This is a story. Obviously! This is a story about two retards. Two retards who find themselves traveling through space-and time-over and over and over again, letting them see multiple things they have seen on TV, or in the movies. But, unfortunately, these two have no clue about anything. So, they may have a chance to ruin every good movie there ever was! Or, will they beat the odds and save the day? Only one way to find out! Read! Um...I decided to remove the Ditties from Happy Ditties, so don't go screaming at me if it's not there. Well, here we go!
Prologue
Kaden and Kiley:
Moronic Retards
Kaden sat, with her eyes open, at her desk. She appeared to be awake, with her eyes open, though they were unblinking, and with her lesson book open in front of her. She was very tired, after a very long night talking to Kiley. She and Kiley were best friends, and went everywhere together, so many people mistook them for sisters, even their parents.
She and Kiley had been making plans to create a device that would send them into the past, and they had hoped to try it out that night, but there was a thunderstorm, and the electricity blew out. Now, Kaden sat, and was technically skipping math class. She should have picked another class to skip, seeing as a time machine would require loads of information, mainly math.
Kiley was in the bathroom, snoozing on the pot. She had cleverly asked to go to the bathroom, and had been in there for about an hour or two. Mrs. Graffle, the teacher, began to get worried.
"Kiley? Are you alright?" she called. A snore was her reply. "Kiley!" She banged on the bathroom stall. "Kiley! Wake up!" She didn't open the door, because it was locked, and she was afraid that Kiley might have just fallen asleep while using the restroom. "KILEY!" she shouted, and Kiley thought about stirring. "Agh!" She rushed back to the classroom, and marched up to Kaden's desk. "Kaden!" she growled, and Kaden opened her eyes.
"Wha...?" She yawned. "Yeah, Mrs. Graffle?" She tried as hard as she could to keep her eyes open.
"Your sister is asleep in the bathroom," she replied.
"She's not my-" she was cut off by an angry Mrs. Graffle.
"Go get her!" She pounded her fist on the desk, and Kaden jumped out, and ran to the bathroom.
"Kiley," she whispered. "It's time for...FOOD FIGHT!" Kiley leaped up, and opened the door.
"Kaden! I came in here to sleep," she explained.
"I know. Mrs. Graffle caught me sleeping on my desk. I was clever, though, and left my eyes open," she boasted. "Anyway, let's go get some grub!" Kiley leaped in joy.
"Yay!" She grabbed Kaden and squeezed her.
"Agh! Dead..." Kaden squeaked. Kiley dragged her to the cafeteria. For now, it was lunchtime. The lunch ladies slopped some gunk onto an unfortunate student's plate. "Ew...that looks worse than your cooking..." Kiley made a face. That was hard to accomplish. They both grabbed plates, and went through the line.
"Here ya go," said the main lunch lady as she scooped some suspicious looking casserole onto the girls' plates. Kaden shuddered, and sneakily dumped the contents of the casserole into the nearest garbage.
"Ew...I'd rather be anorexic than eat that crap," she said. Kiley had already stuffed her face with the "yummy" casserole. She had stuffed so much in, that some of it was pouring back out onto her plate. Kaden watched with disgust as Kiley mashed the gross food into her mouth, and let half of it drop back out. By the time she got to the last mouthful, most of it was just a glop of saliva.
"It's actually pretty good," she complimented, with her mouth full. Kaden grimaced at the gross picture of Kiley's mouth stuffed with a mystery casserole, mixed with her spit, and it was all being mashed around by her teeth. Then, to make it worse, she poured an "ice tea" drink in, to make a gross toilet looking mash.
"Eww..." Kaden felt her stomach churn. "I think I need to use the restroom," she said quickly, and stood up.
"I'll come with you," said Kiley, while still chewing. Kaden rushed to the bathroom. She pulled open the stall, but the toilet was a purplish-blue! She gaped, and Kiley rushed to her side. "What?" she asked, but the toilet sucked them up with its magical vacuum powers! "Whee!" Kiley had her hands in the air, but Kaden was curled up in a ball, rolling down the long, gross pipe. They came to a stop.
"This is gross..." There was a manhole cover above. "Let's see where we are, and if we can find a sink." Kaden pushed the manhole away. They both climbed up, and gaped at the sight. "Woah..."
