Chloe Beale has always been a talkative person. She started talking when she was seven months old, a young age according to the pediatrician, and has barely stopped since, to her teachers' dismay when she wouldn't stop chatting to her class neighbor rather than focusing on the lesson.
She likes words; in all shapes or form: novels, letters, poetry, lyrics. She likes to use them to interact with people or sing. To her, words are the most powerful thing given to human beings. They have the ability to help, heal and conquer. Maybe her love for words comes from her dad, who bathed her in classic literature the moment she was old enough to read.
It's her fourth and last year at Barden and she really can't complain on how college life is treating her; she has a nice group of friends, Tom, and the Bellas. But when she sees that quiet girl in the back of the room at the start of her Musical Studies class, little does she know that her life is about to change.
It's the second day of the semester, and Chloe steps into the classroom to find that there's only one seat left, next to a short girl. She walks to the desk and sits down, dropping her backpack on the floor.
"Hi! Are you a freshman?"
The girl nods shily, meeting her eyes curtly before focusing back on the white sheets of paper set in front of her.
Chloe's grin widens. "Well, you're gonna love this class. Professor Martle is amazing."
The girl doesn't say anything back, but Chloe doesn't really think much of it. Her eyes fall to the girl's desk, where everything is more organized than her current life. Pencils are ordered by their shade of color, and neatly lined together, perfectly parallel to the stack of paper in front of the girl.
Chloe doesn't have much time to dwell on that, because the teacher comes in, and steals her attention.
It's pouring outside and Chloe sighs in relief when she steps through the threshold of the coffee shop on campus. Presumably, like any day when it's raining, the place is crowded and there are no tables available. Chloe brushes back her wet hair and pulls it into a messy pony tail before stepping up to the counter.
"Hi," she greets the barista warmly, "Can I get a large black coffee, please?"
"Sure thing, that will be $2.50."
Chloe digs into her pocket until she finds some coins and drops them into the awaiting hand. She shudders as a chill makes its way down her spine and tightens her coat around her body. Once the coffee mug is placed in front of her, she grabs it and starts to look around for a vacant seat. She spots that girl from her musical studies class tucked in a corner and tentatively walks over to her.
"Hi, is this seat taken?" she asks brightly, hand setting on the back of the wooden chair.
Dark blue orbs meet hers and there's a flitting moment of silence before the slightest of headshake is shown. Chloe hesitates, feeling like she is intruding. Her eyes move between the girl to the heavy drops outside, and she'd rather wait it out than defy the elements.
She drags the chair back and sits down, taking her book out of her coat pocket.
It's tattered in the edges and partly wet, but Chloe's father has always told her that an enjoyable book should be worn by the time it's finished, a proof that it was thoroughly enjoyed and taken everywhere because the reader couldn't put it down.
As she reads the first few lines of the third chapter, she feels eyes on her. Looking up quickly, she catches the offenders, which are immediately cast down, partly hidden by the computer screen.
"I'm Chloe, by the way," She finally says, waving shortly, above the device creating a barrier between herself and the mysterious girl. "We have musical studies together."
The girl doesn't say anything in return, but that doesn't throw Chloe as she continues on. "Do you enjoy music, too?" she asks, tilting her head to the side, she does feel kind of stupid for asking this; obviously if the girl takes the class, she must enjoy music. The brunette nods curtly, remaining silent, though her eyes are bright and are good enough substitutes for words. "I'm co-captain of this acapella group, if you're interested in joining. The try-outs are in two days, in the auditorium."
Her phone starts to ring then, and Chloe smiles apologetically as she motions toward her phone, "Sorry, I have to take this."
She stands up and finds a quiet corner near the bathroom to take the call without bothering the other customers. It's Aubrey, who is freaking out about not having enough people showing up to audition. Chloe reassures her for a good five minutes, and when she eventually ends the call and walks back to the table, the girl is gone.
Chloe sees her again the following week in class. As the last time, the desk next to the girl's is empty, so Chloe sits down and smiles at her.
"Good morning," she greets happily, leaning back into her chair as she opens her textbook. The teacher isn't here yet, and the classroom slowly starts to fill in. "I've waited the whole week for this class. The other ones are just so… boring compared to this."
The petite girl simply smiles at her. Well, if you can call that a smile. It's more of a tug of the lips upward, an acknowledgment that she heard Chloe. The redhead takes a moment to study her. Her make-up is quite heavy and dark, she has a few piercings in her ear, and a headphones tattoo on her forearm. She's what Aubrey would call 'alternative' and not as a compliment.
The teacher comes in before Chloe can observe any further, and the class is going great, until he asks everyone to introduce themselves in a few words, as well as their experience and relationship with music.
"Let's see, who wants to start?" Shockingly, no one raises their hand. He glances down at the list of names, before looking back at his students.
"Beca Mitchell?"
Chloe doesn't know who Beca Mitchell is, but she does see the coffee shop girl next to her tense and become as pale as a ghost. Her fingers tighten around her pencil until her knuckles turn white, and Chloe is afraid it might snap into two.
