"You know when Caen's gonna come home?" he asked quietly, the evening breeze flicking his long hair about rather messily. His dull green eyes fell upon the woman who sat beside him on their shared veranda, and when she caught his gaze, she just looked down into her lap, knotting her thin fingers together. She shook her head. "Is he ever?" She didn't give so much as a shake this time, just lowering her head, melancholy at her companion's dwelling. "Can we visit him?"
Suika glanced up at him, untangling her fingers and wistfully signing a response. 'Maybe', she replied, pausing in thought. 'His visits are a lot more restricted lately.'
"He bit someone, didn't he?" Ganna reminisced, frowning and standing up, leaning his arms on the balcony railing in front of him. "They don't treat him well there."
'They don't.' Suika replied, standing up too, and meekly shuffling into that space between Ganna's arm and his body. He complied with the notion, curling his arm around her side and sighing softly, overlooking the city in front of them.
"We should go to bed." Ganna mumbled quietly, too exhausted from the longing in his heart to stay up for much longer. "I'm gonna, at least." Suika dipped her head, gently resting her hand back around Ganna's hip and walking back inside with him. Together, they collapsed onto their king-sized bed, Ganna pressed up against Suika, her in a similar position against him. She left a dim light on, bright enough to make her hand movements visible, dull enough not to keep them awake.
'You should call the hospital,' she signed meekly, to which Ganna just sighed.
"They don't like me because I call so much already."
'Making an appointment is the only way you get to see him.'
"Suika, please don't-" She pressed her fingers quickly against his lips, keeping him quiet so she could talk, so to speak. Or rather, so not to speak. As being mute entails.
'Call them. See what you can do.'
Just distraught from even thinking about it, Ganna rolled over, getting a little tangled in his hair. He just wanted to see Caen. That's what he wanted. Suika, seeing as she couldn't communicate with him when he wasn't looking, just curled her arms around his waist, pressing her lips softly to an exposed part of the back of his neck.
"Night," Ganna mumbled quietly, pressing his hands softly to Suika's on his stomach. She made a quiet noise in return, and said no more.
'Christmas?'
Suika was hardly impressed.
'They're going to make us wait until then to see him?'
"Mmhm," Ganna mumbled, running a hand through his hair. It had been a month since Suika had first pushed him to call the hospital, and he'd only just got around to doing it, hesitant out of fear of rejection and a feeling of annoyance to the staff. "Until Christmas." It was only June now. Suika groaned and leant against him, squeezing him tightly.
He frowned, leaning down and gently kissing the top of her head. "I hate waiting months to see my best friend," he mumbled weakly, feeling sick in his stomach. "I know he's hurting but-.. I c-can't stop it, I can't do anything, he's stuck in there and I-" Suika sighed, squeezing Ganna tighter, effectively silencing him. "Guess we're gonna have to wait, huh."
The months passed agonizingly slowly, and Ganna was very withdrawn, obsessing with one Caen-related thing after another, struggling to be patient as the months drew towards December. He thought he was losing his mind when Suika finally woke him up on Christmas morning. Today, they got to see Caen.
They got dressed in a flurry, both pretty damn excited to see their childhood friend again. Ganna had purchased some soft fingerless gloves and wooly beanies and cute sweaters to give to Caen, although he felt ill at the notion that they'd all have to be taken out of their gift wrap and inspected before they'd be allowed into the hospital. Perhaps the staff would be kind and let Caen open them. Although Ganna wasn't sure how likely that was.
It was hard for Suika to keep up with her companion as he dashed through these familiar hallways, and they were both accumulating glares from hospital staff and patients in the lobby. They had to go to the tighter, more secure ward to find the final member of their trio. Suika only caught up just in time to grab Ganna's arm and yank him back so he didn't crash into a security guard. She weakly dipped her head to the guard, before grasping Ganna's hand and making him walk at a steady pace.
