Title: Star Trek Solutions, Inc.
Author: ChrysMoon
Notes: Um... Sugar high + missing my glasses = mispronouncing 'soundtracks' as 'solutions'. Basically a look at how Star Trek: 2009 would have been made in the Star Trek Universe. Warning for massive damage done to the fourth wall.
Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry, Paramount, and all the other people that I'm not. I do own the fourth wall and the future director making ST in this fic.
Solutions for: Creating a black hole with lightning around the edges
"... So, yeah. Can you whip it up in a few weeks?" The director stood discomfit among the various bits and baubles of technology around the workroom that belonged to the genius of engineering at Star Trek Solutions.
"Nae, I cannae do t'at." Said genius spared a glance at the shocked man in the suit before turning back to his latest creation's unfinished head. He continued, "You're askin' me ta amass a sun-size amount of matter in an improbably short time o' "few week"." He formed air quotes with one hand while the other snatched another instrument from the shelf. "Squish it all in a space nae bigger than a pinhead on Earth, launch it 50000 kilometers away from the Klingon Neutral Zone and let it expand and create an ion storm in the process within a .5 millimeter precision around the ever-growin' and stablizin' expanse of the singularity," he gestured in a wide circle with the buzzing tool in hand, almost slicing off the director's nose. "Stick the Narada into said singularity and somehow fight against the infinite gravity and pull it out, have a turf war, and tuck the singularity back in a box for posterity to see and leave before the Klingons can come and say 'Bob's your uncle'? Are you out of your freakin' mind?"
"Scotty, it's - "
"Not ta mention the "black hole" ye want is actually a wormhole, connecting two space-time together? I dinnae even want to think how many Federation rules that's breakin'." Scotty sighed, tweaking a screw into the robot. "Why can ye make something simpler? Like Wall-E?" He patted the robot's head affectionately.
"Don't worry. The legal department already dealt with that. We have the green light." The engineer still doesn't look convinced. "Scotty, just think how awesome it would look when it's up there with all the lightning and music and the explosions..." The director trailed off, no longer need to say more, for Scotty's eyes were alight with a maniacal gleam. The idea is sold.
"Maybe if Spock works out the logistics..." Scotty muttered while pulling up several files, and nodding at the screen.
"So..."
"Come back in a week. Should've a plan by then." The engineer waved his hands, shooing the man out so he could concentrate on the amount of space to warp for the black hole to be contained.