Warning! This story contains incest.
AN: I adore this ship, it's probably my TWD OTP. I've been wanting to write something for these two for a while, but have been a little nervous about it because I love them so much. Hopefully this is okay. Enjoy.
When Rick finally had Carl to himself, the air was thick with tension. While Rick had been out doing everything he could to keep his family safe, Carl had been acting selfishly and risking it all for nothing but his own sense of satisfaction.
Carl watched his father carefully, bracing himself for the inevitable dressing down he would get. His actions had been reckless and ill-planned, and his dad wasn't going to be shy about telling him so.
Rick could feel the cold burn of rage bubbling away inside of him. He was angry. So, so angry. Over the lives Negan had needlessly taken, over what had happened to Aaron after everything they'd already been through, and about Carl's complete and utter stupidity. His son had not only risked his own life but jeopardised everyone else's too.
Rick wanted to yell. He wanted to scream at Carl, make him understand exactly what he'd done but he was afraid if he started he might never stop. He took a deep breath and shoved the rage down, every other emotion within him being shoved down with it. That was okay. His feelings were too overwhelming and didn't help anyway.
When his voice finally came, it was carefully measured, slipping over the compressed emotions, unaffected by any of them. Good or bad.
"What were you thinking, Carl?"
Carl wasn't sure how to react to the icy calmness that had stolen over his father. It bothered him, and he realised he kinda wanted his dad to yell at him. For his actions to have meant something even though he'd failed. He didn't understand how Rick could be so calm after everything that had happened. At least Carl had tried.
"He killed Glenn and Abraham. I couldn't let that go."
Rick fought hard to keep his rage supressed, vengeance was a stupid reason to die these days, Carl was smarter than this.
"You think I can? But they're dead now and killing Negan isn't gonna bring them back. What it could do though is get the rest of us killed."
Carl hated this submissive stance his father was taking. It wasn't them, they were fighters, they shouldn't be bowing down to anyone. He'd rather die than be under this kind of control. It was humiliating.
"So? Who cares? What we're doing now isn't living."
Hurt flashed through Rick's eyes, Carl had wounded his father. It was the last thing he wanted to do, but he would do it if it meant getting a reaction. He couldn't stand the weak and cowering man Rick had become.
Rick thought back, to a time when Carl had said the exact opposite, it killed him that they'd ended up here. He'd sacrificed the precious few things he'd had left, his dignity and pride, to give Carl what he'd asked for. A chance to stay together. Why couldn't Carl see that?
"You're the one who said it Carl. That whatever I have to do to keep us here is the right thing to do."
His words had the desired affect and for the first time during the conversation, Carl looked sorry. Like he was the one who'd done the wrong thing. Rick hated the distance between them, the boy who'd said that was one Rick trusted completely. Now, he just didn't know. He felt betrayed by one of the few people he'd trusted without question and the one who meant the most. Endangering himself for the sake of something as pointless as revenge had hit Rick like a physical blow. Like a slap in the face to what he thought they meant to each other. Was paying Negan back more important than everything they'd struggled and fought for? This boy before him was like a stranger.
"Dad?" Carl said, voice wavering slightly.
Rick couldn't comfort him. Not now. Carl needed to understand the gravity of what he'd done.
"Dad, please don't look at me like that."
Rick sighed, practicalities came first. They had to.
"I can't be everywhere at once, Carl. What am I supposed to do with you now? I can't trust you."
The words burned Carl. Their whole relationship was based around mutual trust and respect. Carl fought to hold back the tears he felt looming. He was losing the one thing he couldn't survive without.
"I'm sorry. I just... Someone needed to do something. And you weren't."
How could Carl think that? What Rick had actually been doing was everything he could to protect his loved ones.
"Aaron nearly died out there," Rick coolly pointed out.
Carl choked out a sob, couldn't take it anymore. Too many bad things had happened. Negan showing up here and killing more people, Aaron being beaten to a pulp, the helplessness of it all and now Rick's coldness. He needed his dad on his side. Together was the only way they were going to be able to face any of this and maybe make it through alive.
"I didn't... Please. Please don't hate me."
Rick melted. He couldn't pretend seeing Carl like this didn't break his heart. Carl, who hadn't shed a tear over Glenn and Abraham deaths, and who'd walked into the middle of the hornet's nest to avenge them, was crying. This rift between them was what scared him the most. Rick couldn't ignore that.
He opened his arms and Carl came to him, rushing into his embrace. He wrapped his boy up and allowed himself to bask in the relief that washed over him. The sense of completeness at having Carl close. He threaded his fingers into Carl's hair and spoke softly into his son's ear.
"I don't hate you. I love you. More than anyone or anything. You scared the absolute shit out of me, don't you know that? He could've killed you. It would've been so easy for him. Then what would I do? What would I do without you?"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Carl cried, hands clutching at the back of Rick's shirt, holding on as tight as he could. "Just don't say we're broken."
"Hey, hey," Rick soothed, pulling back so he could see Carl's face and look him in the eye, so Carl could see how serious he was. The bandage over where Carl's right eye used to be was another reminder of how fragile life was and how hard they needed to hold on. Rick took that precious face in his hands. "Never. You and me? There is nothing in this world that can come between us. Not if we don't let it."
"I won't," Carl agreed, "I won't let it. I promise I won't."
"Me neither," Rick promised too, leaning down to kiss Carl, finally allowing himself to feel the depth of their connection, even though having something so vital reminded him of how much he still had left to lose. Carl accepted the kiss, more than that, he pushed back, taking what he wanted, and forcing Rick acknowledge the strength he possessed. Together, maybe they stood a chance against what was to come, and while reaffirming their bond was a good start, it still didn't fix any of the other problems that faced them.
When Carl leaned back, seeing the way his boy still looked to him for guidance, gave Rick the determination he needed.
"What are we gonna do, Dad?"
Looking at his brave son, Rick knew Carl was right. They were stronger this, better than this, and they deserved more. He wanted to give Carl the future they'd planned.
He fixed his son with a resolute look. There was only one thing they could do.
"What you wanted to do all along. We fight."