They approached the visiting area, and they were both deadly silent, Ganna's fingers linked with Suika's now. He was buzzing with anticipation, clasping the presents under his other arm and skittering through the room with the girl at his side. He hoped Caen had been good so they weren't confined to either side of a dividing glass wall again.
They reached a lobby room, with a meek young man of Asian descent behind the desk, glancing down at his list of who was seeing who. Ganna noticed his little badge stating that his name was Min.
"You're here to see.. Uhm," he murmured, lifting his glasses and squinting at his paper. "K-.. Kain?" He tried, clearly not that great with the confusing mess that was the English language.
"Caen," Ganna breathed quietly, tightening his hold on Suika's hand to the point where it was almost crushing. "Yeah. I wanna see him."
"I'll get the guards to bring him this way," Min said with a small smile before nodding and stepping back behind his desk, speaking a foreign language into the phone.
Ganna stumbled back, pretty much falling into one of the chairs that were around the edges of the visiting lobby. He glanced down at Suika, who was just smiling at him and for him. 'You'll see him soon,' she assured, gently pulling him down for a peck on the nose. In response, Ganna just whined and moved his lips to hers, holding her in a kiss for a few moments, until he heard footsteps.
He felt his chest burst, as if seeing that young man across the room had lit an array of fireworks in his heart. "Caen!" he cried excitedly, jumping to his feet, hands balled into tight fists. He knew Caen couldn't hear him because of the soundproof glass between them, but the brief glimpse he got was enough to raise his spirits immensely. He caught Caen smiling as the guard led him through the passage and out into the yard. Suika was quickly on her feet beside him, and Min escorted them to where they were going to be meeting Caen.
The area was a large patio, the grass a little snow-kissed due to the season. Caen was already at one of the white circular tables beneath a shady tree, a short and spiky-haired security guard cautiously undoing Caen's.. 'safety precautions'. That meant the muzzle he'd been forced to don since he'd bitten someone here quite badly. Ganna could hardly contain himself, and held Suika's hand tightly, going over to their friend with her.
"Caen!" he wheezed, out of breath due to the immense happiness he felt. Caen smiled warmly at the two of them, shaggy brown hair covering his missing eye even more than Ganna remembered from last time. Security guard on standby, Caen slowly moved towards the two, Ganna pretty much almost pissing himself, psyched to hell. He weakly dropped the presents, too excited to be still enough to hold them. He was grinning like an idiot, too.
To Ganna's surprise, Caen moved to Suika first, giving her a smile and a quiet hello and gently kissing between her eyes. He was jealous for a second, but Caen turned to him soon after, soft amber eye glistening with tears. He almost laughed a little, just happy to see his friend again. Wearily, as if he'd been waiting years for this moment, he placed his hand on the taller man's cheek, and leant in. When Caen pressed forward with force, the security guard jumped and went to apprehend him, but observed that it was not an act of violence, but two of locked lips kissing passionately, Ganna's fingers tangling into Caen's scruffy hair. Suika just glanced away, happy for Ganna, happy for Caen, trying not to be sad for herself. The guard embarrassedly stepped back, looking at the ground. That didn't happen often.
"Caen," Ganna gasped, laughing breathily and just holding him tightly, smiling brightly and squeezing his eyes shut, breathing in Caen's scent, happy.
"It's good to see you," Caen murmured quietly, leaning only a little back out of the hug, holding Ganna's face in his hands again, smiling wide. "Are you even taller now?" he asked softly, voice hoarse. It seems he didn't do much talking around here.
"I'm as tall as I was last time I was here," he chuckled quietly, putting his hand on Caen's, enamoured and just so pleased to be seeing him again. "Maybe you got shorter."
Suika looked at them for just a moment, saddened by their clearly romantic stances. She should've just been content with being happy for Ganna, but she couldn't. She was selfish, and she wanted his commitment to be to her. But she wouldn't breathe a sign of it to the guy. Of course she wouldn't. She gently tapped the guard's shoulder, pointing to another spot, far enough away that she wouldn't have to hear the boys' conversation. The guard, who felt a notion of pity for her, having seen how she'd been looking at them, just nodded and rested his back up against the tree.
