Regrets

by BeagMacTire

A mysterious woman finds herself unexpecdedly aboard the USS Voyager, her appearence forces Janeway to reexamine the way she looks at her crew, particularly her first officer, and the ex-borg who holds her heart. Star trek voyager and the characters therin aren't mine! Written for fun, not profit. My first try at a fic, be gentle with me. J/7 implied, spurred on by OC

Regrets

Star date: 54970.1

Harry sighed as the chirp of the captain's console told him it was the end of his shift. Like clockwork the captain strode out of the turbo-lift with a gruff, "Morning Ensign."
He frowned, it was a rare occurrence that Janeway showed she was tired but he knew better than to question her, "Captain."
A few seconds behind her Chakotay cheerily strode onto the bridge. A dark look glanced across Janeway's eyes as her first officer entered. Again not wanting to rock the boat Harry handed over command, "See you later captain! We're all going to the ox and lamb later, care to join us?"
She smiled softly, "We'll see. Thanks Harry."
Sitting in her chair she held the bridge of her nose with a subtle wince, she growled internally when her hawkeyed first officer caught onto it, "Captain are you alright?"
Thanks Chakotay, announce the fact I'm not on top form to two shifts of officers, you thoughtless arrogant... nice thoughts Kathryn... Nice fecking thoughts! She managed a strained, "Yes I'm fine, just a headache."
"You should see the doctor about those, they happen far too often."
Yes, and you should jump out of an airlock, but that's not happening either! "Your concern is noted." She allowed a hint of hostility to sneak into her voice; she smiled to herself as she saw him recoil slightly. Ha, hint taken!
Stretching she made herself comfortable, just as a white flash appeared on the bridge. A young woman dressed in black appeared to be thrown from it, rolling she crashed into the ready room doors, with a snarl she leapt back towards the light, it disappeared and instead she landed a hefty punch to Chakotay's open jaw. Phasers were instantly drawn but she did not seem to notice them or the large man rolling on the floor howling in pain. The young woman threw back her head and released a frustrated roar which could have stopped an army of Klingons in their tracks.
Janeway stood, trying to hide her amusement at her first officer's clear agony. Choking a chuckle she slammed her command mask in place and growled, "Who the hell are you?"
The woman turned to her and froze. Her young face paled and her mouth hung open like she had seen a ghost, her voice was a weak whisper and she stammered, "C...Captain Janeway?"
Raising an eyebrow Janeway noticed the Starfleet insignia tattooed on the girl's neck, with a frown she replied, "Have we met?"
The girl swallowed hard and released a hard breath; she turned to no one in particular and growled her voice thick with pain, "How dare you. How fucking dare you! Stop this Q! This cruel even for you! Why the hell would you do this?" She dropped to her knees and punched the deck causing a dent in the floor, "DAMN IT Q!"
Eyes widening in surprise Janeway subtly reached for her phaser, the girl released a long sigh, "You won't need it I won't hurt you; I swear." The girl closed her eyes briefly, "I suppose you want to take me to the brig?"
Janeway took her hand off of the butt of her phaser, "Not necessarily. Come to my ready room."
She was surprised when the girl rose wordlessly and made her way solemnly over to the doors, keeping her eyes down. She frowned when she realised the girl needed no direction, "Go in, I'll be in momentarily."
Nodding the young woman entered.
Once the door slid shut she turned to Tuvoc, "Any explanations?"
He shook his head, "I can find none captain but she did yell 'Q' which I think it is safe to assume a member of the continuum is involved."
Holding the bridge of her nose again Janeway groaned, "Damn. Right, I'll keep a phaser on me just in case. I'm going to have a word with our guest."
Chakotay, still whimpering pathetically, shakily got to his feet. His jaw and nose were broken and the blood was running onto his uniform, feeling unsympathetic Janeway barked, "Commander go to sickbay."
He managed to mumble, "Aye."
As she made her way over to the ready room doors Tuvoc followed her, "Captain, need I remind you of the damage she did to the floor?"
Janeway paused, normally she would welcome her friend's presence but something about the girl unsettled her and she wanted to tackle that head on without distractions, "No Tuvoc, I'll call you if anything goes awry."
He reluctantly nodded, "Aye Captain."

