Hell Is For Children lyrics
They cry in the dark, so you can't see their tears They hide in the light, so you can't see their fears Forgive and forget, all the while Love and pain become one and the same In the eyes of a wounded child Because Hell Hell Is For Children And you know that their little lives can become such a mess Hell Hell Is For Children And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh It's all so confusing, this brutal abusing They blacken your eyes, and then apologize You're daddy's good girl, and don't tell mommy a thing Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy Tell grandma you fell off the swing Because Hell Hell Is For Children And you know that their little lives can become such a mess Hell Hell Is For Children And you shouldn't have to pay for your love with your bones and your flesh No, Hell Is For Children Hell Hell is for Hell Hell is for Hell Hell Is For Children Hell Hell is for Hell Hell is for Hell Hell Is For Children Hell Hell is for Hell Hell is for Hell Hell Is For Children Hell Is For Children Hell Is For Children
My earliest memories in life were of abuse. Total mind blowing pain. It never eased and never relented. I tried to be the perfect child and that got me beat. So then I acted out. That got me beat too. There was no middle ground, no stay from the pain. In the end, I just learned to exist and prayed some day someone would find me and get me out of here before it was to late. Before he ended my life.
My name is Isabella. Isabella Swan. My Mom Renee married Drew when I was only 5. For a while everything was fine, then the abuse began. Drew was a work at home Dad however he didn't do much work when Mom wasn't around. He was to busy on the net gambling and talking to women. Momma never saw what a looser he was. I was always an accident prone child so no one questioned the bruises and cuts and breaks he gave me. Lying to my Mom became a way of survival. By the time I was 10, my medical record was huge. Broken arm when I was 8. Broken leg on my 9th birthday. Concussion for Christmas. Stitches in my head because I fell down the stairs at his Mothers. Truth was, Drew broke my arm, I didn't get it riding my bike. Who breaks their arm falling from their bicycle? The broken leg, he kicked me. I think the excuse for that one was I fell off the jungle gym at the park. The concussion, I pulled the tree down on me trying to put the star on it, yeah right. He was pissed and pushed it over on me. The stitches were from a beer bottle he hit me with.
I went to school with a new injury on a regular basis and never opened my mouth. I just took the abuse. The teachers never asked and I never told. I prayed every night that someone would save me, it never came. When I was 12 that was when he started touching me. At first it was only over my clothes but as it progressed he got worse. When I told my Mom, she accused me of lying and said that bad girls went to hell. I kept my mouth shut after that.
By the time I was 15, he had progressed to trying to rape me. When he would start drinking and slapping me around, I would climb out my window and run away. That happened four or five times before the cops picked me up and tossed me in juvenile jail. I didn't mind, I was safe here. Each time they would send me back, I'd act out and run away again. It took until I was 16 before they removed me from my Mother's care and put me in the foster care system. I thought that would be the answer to my prayers but it wasn't.
Things only got worse as time passed. Each new home, a new abuser, a new set of problems. After a while, I gave up the fight and just learned to take the pain. I only had to survive a few more years and I would be away from it all. Then nothing and no one could take me down again. I could do this. I would survive and find my real Dad. As luck would have it, that wouldn't take that long. In fact I'd find him before I reached 18 totally by accident. I was sent to Forks, Washington to a new family. It was a horrible rainy town where every one knew everyone's business but their own. The police chief here was Charlie Swan. How ironic, so of course when the Claymoores locked me in the closet on my third night in town, I knew it was time to go. The next morning when I was let out to "take care of business" and the man tried to fuck me, I clocked him with a lamp and was gone.
Chief Swan picked me up and locked me up two hours later for assault. The name given was Maria Swan. However, when he saw me, he knew. I was his Isabella. He questioned me, I told him and he immediately contacted the court to have me placed in his custody being as he is my real father. For the first time in my life, I felt hope. It didn't stop me from being terrified when he came into the house and I heard him make his way up the stairs and cracked my door open to check on me late at night. He closed the door and walked on to his room.
For the next two months before school began he checked on me nightly when he came in from work before going to shower and change before eating his supper and putting his dishes away and going on to bed. Each night I'd lay awake waiting for him to hurt me. He never did. As time moved on I slowly became more comfortable with him and the fears were less and less. Even the night terrors were starting to fade. I was content and safety was no longer a distant dream. I had made it through hell and I was happy now.
Only days before school started my Dad came home early from work. "Bells, can you come down here please?"
"Coming Dad." I hopped off my bed and bounced down the stairs to him. "What's up? You're home early I haven't even started supper yet."
"No, it's fine, we're going out anyway. I have some stuff for you that might help you out with school." He handed me a list. "You'll have to go shopping and get all this stuff on your list. I wasn't sure what to get. Haven't had to do that in a really long time. This is a lap top that I figured you could use. The rest is in the drive."
"Dad, this is great. I can't believe you bought me a lap top." I sighed.
