A/N: I do not own Hogan's Heroes or it's characters. They are the property of CBS and Ryscher Entertainment.
***This is a companion piece to From The Depths of My Soul. It is suggested that you read From The Depths of My Soul first, but is not necessary. I also want to express my thanks to Jennaya for her contribution and help with this chapter.***
Like Father, Like Son
Chapter 1-A Mother's Nightmare
Sandra Hogan slowly sank into her living room chair, her hand shaking as she held the telegram. She could not believe it was happening again, but there it was, in black and white. Her eyes filled with tears as she reread the telegram from the US Army:
'Dear General and Mrs. Hogan
'The Secretary of War desires me to express his deep regret that your son, Colonel Robert Edward Hogan, has been reported missing in action since the nineteenth of July, 1941, over Germany. If further details or other information are received, you will be promptly notified.'
Sandra suddenly felt something blurring her vision, and then rolling down her face before she realized they were tears. This couldn't be happening again, could it? First it had been her husband in World War 1, and now a repeat of same in World War 2 involving her first born son. But with this war, there was one huge difference between then and now that caused her more fear than during the first war, and that was that anti-Semitism was rampant in Germany because of Adolph Hitler. And from what she was able to understand from talks with her husband, her son's life depended on who captured him if he had been shot down, depending of course if he had miraculously survived being shot down.
Her husband explained to her that if the civilians had captured Robert and discovered he was Jewish, he could be killed instantly or turned over to the Gestapo; if the Gestapo captured him outright, he would more than likely be shot for being Jewish, or after he had been tortured for information because he was a bomber crew commander and then executed. But if the Luftwaffe captured him, there was a good chance he might be alive. There was no way of knowing which at this point and it broke Sandra's heart that her son was somewhere in Germany, and his fate was in the hands of the enemy. It was too much to bear. Folding the letter she placed it back in its envelope and stuffed the envelope in the pocket of her apron. She wiped her face with the palms of her hands as she slowly got to her feet. She knew her husband, a retired General, had been on the phone for hours calling all of his contacts in the military, calling in all owed favors attempting to get some information on his son. Unfortunately, there was no information to be obtained from anywhere. The best he could get from one source was a 'promise' to get back to him the moment they heard anything. In the final analysis, the General was forced to tell his wife all they could do was wait and pray. And pray they both did on a daily basis; both privately in their own home, in the synagogue, and even in the Catholic church.
The first thing she and her husband did was notify their other children about Hogan's status. Each of them promising to come home as quickly as possible to be there for their parents at this time of uncertainty and do whatever they could to make things easier for their parents and to help get answers about their eldest brother.
Hours turned into days; days into weeks, and weeks into months and still no word on her son. Sandra Hogan was rapidly reaching the end of her rope. Having her children and grandchildren around did ease her fears somewhat, but she was still terrified, fearful, and worried. She knew her husband was doing the best he could to try and locate the whereabouts of their son, but with his declining health since returning home from his confinement in a POW camp, two mild heart attacks, and having just recovered from the flu, he was not in the best of health. In fact, the added stress of not knowing the whereabouts of their son wasn't helping his heart. She worried that the added stress would end up killing him.
So she made sure she had her husband take periodic breaks to lay down and rest while she and her children took turns making phone calls, sometimes even to the same people the General had called only days before. Sandra didn't care how tired these people got to hearing from them, this was her son who was missing and the not knowing was, to her, the worst. She began begging, pleading and sobbing over the phone for somebody in the US Army to find her son or at least his body were he dead. She had never begged anybody for anything in her entire life, but this wasn't just anything….this was her first born; her baby.
She vividly recalled what it was like when her husband was missing-in-action for months after he'd been shot down in the first war. She had barely been able to hold it together, but somehow managed to for the sake of the children. She couldn't permit herself to fall apart in front of them. But when she was sure they weren't watching or at night when she went to bed, she cried until she had no more tears to shed. She had felt so helpless during that time. The love of her life was missing in a foreign country, possibly injured or maybe even dead, and there was nothing she could do about it. She remembered the day she'd received the notification, a telegram. When the courier arrived, she nearly crumbled with fear of what the message contained. Her hands shaking so badly opening the envelope was a chore in itself, then the words missing-in-action jumped off the page. As horrible as they were, she breathed a sigh of relief they weren't killed-in-action. Fear gripped her heart, was her beloved Robert lying in a field somewhere dying, or was he locked up in a Prisoner-of-War camp? Was he injured or being tortured for information given his rank and responsibilities? As a military wife she knew the dangers, but that only made it worse. Because she knew what the enemy did to captured soldiers. She knew the stories, had witnessed the torn lives of men who had returned home after war. She knew firsthand what most civilians would never know that in itself was enough to paralyze her. How would Robert be when he returned home? Would he return home?