Janeway's breath caught in her throat as she entered the ready room, the girl was stood with her back to her looking out into the galactic cluster they were passing, something about the way the stars shone in the girl's blue grey eyes. Janeway felt a swell of pride form in her chest and a warm smile spread over her lips.
The girl said softly, "I'm sorry about the floor; I'll fix it."
Raising a hand Janeway said with an unusually casual tone, "Don't worry about it..." she paused, "Who are you?" the question was softer than it had been on the bridge.
The young woman appeared to be reluctant to look at Janeway and kept her eyes on the grey carpet, "I am nobody, as I do not appear to exist. But sufficient to say my name is Faolwen."
Janeway's head began to throb slightly, shrugging she wasn't going to pursue the matter, "That's an interesting tattoo you have."
Her hand subconsciously drifted to her neck and covered the emblem, "It's not a tattoo."
Janeway frowned and was taken by surprise by the concern which twisted her gut, "What is it?"
The girl waved casually, "A brand."
She froze as her gut tightened, "Who branded you?"
The girl blinked slowly, still unable to look at the captain, "May I sit down."
Snapping out of her unexplainable mood she nodded and indicated to the sofa, "Please."
Pausing Faolwen seemed to be searching for the right words, eventually she managed, "Captain, what is the star date?"
"54907.1"
Pinching the bridge of her nose the girl squeezed her eyes shut, "Why now?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Sorry, talking to myself... Captain I cannot disclose to you what you want to know."
Janeway couldn't help but get her back up slightly, "Why not?"
Picking up on the slight growl in her tone Janeway was surprised the girl seemed unaffected by her commanding presence as she replied neatly, "TPD"
putting her head in her hands Janeway released a long groan, "Oh God, not another damned incursion."
Faolwen raised her hands in surrender, "Hey, not my fault! Blame Q, he's the one who threw me here. We were having a fight and well... he cheated!"
"Are you a Q?"
"No..."
Janeway's frown deepened, "Please explain."
The girl frowned and looked to the ceiling her eyes persisting in their avoidance of Janeway and it hadn't escaped the older woman's attention that the girl was sitting as far away as possible from the captain, "I'm a bit of a mongrel really." She gave a soft laugh to herself, "Personal joke." Smiling slightly she continued, "I am half human half... something else."
Janeway detected a hint of bitterness in the girl's voice, "You are part human?"
"Technically I am human. At least that is what my records say."
Stretching the girl got up and sauntered away from Janeway as if keeping a distance between them, "I'm what happens; when Starfleet and meets the unknown."
The captain couldn't help but feel a twinge of pity for the young woman who, for all her apparent strength, looked so vulnerable. She stood to touch the girl's arm but she flinched away, eyes locked on the outstretched hand. It seemed to scare her; with a gentle nod she pulled her hand back and returned to her seat.
"So, Faolwen, why do you think Q sent you to this time frame?"
The girl glared hatefully out of the window, the intensity burning in her eyes made Janeway recoil, there was something hidden behind those blue-grey eyes, something wild and dangerous and it was angry, "Because he is a sick and twisted individual who's current delight is to rip my self control into shreds." Faolwen's hands were balled into tight fists and blood pooled where her nails dug into her palm, "God help him should our paths cross again because I will rip him to shreds."
Janeway could have sworn the girl's eyes flashed amber and her teeth seemed to sharpen but with a blink she saw them gone and Faolwen had calmed, "Which Q sent you here?"
"Q's son. I believe you sorted him out a few months ago."
Nodding she frowned, "I thought we set him straight."
"Oh, you did! I just came along and screwed everything up again."
Leaning forward the captain inquired curiously, "Meaning?"
A dark smile tugged at the corner of the girl's lips, "Let's just say he can't handle rejection."
"Just like his father."
Faolwen laughed slightly, "I remember you telling me about that..." The girl cut of sharply and turned her back to the captain.
Again freezing Janeway caught what the girl was saying; remembering her reaction on the bridge Janeway spoke carefully, "You know me Faolwen, don't you?"
The girl waved a hand over her shoulder, "We've met."
"Look me in the eye."
"No."
The blunt refusal caught Janeway unawares, "If we are just acquaintances then you will have no difficulty to look me in the eye."
Gritting her teeth Faolwen growled, "I said we've met I did not say we were acquaintances."
"So more than acquaintances." She saw the girl visibly flinch, "On the bridge you looked as if you had seen a ghost and since then you haven't been able to look at me and you are keeping your distance. Why?"
"T. P. D."
Janeway snorted, "To hell with it! Who are you?"
"My name is Faolwen."
Feeling her patience wearing thin Janeway grasped the younger woman's arm, the power in the muscle beneath her hand was tremendous and Janeway had to steal herself to keep hold as she spun the young woman with a growl, "Who are you?"
A snarl tore from the girl's lips and she locked eyes with the captain making the older woman stop dead, "My name is Faolwen Janeway."
The captain's hand fell limp from the girl's arm, she mumbled numbly, "Janeway... you're half human..." Janeway could feel her eyes' burning as the younger woman's fierce glare was slowly crumbling into rebellious tears, "You're my daughter." The last statement was barely a whisper and Faolwen merely nodded, "You said it was cruel for Q to send you here. Why?"
"I can't say." All strength had left the younger woman's tone, "Before you ask, I don't know my father; I only know he is dead."
Nodding Janeway sat slowly onto the sofa and let the shock sink in, her badge chirped, Commander Tuvoc to the Captain...Come in Captain... Captain
The ready room door burst open, Tuvoc and Seven strode in, the Vulcan aiming a hand phaser at Faolwen's head, the borg also trained her phaser rifle on the young woman.
Raising her hands theatrically Faolwen sighed deeply, "Hello Seven, Tuvoc."
The Borg's ocular implant raised slightly, "Have we met?"
"Not yet."
Janeway's head had dropped into her hands and she did not acknowledge the arrival of the two officers. Tuvoc approached her, cautious as he passed Faolwen, "Captain, are you injured?"
"No Tuvoc, just a little... overwhelmed."
Seven glared at the young woman, "Come with me."
Janeway's head snapped up, "No Seven. She's a friend I don't believe she poses a threat. Would you find her some quarters Seven?"
The Borg replied in a clipped tone, "I will comply."

The turbo-lift journey was awkward to say the least; Faolwen broke the uncomfortable silence, "So how's things going with that Chakotay hologram?" Seven stiffened, Faolwen oblivious corrected herself, "Sorry, I got my history wrong, you've gave him up haven't you. Sorry."
"You will terminate this conversation."
The younger woman smirked, "As you wish."
"Computer halt turbo-lift." The machine lurched slightly as it stopped, Seven turned on the younger woman, "Who are you?"
"My name is Faolwen. To tell you anymore would be a direct violation of the TPD."
Seven frowned, frustrated, "You said more to the captain I presume."
Faolwen's face fell, "I lost my temper. I shouldn't have said anything. I was careless with my words."
"You will not be so careless with me?"
A flicker of amusement crossed the young woman's lips, "Nope."

Staring at the ceiling in her quarters was beginning to become mind numbingly boring, exactly what she needed. Janeway sighed and ran her hand through her short bob. "God, what the hell am I going to do now?"

Faolwen had the majority of three days in her quarters alone, despite several attempts from Tuvoc to have a security detail posted outside her room. When day four came Janeway strode into the darkened quarters, "Faolwen?"
"Captain?"
Janeway made out the shape of the young woman leaning against a bulkhead staring out into space, "You haven't eaten in nearly four days, come to the mess hall."
The young woman chuckled softly, "You have asked me to join you everyday so far. I won't tell you anything Kathryn."
The Captain sighed, "I don't want your secrets but starving yourself won't help."
"I doubt that it serves anything that would suit my pallet."
Janeway smiled, "I could always use some of my replicator rations."
Sighing, the girl pulled on her black denim jacket, "Alright. I'll come."

