The alarm clocked screamed into the air, as if afraid that no one could hear it. Elsa groaned, she flipped onto her stomach in anger and shut the alarm off. Dark circles clotted her complexion were an obvious result of yet another night without sleep. Elsa stared at the clock. 5:31am. Elsa huffed, the day before her junior year at Fallen Highschool and she was waking up at an unbearably gross timing. Why? Because her parents died six months ago, and even after not living with them for 3 years, the unbearable pain of there death dug deep into her stomach- her eyes swelled again, but instead of letting herself cry she stood up swiftly and forced herself to push her way into the kitchen.
She wore a black button-up shirt that was about a million sizes too big for her, it hung off one of her shoulders and draped her thighs, but besides that Elsa didn't believe she needed anymore clothes to walk around the comforting hand of her apartment. Elsa swiped her phone off of the counter, checking to see if anyone had texted- but her messages were blank. Elsa turned the coffee pot on, knowing she would never be able to think straight without her daily dose of caffeine. She stared at her phone, her heart pounding.
She had a meeting today with a local court, Elsa had never been emancipated legally, however she bought her apartment with the help of her parents when she was 14. Elsa hated that day, she hated thinking about it- hated the way that her memory would sneak up on her like that. Elsa shivered, gripping the coffee cup with a grip so harsh her pale hands turned a shade of white she had never seen before. Else took a deep breath, willing her memory to go away, that today she had to step up, she had to start forgetting her broken past and deal with what was today.
Today. Elsa gripped her shoulders with terror, today was the day that she was legally no longer a child, the day that she was officially named an orphan by court.
The day that a judge would decide weather Elsa was fit enough to take care of her sister. Anna Elsa's mind spun with all of her worst fears. What if she wasn't fit to take care of Anna? What if they carted Anna away to a foster home? What if Anna did stay here? Then what? How would Elsa ever be able to explain to Anna what had happened to her as a freshmen? What if Anna asked? What is Anna saw?
Elsa curled at the though, her eyes wandered down to her wrists, the ones that were covered in lines of silver and purple, blanching out on her skin like an angry painter's canvas. The few bright red ones stood out the most - the most recent ones.
Elsa felt the tears well up at her eyes, she held her pale hands close to her chest and tried to control her trembling lips. She heard the vibrate of her phone on the counter and peered down.
New Text Message From:Anna
Elsa struggled to fight away her tears and picked up the phone, swiping it's screen and reading its words slowly. "Hey, are you awake?" Elsa replied with a quick yes, and the phone vibrated again almost as quickly as she had sent. "Can I ask you something?" Elsa sipped her coffee slow as she sent another yes and held her breath, waiting for Anna's reply.
"Do you even want me to live with you?" Elsa sighed in anguish at her sister's text that they both knew was coming. Elsa thought for a few moments before replying. "Of course I do Anna, you have to remember I'm 17... I haven't seen you in forever and yes, I miss you and we just went through he death of our parents... I don't want anything more then for you to be here with me. I'm afraid that YOU don't want be be here with me."
Elsa slid her phone away from her, leaving it laying on the counter while she shuffled into the bathroom, she let the tears roll down her cheeks, she meant every word she said, and that was what terrified her. Elsa stepped into the shower, she scrubbed the soap deep into her skin, hoping that it would wash away the pain that was beating on her ribs but no matter how hard she scrubbed she still felt dirty. The water touched her cuts, sending deep rooted pains up and down her spine. She cried, hard, body raking sobs pounded in her chest until she had the strength to stop herself.