"Mmm," the teacher hums after a while, ticking something on his list, "Not showing up on the second class… I know some of you might think that you can ditch class because it's college, but you're not going to get your diploma if you don't attend."
Professor Martle goes on about the importance of attendance, but Chloe tunes him out at some point, her focus pulled like a magnet to the girl. She looks more relaxed now, and Chloe quickly puts two and two together.
At the end of the class, the brunette is out of her seat the second the teacher lets them out, almost bumping into a friend of Chloe's on the way out. Chloe gathers her stuff and walks out of the room quickly.
"Beca!"
She calls out, both eyebrows raising in surprise when the girl actually stops.
Chloe jogs up to her, "So you are Beca. I'm glad to finally know your name."
Chloe wants to ask her why she hasn't spoken up when the teacher said her name, preferring to be regarded as a ditcher than saying a few words about herself. But she doesn't, instead opens the door for Beca and waves her goodbye when she spots Aubrey waiting for her to go eat at the cafeteria.
It's another few days before she sees Beca again, at the supermarket this time. Chloe's waiting in line two people behind Beca and busies herself with her phone while she waits.
"That'll be $9.22, please."
Chloe looks up, in time to see Beca pat her pockets hurriedly, before her demeanor falls completely.
It's happened to Chloe before, the utter embarrassment of having forgotten her wallet at home. But she has never had a meltdown over it, and right now it looks like Beca is about to. Frowning, Chloe waits for a few seconds, but when the guy in front starts to get impatient and says something about Beca being stupid, she snaps into motion.
"I'm with her," she tells the cashier, shoving unceremoniously past the intolerant guy and dropping her bag of bread and jar of peanut butter in front of his things. She's glad she doesn't have many items. "Just add this, too, please."
She glares at the burly guy, and swipes her card into the device. Beca stands next to her, but it's as if she's miles away. Her gaze is blank, unfocused, and her fingers keep fiddling with the zipper of her jacket, dragging it up and down rapidly. Once she's done paying, Chloe pries Beca's empty shopping bag from her fingers and begins to drop the brunette's groceries into it. She would enjoy doing it purposefully slowly, just to mess with the infuriated customer behind them, but right now her mind is set on taking Beca out of here as soon as possible.
When she's done packing, she tentatively reaches for Beca's hand, who, to her surprise doesn't pull away. They walk to the nearest exit and Beca takes a huge gush of air in as soon as they step out. Breath after another, until she's hyperventilating. Chloe leads her to a bench to sit her down and crouches down in front of her, blue eyes filled with concern.
"It's okay, Beca," she whispers, setting a hand on Beca's knee.
Beca lets out a whimper and shrinks away from Chloe's touch. Chloe frowns, hand recoiling as if scalded, and tries to reassure Beca while keeping her hands to herself, which, for Chloe, is a very difficult thing to do.
"You're okay."
But she isn't. Her breathing intensifies, and soon she's wheezing and rocking, and Chloe has no idea what to do except calling 911. But somehow, this doesn't seem like the right plan, so she does what she's best at; talking.
The bag of groceries lies at her feet, a bag of candies sticking out, and an idea pops into Chloe's mind.
"You like skittles?" she asks in a soft voice, not expecting an answer, but Beca's eyes focus on her as soon as the words are out. "They are my favorite, too. Not the orange ones, though. But I think those are everybody's least favorite."
Chloe tries not to smile too widely when Beca's breathing steadies and her eyes lock with Chloe's.
"I don't even know why they still keep making them. Like I don't know why they keep making creamy peanut butter. The crunchy one is so much better, right?"
Again, there's no answer to her question. Well, at least not a verbal one, but Beca's eyes speak for her as she gazes at Chloe curiously. A woman with a dog walks past them, and Chloe notes Beca's attention being pulled towards it.
"That's an Australian Shepherd. You like dogs? I love them. I want to be a vet, actually. And make music too."
Beca's ears seem to perk up at the mention of music, and Chloe feels the anxiety leave her own body.
"Who's your favorite singer?" Chloe asks, and Beca shrugs. "I like Bruno Mars. But my favorite song ever is Titanium, by David Guetta and Sia. Do you know it?"
Chloe's heart sings when Beca gives her a nod and the hint of a smile. Chloe starts to hum softly, head bobbing from right to left along the rhythm. Beca doesn't join her, but her fingers tap to the same rhythm on her thigh. Another minute passes until Beca gets her bearings back and slowly stands.
"Do you need a ride back to your place?" Chloe asks, and Beca's eyes widen, before she shakes her head. She grabs her bag of groceries, and stands, giving Chloe an awkward wave before she walks away.
Chloe is left a bit dumbfounded, brows furrowed and unsettled by the girl's behavior, but she's more surprised with the fact that she wants to see her again.