Harry leapt out of his seat when the captain entered, following her was a young woman, slightly taller than the captain with a thin frame and a predatorily gate. Everything about the other woman's demeanour, from her poker straight auburn hair to her beautifully classic features, sent shivers down the young man's spine. Shaking himself, he swept the feelings away, "Hello, my name is Ensign Kim."
The girl took his hand, he was surprised how warm and soft her skin was, their eyes met and he was instantly charmed. She replied smoothly, "Yes, I know you. But you don't know me. My name is Faolwen."
A stupid grin spread over his lips and he was momentarily struck dumb, Janeway chuckled, "Ensign, at ease before you sprain something."
His chest deflated and he returned to his seat, Tom, who had been watching him with a hawk eye grinned, "Don't bother Harry, that one's trouble if I ever saw it."
B'lanna punched her husband's arm, "Jeez, give her a chance. What happened to the not making snap judgements anymore?"
He rubbed his arm and frowned, "Sorry B'lanna. But something about her gives me the creeps."
B'lanna sighed and returned to her meal, the young woman had put her on edge too, but there was not chance in stovokor she was going to admit it.

Looking through the vapour of her coffee Janeway watched the young woman carefully, the more she studied the girl's features the more of herself she saw. The eyes and cheekbones were undoubtedly Janeway and certain expressions that she pulled seemed to be like looking at an image of a younger self. The younger woman paused, "I can't answer any questions about events but because you already know who I am I guess I may be able to answer any queries about my personality."
Janeway snapped out of her daze, "That might help me out a bit." She smiled, "As long as you can sensor the conversation."
Smiling slightly Faolwen nodded, "Very well. Do you mind if I get to know you a bit more?"
Janeway shook her head, "No, not at all. But surely you know me well already."
Faolwen's face fell for the briefest second which made Janeway's stomach twist, the girls said softly, "I would like to know this you."
Janeway looked above the girl's head as Chakotay approached them, "So our guest has finally left her quarters."
A snarl tore from between the girl's lips and she spun to her feet to face him, Chakotay looked alarmed as Faolwen growled, "YOU!"
Chakotay barely had time to react before Faolwen's fist collided with the side of his face for the second time. She immediately followed through with another punch and a heavy kick to the gut. Flying backwards he took out several tables and chairs; before he slumped, unconscious in the wreckage.
Janeway leapt to her feet, "Faolwen!" She grabbed the young woman's arm amazed by how solid the twitching muscle beneath the black denim was. As soon as Janeway made contact Faolwen relaxed and turned to her with no hint of anger in her eyes, she seemed to snap out of some sort of trance, she glanced down to the unconscious first officer, "Ah, I keep forgetting I'm in the past."
Janeway glared at the young woman, "I don't allow assault on my ship!"
B'lanna leapt to her feet and charged over to the young woman, "Who the hell do you think you are?"
Faolwen looked away from the Klingon, her jaw tightening with frustration, "You have no idea."
The dangerous tone the younger woman used caught B'lanna off guard and the fierce look in her eyes made the half-Klingon think she was about to join Chakotay on the floor.
Janeway pulled Faolwen away, "Captain to transporter room 1 beam commander Chakotay to sickbay."
"Aye Captain"
Command mask firmly in place Janeway's eyes bore into the younger woman; B'lanna flinched with the intensity of the gaze. But amazingly the young woman stood bombproof against the clear threat, "You will return to your quarters."
"Aye captain."

Lying on her back and staring at the ceiling Faolwen refused to sleep, her heavy eyelids threatened to close but she fought against them, "No, I won't."
Unable to stop herself, the gently hum of the ship lulled her into a deep sleep.

Seven glanced at the two guards outside Faolwen's quarters, without a word they admitted her. The former Borg frowned as she heard distressed whimpering coming from the bedroom. Closing the door she spun suddenly as hoarse cries came from the room. Seven rushed through the quarters into the bedroom. Faolwen thrashed on the bed, her eyes closed but streaked with tears. She roared in fear. As she approached Seven managed to discern what she was screaming, "NO! GET OFF ME! MOTHER! MOTHER NO! GET AWAY! I'LL KILL YOU GET BACK! MOTHER!"
Seven grasped the young woman's shoulder, "Faolwen, you are having a nightmare, wake up!"
Launching bolt upright the young woman was breathing heavily, her eyes frantically searched the room before settling on Seven. Surprising the ex-drone Faolwen launched herself into the other woman's stomach and began to weep softly. Remembering an occasion when Naomi had cried with her mother Seven mimicked Samantha's response and so she awkwardly began to stroke Faolwen's soft auburn hair.
"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have seen that." The young woman stood and walked briskly over to the window, though she displayed a confident posture she was clearly embarrassed.
"Are you damaged?"
The young woman chuckled darkly but did not answer the question, "Can you remember being assimilated, Seven?"
She replied carefully, "Yes, it was the most painful experience of my life."
Pinching the bridge of her nose Faolwen continued, "Seven, I did a terrible thing."
"What?"
Shaking her head the young woman changed the subject, "Do you think the captain will let me out of my quarters soon?"
"You assaulted a bridge officer." Seven's tone was hard.
Faolwen hissed, "I defended the honour of a friend in what I did. If it weren't for the temporal prime directive I would strip that man bare to show the world what he really is behind that mask of peace and wholeness."
Seven began to tense, "What did he do to you?"
"I cannot say truthfully it was just for me, he hurt a person who is very dear to us. But it might be easier to tell you what he didn't do to me."
Not understanding the meaning of Faolwen's statement Seven began to retreat, "I will inform the captain you are well."

