Chapter One

"Here is the truth about self-discovery: it is never without cost." — The Turner House by Angela Flourno

I wasn't surprised when I got the call. I had noticed things in the last couple of years, and more and more often in the last couple of months. I knew she probably thought this was coming out of the blue - she never thinks anyone notices her. But I noticed her. Everyone noticed her. I noticed the slight hesitation as we walked past a baby store. I noticed her linger slightly on the picture Jessica posted of her baby on Facebook. So, I knew Bella probably thought she was surprising me. But when she sat across from me, skinny legs curled underneath her, nursing a large glass of pinot and told me, "I think I'm ready. We're ready. We want to have a baby." I really wanted to say, "Yeah, I know." but instead I squealed in surprised delight.

What surprised me was when she said, "and we want to have it in Forks."

"Oh," replied, pushing back from our embrace and retreated to my lounge chair. I grabbed a handful of chips to keep busy.

"Don't eat your feelings," Bella chided, pulling the chip bowl away. "Tell me what your thinking."

I screwed my face up at her in response, "I'm thinking, why Forks. We don't live there. Don't you want to have a baby where you live?"

"That's not what you're thinking - you're thinking that you don't want to see Jacob again."

I glared at her, just for the moment it took to compose myself. The biggest surprise wasn't that Jacob and I weren't together anymore, it was what ended us. Life ended us, and not all the life threatening things we had been through either. It was the ordinary things, the dirty socks, the beer, leaving and staying, dreams, regrets, bills, milk left on the counter, being late; all those things the books don't talk about. And it didn't end in a big, dramatic scene either. It just sort of slowly withered and died. Until one day I left, and I don't even think Jacob noticed. We hadn't spoken a single word since.

"That wasn't what I was thinking, thank you Bella. You're physic radar is a little off today. I was just thinking, why do you want to uplift your whole lives? We love New York, we have amazing jobs, there are always incredible things to do, don't you want a baby to have all this too?"

"Babies don't care about the nightlife, Aunty Leighton." Bella teased lightly, her voice still soft. I hated the sympathy. Her and Edward had been tiptoeing around me for years. They were more upset by the breakup then I was.

"Yeah, well you tell that to Aunty Alice and Aunty Rosalie."

"I want to have him somewhere ... safe. We don't know what will happen with, you know, everything. I want to be near Charlie," she shrugged, showing her true vulnerability for once. I knew she was still afraid of the Volturi, who was apparently still tracking us and part of the reason we were in one of the biggest cities in the country. "I know you haven't been back in a long time, and it will be hard for you, but we would really like it if you came with us. I want you to be there."

"For God's sake, I'll go. Don't give me that look," I rolled my eyes.

"What look?" Bella asked innocently.

"The Bella Swan look," I replied taking a long sip of my drink.

"Well, it worked, didn't it?" She grinned as threw a chip at her.

"I actually always thought Edward would be here for this moment." I said, looking around. Edward had an uncanny, sometimes creepy, ability to appear from seemingly thin air. New York made him jumpy, I knew he'd be happy we were leaving. Charlie would also be pleased, he only visited once a year and refused to unholster his gun for the entire duration of the trip.

"He's hunting tonight with the others." Bella said through a mouthful of food as she lazily scrolled through Netflix. It was a usual Friday night - wine and movies with Bella and then nightclubs with Rosalie and Alice. Then maybe back to my place with whoever looked at me at the right moment, when the right song was playing, and if he was wearing the right shoes, and nice cologne. But now the thought of seeing Jacob again turned all those memories to ash in my mouth. I would probably need to spend an entire day rearranging my thoughts to fit this in.

"It's all going to be ok, right?" Bella asked, as I shuffled over to make room for her next to me. We buried out feet underneath the blanket together. I knew she was appealing to the side of me that she thought saw the future. It felt like such a dark spot on our friendship that I now felt myself flush red whenever she mentioned it. The truth that I couldn't tell her was that I knew nothing about how her future would be, how could I? Everything was unrecognisable.

She didn't push me as I tried to subtly ignore her question.

I pretended to watch TV but in truth I was thinking of a million things - how to keep the Volturi at bay once and for all, how to birth a half vampire baby and laying eyes on Jacob Black for the first time in 5 years.

#

"It's OK, little human - I've got these." I moved out of the way as Emmett reached over the top of me to the overhead compartment and easily swung my bag over his shoulder. The flight had been subdued - everyone was caught up in their own thoughts. Edward, Jasper, Emmett and Carlisle spent the entire flight with their heads together, taking in hurried whispers. Only Rosalie seemed to not feel the tension. She flicked through catalogues with nursery furniture and reading baby books, all while humming cheerily.

We arrived in Seattle and Edward had somehow managed to arrange to have two, brand new SUVs waiting for us at the airport. It was late, we were the last flight, and the airport was empty. As everyone loaded things into the car I found myself walking away, into the deserted carpark. The air was different here from New York. The night was cool, autumn was finally giving out to winter. I had so many feelings that they all seemed to give way to nothing at all. In a few hours I would be back in Forks - back in the Cullen's mansion. I still owned my house in Forks, but it knew it sat empty, no one had set foot in it since I left. As far as I knew Jacob didn't even go back to get his things.