When the next music studies class comes around the following day, Beca is nowhere to be found. Chloe tries to ignore the disappointment unraveling in her chest. In her usual seat though, lies a piece of paper folded into four with her name on it. Chloe picks it up, sits down and opens it. A ten-dollar bill falls out, and written in a loopy drawl is a thank you, a doodle of a whale drawn in the bottom corner.
Chloe's heart swoons and she pockets both items, making a note to herself to try and get to know Beca a bit more.
The next time she meets Beca, it's by almost knocking her over. Chloe is looking for her keys in her purse when she gets into Carter Hall toward her dorm (luckily, she's a senior and has a single room to herself) and doesn't see the person coming around the corner.
"Gosh, I'm so sorry," she apologizes purposefully, crouching down to pick up the stuff that fell on the floor. When she glances up, she's met with those familiar dark blue irises and her breathing itches.
"Oh, hi Beca."
Beca acknowledges her with a smile, as she always does, and continues to gather her stuff. They both stand and Chloe hands the sheets of paper back to their rightful owner.
"Are those piano partitions? Do you play?" Beca nods, eyes flitting back and forth from her feet to Chloe. "Are you doing anything right now?"
The brunette shakes her head, balancing her weight from one foot to another and flexing her fingers, as if she's debating over something in her head.
"Well, I was on my way to the auditorium to practice some scales, you're welcome to join me and play the piano over there, if you want to!"
Beca's eyes light up, and Chloe stifles a smile. She cocks her head toward the exit, and reaches for Beca's hand.
"Come on, then."
She feels Beca tense at first, but then she hears her exhale slowly and there's a squeeze to her own hand.
They walk to the auditorium in silence, and Chloe is glad to find it empty when she unlocks the door. She sets her things down on top of the piano and looks in amusement as Beca eyes the instrument without daring to touch it.
"It's okay, you can play if you want."
The younger girl tentatively sits down onto the bench and runs her fingers over the keys back and forth, before she closes her eyes and starts to play. Chloe feels and hears her own breathing catch in her throat as the first notes fill the room. She can tell after a few seconds that Beca is good. Really good.
At some point, Beca starts to hum under her breath and Chloe stops warming up to watch her. It's the first time Chloe hears Beca vocalizing and it makes her skin tingle. Eventually, Chloe forgets about her initial activity all together and hesitantly sits down on the piano bench, keeping a safe distance between herself and Beca as to not frighten the brunette.
Beca fades out her first tune and hits another few notes to transition into what Chloe recognizes as Beca's own rendition of The Scientist by Coldplay, and the lyrics are itching to get out of her mouth. Chloe launches into the first part of the chorus, watching closely for Beca's reaction. She stifles a laugh when Beca misses a note the second Chloe's voice rings out through the entire the auditorium and flushes to a deep red, before continuing flawlessly.
"You are amazing," Chloe gushes, finding it hard to take her eyes off Beca as she plays the last notes.
A comfortable silence fills the room when she stops. Chloe doesn't know how much time has passed since they got here, but she has never witnessed Beca so at ease, and it warms her heart to think that maybe she's doing something right to help with that. "It's like you make one with music. You must have been playing for a long time, right?"
Beca nods, orbs casting downwards immediately, as if embarrassed by the sole attention Chloe is giving her.
"I've always wanted to learn to play the piano but I never came around to do it. And I think it might be a bit late to start now," she runs her fingers over the keys, loving the way the ivory feels underneath her fingertips. "It's such a complex instrument."
Beca shakes her head and opens her mouth wordlessly, before closing it again a second later. She closes her eyes, the muscle in her jaw contracting as she grinds her teeth. Chloe waits patiently as the same scene unfolds twice before her, until Beca manages to look at her.
"I…" she starts, gaze darting back and forth between the black and white keys to Chloe's blue orbs. "I can… teach you."
Her speech is slow, slurred and lacks proper enunciation, but Chloe doesn't care, she's too busy feeling giddy about hearing Beca's voice for the first time.
"Really?" Chloe exclaims, mouth spreading into a wide grin. So wide, that it seems to rub off on Beca, who too, lets herself smile. Though it doesn't match Chloe's, the redhead will take it. Any sign of delight coming from her new friend is good enough for her. "That would be awesome. Can we start tomorrow?"
Beca's head bobs up and down, "Yes."
They stare at each other for a moment, lost in their own little world, until the door swings open and chatter begins to invade the room. Beca's features immediately tense, and she's scrambling to get her piano partitions off the instrument, shoving them unceremoniously into her backpack. Chloe's head wipes around to see Aubrey and the rest of the Bellas spill inside the auditorium. Beca doesn't look back, instead all but flees the room.
"Who was that?" Aubrey asks with a frown as Chloe stands, somewhat dazzled by Beca's sudden departure.
"Um, her name's Beca. She's a freshman, we're in Musical Studies together."
Aubrey's nose wrinkles unpleasantly. "She seems a bit alternative, with all those ear monstrosities."
Chloe shakes her head, eyes set on the exit door, wishing that Beca hadn't gone so quickly. "She's a lot more than meets the eye, trust me."
