Inara Serra was selfish. Repost from old account.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Firefly, Joss has it all. Even Captain Tightpants.
Selfish
Inara Serra was not a selfish woman. All of her life she gave. Gave her time to her house. Gave her attentions to her clients. Gave her credibility to the ship. And yes in return the companion received. Received transport, training, and payment. But received never as much as she gave.
It really didn't bother her. Inara enjoyed sharing. Not because she felt it brought her closer to god or any other higher power. She wasn't Shepard Book. No it was the expressions, the moments that Inara liked to see. The peak of relaxation or elation washing over her clients. The joy on Kaylee's face when she borrowed something pretty. Seeing those expressions made Inara feel as if she was giving something more than a physical gift.
No one had ever given her such a present. Well Serenity herself had. The ship had given her a home, a family.
Malcolm Reynolds wanted to give her that moment. Inara saw it in his eyes. He looked at her like she was a delicate entity he couldn't touch or even always see. She liked that. That reverence for her mind, thoughts and, yes, body—rather than for her image or title.
She wanted him to hurry up and give her his heart. The stubborn bastard was holding out. Being selfish. Afraid of what might be lost if he just loved her. Pride, anger, solitude. Mal was a selfish being. But she couldn't fault him for it.
He had given so much but his sacrifices had been thrown back in his face. A big fuck you Sergeant. Now he took instead. And his selfishness wanted Inara but his selfish self-defense mechanisms kept him away.
Being a good reader Inara realized this. When she first came on Serenity she was glad he didn't give her anything. But then Mal began to sneak in small presents; like his attention, his scorn, his comedy, eventually even his love. She should have put a stop to it.
But Inara Serra was selfish.
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