Wolf In Sheep's Clothing.
Writer: Invader Johnny.
Summary: Scaramouche may be "charismatic" even a fun loving robot, but appearances are deceiving as some unfortunate people discovered too little too late.
Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai Jack, it belongs to Genndy Tartakovsky and Cartoon Network/Adult Swim.
Author Notes: What can I say? Scaramouche became a favorite villain of mine, the robot while being a homicidal psychopath you can't deny he had somewhat of a humorous personality, plus you couldn't help but want him to succeed on some level, right?
Which is why I wrote this, since his debut technically was (partly) his only successful "mission."
Scaramouche was an out of dated robot trapped in an ever changing world where literally everything was out to kill him, so in order to survive he had to break out of his programing.
That being said, he had lean to acknowledge his tricky place in this world, his relationship with water included, on the one hand he feared getting rusty as he wasn't a water-proof appliance which would only bring him a step closer to termination, but at the same time he enjoyed it for it brought life in a world that was filled with so much dead.
"Quite the oxymoron." He thought "In moments like these, I dread that I'm not human."
The robot had been confined to a cave for what seemed like days now, but it was probably just mere hours. Nevertheless he still felt like a restless beast trapped in a cage, craving his freedom.
It was an interesting way to phrase it, seeing as he had just killed one of those green tigers that had chased him out of sheer need for survival and to seek refuge in the cave.
"If memory serves me right." Scaramouche said "There's a village just about a mile away from here… Now, if I can make it… Then I can possibly recharge before I… Shut down... Completely."
The problem of course was the issue of the rain as Scaramouche didn't know if he would handle so much water pouring down on him.
"I can't sit here like a scarecrow waiting to be pecked by crows…. I need a way out of here before it's too late." Scaramouch thought aggravated "The question is how I can protect myself?"
He looked in all directions hoping to find a form of salvation, and to his luck… He did, although it was far from pleasant.
It was the tiger's corpse, those white lifeless rings staring back at him.
"Filthy times calls for filthy measures, babe." Scaramouche said, getting to work by using of his knifes to get the pelt off the dead animal to serve as a means of protection. "I'm so going to look very stylish after this babe!"
Scaramouche continued on his task for what seemed like hours, but his programing logically concluded it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, because unlike humans, he could do such an unpleasant job quite efficiently, the sight of blood did not bother him and neither was the smell of rotting flesh, if anything it only served to remind him that despite his outdated status, he was still driven to survive.
Soon, the robot was in head to toe covered in the bloody pelt, feeling warm, no doubt thanks to the still fresh green blood-
"Just pretend it's a blanket… Just pretend it's a blanket." He thought over and over in a mantra, just to calm himself.
After much self-encouragement Scaramouche ran out in the direction of where the village was, all the way there he swore he heard the sounds of crows, almost as if fate was telling him he wouldn't make it.
Fortunately for him, fate was wrong.
"And that's how I got here." Scaramouche said in the village, surrounded by a warm fire, taking a sip from his beverage provided by the kind people of this village, children stared at him in awe at his tale of survival, while the adult gave him sympathetic looks.
"Are you looking for someone to help you?" A little girl asked.
The robot raised an eyebrow at the question, he gave her a mysterious grin "As a matter of fact I am."
"And who might that be?"
"Would any of you happen to come across the Samurai?"
"The Samurai?" An elderly man parroted confused until his eyes widened in realization. "Oh, you mean Samurai Jack?"
"You got it babe." Scaramouche said coyly "See, I been task to find him since he is my only hope of appeasing my master."
"Your master?" A woman asked, suddenly not liking the tone the robot was taking.
Scaramouche gave her a look, a glint in those blue eyes of his, eventually looking down on her feet. "Nice shoes you have there." He took his time staring at the people that had taken him in, one man had a straw hat "Um-hum... Nice hat babe."
His blue eyes once more roamed the citizens who did not like how their "visitor" was watching them, almost like a coyote hungrily eyeing a sheep, which was a very close idiom considering he was still wearing the pelt of a predator.
"Ohhh... quite the scarf you have there kid." Scaramouche grinned, roughly nudging the little girl's head, she felt uncomfortable and ran towards her mother, who protectively held her in her arms.
Finally, the assassin stopped, seeing the elderly man who had taken him in, more precisely the purple coat he was wearing to protect him from the cold night.
He got up from the rock, grinned darkly before asking "So, any of you seen the Samurai nearby?"
"I... I'm afraid not mister." The little girl stuttered "He only comes when people need his help."
"I was hoping you'd say that baby." Scaramouche joyfully said, taking out his special tuning sword from a hidden pouch.
The people were horrified as the robot got the sword out of its container, teasingly holding it above them before making contact with their home, an electric sound was heard until a big chuck of their wall disappeared, the sonic boom threw them away.
"Ah!"
"Mommy!"
"Well this is a good beginning." Scaramouche said teasingly "But I think we can do better babes."
He began scatting "Be-bee-ba-boo-bo-da."
A heavy scimitar mounted on the wall began to move, eventually levitating above the terrified family.
"Let's see how long it takes Samurai Jack to arrive babes." The Robot grinned sadistically "The louder you scream the better."
The last thing the family saw was their own scimitar coming their way.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
And then... Silence.
After the murders, Scaramouche was dissatisfied, he nonchalantly got the clothes he was eyeing earlier, but still no Samurai.
"Guess I got to do better then."
He walked to the streets, cracking his finger in anticipation.
"Aku will reward me for this." Scaramouche gushed, once more getting his sword out "Well, better get started, the sooner they scream, the sooner I can kill the Samurai."
He began slaughtering the village, with each scream, Scaramouche knew he was closer to destroying his master's greatest foe.
"AHHHHHHHH!"
"Time to play hit the target!"
The screams just got louder and louder.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"DEAR LORD SAVE US!"
"HAVE MERCY!"
"Mercy?" The Robot chuckled coyly "I'm Scaramouche the Merciless, I don't know the meaning of mercy babe."
"NOOOOOOO!"
Soon, there was no one left, only silence.
But the Samurai never showed up.
Scaramouche however was not discouraged.
"He will come."
And as we all know, Jack came and gave Scaramouche a dose of karma.
As I said, Scaramouche was a rather "charismatic" character and while we never got to see how he came into the village, I believe that his personality alone would have won people over coming across as "harmless" and "silly" using his "charisma" to deceive others and eventually show his true colors which is what unfortunately happened, probably even taking delight in the deaths of the villagers.
So just to clarify, the story he told the villagers? He lied and as an added bonus the clothes he wore in the episode in my headcanon, he most likely stole them from the people he murdered, probably as trophies.
Funnily enough, when I first saw him, he came off as a rather effeminate robot (considering his Swish accent) who probably was in love with his boss Aku or was very attached to him since he called him "babe" or baby" several times, which was sort of creepy in a way, but that's just how it looked to me, I mean come on! Scaramouche rode a "talking penis" for crying out loud!
Erm... That was a weird thing to write.
Anyway it was a shame this comical robot was destroyed by Aku in Episode C and apparently erased from history in Episode CI.
Soooo, what are your final thoughts on this story?
Invader Johnny Signing Off.