"Suika!" Ganna called, seeing her leave. She didn't even turn; she didn't want to see Ganna with Caen's hands all over him; she just stopped where she was. "Come back!" he laughed. Suika drew on a smile, turning back to face them, trying to ignore Caen's arms around Ganna's waist.
'Just going to sit somewhere else for now,' she sighed, smiling at the pair. 'Be back later.' With that, she turned and scuffled off.
To be perfectly honest with herself, Suika thought that she'd probably be a lot more comfortable with Ganna and Caen being so.. romantic.. were the former not that way with her on any other day. He'd kiss her any place she'd let him. He'd hold her until they were both asleep at night. It felt like he was teasing her with a taste of something she couldn't have. She couldn't help but feel like a substitute, but no, she couldn't ask him to stop or explain himself, because he'd say something rash; his autism made him prone to more 'insensitive' answers to questions like these. Then again, he had been taking that odd medicine lately.
Whenever she asked Ganna what they were, he'd just say friends, or it's a mystery or something else unclear like that. He never wanted to specify, and she doubted he could understand her feelings, even if she explained them to him. That's how he was, she supposed. She forced herself not to look back at them.
"So how are you?" asked Ganna, curled up against Caen's chest, Caen laying down in the grass, one arm behind his head, the other around Ganna's back.
"Alright, I s'pose." Caen mumbled quietly. "Nurses are still shit. Medication makes me want to vomit. Could be worse." Ganna frowned, giving Caen a soft squeeze.
"I have lots of medication too," said Ganna, absently sticking his hand up Caen's shirt to feel his warm stomach. "You're so thin," he wheezed, lifting up Caen's shirt and frowning at Caen's belly. "Do you eat at all?"
"It's this new medication they put me on after I bit a guy," Caen murmured. "Speeds my metabolism up. A lot. Means I gotta eat a lot to retain what I had. Don't get fed enough here."
"Wish I could sneak you food," Ganna whined. "Or have Enki cook for you. Maybe she can get hired here-"
"I don't think she'd want to work here," Caen mumbled quietly, looking at Ganna, who sensed his gaze and looked up at him too. The latter giggled softly, leaning up for a kiss. Caen rolled his eye and obliged with a smile.
Suika had been staring off at nothing and contemplating life for a short while, and by the time she wandered back to the table, she caught a glimpse of something she wished she hadn't. Caen and Ganna were pressed together beneath the tree, thankfully fully clothed (not like they could take their clothes off anyway), clearly lovingly making out. Suika burned with envy, hearing Ganna's dry breath and soft laughs between long kisses, seeing his fingers spider up Caen's neck and rest below his ears. She simply shuffled off and stood by the guard, who'd moved away a little, having a feeling that the patient would be mentally fine while eating face with his assumed boyfriend.
"Feeling like a bit of a third wheel?" The guard asked quietly to the woman standing beside him, raising one of his thick eyebrows. Suika weakly nodded. "Mm, I used to get that. When I moved into town, my boy was so into a girl who lived down the street. They were constantly together. Even when I became friends with the guy, he didn't want to spend time with me," the guard mumbled. "They split, though. It was awkward third wheeling for the longest time." She put a hand on the guard's shoulder, nodding a little. "I'm Shou," he nodded, crossing his arms and looking up at nothing in particular. "They assigned me the big guy's new guard recently. He bit a guy." Suika scoffed softly, rubbing her arm and staring off, upset. She appreciated his sympathy.
"Hey, Suiks!" Ganna hummed, using the affectionate nickname for her. It seemed his lips had grown numb, as he was talking a little funny, and his hair was ruffled (as was Caen's, for that matter). "C'mon, I wanna show Caen what I got him for Christmas!"
