Goodbye

by lo13

Stefan sacrifices himself in order to kill Katherine. Damon and Elena are devastated by the loss and are unsure how to move forward but what if Stefan left them each a letter to help them move on… with each other. One-shot. Damon/Elena

Goodbye

AN: This is my first fanfic ever so please be kind. I do appreciate both good AND bad reviews. How else can I improve, right?

I got this story idea after listening to Steve Earle's beautiful song, "Goodbye." Take a listen- you won't regret it I promise.

Story in Damon's POV.

Also I own nothing so please don't sue me… These wonderful character's belong to KW, Julie Plec, and the CW.

Stefan sacrifices himself in order to kill Katherine. Damon and Elena are devastated by the loss but Stefan wrote them each a letter to help them move on… with each other.

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Stefan. The younger, selfless, more human brother. The one everyone loved had given his life to save her. To save Elena. I was the one who was to sacrifice himself not Stefan. Katherine was my problem to handle, my problem to fix. Instead Stefan decided to be his stupid savior-like self to save her and protect the ones she cared for. I tried to save him, to take his place but instead he pushed me out of the burning house and told me to find and protect Elena and to make sure she was safe. I told him he was crazy and that he was the one that should protect Elena even though most days I'd have been happy to honor the unusual request. He just looked at me and said that he had to do this because it was his way of fixing the mistakes of his past and to make up for what he had done to me. I remember wanting to argue with him in hope of trying to talk some sense into him but the look in his eyes told me that it would have been useless. Instead I nodded and turned to honor my brother's request unsure of his plan. If I had known he was going to give his undead life to save Elena and to protect the town I would have fought harder to change his mind so that I could take his place. Instead he gave me the burden of saving his girlfriend and then having to watch burning house consume itself and the two undead beings inside it. I'll never know how he beat Katherine but I do know that Stefan died that night content that he saved the one he loved. The final look I saw in his eyes said it all.

It was only later after I got Elena, who was inconsolable at the time, back to the boarding house and put to bed for the night in the guest room that I found the note on my desk. The calligraphy of my written name gave away the author. It was from Stefan. I stared at the piece of paper for a good five hours as I nursed glass after glass of scotch trying to will myself to read my brother's last words to me. The brother who I desperately hated for so long that I repeatedly tried to ruin his life time after time. The brother who I would have given anything for, including my own life, to have back again. Finally in that fifth hour I found the courage to unfold the delicate piece of paper and read Stefan's final words to me.

Damon…Brother,

I know you are probably confused and angry with me right now but know that I had to do this to protect Elena, the town, and you. You once told me your actions were not my fault and that you own them. Well brother, I'm telling you now that this was not your fault and that my actions are mine and I am at peace with them. I do have some final requests that I'd like for you to do for me. First, look after Elena and make sure she's okay. I don't expect you to look after her forever but just long enough to ensure that she's happy and knows how to live again without me in her life. Secondly, if that means that she learns to be happy with you then treat her right. Love her with everything in your being and do everything in your power to protect her from feeling this type of loss again.

I had sworn that I'd had been hallucinating from being so physically and mentally exhausted from the day's events when I read his second request but Stefan had known I'd be skeptical of such a request.

Don't act so surprised by this request, I've noticed how close you two have grown over the last few months. It's obvious you care for her, even possibly love her, and she cares for you too. My third request is not for Elena but for you my dear brother... let go of the past and learn to live again. You more than anyone else deserve a redo in life and this is the time to do it. I used to think that you had no redeeming qualities and that you were completely lost to the dark side of our nature but your recent actions over the past year have proven me wrong. You ARE one of the GOOD guys Damon and we both know that Elena is the reason for the change. Don't lose your newfound humanity but instead revel in it and take refuge in Elena's good nature to continue to show you the right path to take. Lastly, tonight I redeemed myself for turning you against your wishes by killing the one that forced us to become the things we are. Do not relive the night in your head over and over again thinking of ways you could have changed the outcome because this is what I wanted. I am no longer burdened by my actions and can finally rest in peace in my true afterlife. I've been haunted to long by my past regrets and do not want the same for you brother so let this night go and forget it forever that is my final request.

Always remember that I will love you Damon, my big brother, and that no matter what we'll always be bounded by blood and spirit.