"COOL!" Kiley started bouncing up and down. "The machine worked!" Kaden raised her eyebrows. There, ahead of them, lay what appeared to be the castle of Cair Paravel! "I love the Chronicles of Narnia! I always wanted to come!" she shrieked, and Kaden tilted her head.
"That's kinda cool," she admitted.
"KINDA COOL? Kaden! Our time machine worked!" She did not stop bouncing. "Let's go!" So, the two ran to the castle, and had a great time.
line
"Kiley! How many times do I have to tell you? You're not supposed to try and cook! I'm the cook!" reprimanded Kaden, who watched in horror as Kiley crushed some burnt cookie with a wooden spoon.
"But I'm making a cookie shake! All you have to do is mix ice cream, milk, and cookie crumbs together in a blender, and you have Cookie Shake!" she squealed.
"We don't have blenders or ice cream here! And...ew...it looks more like Burnt Cookie Shake." Kaden grimaced at the sight of the brown mess her friend had attempted to fix. "Ugh..." Her face turned green.
"Javon! I thought I told you to sweep the floor!" ordered Xia, who was a Calormen servant of Queen Lucy. Kaden sighed.
"My name is Kaden," she grumbled. She slumped over to the broom closet, and pulled out the gross brown broom. She mumbled odd nothings while she pulled the sticky and wet broom around the large kitchen.
"Suvan! What are you doing?" Xia walked into the room, and gaped at the disgusting brown piece of crap that Kiley was kneading her hands through. She was speechless, watching the gross ooze that was spilling all over the floor. "No wonder the bottom of the broom always looks so dirty..." Kiley excitedly poured the disgusting, unedible glop into a jar. Kaden put the broom away, and looked proudly at the messy floor. Xia fainted.
"Oh, well. A least now I don't have any more chores! Yay!" Kaden bounced up and down. Kiley grinned from ear to ear, and turned around, completely forgetting her "Burnt Cookie Shake", and started jumping up and down with Kaden. Queen Lucy graced the gross floor with her footsteps, and both girls stopped hopping. They looked ashamed. "Hehe..." Kaden glanced frantically around the room. She grabbed the jar of crap. "Lookie! We made this...for you! It's Burnt Cookie Shake!" she laughed, looking suspicious. The Queen hesitated.
"I don't know...I still remember when Kiley tried cooking some Turkish Delight..." she started. Kaden remembered that. Pictures of a green, messy dish flowed into her mind.
"My favorite! Turkish Delight!" grinned King Edmund. But the moment the stinging, distasteful thing entered his mouth, his view on Turkish Delight-and Kiley's cooking-changed completely. "Um, sister...I would suggest not eating this..."
Kaden also remembered that the Queen, being as confident as she was, ate some anyway. Or, tried to eat. She ended up in the bathroom for about two hours. Kaden cringed. "Yeah. You don't have to eat it. In fact, I would say that your Highness should not eat it." She bowed, remembering that bowing was a courtesy that was required in Narnia. She elbowed Kiley, who just stared at a butterfly out the window. "Ki, you're supposed to bow," she whispered, but smiled at Queen Lucy. Kiley shook back to life, and bowed.
"Really! It's good! It's Burnt Cookie Shake! It's an old family recipe!" she giggled, and Kaden cupped her hand over Kiley's mouth.
"Be quiet," she said quietly. "Really, it's not all that great, and your Highness remembers what happened last time..." she coaxed, and the Queen quickly nodded.
"You're right," she agreed, and stepped gracefully out of the room. Kaden sighed with relief that the Queen had not given up her health to be polite to Kiley. Kiley was nice, and she was usually pretty smart, but cooking was not her specialty. She ran out of the room, but Kaden didn't notice until she heard Kiley's voice.
"Your Majesty, Queen Susan! I just made a special family recipe!" Kiley widened her eyes.
"KILEY!"
Yeah. I just made it up. For fun. No, Lizzy, I know that you're not stupid...but when you make Burnt Cookie Shake...Names! Kaden means fighter, Kiley means good looking, Xia means Glow of the Sunrise, Suvan means The Sun, and Javon means...soap. Yeah. Thank you, Lizzy for the inspiration! And, since your favorite movie is the Chronicles of Narnia, I made this part for you! Okay, you can all clap now. Or just...stand. In silence.