"I'll need to look through these, by the way," Shou murmured, cautiously leaning off the wall he'd been resting on and trodding over, Suika awkwardly smiling and following. "You.. can open them, I suppose. But I'll need to look them over pronto." Ganna felt a pang of familiarity at the guard's pronunciation of certain words; Shou sounded a bit like he did when he was getting to grips with American speech ( although Shou seemed more Japanese than Chinese like Ganna was).
'I got you some nice drawing tools', signed Suika, handing over a nicely wrapped package with a red bow on it. 'Pastels as well as pens and whatnot, since I didn't know what you are and aren't allowed.'
'Thank you', he signed in response, unintentionally showing her flashes of scarred palms. She hadn't heard anything about him injuring his hands. He smiled warmly and sat at the table next to Ganna, calmly and neatly unwrapping the parcel, revealing just what Suika had described. 'I'm not that great an artist, but I'll practice,'. With that, he let out a small laugh. Suika hadn't heard him laugh thanks to her in years. Maybe his time here was actually making him better. Caen had a look over it, before handing it to Shou to inspect. It seemed that the two got along well enough. The fact that Shou trusted Caen enough to leave him to make out with Ganna almost seemed like malpractice on Shou's part, but maybe they'd just cozied up to each other.
"I got you lots of warm stuff," Ganna said quietly, gently nudging over the few parcels he had for Caen. "Since it's winter and I want you to be warm." He hummed, looking down at his hands. An almost weary smile on his lips, Caen leant over and pecked Ganna's cheek, leaving the taller man a bit flustered. He repeated the process of opening his gifts, checking them out, and then handing them to Shou to a-okay. It seemed all of the gifts were alright to keep, except some sharp pens, which Shou apologised about and confiscated. It seemed Caen would be preserving his blunt pencils and square pastels.
"Hey," Caen said quietly, standing up. "Suika, I want to talk to you." Surprised, she stood up, flinching when Ganna did too. "Just her, Ganna." He said quietly, gently pressing his shoulder down and sitting him back at the table. "I'll be back before you know." He slowly walked a little ways away with Suika, before sitting down and inviting her to do the same.
"Are you okay?" he asked, tilting his head.
'I should be asking you, you're the one in a mental hospital,' she replied, almost too sassily.
"Very funny," Caen mumbled, hugging his knees. "You seem so sad." Suika looked away.
'That's because I am.'
"What's making you that way?"
She was very hesitant to answer. "It's alright if it's me," he said quickly, almost too quickly, and it took Suika only a second to realize he most likely already knew. Of course he did. He always had, hadn't he? He'd picked up on evidence in her actions and made a conclusion. "It's always been me. Right? Is it me?"
'It's not like that, I don't mean that you're the problem.' She replied slowly, hand movements a little sluggish.
"Are you sure?" Caen asked, shoulders tensing and eyebrow furrowing. "Haven't you always had something on me? Do you hate me? Are you jealous?"
Suika noticed the sudden shift in his demeanor, and she couldn't help but fear she'd struck a trigger. 'Caen, please calm down, I didn't mean-' She didn't get to finish, as he was glaring at her with his one cold eye, and she squeaked, intimidated.
"Are you gonna get me? Huh?" He asked, leaning in a bit. "Because you want him so bad? You're hungry for him, right?" Suika couldn't make a sound, terrified by her friend in this state. "I can still taste him, aren't you burning! Jealous?! Wish you were me?!" In the moment he reached out to do something with foul intent, he was kicked to the side, and Shou pressed his boot down against Caen's back.
"He needs to go back inside," Shou mumbled grimly, sad that this had to happen the way it did. "Visiting time is over." Ganna had heard the commotion and slowly stumbled over, frowning numbly at Caen on the ground, Shou holding his arms behind his back, Caen's cheek pressed hard against the ground. He just smiled tiredly up at the pair.
"What did you say?" Ganna said quietly. "Visiting time is over? B-but I just got to see him again! I had to wait months!" he cried, distressed. Suika held his arm, in warning.
