~*~ A/N: Chapter completely revised. I'm starting it back up again, and I have some different things I want to accomplish. Sorry I disappeared, RL called. I'll try to be more diligent from now on. BTW, you can find videos chronicling their entire brief affair on Mistresses on YouTube and other places, just search for "Alex & Jessica Mistresses". HTH. And, btw, it's worth watching! Especially if you lurve Anna Torv, as much as I do. ::swoon:: ~*~
Jessica stood in her doorway and waved goodnight as her friends got into their cars and drove away. When the last of them had disappeared around the corner, she backed into her foyer and closed the door. She took a deep breath. . . see, Jess, everything is fine, she told herself. And it was—for all of a minute maybe. Until it hit her that she was all alone again. . . at which point, things began to fall apart. She couldn't force herself to move. Well, she did manage to twist the locks into position, but her fingers remained wrapped around the handle and her forehead met the door. The tears came next. Fear and longing had been creeping up on her all evening, but she'd been able to ignore those emotions in the company of those who loved her. But that buffer was gone now, and she felt her heart breaking all over again. How exactly was she supposed to live with this pain, without Alex? She had never known feelings like this before, like she had for this woman. Alex was truly the the first time in her life she'd ever wanted to commit to someone completely, the first time she hadn't wanted to share anymore, the first time she'd... dare she say it? Fallen in love. It sounded so beautiful, right? And it had been. But somehow, tonight, it all had gone wrong, and Jessica had lost her. The brunette's tears fell hard and fast as she moved down the hall to the bedroom, grief consuming everything around her; the cleanup from her birthday party could wait until tomorrow. Or even until the day after that. Alex had made her choice, hadn't she? So it didn't really matter. In fact, as Jessica slipped into her nightgown and pulled the covers over her head, she seriously doubted anything would matter ever again.
It was early October. The leaves were falling around Jessica's shoulders as she trudged along the cement path, jacket collar turned up against the wind. Winter was still being held at bay for the time being, the weather in a constant state of flux. Today's forecast brought energy and excitement; strong winds against her cheeks always made her feel that way. She'd had months to start rebuilding her life, but so far she'd only managed to conquer each day with as few scars as possible. Her primary goal was simple and focused: make it home in one piece. Well, with most pieces anyways. She sighed softly, feeling both the familiar ache in her chest and trying to push it away. Can't a girl grab a moment's peace from a broken heart? For the past six months, her typical day had consisted of home, shower, coffee, an occasional quick breakfast, work, lunch if she had time, more work, home, dinner, and sleep. Beyond this routine, she hadn't really known what to do with herself, and therefore, had done very little.
The wind flipped her hair out of her face, twisting it around behind her back. It was much longer now, and although she often wrapped it into a barrette, today she just let it fall around her shoulders. The way the wind teased it made the air feel more alive, more electric somehow, and it reminded her of better times. . . times when she'd felt alive and in control of her life. This of course, led to thinking about Alex, the woman who had stolen her heart and turned her life upside down. Jessica had never tried to call the other woman or meet with her since their breakup, following the assumption that if she'd really meant something to Alex, the blonde would have been back or sought to reconcile by now. But that hadn't happened. And so here she was, on her way to the park, on another typical day.
She didn't usually eat outside by herself, but today she hadn't felt like having lunch out with Simon or sitting in the stuffy old office. Truth be told, most places seemed stuffy to her lately—confining. She supposed it was because she already felt so limited, so unable to move forward, that sometimes the need for space, for relief from the constant threat of suffocation, was overwhelming. On this particular afternoon, she'd decided to give herself a little extra elbow room and eat her lunch at the nearby river. The walk in the wind felt good. . . against her skin, in her hair, in her heart. She felt like she could breathe, and that was saying something. When she reached the river's edge, she found the walker's pathway and settled herself into a bench overlooking the water. She had just pulled out her lunch tote and unwrapped her sandwich when a familiar face sat down beside her.
"Hi," Alex said softly, taking a quick glance at Jessica and offering a vaguely apprehensive smile. She turned to look out over the water, her hands gripping the underside of the bench as she rocked herself slightly, her anxiety palpable. She forced her eyes shut and took a deep breath before setting back against the bench and opening them again, jamming her hands between her thighs. She turned to meet Jessica's amazement with another small smile. A slight quiver along her pink wind-kissed lips belied Alex's trepidation. She turned away quickly, embarrassment and courage battling each other along her throat and into her reddening cheeks. She glanced down shyly at her lap, feeling too exposed, too vulnerable, and shrugged her shoulders demurely, as if to say: Here I am, do what you will.