Elsa dressed quickly in the only pair of nice clothes she had, a black, thankfully long sleeved, top and a nice business looking skirt with leggings. Elsa slipped into a pair of shoes and pulled her hair back into her braid, letting her bangs fold back and sit naturally on her head. Before she forgot, she slid the silver nose ring out of her left nostril. She opened her makeup drawer, on any normal day Elsa wore colored eyes shadow and liquid eyeliner, she felt ugly, practically naked without it. However, she knew the judge to sign for Elsa's right to house and take responsibility over Anna would probably be an old batty man or woman who despised the 'Kids these days.' So Elsa shut the drawer and looked up into the mirror, her eyes flashed with dark baby blue, her skin was so pale paper probably had darker complexion then she did, and her blonde hair was so light it almost blended into the rest of her. Elsa shivered and quickly turned away from the mirror, she looked at the clock with despair, 6:45am Elsa dashed out of the apartment, grabbing her phone but refusing to open Anna's text messages.
She practically ran to the car and sped through traffic, knowing if she was late the chances of her being found eligible was less then 0. Elsa turned as her phone ran on the seat next to her.
Marco.
Shit. Elsa had told Marco- her best and only friend - that she wanted him to come with her. She reached for the phone and placed in on her shoulder.
"Oh my god Marco I am so sorry I totally forgot." Elsa bit her lip and felt the guilt pitch fall in her stomach. She heard Marco laugh on the other end of the line.
"Don't worry Frost-Bite, I'll just meet you there." Marco's words were steamed and smooth, comforting. Elsa scoffed at his nickname for her and relaxed at the sound of his voice, Marco always knew what to say, exactly how to say it. Elsa pulled into the parking lot just as Marco hung up. She swiftly fled from the car, grabbing a pile of neat, organized papers from the backseat and snatching her cell phone. Elsa's heels clicked and her heart raced, she looked up into the dazzling eyes of Marco, her heart stopping completely. His green eyes flicked in the sunlight of late-summer/early-fall and he smiled at her.
"Finally decide to show up?" He teased her gently and Elsa shrugged him off.
"Whatever," Elsa sighed and smiled back at him, their eyes drifting simultaneously to the doors. Elsa's heart pumped with pain again.
"Hey, you ok?" Marco touched Elsa's shoulder gently and she looked up into the eyes of her friend. No, I'm not okay... I'm far from ok, I hurt. Everywhere.
"Yeah," Elsa breathed and forced another smile, taking a brave step for the doors.
.:*:.
"Elsa Delaney Aren, the court finds you a suitable guardian for Anna Rose Aren."
Elsa let out an agonized breath, the comfort and the worry washed over her like clashing currents as the courts began to dispatch, Anna was not there, she was back at Elsa's apartment, beginning to un-pack boxes after Elsa had sent her the news.
Elsa walked outside, felling the refreshing cold of a breeze on her shoulders.
"So how did it go?" Marco was instantly at Elsa's side as they walked to the car. Elsa felt a cold shiver overcome her despite the 70 degree weather. She didn't know how it went, she was suitable to take care of Anna by law but in all truth Elsa didn't think she was a good sister, none the less a suitable protector for Anna. What if Anna didn't even like living with her? What if Anna hated her? Elsa knew that Anna hated her, she didn't blame her.
If the same things had happened with switched roles, and it had been Anna who had suddenly shut her out- Elsa would have hated her too. Elsa already hater herself for leaving, and she hated herself even more for having the thought that maybe, just maybe she could take care of Anna. She was a fool.
"It went great, Anna can move in tonight." Elsa forced a smile and Marco smiled back at her. His hand rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.
"If you'd like, I'll stay with you tonight." Elsa's heart raced, pumping blood through her veins harshly. Her stomach flipped with bitter-sweet happiness at the thought of Marco staying the night with her. It was all she ever wanted... But she could never have Marco over with Anna still there. Elsa was about to deny his request when he added, "Unless you think it would make Anna uncomfortable I could just stay for a while and leave later so you guys could be alone." Elsa nodded, Marco was always so perfect, the perfect friend when she had none. He always seemed to know exactly what Elsa felt, except for the fact that Elsa had always had a crush on him, and he was oblivious, dating other girls who usually dumped him because she was his best friend.