"Well, I figured if I didn't want to loose my computer constantly so you could do your homework, I better give you a lap top." He hugged me as I hugged him tightly. "Go on now, go see the rest."
"Dad! You bought me a car?" I yelled as I went out the door to find the old Mustang in the drive.
"It isn't much, kind of old but I figure it'll get you back and forth to school until we could find something better."
"No, Dad it's perfect. I love it. I've always wanted a classic Mustang." I yelled. "It's amazing!" He smiled at me as I hopped into the car.
"Go on, take it for a spin and I'll see you in town at the dinner in half an hour." He waved me off and I started the gorgeous car up and carefully backed out before heading off to just drive a bit. It was amazing. I pulled up at the dinner half an hour later to see Dad standing against his cruiser waiting for me. I hopped out and quickly made my way to him. He was smiling at me as I approached. "Enjoy your ride?"
"Absolutely. So can I take it down to Seattle and get my school supplies?"
"Only with this on you at all times and I'd still prefer you didn't go all the way to Seattle or Port Angeles alone. Maybe take Jake with you, or get the bare essentials here until you make some friend you can take with you."
"Deal." I smiled at him as I took the cell phone he held out to me. We were just sitting down in the diner when a man and woman approached us.
"Charlie, good to see you." He shook hands with Dad.
"Carlisle, nice to see you again too. Please, sit, join us." Dad smiled at the woman beside Carlisle. "Bella, this is Carlisle Cullen and his wife Esme. Carlisle is a doctor and our resident Surgeon at the hospital. Esme is an interior designer. She works from home. You'll be in school with their children or some of them anyway. I believe a couple have already headed off to college. Edward and Rose right?"
"Yes, Jasper as well. Emmett McCarty has headed off to College also, to our shock to the same school as Rose and my boys." Dr Cullen smiled at me. "Nice to meet you Bella. What grade are you in this year?"
"Nice to meet you as well Dr. Cullen. I'm a senior."
"Alice is too. You should come and hang out at the house with her. I know she'd love it." Esme smiled at me.
"Thank you Mrs Cullen."
"Esme please. In fact Alice should be joining us soon." She put her hand over mine. "Alice understands how hard it is to start over in a new place. She was abused badly and has only been with us for a year. My husband and I took her in."
"How kind. I would love to meet her." I smiled but tensed. They were foster parents. My experience with foster parents was not a great one.
"You'll find Bella, that my children are extremely compassionate and we usually end up with kids from all over with us that my kids befriend. The only one of the kids that is actually ours is Edward. Jasper and Rose we adopted when they were three and Alice was a friend of Rose's. Her parents were rather cruel and abusive drug addicts. We took her from them and they jumped to sign her over when I offered them a nice salary to provide their alcohol and drugs." Dr. Cullen explained. "Until she is 18 anyway. After that I will stop payments because they won't be able to force her back after that."
"Nothing can be done about them?" I asked.
"No, Alice doesn't wish to pursue charges, she just wants them to leave her alone." Esme said quietly. "I tried to convince her but they are still her parents and she does still love them."
"I can understand that." I sighed and Dad looked at me funny. I smiled at him and looked up as the tiny girl bounced over to us.
She kissed Carlisle then Esme before taking the chair between Carlisle and Dad. "Hi, I'm Alice, you must be Chief Swan's daughter. It's nice to meet you Bella."
"Hi Alice. Nice to meet you too." I smiled back at her.
"Alice, Bella will be a senior this year just like you." Esme smiled.
"Oh cool. Speaking of Mom, I need to go into Port Angeles to finish up my school list. Bella, would you like to come with me?"
I swallowed the mouth full of food I had. "Sure. If you wouldn't mind, I'd love that. I haven't even started getting all my stuff yet." I smiled and took a sip of my drink.
"Absolutely not. We'll go in the morning if that's okay. I have most of my stuff but I still have quiet a bit to pick up."
"I don't want to keep you in town all day." I smiled at her.
"Nonsense. I love to shop. Oh, we can go into Seattle if you prefer. I'm sure Rose and the guys would love to come meet us for lunch and get to know you."
"I have a better idea, how about if I call your sister and brothers and they can drive to Port Angeles and meet you if they have time. I'd prefer you girls not stray out past Port Angeles." Carlisle cut in.
"Daddy, we'll be fine."
"Alice, humor an over protective father please."
"Yes Daddy." She smiled at him lovingly. "I'll call Rose as soon as we're done with dinner."
By the time we left the diner Alice and I had plans to head out around 9 in the morning. We had exchanged numbers and after a short discussion both Dad and Carlisle insisted that we take Alice's car instead of mine. He also promised to have Jasper and Rose do a thorough look over my car as soon as they came home the weekend after next assuring daddy that if their were anything to be concerned about they would locate and fix it. Dad readily agreed and we headed home. I quickly showered and lay in my bed playing with my lap top for a while. I couldn't believe things had changed so drastically so quickly.