"Seven? What's wrong?"
The puzzled look on the former drone's face had worried Janeway as she admitted the younger woman, Seven glanced at the captain and replied robotically, "Our guest is well."
Standing Janeway rounded her desk, "What's wrong?"
"She said something, I am not sure I should repeat but I do not understand its meaning."
Leading Seven to the sofa she sat, "Tell me."
When Seven took the seat beside the captain without hesitation Janeway became even more worried, taking an uncertain breath the drone began, "Faolwen inquired on the length of her confinement, I stated she had assaulted a bridge officer... and she..." Seven frowned, her edict memory recalled Faolwen's exact words but she found the tone perplexing, "She said I defended the honour of a friend in what I did. If it wasn't for the temporal prime directive I would strip that man bare to show the world what he really is behind that mask of peace and wholeness."
Janeway leant forward, "What did she mean by that?"
"I asked what the commander had done to her. It is her answer which confuses me, she replied, I cannot say truthfully it was just for me, he hurt a person who is very dear to us. But it might be easier to tell you what he didn't do to me."
Janeway felt her stomach turn and she stumbled to her feet, "Good God..."
Seven launched to stand by her, "Captain?"
"Dismissed!"
The young woman recoiled, "Captain, I'm sorry I didn't mean.."
"It's not you Seven I just need a moment alone."
Reluctantly Seven exited and Janeway collapsed onto the sofa the beginnings of what would be a hellish headache beginning behind her eyes. She tapped her comm. badge, "Janeway to Faolwen."
"Uh huh?"
"Report to my ready room."
There was an uncomfortable pause, finally she answered, "Be right there."

Faolwen avoided Janeway's eyes when she entered the ready room, focusing on the captain's collar, "You wanted to see me."
Janeway's tone was soft, "You should have told me why you attacked Chakotay."
"It was none of your business, and I am assuming you worked it out."
"Yes. How.. what happened?"
Faolwen pinched the bridge of her nose, "I can't. Not without completely screwing up the timeline."
"The timeline be damned."
"Fine, when I was fourteen Commander Chakotay took me on a 'training exercise' to help hone my survival skills for my approaching exam at the academy. While we were out there, so to speak, he made an enemy of me; a very dangerous decision."
Feeling tears burning in her eyes Janeway took in the form of her daughter, although she did not know the girl well, she still felt a maternal pull towards her. "Sit down Faolwen."
"I'd rather stand."
"Alright."
Janeway spoke carefully, "Who was the person we hold dear whom he hurt."
The young woman closed her eyes and snarled, "Seven of Nine. He made her life a living hell. So much so that she deemed it necessary to end it."
Janeway's face drained of colour and she opened her mouth to speak but all of a sudden the room went red and the claxons sounded, Faolwen seemed to search her memories and cursed violently before running out onto the bridge followed by the captain.
The familiar haunting voice of the collective drifted over the whole ship, "We are the borg, you will be assimilated resistance is futile."
Although she noticed the girl was shaking she heard her snarl, "Fucking bring it."
An unpleasantly familiar face came up on the view screen, "Captain Janeway."
This time Faolwen actually released a guttural growl as Janeway stepped in front of her, "Your majesty."
"You have someone who is of interest to me."
Glaring venomously at the queen Janeway growled, "You won't take Seven back!"
A vague look of amusement crossed the Borg's features, "No, I was more interested in the Balverine standing behind you."
Janeway frowned and looked behind her and saw only Faolwen glaring at the queen with unrestrained hatred. "Balverine?"
"You don't need to know."
Janeway turned to fully face the defiant young woman, "I think I do if the Borg are interested enough to come and get you."
"Mother please..."
The entire bridge crew froze and Chakotay dropped the PADD he was holding and stood, "You didn't tell me about that Kathryn..."
Seeing the girl's fist tighten and her turning she snapped, "Tuvoc close the channel!" She swiftly put herself between her first officer and the potentially lethal young woman, "Faolwen."
The young woman's lip twitched, "Yes mother."
Janeway felt her heart sink when Chakotay pushed her aside and entered Faolwen's personal space, "What exactly is your problem!" He gave a yelp of fright when the girl's blue grey eyes flashed yellow and she snarled, "You really don't want to know. So I suggest you back off before I tear your fucking head off!"
"FAOLWEN!" Janeway pointed to the view screen, "Right now we are fighting the Borg."
The girl replied coldly, "You're not. I am." With that she stormed out of the bridge.
"Tuvoc where is she heading?"
The Vulcan replied, "She has initiated a site to site transport to the torpedo launchers and is... has manually launched one torpedo without a charge in it." he paused, "Captain her life signs are no longer on board."
Janeway froze, "What?"
"It appears she fired herself at the Borg in an empty torpedo casing. The Borg have her in a tractor beam now."
"GET HER BACK!"
Chakotay barked, "No Kathryn! The Borg only wanted her, they appear to be ignoring us now, we should go."
This time it was the Captain who hit Chakotay; her hand crossed his face with a resounding crack, "Get the hell off of my bridge!"
Seven marched out of the turbo lift to see Chakotay recoil from a satisfyingly loud slap. She couldn't help but feel slightly good about the Commander's poor luck.

Faolwen found herself in familiar surroundings, the dimly lit corridors and hot humid conditions of a borg cube made her feel physically sick. A drone grabbed her arm but she relieved him of his head with a swift punch, she yelled, "Where are you?"
"Come with us."
With reluctance she allowed herself to be lead to a chamber, the Queen stood elevated in a construct similar to that of a box in a theatre. She opened a channel to voyager, she said smugly, "Captain Janeway, here is what she never wanted you to see."
The doors opened and over three hundred drones advanced on Faolwen.

Janeway could only watch as the drones circled Faolwen, the young woman looked up at the view screen and mouthed, close your eyes.
Janeway shook her head.
Please. Trust me.
Janeway turned her back to the view screen and ordered the crew to the same.
From the screen there came a fearsome roar and the sound of tearing metal rang out.
After what seemed like an age Janeway heard the Queen growl in frustration. Turning back she saw Faolwen glaring defiantly into the queen's eyes, standing level to her on a pile of dead drones. Janeway's breath caught as the girl's hand broke straight through the queen's force field and she grabbed her by the throat. The girl snarled, "No one, NO ONE threatens Kathryn Janeway!"
The Queen's black eyes met Faolwen's, "But we both know what happened to her in the end."
Faolwen's eyes hardened, "I wasn't going to kill you, to save the timeline you know... but then you said that and you just burned your last bridge. Unless you were from a different time then you would neither know I existed nor would be able to find me. This Cube is also out of its time, because these modifications..." She indicated to the regeneration alcoves, "Will not be implemented for another twenty years."