Stefan

The tears fell freely I remember as I grieved the loss of my little brother in the privacy of my bedroom covered by the darkness of night. That was the only time I allowed myself to shed tears for Stefan because I knew I had to be strong for her. The next morning I set about honoring Stefan's first request to help Elena move on with her life. It hadn't been easy. In fact it took months for her to shed her grief and guilt no matter how many times I reassured her that Stefan would not want her to feel guilty about his actions and that he would want her to move on. Secretly I felt the same way she did but I had to keep up the façade of moving on and being okay with the turn of events. Slowly Elena began to move on with my help and slowly I fell deeper in love with her during the intimate times where it was just the two of us hanging out- talking, remembering, and simply just enjoying each other's presence. Yes Stefan was right I fell in love with the girl he loved… again. I was okay loving Elena secretly though because I knew she would always be Stefan's and would never feel the same way for me which meant I wouldn't steal his girl… again. I couldn't do that. Not after he gave his life for her even if he had given his blessing posthumously.

Everything changed the night on the eve of his death- his permanent death I mean. Elena and I had gone to the grave site I had chosen for him next to our mother to pay our respects. I knew Elena had visited the site previously but that night marked the first time I had visited for myself and I wasn't prepared for the pain that sliced through my heart. Of course Elena sensed my anguish despite my stone like features that displayed no emotion and silently slipped her hand into my mine. Hours passed and I remember that neither of us could get ourselves to break the physical hold despite returning to the boarding house. Instead we sat on the couch in the parlor watching the fire roar while sharing a bottle of tequila. I don't remember much about the rest of the night because of the alcohol induced fog but I do remember two things with absolute clarity. I remember Elena kissing me and it feeling like the most intoxicating thing ever. I also remember sleeping with my dead brother's girlfriend and feeling like that I had found my other half with her. Guilt immediately ate at me and I did the only thing I knew how to do. I left but not without committing the image of Elena sleeping peacefully in my bed covered only by a thin navy blue silk sheet into my brain forever. It was the only thing I'd have to remember the one night I had craved for so long but knew I would/could never have.

I found myself being drawn to a small Mexican fishing village along the coast in the Yucatan peninsula. It's rather ironic because really where better to escape the horrors of reality than in paradise. I thought of Elena everyday and how I just left her without even a note saying goodbye. I knew I should have given her something of an explanation but the guilt had been gnawing at me so hard that night I needed to escape immediately.

Nearly eight months passed before Elena found me and showed in up in my piece of paradise in mid-July but one look at me told her I wasn't enjoying the exotic locale like I should have been. I had gotten so good at pretending I was okay and living it up in paradise that it took her showing up to prove that I was only fooling myself. Adopting Stefan's animal diet and opening up my own little dive bar in town, which I frankly I was really my only customer as I drank most of my supply myself, just wasn't me. The moment I saw her standing there in the entrance of the bar I could sense something in her had truly changed. No longer did she carry sadness and pain in her eyes rather they were beaming with life and her olive tan skin radiated with warmth. Neither of us said a single word instead our eyes told each other everything we wanted to say- I'm sorry, I forgive you, I've missed you… and I love you. The second time we kissed in the middle of my hole-in-a-wall bar felt like coming home. How I remember longing for those lips, her lips, for so long since arriving in paradise and they felt like absolute perfection.

Those next few days were a mirage of sex filled days and nights as we both took pleasure in the fact that we had the one thing we each wanted: each other. Elena filled me in on what she had been up to since I had left and she truly sounded happy with where she was in life especially since she was about to embark on a new journey: college. I filled her in on the happenings of my life over the last eight months and informed her of my new diet. That new detail about my life apparently disappointed Elena as I remember being shocked to see a frown appear on her flawless face with the announcement. Only two years prior Elena would have rejoiced at my proclamation yet she surprised me again by saying that wasn't who I was. That Stefan was the one that believed in the animal diet and that I was different. That I needed human blood to truly be myself even if it was only out of a blood bag. To say I was stunned at the time would be an understatement but she was right. That night Elena began to help me find who I was as well as showing me how to live life again. The following days and weeks passed relatively the same way with having hot and wild sex in the morning while the afternoon was filled working in the bar with Elena's help and the evenings would consist of exploring the area and neighboring towns. Of course the nights were once again filled with hot and wild sex. It was paradise after all and everything seemed perfect. But perfect is a relative term.

