Title: That Feeling
Summary- Do you ever get that feeling? The one that someone's right beside you or watching you all the time? Well ever since he left, that feeling never goes away. D/S Character death... so sad.
This is part of a three piece set. The other two will come out as seperate stories. They will be a prequel, and a sequel to this one so this is the middle one. I picture Sam being about a junior in high school in this fic.
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Do you ever get that feeling?
The one where you feel kind of weird. The one that someone's right beside you or watching you all the time. That feeling that scares you a little but at the same time, makes you feel safe.
Well ever since he left, that feeling never goes away.
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He's been gone now for around three months and I'm doing okay I think. My life has gone back to normal, and that sucks. I never wanted normal. He made my life exciting and different with all the ghosts and that.
Now nothing exciting ever happens. There's no more ghost fighting, no more skipping class, no more lame excuses, no more anything. Now I just sit awake at night knowing I won't find him knocking at my window to take me out flying in the middle of the night or early in the morning before school.
Alright, so I'm not really okay. I hate it. I hate that I never see him. I hate the fact that it replays in my head over and over until it makes me physically sick. I hate getting all those pity looks from everyone I see in the hallways. I hate getting hit on by the jocks who never liked me just to make me feel better. (Which I don't understand by the way) I hate that Paulina has been going easier on me. And I can't stand the fact that no matter how much I try, I just don't care anymore.
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It's kind of sad that it was just last week that I realized what that feeling was. I feel mad at myself that I didn't catch on sooner.
I first got that feeling at his funeral. While they were lowering the coffin into the ground I felt eyes on me and I don't mean the other people there who all felt sorry for me. I felt eyes that I couldn't see. I shook my head and ignored it thinking I was just going crazy.
But then after everyone had gone home, I stayed by his grave and kneeled down beside it. The tears just poured from my eyes and I felt that same feeling again. I looked around but I saw absolutely no one around. I was alone.
As I got up to leave I thought I heard someone say my name and put their hand on my shoulder but I passed it up. I thought it was just the same thing a lot of people went through when they loose a loved one.
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As time went on, I started withdrawing myself from the world which scared my parents a lot. I kept getting that same feeling over and over, the one that someone was behind me holding me up, especially when I was in my room crying my eyes out over him. It almost felt as if there was someone crying there with me.
It was only last week that I figured out that I wasn't crazy and it wasn't just something everyone went through.
I had come home from school and had barley eaten anything for dinner. I sat up in my room pencil in hand just staring at my homework. I didn't even notice that I was crying until I saw the tears hit the page. I must have gotten so used to the feeling of crying that I didn't recognize it anymore.
The past few days had been extremely hard with my parents forcing me to get therapy and exams rolling around. I had basically given up. I just didn't care. I could have died for all I cared. So I just threw the pencil down and crossed my arms. As I closed my eyes, I heard his voice.
"Sam." He whispered. "Don't give up yet. I'm still here." I whipped my head around but once again found no one.
"Danny?" I asked. My voice cracked and was weak but it came out nonetheless. "Is that you?"
"I'm still here." He said once more and I felt a cool touch against my cheek. It was the first time since he died that I smiled.
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Ever since that day, I've been picking my life back up. I did my homework, started eating again, I even started talking to my therapist. I cleaned myself up a little and washed my clothes. I started singing happier tunes while doing normal tasks around the house.
My parents are confused by my sudden change in course but I think they accept it. People still talk about me and now they think I'm just ignoring everything, acting like it never happened. Tucker's the only one who understands my sudden change in attitude and he was a little jealous that Danny came to see me more often than him, but he again understands.
I still cry myself to sleep every other night or so but, I'll stop after more time I think. I still think about him all the time and wonder why I never actually see him. I've come up with a reasonable answer that there's some sort of rule in the ghost zone or something. That's okay with me. I know he's here even if I can't see him.
On those hard nights I cry myself to sleep, I feel his being there ever stronger. I feel his heart beat in rhythm with mine and his hands touch my arm in comfort. I can feel him lay down beside me and tell me it's alright. I fall asleep feeling comfort.
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It's been about five months after his death and I'm doing okay. He never really left and I know that now. I know my life will never be the same but it's still not normal. I'm okay with that. I no longer cry myself to sleep. I don't get so many pity looks or get hit on out of sympathy. I don't get sick anymore and I no longer don't care. I've started eating even more and I have to say I've been getting a little bigger than I intended but its okay. I even got asked out this week but I'm not ready for that yet.
I still get that feeling, the one that tells me he's still there. I don't think he's ever going to leave. I feel bad for keeping him there but I know that there's no way I'd be able to convince him to go home. If he's okay with watching over me, then I have no problem with him being here.
He should be around to see some of his future…
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Do you ever get that feeling?
The one that tells you that everything's going to be okay?
Well ever since I figured out he was with me, that feeling never goes away.