Chloe is glad to be Thursday. The Musical Studies class takes place on Thursdays, so Thursdays mean that she will get to see Beca.
She's running late today, and class has already started when she gets in. The seat next to Beca is already taken, and Chloe tries not to let her disappointment show too much, though she feels her heart drop in pit of her stomach. That should be the first hint that she might be crushing a little too much on the shy girl, but for now she chooses to push that little voice in her head aside and lock it up.
She settles into one of the seats in the first row and looks over her shoulder, waving at Beca with a smile. As always when Chloe gives her any form of attention, blush spreads over Beca's cheeks, but she waves back timidly.
For the first time since taking this class for the fourth year, Chloe is eager for it to be over just so she can say hi to Beca. When the teacher lets them go, Chloe gathers her stuff up in her bag and waits by the door.
"Hi," she says chirpily when the freshman stops in front of her. Beca reciprocates with another wave and Chloe pulls her off to the side a little bit so they are not blocking the way. "Are we still on for our piano lesson tonight?"
Beca nods, lifting her wrist to tap at her watch.
Getting the message, Chloe shrugs. "I don't know what time I'll be done with the Bellas. Can I text you when I'm ready? Should be around 6, but I don't want to keep you waiting should it be later than that."
Again, Beca agrees with a nod, but remains still. Chloe stares at her in amusement.
"Do you have a phone?"
Realization dawns on Beca's eyes and she reaches into her back pocket, unlocks her phone and hands it to Chloe, who quickly types in her cell number, along with her name and surname. She texts herself and hands the device back to its owner.
"There you go. See you tonight?"
Beca smiles and nods curtly, hands gripping the straps of her backpacks. She opens her mouth, then closes it, and spins on her heels, walking away before Chloe's brain can ponder further on how cute she is.
The piano lesson goes as nicely as Chloe expected it to go, if not more; Beca is very patient and focused on her teaching mission. Her speech is moderate, she only speaks when she absolutely needs to, otherwise she conveys her instructions through gestures and touches.
And that last part is probably why Chloe enjoys the lesson so much. While Beca is hesitant at first, it seems that she'd rather move Chloe's hands to the right position than tell her where to place them. And really, Chloe doesn't mind at all, though a part of her wonders if Beca feels that same spark every time their skin touches.
By the end of the lesson, Chloe's learned to play different notes and read them off a partition. When she makes it through the first two lines correctly, she exhales and smiles in satisfaction, although her brain feels mushy and drained of energy after the extensive cramming.
"Play something," Chloe requests after a few seconds of silence. Beca raises her eyebrows, the hint of a smirk on her lips. "Please?"
The brunette chuckles, "Okay. What?"
Chloe looks at Beca through her eyelashes and nibbles on her bottom lip before murmuring, "Surprise me."
After listening to Beca play flawlessly for another half-an-hour, Chloe knows that she's now in too deep to backtrack. From the way her heart speeds up every time those grey-blue eyes meet hers and the way her stomach flips the rare times the brunette laughs, she knows her crush for Beca is a bit too real to be just a fling.
Are you coming to the party tonight?
Chloe's phone lights up on Beca's bed with Aubrey's text. The two girls have been meeting once a week for Chloe's piano lesson, but they now also meet to study together in Beca's dorm. Chloe looks over to her phone and grabs it. She reads the text, before her eyes flit over to Beca, who is lying back against the headboard of her bed, legs draped over Chloe's as the redhead sits perpendicular to her, back against the wall, biology book splayed out on her thighs.
Beca finished her own homework over an hour ago and is now buried deep in her copy of The Lord of The Rings. Chloe was quick to realize that Beca is very smart; it takes her half the time it takes Chloe to write a paper.
"Hey Bec?" Chloe asks timidly.
Beca hums and looks up, and Chloe stops breathing for a second. Beca has glasses on, like she does every time she reads a book, hair tied in a messy bun on top of her head, and Chloe is dazzled by how cute she looks right in that moment. It would be simple to close the gap between them and press her lips to Beca's, but Chloe reigns her urges back in.
"There's a party tonight with the Bellas and the Trebles, I was wondering if you wanted to come?"
"A-a party?" Beca asks, lowering her book until it's laid out in her lap.
"Yeah, there won't be that many people. It's held at the Treble's house across campus."
Chloe watches with cautious eyes as panic washes over Beca's features. She wrenches her gaze from Chloe's and focuses on the bedspread, which she has begun fiddling with.
"I've," she swallows heavily, "I've never been to…a party before."
Chloe tries to hide her shock as best as she can, though she feels her eyes widen slightly, and when Beca ducks her head further down, she wants to kick herself.
"Well, there's always a first to everything." She says with a smile and Beca seems to consider it for a while.
"I…" Her gaze jumps between Chloe and the window of her bedroom, "No, thank you."
"Come on," Chloe says, bouncing to a sitting position, and crawling up until she's hovering over Beca, arms on each side of the brunette. "It'll be fun!"