Jessica didn't know how to respond. She watched as Alex looked up at the water again and then back over at her, her eyes searching Jessica's for something—some sign that she still loved her maybe? Alex tried to swallow the lump in her throat, beginning to wonder if this was a mistake. She had been desperate to see Jessica—beyond desperate if she was honest with herself. It felt like a million years had past since they parted and she hadn't stopped thinking of Jessica since. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, she canceled so many photo shoots that no one knew if she was even working anymore—she just couldn't move on. And so here she was. On a bench overlooking the river, her heart in her hands, offering herself up for whatever punishment she was due. She chewed her lower lip, awaiting the brunette's reaction, suddenly concerned that the brown-eyed girl had been able to do what she hadn't and found someone else to fill the void. Or that she had forgotten what they had meant to each other. Her fears were quickly laid to rest, however, as Jessica's eyes softened and filled with happy tears.
"Alex?" Jessica asked tentatively, finally finding her voice. Her hands were trembling, her sandwich drooping; lunch had suddenly been replaced by something entirely more interesting. Alex watched as Jessica's brain struggled to wrap itself around her sudden appearance, and felt the butterflies in her stomach take flight. She figured it was now or never. She scooted closer and placed her hands on both sides of the other woman's face, searching the brunette's face for a sign that she wasn't wanted here, that she should stop. But there was no warning in those pools of brown, only anticipation and delight, and Alex leaned in to capture Jessica's lips in her own. She knew there was nothing she could possibly say that would ever convey all the things she felt at this moment or that she had suffered the past six months alone. . . or how sorry she was she hadn't been strong enough to come sooner. So, instead, she poured a waterfall of pain and fear and desperate longing into that kiss, hoping at least some of it was felt by the other woman. Jessica, on her part, closed her eyes when Alex's lips met hers and dropped the sandwich entirely, moving her hands up to the back of Alex's neck. She completely lost herself in the moment, involuntarily melting into the kiss, following it deeper, forgetting everything but her fingers in blonde hair and the fireworks exploding through her stomach, igniting her core. God, it's been too long.
Alex fumbled with the room key while Jessica started pulling the blonde's shirt out of her pants from behind and running her hands up the other woman's sides. Alex shivered at the touch, desire thudding beneath her chest and down her spine, her center throbbing against the fabric of her thin slacks with every movement from behind. Inserting the key card into the lock had suddenly become a foreign task and she cursed, forcing herself to focus. Finally, the lock turned green and the door swung open. Alex exhaled in relief, not knowing how much longer she would have been able to keep herself from talking the petite brunette right there in the hallway. They stumbled awkwardly into the room, tearing at each other's clothes and kissing and nipping at any uncovered skin. Jessica pounced on Alex as soon as they fully crossed the threshold, jumping up into the blonde's arms, legs wrapping tightly around her waist. Alex broke from their kisses only long enough to hang the Do Not Disturb sign and slam the door behind them.
Their lovemaking was desperate, ravenous, making up for months of unmet sexual frustration between them. Alex wasted no time working her way to the edge of the bed, carrying Jessica in front of her and laying the brunette down on the mattress. The blonde then climbed up onto the bed next to former lover, the other woman scooting over to make just a little more room for them both. Alex's arms straddled the woman beneath and leaned on her left, her right hand free to play absently along the surface of Jessica's blouse. Jess grinned up at her; the blonde gave her a sly little half smile in return. They looked at each other for a few stolen moments, their eyes searching for meaning where there hadn't been for so long, both breathing hard and incredibly turned on. Alex broke their stalemate by bending over the petite brunette, her hand caressing deep brown locks as she relished the sight of the rosy, kiss-swollen lips beneath her. Alex got up on all fours and settled herself between Jessica's legs. She moved forward catlike, seductively climbing the woman beneath her, dragging her lower lip up over the cream colored blouse every few inches, causing Jessica to bit her lower lip as she watched. Then Alex was above her, tantalizing pink lips hovering just above her own, the blonde's eyes flicking from her mouth to her eyes, their breath mingling sweetly. Alex's lips parted slightly, absorbed in her desire, the look in her eyes reminding Jessica of how much she needed this, how much they both did. Without breaking eye contact, Alex slid her fingers down Jessica's side in slow-motion all the way to her lower thigh. Her fingers played along the hem of Jessica's skirt for a moment before pushing under and Jessica bit her lower lip, desire pooling between her legs, expectant. Alex leaned down and kissed her softly as her fingers continued a blazing trail up to the apex of her thighs and the brunette couldn't help but squirm beneath them, tugging at Alex's lower lip with her teeth, losing herself in the sensation of Alex everywhere.