I had already decided that my trip to Forks would be under the radar. I wanted to be in and out without anyone knowing I was there. As far as I remembered Bella's pregnancy would be quick and I might only be there two months. I would stay a little while after the baby was born, but then I had to get back to my life. My real life.

I had been trying to decide what to do about my life, my two lives, for years. After so long, I had finally reached a kind of peace with it all. I still lived them both, after so long I was finally happy in both. I recognised that I had only really been able to be happy in my real life after Jacob and I had gone our seperate ways. There had to be an equality. If I was too happy in one life, the other life felt sad and empty in comparison. I had seen a lot of people about what might have caused this, thing, curse? Blessing? Gift? I'd seen doctors, in both worlds. I'd seen physics and therapists. No one knew what caused it. But I finally thought I found something, well, someone that might be able to help me. Carlisle told me about it, or more I heard him talking about it. There was a coven of witches, living right here in Seattle. Apparently they were quite powerful. I was surprised at first - witches? Then I realised that nothing should surprise me. There are vampires and werewolves, why not witches too. There were probably fairies and dragons and every other mystical creatures out there too. This was my dream after all. I was going to get them to fix me. Something inside me knew they could help me. It seemed like a good time to leave here, with the story come full circle. Jacob would imprint on Nessie, I could leave knowing he found his happiness.

I took a deep breath, letting the freshness of the air fill my lungs. I was hesitant to move. I could feel a change in the air, that wasn't the approaching winter. I did not discern it with my intellect, but sensed it along my nerves. It was a slow, submarine surge, like the turning of a tide. Things were changing. Something big was coming.

#

I woke up to the sound of the busy Brooklyn street and I knew that I must have dosed off in the car. I dragged myself out of bed and into the kitchen to make coffee. I had classes today at Parsons, I was studying fashion design. I was good too. I just hadn't quite been able to make it on my own here, like I had in my other life. It was probably due to wasting so many years to depression.

"Morning," said Eleanor, rubbing her eyes as she took a seat at our kitchen bench.

"Coffee?" I offered her a cup, she nodded sleepily. She was out late last night with friends from College. She was studying business at NYU. It was strange, seeing the person you basically raised become an adult. She didn't need me anymore, except to raid my closet all the time. We could finally become normal sisters. It was nice. "So how was last night?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

At that moment, a large, hairy figure made his way out of Eleanor's room.

"Oh, hey." He said, looking surprised to see me. I grinned behind my mug as Eleanor turned a nice shade of red.

"Good Morning. Would you like some coffee?" I asked, barely holding back laughter.

"Oh. Nah. I'm going to take off. I might see you around.?" he said to Eleanor.

"Yeah, sure. See you." Eleanor said in a way that clearly indicated she would never see him again. At least he left with his dignity, not grovelling like they sometimes did.

As soon as the door to our apartment closed we exploded into a fit of giggles.

"He's not your normal type," I laughed, thinking of the messy man-bun and skinny legs.

"Ugh, I know. We were at this arty thing last night. He seemed like a good idea after a few martinis. I actually don't mind the man-bun, but he let it down as soon as we got home. His hair was freakishly long! Plus, he's a poet. Everything he said was so intense. It was off putting."

"I could have told you a poet is never a good idea." I laughed.

"Oh my god, I totally forgot you dated that poet for a while. He was strange!"

"Wasn't he ever. The problem is they're never strange when you first meet them. They just slowly become more odd each day."

"This guy was strange right from the start. So alternative that he thought it was OK to be himself from the start! I guess that's a blessing in disguise."

We sighed. There was still a slight awkwardness talking about our love lives together. For so long, I was dating Jacob and it really drove a wedge between us, in an inexplicable way. Eleanor had a lot of resentment for this strange place that stole me from her, somewhere she couldn't follow or drag me back from.

Plus, how could I call anyone strange when I was sure I was the strangest person alive. Possibly completely mentally ill - though my psychiatrist tried to assure me I wasn't. All the usual medications did nothing to stop my dreams.

We at breakfast together and left for our usual days at school. I could feel myself being tempted to dwell over what was happening or about to happen in Forks. It was hard lesson to learn, to give each individual life attention and leave the seperate from each other.

I had to stop myself from curling into bed at 6 o'clock. Strangely, it was summer in this life, about 6 months ahead in time. All the short naps and being knocked unconscious had resulted in more time spent in the real world. No, the lotto numbers were never the same.

I had plans. Tonight I was going to a gallery opening of a friend from school and then we would probably be going out. It was going to be a late night and it was going to involve alcohol. Plenty of alcohol.

I picked out a particularly nice little black dress. I looked good. I felt dangerous, like I had something to prove; even if the person I was trying to prove it to didn't exist in this world. I took a breath and with it took all my feelings about Jacob Black and shoved them into a box deep down inside my chest and I threw away the key.