She looked at him and looked away.
There were several toys on the ground. She started picking them up but her gaze was pulled towards him once again, like a magnet. That was the end of her struggle. Unable to avert her eyes anymore and completely defeated by his own defenseless form, she dropped the stuffed animals. Hypnotized, she stepped closer. Her mind was telling her to stay away but her feet didn't listen, so she found herself sitting beside him on the kotatsu.
The sleeping young man had dozed off on the table just like she had a week ago. His cheek was pressed against the kotatsu and soft black hair was falling casually over his forehead, as if begging her to touch it. And she was going to, she realized; her hand was already stretched towards him and it took all her willpower to stop it on time.
She lay down her head on the kotatsu, reflecting his posture. Her gaze never left him for one second; it slid from the hair to the long eyelashes, hiding warm chocolate eyes, down the straight nose, down the visible cheek, his jaw line, his features so seemingly perfect, right and gentle, through the texture of his skin to his lips… that seemed so invitingly soft…
The kotatsu was so warm it was draining her strength and making her mind giddy. Being able to watch him at her leisure felt like a dream to her. The kotatsu was making reality into a dream now… But reality was better; reality gave her the chance she to observe his features like never before. But she had to wake up from this reality too, because she could never have more than observing…
Unknowingly, she gave a little sigh.
This bittersweet pain that filled her heart, how could she bear it? Every time she had to leave his house she felt a stab in her heart. Every time she went back to her own she thought she can suppress her feelings. Every time she opened the door to his house they overtook her whole being once again. Every time he fainted on the doorway, she was actually happy because she would get to support him get up. Every time they happened to touch, her skin burned. Every time he looked at her, she fell in love with him all over again.
Every time he smiled at her, she found herself hoping for something…
She knew she couldn't have it though. She couldn't have *him*.
She…
…couldn't…
Ever.
It would be nice if she could…
Darn that kotatsu. It gave her stupid ideas.
Dreams.
Reality and yet not.
She knew shouldn't have snuggled into it. It was a dangerous place…
"Nakamura-san…?"
When did he wake up? Lost in her thoughts she hadn't noticed. In fact if he hadn't said something, she wouldn't have noticed at all. He hadn't moved, probably still half-asleep himself. And he was kind of blurry…
"Why are you crying?"
"What…? I'm not- c-" she objected but her hand automatically went up to check. Her fingers sensed a wet spot on her cheek. Genuinely surprised she just stared at the tear on her finger. When did *that* happen?
Well, this explained the blurriness.
"I'm sorry, I…" she started as she sat up.
"Don't cry…" he said with a soft voice. His fingers were suddenly gently caressing and drying her wet face.
Her heartbeat almost stopped and more tears threatened to pop out. On an impulse she put her own hand on his, squeezing it and her eyes at the same time, and pressing it to her cheek not wanting to ever let go.
She didn't need words. She didn't need to say it out loud for him to understand. The idea of pushing her away didn't even cross his mind, still seized by sleepy daze.
Even if it did, he wouldn't have the willpower to.
Standing up slightly, he put a free hand on the girl's waist and pulled her into his embrace at the same time as she twined her own free arm around his neck, pulling him in hers.
She smelled nice, his hazy mind thought.
Snuggling into his neck, she too, could feel his usual scent. Of the detergent they were using in the house and his usual perfume… She was never going to get tired of his scent. It was gentle and cool, like he was, and… just… always there.
Like he was.
How was she going to live without this from now on? How was she going to live without *him*? Without the man that gave her her first house key, that came to the school festival for her, that bought her her first own tea cup, that let her experience real family warmth for the first time since her mother died, the man behind the TV that only she knew.
The first man she had fallen in love with.
And a man she wasn't supposed to fall for.
Was it really wrong? Was it really that wrong to love someone?
Another small involuntary sigh escaped her lips.
Her breath on his neck tickled him and made him hug her tighter.
If he was fully awake he'd never allow himself to think of her that way- In any way. He wasn't though, and yes, he admitted to himself. He wanted her. He wanted her to stay with him. He wanted to hold her. To be the one to dry her tears when she cried. To be the one that makes her smile. To be the one that makes her blush. To be the only one for her.
Just like she was to him…
Finally the thought he'd avoided for such a long time settled into his hazy mind.
You are the one thing I do not want to let go.
Maybe he said it out loud. …did he? He must have, because she was pulling away and was now looking at him with these big eyes of hers, filled with sadness and mixed feelings. Did he scare her away now? Panic started to build up in him, finally waking up his common sense at the same time making him realize what he was doing.
He could hear someone's heartbeat now. Was it her heart beating so fast?
It was his own, he realized.
It was so loud that it felt like it was going to explode any second now.
Don't leave me.
he said, leaning down to kiss her.
I love you.
AN: Maybe I should've warned you in the beginning but I can't write. I'm an artist, not a writer. But it's the mangaka's fault for dragging the romance for so long.
It's my first (and probably last) published story and I'd love to read comments. And more fics by someone who can actually write. ^^
Edit: I did a fanart to the story. You can view it in my deviantart profile, kaito-neechan . deviantart. com (without spaces)