Within moments, the warm, deliciously long fingers were softly caressing the edge of her panties at her inner thigh and then once again, pushing under. The brunette's eyes widened and her mouth opened into a tiny "o", surprised at the sudden force of her need, her desperation sending her hands rubbing all over the blonde's back with abandon, pushing Alex forward where she needed her. Alex's blue eyes darkened and she grinned, moaning, her own desire pushing her to rock a little against the thigh Jessica had slid up between her legs. "Oh baby, you're so wet for me," Alex whispered, pushing her pelvis down and grinding herself more forcefully along Jessica's left thigh, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Jessica whimpered, tightening her fingers on the other woman's hips, loving the heat burning along her leg from Alex's center, wishing she could feel the blonde without all her clothes in the way. Alex began tracing a figure eight up from Jessica's center over her throbbing bundle of nerves and back down, and and it was Jessica's turn to arch her back into Alex's touch, trying to gain friction between them. Her lips parted in excitement, her tongue flicking out to lick her lips, and Alex leaned down to catch her in another searing kiss. Jessica felt practically ready to come undone already. Alex was ridiculously wet herself and couldn't possibly wait for foreplay, so she looked up at Jessica, seeking permission to bypass the formalities. The brunette simply reached up and cupped the other woman's face and said, "Take me." Alex hummed deeply in approval, feeling another surge of wet heat flooding between her thighs. Without another word, she deftly moved aside Jessica's panties completely, and plunged two fingers deep inside her, her thumb working in circles over the brunette's clit. She rode Jessica hard; no gentleness had survived in the aftermath of how they had left things. . . so much pain and sorrow and loss and misery had come between them. . . and yet with every thrust, Alex felt the words "I'm sorry" flowing over her skin and into the woman beneath her, and she pounded faster, harder, running from all of it, sweat gleaning over her skin. "More, baby," Jessica breathed, and Alex complied, adding another finger to the molten fire between the brunette's legs. There would be need for discussion later, but for now, if they had any expectations of moving forward, they had to fuck out all the pain and heartache.
Jessica groaned and twisted involuntarily, writhing against the woman above her in ecstasy – "that little something" she'd never been able to explain was back. Alex was back. And she needed her with a raw desperation she'd never experienced before, not even when they had been together. She needed Alex to fill the black void she'd left behind in her life, in her heart, when she'd abandoned her all those months ago. Not that the brunette hadn't tried to recapture that feeling with someone– anyone–else. Women, men, it hadn't mattered. They'd all left her ridiculously unsatisfied, though, and she'd faked too many orgasms to count. In the past few months, she hadn't even been able to come on her own—something completely unheard of for her. She had run her fingers through her wet folds, seeking release, only to get frustrated and wind up either punching her pillow or rolled up in the fetal position in tears. In her mind, she needed this, needed to feel. Something, anything! And she did, thank God, she finally did. Ecstasy, everywhere, overwhelming her from the inside out. Alex slid tirelessly in and out of her, her lips and tongue coating Jessica's nipples and chest, Jessica's blouse and bra long-since relegated to the floor, her wetness echoing in the small room, amplifying Alex's own desire. Before she knew it, Jess felt herself coming and pulled the blonde down on top of her, her nails digging into her back, clenching her thighs around the blonde's waist. "Tell me," she whispered, sucking and nipping erratically along Alex's neck, causing the blonde to hum in approval. "I have to hear it."