There's something that seems to snap inside Beca, and she's suddenly pushing Chloe away, scrambling to her feet in her haste to get away from her. Chloe frowns as the shorter girl avoids her gaze.
"Beca?"
Beca seems to be fighting tears, and when she brings a hand up to push her hair away from her face, Chloe can see it's shaking.
"Can you," Beca's fists clench and unclench by her sides and she exhales loudly, as if on the verge of a panic attack. "Go? Please."
Chloe stares at Beca, hurt spreading all over her chest and seizing her heart in an chocking grip. She bites back her pain and gathers her things while Beca's eyes remain fastened to the floor.
"I'm sorry," Chloe whispers once she's by the door, guilt suddenly eating at her stomach for her bold actions and words. All she wants to do is wrap Beca in an embrace but if the latter wants space, she'll respect that. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, Beca. Are we still on for tomorrow?"
After what seems like an eternity, Beca's eyes finally meet hers and she nods. It's futile and barely there, but it somehow manages to mend Chloe's battered soul.
As Chloe leaves her own dorm an hour later to go to the party, she can't stop thinking about Beca, and her reaction. As the scene plays back and forth in her brain, she realizes she doesn't want to go to that party anymore. Halfway to the Treble house, she spins around and takes the direction of Baker hall. She shoots a quick text to Aubrey to tell her she won't be there after all, and knocks softly at the brunette's door. Beca opens it a few seconds later, jaw dropping as she takes in Chloe's look, and flushes to a deep scarlet when she seems to catch herself.
Chloe raises an eyebrow, tongue darting out to wet her lips.
"No party?" Beca squeaks out, blush moving all the way down to her neck.
Chloe invites herself without asking and drops her bag on Beca's desk chair.
"I'm not feeling like partying after all. Do you want to eat chocolate and watch a sitcom instead?"
Beca smiles sheepishly and nods, and Chloe is surprised when she grabs a pair of sweats and an oversized tee shirt out of her closet and hands them to Chloe.
"Looks… more comfortable," she explains, eyeing Chloe up and down.
Alright, so her skirt is a little bit tight and that oversized tee shirt definitely looks more comfortable than her top, but Chloe feels like it's just an excuse for her to stay the night.
The redhead changes into the bathroom down the hall, and when she returns, Beca has set up her computer at the foot of her bed, an episode of Friends ready to be played. Chloe lies down next to her, hesitantly reaching for Beca's hand. Beca tilts her head to the side at the random gesture.
"I'm really sorry about earlier," Chloe says softly, crystal blue eyes seeking Beca's through her eyelashes. "I didn't mean to push you. You just, you mean a lot to me and I guess I'd like my friends to see how great you are, too."
"That's," Beca's voice wavers slightly, and she clears her throat slightly, "Nobody's ever said that to me before."
Chloe's thumb strokes the back of Beca's hand in a repeated mantra.
"Well, that's a shame, because it's true."
Beca doesn't reply anything, but the tears gathered in her eyes speak more than words ever could. Chloe casts hers down to Beca's lips, wondering if they are as soft as they look and if they fit with Chloe's should she kiss her. There's a stream of confessions screaming to get out, but they lock behind Chloe's teeth, reverberating inside her chest as she swallows them back down.
Chloe blinks, clearing her throat, before she reaches over to press play.
Beca doesn't last through the first episode, falling asleep against Chloe's shoulder. Chloe's phone rings beside her, a curse leaving her mouth when she sees Aubrey's name pop up. She carefully extracts herself from Beca, who whines a little bit in her sleep in protest.
"I'll be back," Chloe whispers, leaning down to kiss the brunette's forehead before she really thinks twice about it. She pads to the door and accepts the call, back sliding against the wall until she's sat on the floor.
"How come you weren't at the party?"
Chloe sighs, "I didn't feel like going."
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm with Beca."
"Oh," she hears Aubrey take a deep breath and expects a snarky comment. "Are you two like... a thing?"
"No." Chloe is quick to answer, but she wishes she could say yes. Another sigh makes its way past her lips, "It's complicated."
"I have time."
Chloe knows better than avoiding a subject when it comes to Aubrey. And frankly, her feelings have been digging a hole in her stomach, so sharing them wouldn't be so bad, even if it's not to Beca.
"It's different with her," she says, knowing she doesn't have to elaborate. Aubrey knows Chloe has never been in a meaningful relationship. "She's special. But she's also shy and guarded and I'm afraid of her reaction if I say something."
"Then be patient. Maybe broach the subject from time to time. Is she into girls?"
"I don't know. I just know that she doesn't talk much, unless it's just the two of us. So I guess that shows that she trusts me?"
"Probably," Aubrey says, and there's a pause at the end of the line. "So… are you into girls now?"
"I don't know... No?" Chloe shrugs, even though Aubrey can't see it. "I guess I'm just into Beca."
"Okay, well whatever it is, just know that I support you a 100%."