Janeway frowned as she caught the queen's statement and Faolwen's reaction.

Faolwen's grip tightened, her nails piercing the queen's neck, "Off with your head." With a swift jerk of her hand she relieved the queen of her head and crushed the duranium skull in her hand. Dropping it to the floor she hacked into the nearest console and beamed herself directly to her quarters.

Janeway stood outside of Faolwen's door, she had raised her hand three times to ring the bell but her nerve had faltered every time. When the turbo lift doors opened she barely looked up until a hand rested on her shoulder, "You must speak to her."
"Your right Seven, I just don't know how. I don't know how to approach the subject."
Her ocular implant rose, "Be direct in your questioning."
Chuckling Janeway found the confidence to press the chime, "I thought you would say that."
"Do you want me with you?"
Janeway noticed the young woman's hand was still firmly on her shoulder, she felt her heart warm slightly, "Actually Seven, that would be great."
A call came from inside, "Finally pressed the buzzer then! Come in!" Seven noticed, like before, the quarters were unusually dark, "I suppose you want an explanation of how I just took on an army of drones and killed the borg queen without so much as a scratch on me."
Janeway nodded, "That had occurred to me."
"Computer, lights."
Janeway blinked hard when the room was suddenly illuminated, for the first time Faolwen's torso wasn't covered, she wore a thin white tank top and Janeway felt her breath catch and her stomach turn as she saw the marks on the young woman's body. Around her neck hung a leather strap, with part of a starburst implant hanging from it. Seven studied the necklace, "This is Borg."
"I tore it from beneath my right eye." Faolwen wiped her cheek removing a layer of makeup to show a clear scar.
The air whistled out of Janeway, "You have been assimilated?"
"Twice."
Crossing the room she held her hand out to the girl who flinched away, "I realise this must be hard for you but why do you flinch away from me, you don't recoil away from anyone else."
Faolwen's lips tightened, "I can't."
Nodding Janeway examined the rest of her visible scars, "Who removed your implants?"
"I did, I either ripped them off or dug them out."
Seven's ivory skin paled even further, "The process should have killed you."
Laughing coldly Faolwen spread her arms, "As you observed I don't die easily."
"But still, the implants would have been regulating your vital functions and how did you disconnect from the collective?"
Faolwen shrank away, "Your asking too many questions."
Janeway felt the need to be alone with the girl, "Seven could we have a moment?"
The Borg nodded reluctantly, "I will comply."
Once they were alone Janeway turned to Faolwen, "I... I need to know what the Queen ment."
Faolwen's posture cringed slightly and she retreated to the corner of her sofa, "Please... Don't..."
Janeway sat close to the young woman speaking with more conviction, "I need to know."
Faolwen gave a whimper and closed her eyes, "I'll tell you how I got my scars, how I beat the Borg, just don't bring that up again."
The captain's voice was barely a whisper when she croaked, "I'm dead aren't I?"
Another humourless, sarcastic, laugh came from Faolwen's lips, "What gave you that impression?"
The young woman stood suddenly and charged into the bedroom of her quarters and locked the door.
Janeway followed and called to the door, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean... I'm sorry."
When after half an hour there was still no reply Janeway wandered over to the replicator and ordered a coffee. Sitting on the sofa she waited patiently, however she found herself drifting into a heavy sleep.

Janeway woke in Starfleet issue sheets in strange quarters, sitting up she saw she was still in uniform, frowning she got up. Faolwen was curled on the sofa, she smiled slightly as she realised Faolwen must have put her to bed. Remembering their argument she approached the young woman silently. She looked so defenceless and innocent in her relaxed state Janeway felt her heart warm contentedly. Faolwen's brow knitted and she frowned, she began to sharply shake her head and her hands balled into fists, within a minute she was thrashing violently on the sofa. Janeway quickly rounded the sofa and went to the girl's side, only to receive a wild punch to the nose, strangling a cry of pain Janeway crawled one handedly over to the girl as she began to scream, "NO! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER! GET OFF ME! MOTHER! MOTHER NO!"
Janeway felt her blood go to ice, as she knelt frozen she was blindsided by another bone shattering punch. This time she did cry out and Faolwen lanched awake. Janeway wasn't sure whether it was concussion but she was certain her eyes were yellow for the briefest of seconds before they found he on the floor. Jumping to her feet Faolwen immediately swept the captain into her arms with a cry of, "Mother I am so sorry!"
Janeway was too shocked to protest as the girl set of at a break neck pace, out of the quarters and up the corridor, staff in the corridors did not seem to see them and it took less than a second to reach the turbo-lift one hundred metres away from Faolwen's quarters, the girl barked, "Sick bay!"
As the lift began to move Janeway recovered her composure, "You can put me down."
The girl's grip tightened, "I am so sorry. Did I hit you hard?"
Janeway shook her head but quickly stopped as a torrent of blood poured from her nose, Faolwen's eyes widened, but she held up the hand she wasn't clamping over her nose, "I'm fine, it was just a glancing blow."
The girl seemed to become more and more distressed, "But I hurt you! I never mean to hurt you! But I always do!"
Janeway spoke softly, "Woah, woah, it wasn't your fault, I saw you having a violent nightmare and went to your side, I was distracted and I forgot to duck."
Her words did not calm the young woman who stared horrified at the blood seeping through the captain's fingers.