"He's gone back into a bad state," Shou mumbled, having become previously acquainted with Caen's unruly side. "That's how the patients are here. They're sick and they need time away from other people. Need to heal." Caen was still struggling under Shou's boot and grip, almost seething with the effort. Before, only Suika had been frightened, but Ganna was noticeably a little shaken by the unpleasant demeanor Caen had taken on.
"Can.. he stay a little longer?" Ganna mumbled, shyly reaching down to at least pet Caen's hair. In the moment his arm was within reach, Caen's hand swung free of Shou's grip and tried to grab at Ganna's arm. His hand caught and Ganna was being pulled, but Suika quickly yanked him back up, and Shou regained control of Caen's arm, twisting it back and eliciting a yelp from the man. "No," the guard answered, glaring at the two. "Return to the lobby. You're not safe here." Suika had to practically drag Ganna back inside.
Ganna sat on the hard plastic chair in the lobby, looking distressed as hell. He felt an air of pity from the man behind the desk, and he just looked down at his lap, eyes red from borderline tears. He glanced to his side when his shoulder was tapped.
'He'll get better one day. I know it.' Signed Suika, a patient smile on her face, brows creased upward, sympathetic.
"What if he doesn't?" Ganna asked wearily, having asked himself the same many, many times over.
'He will. It will just take some time.' Suika gently leant against him, and he meekly played with the curls in her hair.
"I haven't seen him like that in a long time," Ganna said softly, sitting out on the balcony with Suika. His fingers rested against his lips, still able to imagine Caen's own warm mouth against them. He frowned, looking down. "Did he hurt you?" Suika shook her head, smiling faintly and standing in front of him.
'I'm fine. Are you alright?'
"Okay, I guess. Just.. Shaken." He murmured, reaching for her hand and taking her inside, pulling her gently to the couch. He lay down first, inviting her to join him. She hesitantly obliged, laying next to him.
"S'cold," he said quietly, reaching over to the table besides the sofa and taking a tablet out of the little bottle, before dry swallowing it. "Yuck." He huffed, making a face. He'd been taking that medication for little under a year, but he still made faces. Suika giggled softly.
After a small while of just laying with each other, Suika wearily asked him a question. 'Do you love him?' she asked in her silent way, looking at him with calm brown eyes.
"I don't know," Ganna answered rather earnestly, looking back down at her, poking her nose. "Dunno what happened today, either."
'I think I upset him,' Suika admitted. Ganna tilted his head.
"I don't think you upset him. He's.. Uh, what is it again?"
'Sick.'
"In short," Ganna sighed, gently putting his arms around Suika. "To.. To answer you.. I.. Er, maybe. Maybe not. He's.. not him. Not right now. I don't love him when he's broken."
That kind of remark made Suika a little melancholy, missing the days when they were all okay. When nothing was as bad as it happened to be nowadays. 'Remember, he'll get better one day!' Suika huffed, trying to give her friend a positive attitude on the matter. 'I made a wish to the stars demanding it!' Ganna laughed, and Suika smiled.
"Thanks," he hummed warmly, eyes half-lidded, relaxed where he was. "I'm just.. I'm okay as I am. With you. I'm happy like this." Suika gave a sad smile.
'Can you kiss me goodnight, Ganna?' she asked, gently resting a finger on her lips. He nodded with a quiet 'mhm', and closed his eyes, leaning in and gently kissing her, softly, and just for a sweet moment. "Goodnight," he whispered, watching her face and her hands for her goodnight.
'I love you.'
Ganna paused for just a moment, still as Suika gently nuzzled into him, embarrassed at herself. His understanding of feelings was.. Well, it was practically inexistent. He dwelled on it a moment, before murmuring a reply. "I love you too, Suika. Don't know where I'd be without you." It was no confirmation or anything of romantic feelings, nor did he register that Suika meant her words that way, but it was enough for her. As sad as it made her sometimes, she loved Ganna with all her heart, and even if he didn't feel that way in return, she'd always have his back, always be there for him, and always look out for him. That's what love was, she supposed.