Spencer can't take the pressure anymore.
An extremely short oneshot about Spencer and Alex. I wish there were more of these...
It wouldn't take much. Just a few simple sentences and she could excuse herself from the table and out the back door. Her father was glaring at her and her mother was prattling away about college.
Spencer didn't want to go to college.
It would be over in a matter of seconds- if she said the words to extricate herself from the situation, she would be gone. Just gone.
Spencer felt like she had used up her quota of 'SOS' texts, so she left her friends alone. Spencer had grown skittish and paranoid, and often times her friends would get to her after an alert only to find out that there was really nothing out of the ordinary, she was already ok by then. A was no where to be found, nothing was amiss.
But that didn't stop the panic attacks. The ones that kept her up at night and stopped her breathing. The ones that would sometimes make her heart ache with the voracity of its beats. The ones that almost always made her cry.
Her mother and father didn't understand- wouldn't understand. She couldn't bring herself to tell them that she had a problem. Their family mantra was burned into her brain, into her eyelids when she shut them: A Hastings never loses. Never quits. A Hastings is perfect. It was enough to paralyze her to her core.
So they couldn't know. About college. About her attacks. About A.
Now, she looked at her father. There was a reason for the malicious glare on his face. There always was. She hadn't given him any thing when he'd inquired about her plans. She knew it was starting to wear him down. Soon, he'd probably start forcing her to apply. He might even write her essays for her.
Her mother had grown oblivious, blinded by her own life and consumed with self perfection. Like Spencer's own perfectionist paranoia, it had started eating away at her mother. Her father still didn't know about the lump- her mom's sickness, which had forced her back to the hospital twice since Spencer had found out. There had been another one, this time less benign. Spencer had become terrified, but her mother shoved it down, quieting Spencer and the situation. She paid all of her bills in cash upon check out and was seeing a therapist four times a week. On the surface, everything seemed fine. It always did.
Spencer couldn't take it anymore.
"Excuse me." She rose, picking up her full plate and her glass of water. "I'm not very hungry."
Spencer knew the warning signs when they came- she always got a headache first. Then, her heart picked up speed, pounding faster in her chest.
"Spencer, sit down." Her mother chastised. "I'm not finished. You've hardly said a word." Spencer ignored her mother, walking into the kitchen and placing her dishes on the counter, taking a second before braving the dining room again.
"I'm supposed to meet Emily tonight, Mom. I told you that." Spencer felt her throat constrict. "I'm staying the night, too." She walked toward the door that would lead to the hallway. She knew that if she stopped to talk, to plead her case, she'd never be able to leave.
"We're not communicating, young lady!" Her mother called after her. Her father was silent. "Spencer!"
Forget a change of clothes, there wasn't time. Spencer could feel the hysteria building in her chest and she breathed harder and harder, trying to suppress it. She could see the back door. Her hair flew behind her as she gained speed, darting around her parents' cars and sliding into her own. One more second and she was on the road.
She tried his cell phone again, looking down at her watch. It was only 8:56, there was no way he was in bed. The A/C blew against her chest, freezing the sweat that had beaded on her neck.
He hadn't answered her calls. She'd tried three times now and she could feel panic tightening her ribs. She needed him to answer.
She was going eighty, the speed limit was fifty five. She knew she wouldn't be able to hold it in much longer, she felt her control slipping away. The ring sounded in her ear, crystal clear and extremely loud. Each time the phone rang her heart stopped.
"Answer…" She swerved slightly, regaining her rightful place in the lane. The phone trilled on the other end again, that was five rings.
She swallowed the lump that was growing at the back of her throat. She was almost to his neighborhood, she could see the sign. Six rings.
"Hello?" Spencer's eyes immediately teared up. Her heart was pounding.
"Alex," Her voice broke and she hated the way it sounded. Imperfect. She told herself that Alex didn't care if she cried, that was why she only went to him.
"Spencer, where are you?" She heard him ask as she turned onto his street. "How far away?"
She didn't have to answer him. She pulled up to the front of his house and took the keys out of the ignition. She watched him as he ran toward her, as he opened her door and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her out and into his chest. She closed her eyes, letting her grip slip, letting herself cry. She felt his arms flex around her, his chest moving as he breathed.
"Breathe." He told her to do what he was doing- to let the life into her lungs. She tried, failing miserably when a dry sob jerked her body. Alex pulled her closer, keeping her together. He rested his cheek against her head, waiting for the calm to set in.
"It'll be over soon. Just a few more minutes." He calmly soothed her tremors and let his hand run down her back.
"I can't do it." She coughed out.
"You don't have to." Another sob broke free, carving her throat. "You don't have to be perfect, Spencer."
Spencer's fingers gripped the back of his shirt. She pushed the cries down into her stomach, letting it groan with the pressure. She could feel the dizzying calmness beginning to brush her mind as Alex ran a hand through her hair. She tried to stay still so she wouldn't scare the calm away.
She could feel tears still falling freely, but they were silent. Alex smoothed the hair away from her face, running his thumbs across her cheeks.
"I'm sorry." Spencer breathed. She knew she always said this, knew it was her line. Alex didn't need it, though, but she did. He shook his head.
"Did you get a text?" Alex knew everything. Spencer had told him absolutely everything. She shook her head. She didn't have to do anything else for him to know that it was her parents this time. He didn't say anything else. When it was her parents, there was nothing he could say that would make it better.
"Come on." He took her hand, his fingers squeezing, and pulled her inside.
Spencer knew that nothing would be different the next day, but she also knew that Alex would make sure everything was at least bearable.
Thanks for clicking and I hope you liked it. This is based off the show. I haven't read the books. But I want to.
I love reviews!
Thanks and happy reading,
Simplybofa