Chloe feels warmth spread to her chest, "Thanks Bree. Love you."
She hangs up the call and quietly shuffles back inside the room, careful not to make too much noise.
She shuts the laptop and moves back onto the bed as best as she can without disrupting the sleeping form curled in the middle of the mattress. She lies back slowly, pulling the covers with her to cover both she and Beca. Chloe rests her head on her propped-up palm, eyes taking in Beca's relaxed features.
She reaches up and brushes a strand of Beca's hair past her ear.
"What are you doing to me?" she murmurs in the dark room, fingers outlining Beca's cheekbone and jaw.
She wants to pour all the things she's feeling so that she's not drowning anymore. Itching closer, Chloe wraps her arms around the smaller girl, letting Beca's steady breathing lull her to sleep.
Chloe couldn't be more bored in class the next day. She knows she's a senior and that she should be paying attention, but her mind is somewhere else. After coming the conclusion with herself that she isn't going to be able to focus, she fishes her phone out of her pocket and shoots a text to Beca.
Hey you. Are you busy later?
Chloe tries to ignore her fluttering heart when her phone chimes seven seconds later (no, she didn't count) with a response from her favorite brunette.
Well, I do have this piano lesson with this annoyingly cheery redhead but I'm sure I can get out of it.
Chloe stifles a giggle; over the course of the week during which she and Beca have been exchanging by texts, the redhead has realized that Beca is much more at ease communicating this way, the shyness she expresses when she's around people vanishing to show bits and pieces of her true personality: a fun and witty girl that has a way with sarcasm.
Chloe forgot about their piano lesson. It usually takes place on Tuesdays, but Beca has an appointment tomorrow, so they moved it a day forward.
Oh well, you should ditch her. I hear she's kinda stubborn though. Might not let you go.
What did you have in mind?
Dunno. Just wanted to hang out. I have a killer headache and I don't feel like practicing tonight.
Could I take you somewhere?
Chloe feels tiny butterflies flapping away in her stomach as she reads the text. It's rare that Beca initiates things, so Chloe seizes the opportunity when it presents itself. It's even harder for Chloe to focus now that she knows she'll be seeing Beca later today.
A few minutes after five, Chloe finds Beca standing where she said she would, hands buried in her leather jacket, a guitar strapped to her back.
"Hi," Chloe greets with a warm smile, stopping three feet away from Beca, not sure if she should hug her or not.
Beca returns her smile and cocks her head in a general direction off campus, Chloe quickly falling into step with her. The walk to wherever Beca is taking her is quiet, Beca stealing a few glances here and there in Chloe's direction.
At some point, Chloe feels Beca's fingers brush against hers. She isn't sure if it's just a random act caused by the swinging of their hands as they walk or a purposeful invitation to take Beca's hand. Chloe goes for the latter; she reaches out and laces her fingers through Beca's and with bathed breath -they have held hands before, but never in a such an intimate way- waits for the other girl to wrench her hand away. She doesn't though, and out of the corner of her eye Chloe catches Beca smiling.
Beca leads her up a hill through the woods located south of Barden, the trail surrounded by color-changing trees, which provide them with much appreciated shades in the warm autumn afternoon. By the time they get to the top, Chloe's skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat, and she briefly thinks she should listen to Aubrey about doing more cardio.
But then the sight displayed before her eyes makes the lack of breath in her lungs worth it. Sure, the view is nice; miles and miles of forest covered grounds parting to make way for Barden's large river on its way to the coast of Georgia to meet the ocean. No, the sight that makes Chloe's heart sing is the look on Beca's face as she gazes at the nature in front of them. The girl seems at peace and completely in her element.
"Is this your spot?"
Chloe murmurs softly, afraid to disturb Beca from her bond with nature should she speak louder.
Beca nods and tugs on Chloe's hand to lead her further towards the edge, where she sits down on the grass and motions for Chloe to do the same. Beca pulls her guitar over her head and spends a few seconds tuning it while Chloe takes in the beauty of the bright orange trees stretching to no end.
She's pulled out of her reverie with the first strums of Beca's fingers on the chords, breath stilling when Beca's voice fills the air around them.
It creates a turmoil of feelings inside Chloe's chest and tears prick behind her eyes. It's still unbeknownst to Chloe why Beca can't seem to be able to use her voice in any public environment, especially given how beautiful it sounds. But right now, Chloe chooses to focus on the fact that Beca is comfortable enough around her to use it and Chloe feels special.
Deep down, she lets herself be convinced that maybe, possibly, she is as special to Beca as the brunette is to her.
The spot up the hill quickly becomes their spot. They go there almost every evening until the last warm October days. They either sing, goof around or read. One afternoon, Chloe is reading her copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, head resting on Beca's stomach, while Beca stares at the sky, absent-mindedly running her fingers along Chloe's scalp. She feels Beca nudge her lightly, and pulls her eyes away from her book to meet Beca's twinkling ones.