The Doctor dropped a PADD with fright when a tall dark haired woman burst into sickbay carrying a bloody nosed captain in her arms. Marching over he regarded the girl briefly, "I presume you are our guest?"
The hostile look in the young woman's eyes was enough to make even him nervous, "What happened?"
As she was placed on a bio-bed the captain tried to sit up only to be simultaneously pinned by two hands, the Doctor smiled to himself, "Lie down captain."
"It was my fault Doctor, I forgot to duck."
He rolled his eyes, "And I suppose that is what happened with the Commander also?"
He noticed the girl's fist tighten and her eyes hardened, "No, those were fully intended."
Pausing he studied the young woman, "Do I know you?"
She shook her head, her voice still mildly hostile, "No, but I know you Doctor, please treat the captain."
The doors of sickbay swished open, "Doc, have you got anymore of those pain killers this is still killing me..." Chakotay stopped dead when he saw the young woman standing in sickbay, she was dressed in a polo necked black jumper with long sleeves and tight black jeans, practically running backwards he uttered quickly, "Never mind! I'll come back later."
The girl pulled her lips over her teeth and a vicious snarl tore up her throat.
Panic filling his eyes Chakotay turned tail and fled Sickbay. Faolwen made to pursue but found a hand grasping her wrist tightly, "Don't."
Closing her eyes tightly Faolwen released a ragged and frustrated breath, "Fine."
When the young woman turned back to her Janeway smiled, "Good girl." A look of pain crossed the young features as their eyes met for the first time, though her appearance was youthful Faolwen's eyes were aged, and tormented.
The Doctor cut in cheerily, "Luckily you did not break your nose, just a burst blood vessel." He quickly ran a dermal regenerator over the captain's nose healing the shallow cut which had opened when she was hit, "Thank you Doctor."
The Doctor sighed as the girl finally began to relax; he raised an eyebrow, "According to the logs you were aboard a Borg cube yesterday. Regulations state you should be examined."
"I'd rather you didn't Doctor."
Janeway sat up as she saw the girl's clear discomfort, "Maybe the Doctor should look you over."
"He has already looked me over and I was the same as I was then."
"Faolwen, don't be difficult."
"Stop dictating to me!"
Janeway froze, "If you are going to remain on this ship you will follow my orders."
A note of bitterness entered the girl's tone, "I outrank you captain, you cannot order me to do anything."
"Oh really?" Janeway's tone became sarcastic but she did not realise the hurt the tone she used caused the younger woman.
"Yeah! My rank is fleet admiral! I got it after my rendezvous with the Borg..." She tore her jumper showing some of her scars, "Species 8472..." She tore the back of her jumper to show a set of claw marks, "And finally my service to a Starfleet admiral." With the last statement she seemed to deflate
"Which admiral?"
"You."
Janeway pressed gently, "Tell me what happened."
Tears threatened in the corners of the young woman's eyes, "Not here."
"Alright."

Janeway ordered a site to site transport to her quarters, when she sat on the sofa Faolwen stood awkwardly, "I can't say it..." She paused, "But I can show you." She blinked hard, "How much do you want to know?"
Janeway paused, "I want to know what happened between us to give you such regrets."
Faolwen's eyes met her own with a burning intensity which Janeway gasp. Sitting beside her mother she took the older woman's hand and closed her eyes. Janeway released a startled breath when she became immersed in Faolwen's thoughts.

They were standing in an area of pure white, Janeway looked to Faolwen who stood nearby, "Where are we?"
The girl seemed more comfortable here and replied with ease, "My mind. I am trying to decide where to begin. You and I have a disagreement which stopped us talking for five years, I don't know whether you will want to see it."
Janeway nodded, "Show me."
"It is not one of my more favoured memories, you may find it distressing. But here we go."

Faolwen was standing in front of a roaring fireplace, her eyes closed contenidly allowing the heat to beat against her face. The door behind her opened quietly, smiling she turned to face her mother, "Hi mom."
There was no welcome in Janeway's eyes, "What the hell is this?" she held a PADD in her shaking hand.
Seeing the piece of technology Faolwen's eyes became panicked, "You went through my things?"
"It was lying on top of your desk for the world to see!"
The young woman's tone became bitter, "I take it you do not approve."
Janeway threw the PADD which smashed against the wall, "Of course I don't approve! It is wrong! It is an abomination and I want nothing to do with you as long as you pursue this foolish fantasy!"
Tears burned in Faolwen's eyes, "You fucking hypocrite!"
"What?" Janeway's chest was heaving in fury
"How dare you preach to me when you have been hiding your own feelings for so long! I know who holds your heart mother and it is no man!"
There was a deafening crack as Janeway brought the back of her hand across the young woman's face, "HOW DARE YOU!"
Faolwen straightened and glared her mother in the eye, their combined fury could have stopped a fleet of Borg cubes in their tracks, "AT LEAST I ADMIT WHAT I AM! I suppose I got it from you!"
Janeway raised her hand again only to be stopped by Faolwen, "I have lived my ENTIRE life doing exactly what YOU wanted me to do! I am a successfull Starfleet officer with a flawless record and I stand to be given my own ship in a few months, I was an easy teenager, I never complained that Mommy was never home; because you weren't. But still you want more, what do you want from me?"
Janeway snatched her hand back, "I want nothing to do with you or what you are, get the hell out of my sight, get out of my house and don't come back!"
"FINE BY ME!" With that Faolwen stormed out of the house slamming the officer door behind her causing cracks in the door frame.

There were tears in Faolwen's eyes when they returned to the white room. Janeway's stomach was in knots and she sank to the floor, "What would cause me to be so... cruel?"
Faolwen sat next to her and said softly, "That was the day you found out I was gay."
Janeway's eyes became disturbed, "I threw you out because of that? But..." replaying the scene in her head she met the younger woman's eyes, "You know about...?"
Faolwen nodded, "Yes; and for one I think you should act on it. I never apologised for what I said in there, though you were cruel to me, I gave as good as I got. I'm sorry I never meant to be a disappointment."
Before Faolwen could flinch away Janeway grasped her forearm, "You are not a disappointment. You are marvellous beautiful young woman, I may not have known you long I know enough that I am proud to be your mother."
Faolwen breathed in deeply, "Do you want to continue?"
"What is next?"
"It is five years later, it was the next time I saw you, at my wedding."

Faolwen fidgeted awkwardly outside of the church, her dress whites rubbed her neck and her heart froze as an unexpected guest stepped off of the transporter, "Mother?"
Admiral Janeway's face was expressionless, "Captain, you have orders to leave earth effective immediately, there are four Borg tactical cubes heading for earth. You must come immediately." Though the news was urgent it was delivered in a cold dethatched tone.
Glancing back into the church Faolwen saw her fiancée, Rachael, standing at the altar, wincing she nodded, "Fine, let's go."

