"Vell I'm jus awesome okay?" A cold and haughty chuckle followed his statement, but on the inside that really wasn't how he felt.
Worthless. Sighed the voice in the back of his head. You're nothing but a fuck-up. It's been over sixty years. What are you doing?
"I know you are." Canada smiled at him, he was such a sweet boy. One of his only friends too. Yes, he could talk to France and through him Spain, his brother tolerated his presence most of the time and Italy didn't have the presence of mind to truly object to his being. Canada though, he (somehow) could connect with the man, whether it was because of their joint love of maple syrup and pancakes he wasn't sure, but he was glad for him being in his life.
You can't do anything with your life. You were great and mighty long ago! But what are you now? A has-been that lives with his little brother. A little brother that took your place in the world. Usually, Prussia could block out these voices, he had dealt with them for a little under half a century now. But today… They were particularly grating, his grip on the beer in his hand tightened.
If any idiot walked up to him on the street and told him the same things the voices in his head did he would look at them and laugh as if they were some crazy-ass retard that escaped from a mental asylum… But every time the voices in his head spoke they always seemed right…
A bitter laugh filled the space between the albino and the blonde, a foul smirk plastered to Prussia's face.
Canada could still remember the first time he saw Prussia's real smile. One free of bitterness, hate, anger, perversion… He hadn't seen it for five years now. The bitterness and hate-coated smiles were getting more an more common. So common that he even missed the man's perverted smile. He missed the smile that usually spelled out that a sexual innuendo had been found, the one that said he was in for a practical joke or possibly going to be tripped down the stairs. He came to treasure even these events as they too were becoming more and more hard to find. All Prussia seemed to do anymore was lay on Canada's couch and drink. When he wasn't at Canada's house, he was still drinking. As far as he knew, if Prussia was awake he was drinking. He didn't even seem to enjoy pancakes anymore.
"I don'd dink you qvide do." Prussia finished off his can of beer and crushed it against his head. He plucked another from the plastic rings and slowly opened it, listening to the hissing noise. Worthlessssss! "Cahn'd I drink a fucking beer in peace!?" He yelled at the can, startling the man next to him on the couch.
"Gilbert?" Canada flinched back as the angry man hurled the can against the far wall, it exploded in a foamy spray against it. "Gilbert what's the matter?" He backed over the arm of the couch to hide behind it as Prussia shoved all the cans from the coffee table in front of him and flipped it over. A hideous and frustrated roar erupted from his throat as he kicked an exposed leg off the piece of inoffensive furniture.
That bitter chuckle slid from his lips again as he broke another leg off the table, he reveled in the wondrous cracking noise the wood made underfoot. He could almost hear it screaming for mercy… His smile faded. It was only a table. He wanted to hurt something that could feel. Something that could beg and could plead for its life. He wanted to control, to rule, but he knew he would never be able to again.
"Gilbert?" The meek voice of his best friend met his ears. Prussia looked over his shoulder at the man hiding behind the arm of the couch. For a moment, he entertained the idea of trying to take over this land and be a nation again… But he was only one man, he had the strength of one man, Canada had the strength of an entire population on his side.
What do I keep telling you boy? You'll never have what it is you crave. But you can't die, no! If anyone dares to attack you your little brother will step in. He will further humiliate you. A man that has to be saved by his younger brother! A little brat he saved! What a joke!
The Prussian sighed and slumped down to the couch, reaching for another beer a second later. He popped the top and listened as the sweet hiss he loved taunted him again. The cool liquid slid down his throat but it did not make him feel better. A loud belch rolled from his esophagus but despite the sheer volume of it and its duration he felt no need to say anything. Not his usual "oh dat vas a goot von!" or even his simple "dat feld goot".
"Please answer me." Prussia's refusal was silent, he sucked down the beer in one breath, tossing the can away again and reaching for another. "Please, Gilbert" Canada was next to him now, gripping his arm.
"Ged ovf pancake boy." He yanked his arm free and shoved him back, pulling another beer afterwards. The tab was popped and he drank it all down and despite the discomfort in his stomach he opened another one and drank it too.
"Oh god! Please stop! What are you trying to accomplish here?!" Canada whined, very afraid that maybe his friend had gone off the deep end with that display. He fiercely gripped Prussia's arm, only to (somehow) have himself shoved off again as the albino pulled another beer and consumed it. "Are you trying to drink yourself to death?"
"It voultn'd matter." Prussia replied in unison with the voice in his head. It really wouldn't he decided.
"I think it would…" The elder of the two snorted at him and laughed once, it was a cold and humorless noise.