"Can you… read out loud?" Beca's speech has improved over the weeks, but it remains slow and jerky, as if she hadn't spoken in years when she first met Chloe. "I like your voice."
And Chloe being Chloe, that's probably one of the best compliments anyone has given her, yet.
"Sure," Chloe says, twisting her head to smile at her.
So for the next half-hour, she reads. She switches tones and voices depending on which character is speaking, even trying herself to a southern drawl that has Beca's stomach clenching in laughter.
One day mid-November, Chloe follows Beca out of class, saying something about being too lazy to go to her next class, when something awful catches her ear and makes her step falter.
"Guys, check it out, it's the mute girl," Out of the corner of her eye, Chloe sees Beca stop, too, before the smaller girl shakes her head and resumes her way toward the exit.
Chloe is about to do the same, though with more difficulty, when the next thing she hears has her blinded with murderous rage.
"Do you think she can still moan when she comes? I bet I could make her scream."
Chloe's blood runs cold, fists clenching and unclenching as she tries to control the fury invading her limbs. She registers Beca stopping too, and trying to catch her arm, but Chloe has already spun around and is marching toward the group of boys.
Chloe isn't surprised to see that the comment came from Justin, a jock who is more stupid than anyone she's ever met before, but she suppresses a gasp when she also spots Tom in the group, leaned against the lockers and saying nothing.
The redhead stomps right to Justin and shoves him back with all the force she can muster, "Do you actually talk to your mother and sister with that mouth?!"
"Geez Chloe, calm down," Justin says with a raised eyebrow, having recovered from his stumble upon Chloe's push.
"No, I won't calm down, Justin. You can't go and hurt the one person I care about and expect me to say nothing."
"Oh, so you're into her?" Justin wiggles his eyebrows, smiling smugly. "Didn't peg you as a dyke."
His friends laugh too, expect Tom, maybe, who looks kind of hurt. Chloe cannot believe what she is witnessing.
Now, she's not a violent person. She has never slapped or hit anyone. But she has never been so angry either, so when her brain tells her she really wants to clock the guy, she seriously considers it.
Next thing she knows, Justin is doubling over, hand covering his nose, her hand is on fire and the other guys have their jaws dropped in astonishment.
"Fuck you," She spits at Justin, then glares at Tom, directing her next words to him. "By the way, if that's the kind of behavior you tolerate, we're done."
"Baby, come on," Tom says with a sigh, rolling his eyes, and his utter nonchalance has her anger flaring up again inside of her.
"Do not baby me right now."
She spins on her heels, eager to make sure Beca is okay and to take her out of here, but the girl is nowhere to be found. Chloe catches sight of the exit door closing and walks quickly, hot on Beca's trail.
"Beca, wait!"
Chloe shouts, relieved to see that Beca actually stops. Her fingers grasp Beca's elbow gently, "Where are you going?"
Beca turns around, and Chloe is taken aback by the tears streaming down her face, tracks of mascara toppling down her cheeks and curling around her chin.
The space between Chloe's eyebrows creases, eyes filling with sadness.
"I'm sorry about them, they're such idiots."
Beca wrenches her arm away from Chloe' hold, prompting Chloe to shake her head in confusion. "What's wrong?"
Beca opens her mouth several times wordlessly, frustration evident on her face and in her behavior. Her jaw sets, her fists clench and unclench and she's stomping her foot, her whole body turning rigid.
"You," the word alone looks like it holds the same effort as climbing a mountain to Beca, reddened in the face and out of breath. While Chloe has always been thrilled to hear Beca's voice, it doesn't look like the next words are bound to be gentle.
"Stop. Leave," Beca's blue eyes have turned midnight cold, matching her tone, and Chloe feels hers swimming in tears. "Me alone."
Beca's speech is back to its original slur, but her words, as messy as they sound, are as sharp as a knife as they ricochet inside Chloe's brain and drive their blade right into her heart.
She chokes on a sob and Beca gives her a long last look before she walks away.
Chloe doesn't see Beca for a week after that, and she's dead to the world for anyone who isn't the brunette that stole her heart. She spends the week locked up in her dorm, in her pajamas, either sleeping or staring at her phone, desperately hoping for one of Beca's text. She doesn't try reaching her. Calling is not an option, and every time Chloe types a text, Beca's words haunt her, and she tosses her phone away from her burning fingertips.
Chloe has always liked words, in all shapes or forms, but right now, she feels a hatred towards them. She wishes they didn't exist, and they didn't have the power to convey such sadness.
Aubrey tries to make her come out on a few occasions; bribing her into movie night, guilting her about missing Bellas practice, or even threatening her to knock down the door.
There's a quiet knock at some point during the afternoon. "Go away, Bree."
There's no answer, only three soft knocks, and Chloe is scrambling off her bed in her haste to get it open.
She knows she must be a mess. She has been crying for the last five days and her eyeballs hurt. Her hair must be in a terrible state, and there might be a drooling trail on the corner of her lips.