Faolwen sat at the desk of her ready room and began the ninth draft of a letter to Rachael when a message came up on the screen, she opened it and she felt numb, it read "Don't even bother coming home, I can't believe you left me at the altar. I don't care whether or not earth was about to explode you should have said something! I knew you didn't want to go through with it! Your still so fucking obsessed with her! You can't have her Faolwen! You never can!' the last line sent a sickening feeling through Faolwen's stomach, 'I hope you find someone you love with all your heart and I hope they break it!'
Feeling tears burning in her eyes Faolwen looked up when the door chirped, wiping her eyes she barked, "Come." She stood as her mother walked in, "Admiral."
"Captain."
For a moment Janeway's cold exterior faltered, "What's wrong?"
Faolwen growled to herself and quickly wiped away a rebellious tear which had escaped, "Nothing that would interest you." Her tone had been more bitter than she had intended and she saw the impact they had on the admiral, the mighty woman actually flinched.
"Who was she?"
Turning away from her mother Faolwen walked over to the window of her ready room and said sharply, "Just another abomination like me."
"Please Faolwen."
"Why now?
"The Borg..."
The younger woman cut off her mother's words, "No. I mean why did you wait until the final moment to get in touch with me. There are more experienced captains than myself on earth, why did you choose me? Is this some plot to get me assimilated?"
The admiral took a startled step back, "No! Of course not." She sighed, "Faolwen, you're my daughter, regardless of what our feelings are. I wanted to see you, I couldn't face the Borg knowing you thought I hated you."
"You do hate me. You called me a disgrace! You disowned me, called me worse than dirt. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have your mother openly say that you are a disappointment?"
That one hurt the admiral, she replied weakly, "No, no I don't... Faolwen, I..."
The room went red and the claxons burst through the admiral's words. The admiral's communicator bleeped into life, "Captain! One hundred and eighty Borg drones have beamed aboard they're on the bridge they're..." the communication was cut off.
The Admiral's eyes flew wide as she ran to the door, Faolwen tackled her mother, "NO!" The young woman's eyes were burning, "Stay here."
The admiral shook her head, "No Faolwen, I can't let my people down."
"Getting assimilated won't help them!"
Janeway gripped the younger woman's forearm, "Captain goes down with the ship."
Faolwen gripped tighter, "You're not a captain anymore! I am the one who goes down with the ship. The federation needs Admiral Janeway."
Their dispute was cut off as the ready room doors exploded sending both women flying into the bulkhead behind Faolwen's desk. Drones strode in and grabbed the admiral, Faolwen became like a maddened animal, she leapt over the desk and landed a heavy punch to the drone's throat and grabbed onto his head, with a leonine roar she tore his head from his shoulders and used the metal uncased cranium to smash the skull of another approaching drone. Snarling ferociously she put herself between her mother and the drones. The admiral yelled, "Faolwen run!"
"No." She quickly dispatched another drone who got too close.
There was a green flash and Faolwen crumpled, the admiral roared in grief as her daughter fell from the phaser blast, "GOD NO! FAOLWEN!"
The drones quickly overpowered Janeway, they dragged Faolwen to her feet as she snapped awake from what should have been a fatal blast, with a roar she tried to fight off the hoard of borg drones who had her restrained, "NO! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HER! GET OFF ME! MOTHER! MOTHER NO!" Faolwen released spine chilling snarl as a drone inserted his assimilation tubules into the admiral's neck, the older woman cried out in pain, seeing her daughter alive she called, "Faolwen!"
The younger woman desperately tried to free herself, she let out a long sorrowful whine as implants began to appear on her mother's face, the fear of becoming a drone was written on the admiral's normally bombproof expression. The drone holding her left arm's grip slipped allowing her to gain the use of her arm, locking eyes with her mother she drew her phaser, "I love you!" Tears blinding her she pulled the trigger, set to kill. Relief washed over the admiral's face as the blast hit her square in the chest. The drones dropped the limp admiral and moved in on the still fighting captain.
Faolwen felt her heart hammering in her chest, she dropped her phaser the pounding blood deafening her. With a wild howl she tore the assimilation tubules out of her neck, and out of the drone's arm. Her stomach warped and twisted as did her other organs causing unbearable agony through her being partnered with the burn of the nanoprobes coursing through her system she dropped to her hands and knees. Eyes burning like acid and screaming her throat raw...

Janeway felt as if she had been thrown out of the memory and she found herself lying on the floor, Faolwen was curled in a tight ball, tears streaked her pale cheeks. Standing she approached the young woman, a lump gathered in her throat, "I..." her words failed and she slumped down beside the vulnerable looking young woman. With trepidation she reached out and wrapped her arm around Faolwen's shaking shoulders.

