him even remotely sane in this hell-hole. Although his thoughts sometimes took on an animalistic quality, the feelings he had for her were entirely human. Well, maybe not entirely human, there were some feelings that were far more basic than that. Yes, there was an almost animal attraction there, an instinctive urge to claim her as his own but it was also more.
Did animals get butterflies, dammit? Did they feel their pulse jump at a mere glimpse of smooth, tanned back? Would an animal feel torn apart inside at the sight of tears, and secretly want nothing more than to wipe them away until they stopped, until he made them stop.
Sawyer had never felt this way before. He had never ever felt compelled to protect anything or anyone other than himself. He'd certainly never wanted someone to take care of. But now he wanted Kate, and he wanted to protect her.
She wouldn't be happy to let him of course. It would be a challenge to get her to stop running. After these cages he was sure she would want to flee like there was no tomorrow.
Another thing, maybe there would be no tomorrow. Maybe that was why his feelings seemed so much stronger now, more urgent. His survival instincts were on high alert. If his feelings for Kate were rising to the surface now and refusing to go back to the corner where Sawyer shoved things he didn't want to feel, did that mean that they were somehow vital?
A man goes crazy if he ain't got nobody. Maybe Sawyer just needed to find somebody, to make him realise just how alone he'd been before. And how much he'd hated it.
She brought out the best and the worst in him. She made him feel like a man and like an untamed animal. She made him angry and she calmed him. She made him laugh, and made him feel like his heart was being slowly ripped to shreds. He who plays with the tiger must expect to be scratched.
She made him worry, though it never compared the relief when he saw her safe. The moment he'd seen Kate brought to the cage next to his own was both the best and the worst moment of his life. He was elated that she was safe and relatively unharmed, apart from her sore wrists. Then his heart turned to stone and dropped into his stomach, and he experienced true hopelessness. Freckles had been so quiet, so subdued, walking obediently beside Mr Friendly, his grubby hand wrapped around her upper arm before he shoved her behind bars. Sawyer rushed to the bars of his own cage and stared helplessly at her.
She had looked at him much the same way as he looked at her, relieved that he was okay but at the same time disappointed that he shared the same predicament as herself. He attempted to joke with her, and she'd laughed at his lame attempt to lighten the situation somewhat, though she still looked like she wanted to cry, badly. He frowned as he noticed how eagerly she devoured the fish biscuit not even intended for human consumption.
Even though he couldn't protect her physically, like an animal would protect another from attack, he did what he could to protect her from behind the bars of his cage. He lied to her to prevent the Others from hurting her. He lied by omission so she could retain some hope that there was a chance, however slim, of escape. He tried to push her away from him to protect her, a completely human action. And later, the nimble fingers that unfastened the buttons of his torn shirt were totally human. The soft hands that stroked his bare chest were human. The warm body pressed flush against his own over-heated skin was completely human. And the majority of the feelings he experienced when he and Kate made love for the first time were entirely and utterly human. The words that were spoken afterwards couldn't possibly have been uttered by a beast.
The vulnerability he showed her, and only her, could only be a characteristic of man. Animals mated for the purposes of procreation, man often did so just for the sake of simply being together. Sawyer had never wanted closeness. He had wanted to sleep with women sure, but sooner or later he always left. For all his jokes about cuddling, it had definitely never been his thing. Now, he was realizing that it just might be his thing after all, but only with Freckles. Wild beasts sure didn't cuddle.
Sawyer wondered whether it was jealousy or possessiveness that made him resent her relationship with the Doc. If he were an animal, he would feel the anger he did when he saw the two of them together because he saw Kate as his and only his. Humans were, after all, monogamous mammals for the most part, like wolves and foxes. He though it was ironic too, that wolves were portrayed as tricksters and con-artists in popular folklore. Both the aforementioned species would often fight to the death over a female. Both Sawyer and Jack were Alpha males in their own ways. Although Sawyer wasn't the leader on this island, neither was he the type who allowed himself to be pushed around. Of course, there would be extreme uproar if Sawyer disembowelled Jack over a girl. Plus, Kate would probably murder Sawyer herself if any harm came to Jack by his hands.
This was where the jealousy came in. No matter what Sawyer said or did, Kate couldn't seem to forget about Jack. In evolutionary terms, Jack probably would be a more attractive mate for Freckles; he was a doctor, he was a leader, he had something waiting for him back in the real world. He could take care of her physically, but could he handle her? He was too controlling, no match for Kate's fiery, independent nature. It would be the very real equivalent of having a tiger by the tail.
Sawyer hated feeling jealous. In the words of a wise man, jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey, but also its own raging heart. Plus, for once in his life, Sawyer wasn't entirely confident in his own ability to handle a woman. Now was so not the time to be feeling insecure, of all things. He hated the way Freckles made him feel. He wasn't used to feeling unsure of himself, and he couldn't seem to get away from it whenever he was with her. At times, he could see right through her. He'd realised what she was before anyone one else on the God-forsaken spit of land had. He saw her for what she was, because he recognised it in himself.
However, the rest of the time he had no idea exactly what was going on behind those jade green eyes of hers. He had a fair idea. He knew she was confused. Frustrated. Afraid. He felt the same. She made him feel that way. He wanted her like he'd never wanted anyone or anything. He'd pretty much handed her his heart, goddammit, and he hated how terrified he was that she might break it or throw it away. He hated the effect she had on him.
At the same time, he loved how she made him feel. If anyone knew about the warm fuzzy feeling he got in his chest over Freckles, he might as well just declare himself a eunuch. He'd rather spend a romantic evening with the jungle monster than admit that she gave him goose-bumps. Nothing hurt as much as much as knowing that she was using him, but nothing felt as good as having her close to him.
He understood to some degree why she ran from him. It was what she did, and she wasn't the type who would be satisfied to stick to one place for a long time. Would she be happy to stick to one person, if her need for freedom and space was met? Sawyer wasn't the type to settle down anyway, or so he'd thought. Even the most restless eventually need a home, even the most majestic and fierce of cats.
Kate was, in many ways, a tiger's heart wrapped in woman's hide. She wasn't the only caged tiger on this island. Maybe Sawyer was one too.