Once she knew her husband was alive, the waiting for the war to end became an agonizing daily challenge. Just because he was in a Prisoner-of-War camp didn't mean Robert would come home alive. Some of the camps were decent, but others weren't so good. Her imagination ran wild at night. On top of keeping things together in front of the children, she struggled against thinking about what her life would be like were she to lose the man she loved. Each day their eldest son looked more like his father and their mannerisms were the same. She knew raising little Robert would be a challenge keeping him channeled with all of that energy, independence, and charisma wouldn't be easy without her husband's help. Then her heart broke again with worry of what it was doing to her love being locked up. And now she had the same fears again for her son. She didn't know what she would do if she lost her first born. She couldn't lose her baby. But as with her husband at the time, it was the not knowing that was killing her.
It was now nearly two months with no information. During the daytime she at least had the housework and other things to try and occupy her mind with. However, the worst time was still at night when things were quiet and there was nothing to occupy her mind with except worry and fear of what he might be going through, not that these were not present during the day. For many nights both she and her husband got very little sleep; a few hours at best. But despite her concerns for her son, she had to make sure her husband got as much rest as possible. The doctors had warned her after her husband's heart attacks that too much stress could possibly be fatal as his heart was no longer as strong as it had once been combined with his subsequent illnesses. And despite what he was trying to do to find their son, she couldn't afford to lose the love of her life, Robert Michael Hogan.
Each night as she tried dreaming about the war being over and all her children safe and back home, the dream quickly became a nightmare. And tonight would be no different.
As she lay in bed listening to her husband's gentle breathing, Sandra, still awake despite being exhausted from another day of phone calls, was unable to sleep. Careful so as not to awaken her sleeping husband, she eased out of bed, putting on her slippers and grabbing her robe, quietly left the bedroom and headed downstairs into the living room where she exhaled deeply as she slowly walked around the living room until she found herself standing in front of the fireplace looking at the collection of family photos. Picking one up, she examined it in the shaft of moonlight coming through the large windows. It was a photo of her son in his dress uniform shortly after receiving his promotion to Colonel. She sat down slowly on the sofa never taking her eyes off the photo. She ran a forefinger over the outline of her son's face before crushing the photo against her body as the sobs began wracking her entire body.
"Where are you, my sweetheart? Are you even alive?" she said looking at the smiling face in the photo. Then, she raised her eyes to the heavens. "It isn't fair having to go through this twice! Please G-d, protect my son and keep him safe. Please let us know where he is and if he's alive. Please don't take him away from us." So absorbed in her grief and anger was she that she didn't feel a pair of hands gently grip her shoulders or a pair of lips gently kiss her cheek.
After a moment, she looked around to see her husband standing behind her. "Why are you up?" she asked, her voice trembling. "You need to get your rest. I'm all right."
The General squeezed her shoulders. "I felt you get up and heard you leave the room," he said. "We will find Rob," he assured her. "I don't care what we have to do or who we have to call, but we will find him. But you remember how long it took before you knew what happened to me after I was missing-in-action. It was nearly four months before you knew anything. You must be prepared for it to take that long or longer."
"I know," she answered gazing at her son's photo again with all the love in her heart. "But Robbie has the extra burden of being Jewish. He could be easily killed just for that if the wrong people find him."
"But he won't be," General Hogan assured his wife as he sat down beside her on the sofa. Taking the framed photo from her, he studied the face looking back at him. "Rob is very resourceful and strong. He can survive anything thrown at him. You'll see. He will persevere in the face of the enemy." He then put the framed photo on the coffee table and held his sobbing wife close hoping he hadn't just lied to her. "God will keep him safe," he added.