Suddenly they were back in the ready room, Janeway was breathing heavily. Faolwen sent a message to Tuvoc stating her mother was taking the rest of the day off before walking over to the replicator and ordering two double scotches over ice. With a shaking hand she handed one to the shell shocked Captain. The young woman's voice was weak when she sat beside Janeway, "Now can you see why Q is being cruel?"
"Yeah."
The ready room chirped and Chakotay strode arrogantly in, his pride had been severely damaged by his public humiliation by both Janeway's and he wanted recompense, "Kathryn."
Kathryn instinctively wrapped a hand tightly around Faolwen's wrist, feeling the young woman tense beside her.
Chakotay, seeing the gesture snorted, "Are you two fucking or something?"
"She's my mother you sick bastard!"
His eyes narrowed, "So you say! I think we all know she has a soft spot for younger women. Seven for example."
Janeway released Faolwen in shock, the young woman snarled and barrelled towards the large man, she seemed to grow as she tackled his stomach.
Shell shocked Chakotay found himself staring into a pair of yellow eyes and the fearsome fangs of an enormous wolf, Janeway leapt up with an unusually harsh expletive, Tuvoc charged into the ready room hearing the commotion and fired his phaser into the huge beast. The wolf crumpled to the side and Tuvoc pulled Chakotay out from beneath it.
Janeway crossed the space between them in an instant, dropping to her knees she stroked the wolf's fur and checked it's breathing. When she found no sign she began to shake with grief and fury. Tears like acid burned her cheeks and her jaw was tight, her voice was a lethal hiss, "Chakotay."
He stood brushing the light grey fur from his uniform, "What? She attacked me."
Janeway felt like she would burst into a wolf form, "It was provoked."
Tossing his head arrogantly he huffed, "Hardly! I merely stated what I saw..."
"She was my daughter!"
His eyes held a cruel superiority, "Yeah, sure she was."
Even Tuvoc's passive expression twitched with anger, "Commander, cease this line of conversation."
He pushed the Vulcan away, filled with hubris now the freakishly strong young woman was dead, "Fuck off Tuvoc. I don't think she is suitable for command anymore, she has become emotionally unstable."
Janeway took a breath to roar her protest but a snarl cut across her, turning to the wolf she saw it was not there. In its place stood an equally terrifying Faolwen, eyes yellow and fangs drawn, "Thats it you chauvinistic, adulterous bastard!" the first punch she delivered to Chakotay's jaw made a audible crack as the bone shattered, the next destroyed his left cheek bone, and the kick to the gut obliterated his ribs. This time she did not let him fall, catching his hair as he fell she threw his like a rag doll into the railings in the ready room. Dragging her drawn claws across his face she raised her fist to crush his skull. Janeway caught the younger woman's fist. With a roar of frustration Faolwen threw the trembling and bloody commander to the deck. Janeway wrapped her arms protectively around the younger woman who pressed her head firmly into her neck. She said firmly through tears and gritted teeth, "This time, I'm not sorry."
"Neither am I."

Janeway stood with a steely resolve at the head of the staff meeting, "Commander Chakotay has been relieved of duty until further notice."
B'lanna huffed, "I suppose she.." She jabbed a finger at Faolwen, "...Will be taking his place."
Faolwen raised an eyebrow but otherwise did not react, Janeway stared the head engineer down, "No, Tuvoc will be assuming the position of first officer."
All eyes on the table turned to the silent Vulcan, "Thank you Captain."
Faolwen leant back in her seat and remained silent, B'lanna inclined her head, "I apologise, I didn't mean to be short."
The genuine look of pleasure in the younger woman's eyes caused B'lanna's breath to catch; her voice was quiet and soft, "Thank you 'lanna."
The half Klingon paused, "Lanna?"
Faolwen's face dropped, "Sorry, old habits die hard."
Tom clapped, "Speaking of dying hard, nice work with the borg."
Faolwen folded more into herself and she replied bashfully, "Thank you Tom."
Harry pitched in, "Must have really been something to scare the Borg queen!"
Janeway flinched, knowing now exactly what had frightened the Borg Queen, an indestructible girl who can turn into a wolf. Harry noticed his Captain's reaction and was quiet, Janeway cleared her throat then began, "We are going to continue our coarse as usual..."
"Captain we are detecting a worm hole..."

Several hours later (Admiral Janeway is aboard)
The captain growled in frustration as she glared at the older version of herself. Faolwen entered sickbay like a nervous deer, but she frowned, "Who are you?"
The admiral turned to the younger woman and frowned, "Who are you?"
They both replied in clipped tones, "Admiral Janeway."
They both froze, Faolwen took a step back, "You're not Admiral Janeway."
"I am!"
"No, Your not! You would know who I was if you did."
The Admiral stood and the Captain groaned as she felt the mother of all headaches begin to roar in her skull. Then Faolwen paused, "Oooooh! I remember about you!" She clapped a hand over her mouth, "Shit, I shouldn't have said that."
Both Kathryn Janeways regarded her with interest, the admiral spoke first, "How do you know about me?"
"TPD."
The older woman raised a silver eyebrow, "I think we are somewhat passed that now."
"You are, I'm not! Continue like I'm not here."
The sickbay doors opened and the heartache in the admiral's face was obvious as she saw the tall blonde walk in. "Hello Seven."
The ex-drone nodded to the admiral before turning to the captain, Faolwen watched with fascination at the scene which unfolded in front of her. Her mother had told her the story of how they got home countless times, now she watched history playing out before her eyes. She had faded into the background and the scene carried on as if it was scripted. Her mother could remember every word that was said in that room and it was all happening as planned. She released a long breath of relief that she had not meddled too deeply in the past. A white flash caught her eye. Q stepped out, from the lack of reaction she assumed she was the only one to be able to see him, his eyes were solemn, "Time to go Faolwen."
Looking back to the three women and the doctor she closed her eyes and nodded, "Alright Q, let's go."

The white flash where Kyla had been standing caught Janeway's eye, she turned and blinked slowly, with slow breath she whispered, "See you in a few years."

Faolwen took a deep breath as she found herself deposited on the Janeway farm. She turned to Q, "Why did you send me there. It was cruel."
He tilted his head and spoke evenly, without trace of arrogance or humour, "Was it? Go into the house."
Faolwen frowned and peered through the glass. Her breath caught and her chest swelled. In front of the open fire playing on the floor with their red setter was her mother; Seven lay on the sofa laughing at the rough and tumble before her.
Turning to him with tears in her eyes she couldn't suppress a sob, "Q." Wrapping her arms tightly around him she wept happily into his neck, "Thank you."
He grinned, "Thank Aunt Kathy, she stopped the continuum from removing my powers and turning me into an amoeba."
Playfully punching his shoulder she laughed past her tears, "The argument was set up wasn't it?"
He shrugged, "I've always thought you were pretty, but yes, the whole my pursuing you was a rouse to make you angry with me, enough for you to think I sent you there out of spite. Otherwise you would never have agreed to it. You Janeway's are all the same; you do nothing for your own gain. Every now and then you really need a boot up the arse."
Mock frowning at him she wiped away her tears, "Thanks again Q-ball."
Grinning he raised his fingers, "Watch it wolfy."
Her jaw dropped and she took a playful swing at him as he clicked his fingers.

Opening the door to their warm farmhouse Faolwen felt her voice thicken as she called, "Mom, I'm home!"

By Kat