That last night in paradise will always remain bittersweet in my mind. The day had been perfect and Elena was in the cabana's kitchen making dinner- fish tacos and of course warming up blood for me- while I was outside side on the deck watching the sunset. I remember being truly happy and wanting to stay like that forever but the realization that Elena would have to leave soon for school sent a sobering current through my body. We hadn't talked about the future and what would happen when reality had to be addressed. Of course I knew I would follow her to wherever she went- she was now my entire reason for existing-but that wasn't fair to her. I couldn't deny her a truly normal college experience even if that meant thinking of her dating other guys-human guys. Silently I made my way to the bedroom and pulled out my brother's final words and reread them to myself.

Look after Elena and make sure she's okay. I don't expect you to look after her forever but just long enough to ensure that she's happy and knows how to live again without me in her life.

I had to honor my brother's last request so I knew what I had to do. I had to set Elena free. I had to let the love of my life, my one true love go. Slowly I moved to the kitchen's entrance and watched the woman I grew to love with my entire undead being move gracefully around the tiny space as she effortlessly and unknowingly made us of our last dinner together. I swore to myself I was going to relish in everything about that night knowing it was our last. We ate dinner in comfortable silence just enjoying each other and the sunset. We danced under the stars so I could remember how perfectly she fit into my embrace. Lastly we made love in our bed. While we had slept with each other many times prior that last night was different in so many ways. We took our time and savored everything about each other. There was no rush, only the perfect melding of our two bodies into one. I could have sworn it was like she could sense it was our last night and she wanted to remember everything about me as well. It had been hard watching her that night smiling sweetly at me with all the love in the world shining in her eyes unaware of what I would do to her in the morning but I knew my leaving again was the best thing for her.

Early the next morning I had slipped quietly from our bed, dressed, placed some money for airfare on the bedside table, and gave Elena one last soft kissed on the head before turning and walking out of the cabana. It was still dark as I made my way to the dock not sure of where I was heading but knowing I had to get out of Mexico. I didn't dare look back as I made my escape because I knew if I turned around to look at what I was leaving I would have changed my mind and I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't hold her back so I kept moving forward. I would live out the rest of my undead life loving and missing my other half and she would find someone new to love. Maybe at college. Maybe after college. Who knows but she would get the life she deserved to have without the pain and secrets that my brother and I had brought into her life. The most important thing was that I would go on living as a new and improved Damon no longer haunted by my brother's sacrificial death but as an undead dead person who enjoyed their second chance at life. I had Elena to thank for this new life and it was my duty to honor her and our time together by living it.

That'd been five long years ago and though I had watched and checked in on Elena from afar to ensure she was okay over the course of that first year it had been too hard to be so close and not be able to touch and talk to her. I knew when I left I had hurt Elena and it took some time to move on but she did it. College really did Elena good. She made new friends, dated, and excelled at school. I kept tabs on her of course. I tried not to think about her too much. It wasn't healthy to dwell on the past. It was a time for moving forward for the both of us. For us to learn who we were in our post-Stefan lives. Five years seems like forever, though in a vampire's world it's more like a blink of an eye, but it's been five years and I've returned to Mystic Falls. I am unsure why I returned other than its home. That's a lie. I returned because she came back. Elena returned to Mystic Falls to be the new history teacher and now I'm standing at the front door of her old house afraid to knock. I know I'm a vampire and Elena in her human form shouldn't frighten me and it doesn't. It's the emotional attack I'm scared to death of. What if she hates me? What if she can't or won't forgive me? I don't think I could handle knowing she hates me.

I finally decide to bite the bullet and knock just because of the pure fact that I can't stand not seeing her a minute longer. It's only after the fact that I realize I have no clue what to say. While I'm trying to think of the right words to tell her the door opens to reveal Elena standing on the other side shock evident on her face and I blurt out the first thing the that comes to my lips, "I can't remember if we said goodbye."

Elena just shakes her head and smiles and I am taken aback and a little apprehensive. This wasn't the reaction I was anticipating. My shock level increased even more because the next thing I knew Elena was grabbing my face and kissing me as though she had five years of kisses saved up to give to me. Though I am slow to respond at first I quickly return the sentiment and kiss her as if it was our last one… again. After a long and heated make out session in her front entry way Elena slowly detaches her lips from mine and whispers, "There's no need for goodbyes. You're here now."

I pull back and look at her with a confused look not entirely understanding what is happening here. Is she willingly inviting me back into her life? Is she saying we can go back to how we were in Mexico? How could she be so forgiving when I've left her… twice? Sensing my confusion Elena slips out of my embrace and signals to me that she'll be right back only to return a few moments later with a delicate folded piece of paper and writing on it. I immediately recognize it. Apparently Stefan wrote Elena a letter too before that fateful night six Novembers ago. "Here read it. It'll help you understand," she tells me as she hands over the letter.

