Chapter One
"Happy Choosing Day!" These words are muttered in sarcasm every year among the factionless, but this time, I cannot bring myself to smile and laugh along with them. We all sit around the fire, and I glance at Evelyn, who gives me a slight nod. I breathe in, almost choking on the air. I cannot go to Dauntless. I am not cut out for that. How does anyone survive that initiation? And then I remember—some don't. I swallow hard, willing the tears away.
Evelyn stands and motions for me to follow. My hands begin to shake, and I get up to follow. We only go a little ways away from the fire, but it is far enough away for no one to hear.
She turns. "Are you losing your nerve?" she demands, glaring at me.
My heart is pounding. I have always been scared of this woman, ever since I was left to her by my parents. Of course I am losing my nerve, I think to myself. "No," I say quietly.
"Then what is the problem, my dear?" Her voice softens and she offers me a small smile.
I shake my head, trying to adjust my face to look tough and ready for what lies ahead. "Nothing," I finally say.
She nods and smiled. Grasping my hands in hers, she says, "my dear Emily, you will do so well. I know you will find him."
I nod as she walks back to the group to announce that the plan has begun. I gulp. This plan, the plan to find her son Tobias in Dauntless, seemed like a good idea at the time. Heck, it even sounded fun to go and test my strength and to be part of a faction. But now that Choosing Day is here, and now that Evelyn's lover John is going to hijack the ceremony and call names, and now that I have to sneak into the Amity group and choose Dauntless, I am horrified.
"Em." The word snaps me out of my funk, and I turn to see John. "You will be fine."
I nod, looking straight ahead. "I know." I am lying, of course. I will probably die the second I attempt to jump onto the stupid train. At that thought, my breath catches in my throat. I walk away from John, into a small hallway by the main room and begin to cry.
The rest of the morning goes by quickly. Too quickly. After I finish crying, a woman accompanied by Evelyn finds me and they begin to instruct me on how a "former Amity" should act and speak. They fill me on my back story—I was raised Amity by my parents Amy and Joshua Robinson, but grew tired of nobody standing up to each other and acting like life is one big lovefest—and finally give me a yellow tank top and red skirt and do my hair in the typical Amity fashion.
And then, it begins. John is able to knock out the woman who was going to read names before she entered into the building, and then I am left alone as he prepares. None of the factions have arrived yet, so I am in the large room by myself, looking at the five bowls in the front.
I get lost in my thoughts for a while—thoughts of my parents, my sister, Evelyn, Tobias. I do not know what he looks like, but Evelyn shared a lot about him. Hopefully, I will be able to find out where he is. People start to file in. Amity sits in the very front and center, with Erudite and Abnegation on either side of us, and Candor and Dauntless on either side of the room. My throat begins to close as names are called and kids go up to choose their new factions.
Because that is exactly what they are: kids. And I am not much older at nineteen. Evelyn tells me I look young enough, but as I look at these kids cutting into their hands and pledging their allegiance to one of the factions, I begin to feel ill. How, at sixteen, are these kids supposed to know where they belong? But then, my pity turns to myself and the other factionless. These children are blessed. They have somewhere to go, somewhere to live, and somewhere to work. I would like to see them try to survive my life. To survive without beds, without enough food, and sometimes without shelters or parents. The anger begins to boil inside of me, and then I hear my name.
"Emily Robinson."
My head snaps up, and I hear murmurs of "who is that? Have you seen her at school? No, I haven't…"
I stand, and the murmurs stop. As I walk onto the stage, it feels as if my feet are full of led and are unwilling to move. I will one foot in front of the other and stand in front of the bowls. John hands me the knife. Without hesitation, I cut my hand and let the blood run onto the Dauntless coals.
Gasps arise around me, and soon it is over. I am whisked away by the crowd of people in black, and we run out towards the train. Everyone is shouting and laughing, and I start to trail behind. I am small, but certainly not fast. I strain myself to keep up with these people, and soon I begin to wheeze. We finally reach the tracks, and I watch as one person after another swing themselves up onto the train. I begin to mimic their movements, running alongside the train, before jumping up and grabbing onto the rail of the train. I finally pull myself up with a huff, and I am able to stand up. I glance at everyone, and no one seems to really notice me. I avoid eye contact with those who do look, and I sit in the least crowded corner.
I shut my eyes and try not to cry.
"An Amity, huh?"
"She looks like one."
"She won't last a day."
"Why would she choose Dauntless?"