"Schows vhat you know." He laughed to himself, he really couldn't control it, when he tried it just got worse. He threw the empty can across the room and gripped his gut as he continued to laugh. It slowly built until he was yanking at his hair, thinking his very existence was some sort of hilarious joke. A man of my age living with his little brother! I once was great but look what happened! Now I have to have my ass bailed out by Westen every time something goes wrong! Sixty-two years! Sixty-two fuckin' wonderful years! Are you watching me from up there Old Fritz?! Are you proud of me?! His self-degrading laughter grew until he found his lips silenced by something warm pressed against them. "Matthew?" Prussia pulled back from the boy who--at some point--had moved to sit on his lap.
"Even if you don't think it does. It matters to me." Canada cupped the side of Prussia's face in one hand and kissed him again. He pulled back to look at Prussia's face wondering slightly what his friend thought of him. What a shock it was when he saw that face that had been absent for five years. It wasn't much of a smile, but it was a smile.
"Stupid little…" Prussia lightly chuckled to himself and ruffled his hair, staring at the boy straddling him.
Sensing the whimsicality in the elder's voice, Canada wiggled further into Prussia's lap and put his arms up around his shoulders. Hesitantly, Prussia put his on the blonde's hips.
"Please stop acting so weird… And stop getting beer stains on my couch. And breaking my furniture. And denting my wall. An-" Prussia silenced him this time with a long kiss. They both leaned into it, deepening it and clutching at one another tightly. Prussia chuckled deeply as they came up for air and rested their foreheads against each other's.
"Is dat a flaschlighd in your pock'ed Matthew?" He could see the blush work its' way up the boy's face, it was only peripheral though, he was firmly fixated on the violet orbs staring back at him over a pair of glasses.
"Uhm, I-I-"
"Shh-sh-shh. Don'd ruin de momend." Canada quickly pecked Prussia's lips again, not sure whether or not he would be opposed to another of those wonderfully deep kisses.
"But, p-please stop breaking my stuff." Matthew mumbled, feeling awkward sitting on Gilbert's lap now.
"Noh." Prussia said with pleasant snark in his voice.
"What?!" Canada couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"You lof me anyvay dough."
"I-I…. I…. Yes." Canada sighed and leaned against Prussia even more, averting his eyes only to look back to the red orbits to see his reaction. He received another shock when a pair of lustful… And loving eyes stared back. "Uhhhmmm…." Slowly, he tried to scoot away from the disconcerting eyes and the owner of them, only to find himself thwarted as a hand weaved itself into his wavy hair and gently pulled him in against those lips so intoxicating.
"Das ist gut." And they kissed again. And again, and again, and again. Canada pulled away gasping and Prussia nibbled down his neck. The albino growled playfully and bit down hard on his new lover's collar bone.
"Gilbert!" Canada gasped, clutching him harder, a sultry moan escaping his throat as a hot tongue caressed the bitten spot.
"Vhaaat?" The Prussian licked and kissed his way back up to Matthew's mouth, inserting his tongue and causing the boy to shiver. Matthew moaned again and pulled back to look into Gilbert's eyes.
"Clean up this mess."
"Vhat?!"
"You heard me." Matthew pulled himself off, being careful not to wiggle a whole lot as both of the men sported some rather confining pants by now. Gilbert, meanwhile, stared at him utterly speechless.
"You do nod jus…! You little…!" A great frustrated "raaaagh!" escaped Gilbert as his face turned red, with embarrassment (as he felt rather tricked just then), anger, and arousal.
"I love you Gil, but I'm not your maid." Matthew swallowed, hoping he sounded a lot more casual than his statement really was. "But uhm…" The Canadian's blush deepened. "I-If you still want to after… Uhm… You finish then… Uhm…" How else was he supposed to say it? He yelped and jumped back when he saw Gilbert get to his feet and speed around the room, picking up the thrown cans and splinters from the dead table. "What are you doing?"
"Vhat does it look like I'm doing?!" Gilbert was not sure if he had ever cleaned so much so quickly ever in his life.
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Notes:
Westen--West (It's Gilbert's nickname for Germany)
Das is gut--That is good (or this is good… Something like that)
62 years--The Kingdom of Prussia was officially dissolved by the allies after WWII in 1947.
Okay, just a sort of way to get my frustrations out. It's sorta a metaphor for my life right now. Me being Prussia and the voices representing everything the "vampire of despair" (Title of Show anyone?) has been telling me about college. But Matthew then again is all of my friends combined (no that doesn't mean I'm having sexual relations with them xD) reminding me that what I'm doing now isn't stupid, I do have something to be grateful for and something that is going well in my life.
Lol, bet you weren't expecting that ;P sorry to spew that at all of you. Also, yeah, I realize I should be working on Aftermath but I couldn't write while in this funk. Hopefully it will get better and I can have twelve posted before long.