NOT WITH OUT HIM

It's been 12 years to the day since Edward left me in the forest. "Happy Birthday Mommy!" jasmine and jade chorused. We're celebrating my 30th birthday today because Jacob was out of town on business for the actual day. Jasmine and Jade are mine and Jacob's five year twin girls. Jacob and I got married eight years ago when I finally realized that Edward wasn't going to come back. The gaping hole in he left behind is still there but the edges are healed. Right when the twins were about to give me my birthday presents the door bell rang.

"Coming" I said getting up from Jacob's lap. When I opened the door a short pale girl with black hair and bruise like circles under her golden eyes was standing on the porch with a gift in her hands.

"Happy Belated Birthday Bella!" she exclaimed. Seeing her perfect porcelain face and hearing her beautiful wind chime voice again brought a flood of memories from before they left and it made me realized how much I've missed her.

Without really thinking I shouted "ALICE!" and launched myself into her arms, then said "Owwww" because I had forgotten how hard she is.

"Oh Alice I've missed you so much." I said through the tears that were running freely down my face.

"Shhh, Bella. I know I've missed you too." She said soothingly while holding me close to her chest. When the tears slowed enough for me to speak I asked. "Alice what are you doing here after all this time?"

"I know I shouldn't have come but there's something that I had to tell you."

"What? What is it Alice?"

"Edward is dead." And just like that the little piece of a life that I managed to scrap together when Edward left crumbled. The healed edges of the hole in my chest not only broke open but the hole got bigger.

"NO!!!!" I screamed and fell to my knees. "How could this happen?"

"It was Victoria she cornered him in Brazil with an army of new born vampires. He tried to fight his way out to get to you but there was just too many of them."

"Wait! What do you mean that he was trying to get to me? I thought he didn't love me anymore because he left 12 years ago. When did this happen?" I asked barely holding o to my sanity.

"Well it was a little over a year after we left. Edward was tired of not being with you and was on his way back when Victoria got to him. I arrived right before his head and torso were burned (his limbs were already gone) and he told me not to tell you until I thought you could handle it. He also told me to tell you 'I love you and I always have and I'll be waiting for you on the other side.'"

I didn't know what to say, it was all too much. First I find out that Edward has been dead for 11 years, then I'm told that he still loves me, and to top it all off he died on his way back to me.

"Bella honey are you alright?" Jacob and Alice said at the same time.

"Yeah I'm fine.' I lied. I'd never be fine again.

It's been a month since Alice dropped by to deliver the news of Edward's death and Bella still hasn't returned to normal. When I walk in to the bedroom looking for Bella after I got home from dropping the twins off at Charlie's I find Bella lying on the floor next to an empty pill bottle.

"BELLA!" I shout as I rush to her side to check for a pulse. There isn't one. "Bella why?" I cry. It's as I'm crying over her dead body that I find the note hidden under the bed.

Dear Jacob,

Please forgive me but I just couldn't take it anymore and I can't live in a world where Edward doesn't at least exist even if it is without me. Please tell Charlie, Renee, and the twins that I love them and it's not their fault that I did this. I also want you to know that I love you and it's not your fault either. This was my choice I just can't live without him. Jacob I love you but my heart has always belonged to him and that isn't fair to you. You deserve someone who loves you with all their heart and not just a small portion of it. So please don't be mad at me or Alice for telling me of Edward's death. She thought I could handle it, it's not her fault that I couldn't. And Jacob don't be sad, I'm finally happy which I haven't been for over 12 years even though I've tried. So Jacob move on with your life and love the twins for both of us.
Love: Bella
P.S. I'm sorry