"Ill see you there then, and get some food please? I don't know what Anna likes so... uhm, what is something that all teenage girls love?" Elsa looked up at him and set her papers on the hood of her car. She didn't know anything about normal freshmen girls. During her freshmen year things had spiraled out of control, she began t remember- remember him.
Elsa recoiled, growing sick at the thought and she gripped the hood of her car desperately.
"Uhm, pizza and chocolate?" Marco replied sarcastically before he saw Elsa crumble. "Whoa... FrostBite you alright?" Elsa straightened at Marco's voice, not wanting him to think she was falling apart.
"No-no I'm okay.. go ahead and grab that then okay?" Elsa smiled up at him, forcing her lips to curve while her heart tightened but she couldn't help the tears that threatened her eyes. Marco moved in, wrapping her arms around her.
"Hey Elsa, it gonna be alright I'm right here and I'll help you the entire way I promise." Elsa smiled, a real smile into his shoulders and felt the tears soak up into his fabric.
.:*:.
Elsa stared at the door of her apartment, the apartment she had came home to for 4, long, anguished years. She stared at it's frame, it seemed unbearably foreign. Elsa gulped, she couldn't go in like this, she felt nude without her makeup and her nose ring. The classy business suit was nothing like her. Elsa turned on her heel, stumbling back out to her car and popping the trunk. She still had a bag full of extra clothes and necessities from when she was first starting her sophomore year, when sometimes her clothes would...
Elsa shook her head fiercely and grabbed the clothes, their origins chilled her bones and she bit her lip. She changed in the backseat, slipping into a black long-sleeve that had 'Korn' and its band logo on the back, one of her favorite shirts. She slipped into the black skinny jeans and found an extra nose ring. She made due with the eyeliner and shadow in the glove box. She finished lacing her converse and trudged back up the stairs, feeling more herself again she stared at the door, placed her hand on the knob and took a deep breath. Elsa prayed one last time that she would know what was next and she opened the door. Elsa swiftly walked past her living room to the guest bedroom, peeking over the corner to find the red head on the floor, crying.
Elsa's heart twisted. She didn;t even know how to calm herself it situations like this, how could she help Anna? Elsa remembered Marco, thought like Marco.
What would Marco do what would Marco do?
Elsa slipped in quietly and knelt down next to the tiny girl. Anna jumped when Elsa did so, realizing she was there she wiped her eyes quickly.
"Oh- Elsa I'm sorry you-" Anna began to apologize and stand up, But Elsa took her arm gently and forced a nervous smile.
"Don't apologize, please, I... Anna I'm here for you okay?" Elsa tried to sound comforting, she tried to seem not so tense and look into the red-head's eyes affectionately. Anna looked at her angrily- Elsa watched her sister's beautiful orbs crack and crumble with rage as if what was once soft and beautiful had begun to devour itself.
"You were never there... three years you were never there Elsa." The tears began to stream off the ginger's face again. Anna broke Elsa's grip fiercely and stared down at her sister.
Elsa cringed, shivering and melting at the feirce words her sister spoke. She really does hate me.
Elsa stood and backed out of the room defensively. Her head spun and her temples began to ache, she felt her stomach turn acidic and she fled from the room, running into hers and slamming the door.
Useless.
Ugly.
Fat.
Gross.
Worthless.
Bitch.
Scummer.
The insults she flared at herself were much worse, and Elsa began to tear through drawers, the tears turning into sobs. Don't Feel.
Elsa found the blade, and without thought she brought it to her wrist. She felt the uneasy pain consume her and her thoughts that rambled on began to slow. Elsa calmed her breath and let the tears pool out of her eyes. She watched the blood drip onto the oak of the desk, and she brought it down again.
Don't Feel.
.7.8. And then she stopped, she set the blade down and let her sobs return. She was a terrible sister, a useless guardian and a stupid idiot to think that she could ever be anything more. Elsa striped into her shower, staring at the walls and watching blood swirl down the drain.