Alex looked into Jessica's eyes and kissed the brunette softly, the tenderness at odds with the feverish pace she'd maintained thus far within the body beneath her, and she slowed, suddenly shifting her weight so that one of her fingers clutched forward inside the other woman in a way, that as soon as she moved, was guaranteed to send the brunette over the edge. "I love you," Alex whispered, beckoning forward inside Jessica's pussy simultaneously, sending the petite brunette immediately over the edge. Jessica gripped Alex fiercely against her body, continuing to dig her nails into the other woman's back, holding on with all her might, as she came in a series of explosions that rocked her entire body, tidal waves of pleasure washing through her abdomen, up into her chest. Alex continued to move gently inside her, helping the woman she loved ride out her high. Jessica began planting tiny kisses all over the blonde's chin and neck as she continued moving her wet core over the fingers inside her, feeling herself easily reaching a second precipice and falling right over it, her lips delivering a deep moan of pleasure against Alex's throat. The blonde almost cried out in relief herself as she watched the woman below her come undone a second time, having missed seeing the woman she loved so vulnerable and desperate for her touch. Alex kept moving inside Jessica carefully until the smaller woman's orgasm was joined by "God, don't stop," as she came again, this time with a final whimper against the crook of Alex's neck. It was a few moments more before the fluttering inside her slowly subsided.
Jessica kept her eyes closed, panting, and smiled, amazed at the new heights her body had just reached. "Holy Christ, Alex, that was incredible!" Alex grinned down at her, moving her hand from between Jessica's legs to rest her body fully on top of the other woman, holding herself up by her forearms on either side of the brunette's head. They kissed, gently at first, just stoking the fire; Alex wanted to give Jessica some time to really relax and enjoy her euphoria. But Jessica was having none of that, her need to satisfy the woman above her becoming too much to ignore. Alex's own desire pounded its way down her chest her unmet need surfacing fully, stronger than ever. Jessica recognized it and slid her hands down the blonde's sides, grabbing onto her ass, forcing her down against the thigh Alex had been grinding on before. Alex needed no further encouragement and moved her lithe body against the other woman's leg without reserve. Jessica's eagerness to feel the blonde against her skin became too great and she pushed down on Alex's pants. "These. Off. Now," she demanded, needing to feel all of Alex pressed against her. Alex lifted herself to her knees and unzipped her fly slowly, watching Jessica's tongue dart out between her lips as she made a little striptease before pushing her trousers down over her hips very carefully. Eventually, it was too much even for her, and the blonde's khaki pants were kicked to the floor as she crawled over the woman beneath her once again. She kept her panties on, however, and leaned forward over her lover, awaiting her prize. Jessica giggled as she slid her right hand down between their bodies and into Alex's silky panties, gasping abruptly, the corner of her lips turning up in a tiny smirk when she felt how incredibly wet the other woman had become. "Oh, Alex, baby, is that all for me?" Alex just grinned and began to move against the light olive fingers positioned underneath her.
They stayed like that for some time, feeling each other, Alex bending over the gorgeous brunette occasionally and taking her nipples into her mouth, Jessica ripping the buttons open on the blonde's shirt above her at some point, pulling up Alex's bra and feasting on pale rosy nipples herself. And as she felt Alex getting close, Jessica found herself tracing the other woman's core and slipped inside, "Come for me, baby," she said, and Alex groaned deeply, bucking against the smaller woman's fingers feeling like she might explode from pure desire at any moment, wanting this feeling to last forever, and then she was coming and she screamed, "Oh fuck yes! Jesus, Jess!" before shaking and trembling through her climax. After riding out the end for a moment, she collapsed on top of the woman beneath her, clit still spasming. Her tongue was inside Jessica's mouth instantly, kissing her harder than ever before, more energized than ever. She flipped them over. Jessica sat over the bowl of Alex's pelvis and surveyed the woman she'd conquered below her. Alex, still recovering from the pleasure that had just ripped through her body, pleasure she hadn't experienced since she'd seen Jessica last, looked up at the woman above her briefly, almost shyly, before taking the other woman's hands in her own on either side, swinging them lightly. Her heart was bursting with everything she felt for this woman straddling her stomach. "Did you imagine it could still feel like this?" Alex asked, looking away, afraid of finding disappointment in the eyes of the woman she'd abandoned. It was Jessica's turn to smile then, "Oh, God, yes! Baby, are you kidding? Of course I did!" she exclaimed, grinning and lowering her lips again to the blonde beneath her. "I've wanted you every single day since you left. This—being with you here—is everything I could have imagined."
~*~ A/N: So did anyone else follow this storyline and desperately wish Alex had come back for Jessica? Well, I did, and I was miserable it never happened. Let me know if you want to see more. Thanks for reading! xx ~*~