"Beca," she breathes out, eyes settling on the petite girl in front of her. She's about to cry in relief and close the gap between them to hug her, but Beca has established a safe distance and, as difficult as it is, Chloe tries to respect it.
Beca gives her a soft smile, and hands her two items. An envelope with her name on it and a whale drawn on the left bottom corner, along with a red flashdrive. She doesn't say anything, and Chloe feels like they are back on square one, as if Beca didn't feel confident enough around her to speak. Beca turns on her heels and walks away, and Chloe is left dumbfounded by the door.
She closes it and sits Indian style on her bed, tearing the envelope open. Her eyes scan over the handwritten letter.
Chloe,
I thought I would write you this to explain my behavior. Telling you about it would have taken hours.
First and foremost, I want to say that I'm sorry. I am so sorry for what I said. You didn't deserve it and I know you were only standing up for me. I was angry and upset at myself, more than anything, for not standing up to fight my own battles, and I lashed out on you, which wasn't fair.
I have never met anybody like you. You are kind, and patient, and while I know you have been dying to ask me all sorts of questions, I can see you are trying to respect my pace, and I'm thankful for that. Thankful for you. I have never met anybody like you, someone that I want to pour all my secrets out to, in my own time, someone that I can trust with my eyes shut. I think it's overdue that I explain a few things, as you have been so patient with me not to be too privy.
I have what is called Selective Mutism. It mostly appears during childhood, but can also stretch into adulthood. I can speak, as you have noticed, but only in certain settings. It started when my parents divorced when I was five. I went to live with my dad who wasn't very patient with the issue, and it only worsened from then on. I got picked on at school because I couldn't speak and I spent most of my teenage years on my own. It got to the point where I wasn't comfortable speaking to my own parents.
A few years ago I was also diagnosed with Asperger's; and it causes me extreme anxiety when in public settings and I often have panic attacks, like at the supermarket two months ago. I was offered a scholarship to go to Yale but I chickened out last minute, preferring to enroll in a smaller university closer to home. ASD and selective mutism have been a burden so far, but it doesn't really feel that way now that I realize that if I didn't have it I would have never met you. You are the only person I actually feel comfortable being around, mostly because the fact that I see the world differently doesn't freak you out.
I'm trying to talk in public, I really am. But every time I try to, it's as if I'm surrounded by a glass prison and I can hear everything and see what's going on, but nobody hears my voice. I do want to get better though. I started to see a speech therapist a few weeks ago and it helps a lot. I'm singing more often, too. I guess I should thank you for that.
On the flash drive are a few mixes I made. I made those for you, specifically.
If after all that, you still don't think I'm a weirdo and can forgive me for the way I acted, I'll be at our spot this afternoon.
Love,
Beca
Chloe reads the letter several times, and her heart aches for Beca. She places the flash drive in a safe place, saving it for later. She puts some clothes on, the first time in a week, and laces a pair of sneakers to her feet. Shutting the door behind her, Chloe walks at a fast pace to the hill and when she gets there, she's a bit breathless. Beca's eyes light up when she spots her, as if surprised she came, and Chloe's heart picks up in anticipation.
Chloe sits down next to the brunette, tucking her legs underneath her body. She leans over and wraps Beca into a gentle hug, arms circling around her back and face burying into the crook of Beca's neck. It takes a few seconds for Beca to respond but she eventually does, stroking Chloe's hair with her hand.
"Thank you for explaining everything to me," Chloe says, and realizes she still has Beca's letter clenched in her closed palm. "And I have never or will ever think you are a freak. You're so beautiful and talented, and I'm sorry people kicked you down the way they did to make you feel this way."
Beca grabs Chloe's hand gently, lacing their fingers together. The touch has butterflies erupt inside Chloe's belly. She patiently waits for Beca to find her words.
"I'm… better. Th-thanks to you."
Beca takes a deep breath and Chloe watches on curiously, as the brunette seems to gather all the courage she can summon for what she's about to say.
"Could I-?" she stops herself abruptly, eyes darting back and forth between the ground and Chloe's. Chloe squeezes her hand in encouragement.
"-Could I take you on a date sometime?"
Out of all the things Chloe expected Beca to say, this wasn't one of them, and Chloe's heart is about to leap out of her chest. Beca isn't looking at her anymore, out of embarrassment perhaps, so Chloe grasps her chin gently, until their eyes meet.
"Yes." Chloe nibbles on her bottom lip to stop her smile from splitting her goddamn face into two. "I'd like that."
Beca exhales slowly through her nose, "Okay, cool."
"Cool?" Chloe teases, enjoying the way Beca immediately flushes.
"I, uh, I'm not very used to that; asking people out on a date. Sorry if that was clumsy."
She flushes in embarrassement and Chloe is suddenly overwhelmed by a moutain of feelings for the girl in front of her. Feelings that she's not sure can be translated into words, so she decides to show Beca instead.
She leans in and kisses her.
Thoughts are always appreciated! Might be a two-fold, if you're interested.