Silently I move over to the living room couch to sit and I feel Elena join me as I begin to read my brother's last words to her.

Dear Elena,

I am so sorry to leave you this way. Know that I truly wanted forever with you and that I will always love you but I had to do this to protect you and everyone you care about in the town, including Damon. Please don't blame my brother for these events as these are my actions and mine alone. If I hadn't gone to my father so many years ago Katherine wouldn't be an issue for us to deal with now. I am at peace with my fate so please don't grieve for me. This leads me to some final requests I must ask you to honor Elena. First, move on with your life. I know I can't expect you to do so right away but with time know that it is okay to let me go and to move forward with your life. Don't let me and my death hold you back from living because you Elena have so much warmth and life to share with this world that my death would be in vain if you didn't share it with everyone. Secondly, watch over Damon and make sure he's okay. I know he'll act tough so he can be your shoulder to lean on but let him lean on you too even if he isn't aware he needs it. The most important thing now is that you have each other to rely on. Thirdly, whenever you come to the realization that you love Damon, and you do Elena you just aren't aware of it, be sure to love him with everything you have like I know you can. There's always been something special between you two and I fought to ignore for so long but there is no point in denying it any further. Not when both of your happiness' in life, or in his case his undead life, are at stake. While we might consider ourselves soul mates because of our shared pain and understanding of life's tendencies to gravitate to the unfair scenarios possible, what you and Damon have is true love. I knew it when I saw you two together the first time at the boarding house- it was an instant connection. Please don't fight something that could truly make you happy because of some need to still be loyal to me instead fight for it and go after it. Lastly, Damon has always thought he's not worthy of forgiveness or happiness and because of this he'll make some irrational and stupid mistakes all the while thinking it's in your best interest. Whatever he does be sure to welcome him back with open arms and forgiveness waiting. I know better than anyone how angry he can make someone but let go of the anger and the resentment that you want to harbor for him because know whatever he does he does it out of pure and undying love for you.

Remember I will love you always Elena.

Stefan.

I was in utter shock. Stefan had written Elena a letter basically telling her how to love his brother as well as telling her to watch over him and make sure he was okay. I should be completely angry with Stefan for suggesting such a thing. I'm Damon Salvatore, I don't need watching over! But alas I knew my brother was right in his intent. I did need watching over and he knew the perfect person to send in order to ensure I would be okay… Elena Gilbert. I now know I will be completely indebted to my brother until the day I die again.

I glance to my left at Elena and ask, "When did you get this?"

"It was after our first night in the boarding house. I came home and was completely upset and pissed off at you for leaving me without so much of a word goodbye. Not to mention the fact that I didn't know if you were coming back or not. I was about to go on a tangent to Aunt Jenna about the whole thing when I spotted the letter on the entry way table and instantly recognized Stefan's writing, " she told me before taking a quick pause and continuing.

"I don't know why he waited a year to have it sent to me and I still don't know who mailed it for him but I'm glad he did it. I swear though I must have read it thirty times because I couldn't believe what he was telling me to do. It was after reading this letter I knew I had to find where you disappeared to and after some careful snooping and manipulating of your accountant I found you down in Mexico."

I stare at Elena in awe and can't believe I had walked away from this amazing woman two times. Gently I cup her face and bring it to mine in order to lay a soft kiss on her lips before murmuring, "I'm sorry I left you… twice."

"It's okay. Stefan warned me about your tendencies to make stupid decisions," Elena responded lightly before kissing me once more. I knew then I wasn't about to make the same mistake for a third time. No, I will never walk away from Elena Gilbert again. There will be no more goodbyes.

I remember holdin on to you
All them long and lonely nights I put you through
Somewhere in there I'm sure I made you cry
But I can't remember if we said goodbye

But I recall all of them nights down in Mexico
One place I may never go in my life again
Was I just off somewhere just too high
But I can't remember if we said goodbye

I only miss you here every now and then
Like the soft breeze blowin; up from the Caribbean
Most Novembers I break down and cry
But I can't remember if we said goodbye

But I recall all of them nights down in Mexico
One place I may never go in my life again
Was I just off somewhere just too high
But I can't remember if we said goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

Goodbye

Finish