Okay, peeps. This story was deleted once because I was stupid and forgot you can't put real people in your fics, so I had to change a few things. But THEN FanFiction .Net suddenly decides that script-format is not allowed (and what's wrong with script-format, anyway??), so I ALSO had to go all out of my way and re-write the story in regular story-text. Sheesh. --.-- But anyway, it's back up and I had saved most of your reviews which have all been re-posted under "Anonymous". So enjoy. . .again! =D
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%!%-ONIGIRI-%!%-NOTES-%!%
Hi, hello, and welcome to. . . .(doo doo doo doo!) my very first fanfic here on ! Thanks muchly for taking the time to check it out! (huggles you) =333!! . . . . .(ahem) Annnnnywho, I do not, I repeat, DO NOT(!!!) own .hackSIGN or .hackINFECTION or even Whose Line is it Anyway! Comprendé? Bueno! So, without further ado, I give to you (hehe, rhyming is fun ). . . .
WHOSE%LINE%WITH%THE%HACKERS!
------------by: yours truly,
%!%-Onigiri in a Sailor Uniform-%!%
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Standing in the audience, Kite smiles. "Hey, everybody! It's Whose Line! We've got a great show for you tonight, but first. . . . Bet you can't guess my gender, it's Tsukasa!"
Tsukasa glares.
"Who the hell doesn't like lettuce, it's BT!"
BT glares.
"Grandpa, buy me some candy, it's Bear!"
Bear glares.
"And trust me, that chest armor shouldn't be THAT big, it's Mimiru!"
Mimiru glares and secretly begins plotting Kite's death.
Our blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person then jumps down from the bleachers and sits at his desk. "Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points don't matter. Just like those damned Crimson Knights!
The audience cracks up: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Kite raises an eyebrow. "Um. . .yeah. . .? Okay, control yourself and we'll get started. . ."
The audience is now laughing even harder: "HAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!"
"What's wrong with them??" Kite mouths to the "actors" and jerks his thumb towards the audience.
They shrug and mouth back, "I don't know."
Kite then notices everyone's waiting for the show to continue snaps back to fictional reality. "Um, okay, let's get started! Our first game is everyone's favorite, Hoe-down!"
The audience applause wildly and this causes Kite to stop and stare into space, smiling. "Damn, I love that applause sign. . ."
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Kite smacks his forehead.
"Now look what you did, Kite!" Bear yells up at our blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person. The latter just runs his hand down his face and mutters, "Okaaay, well, let's begin before I burst a vein. . ."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Kite cringes and says through clenched teeth, "Now someone give me the name of. . ." He reads the card with a strange look. "Something that. . .smells. . .good. . .?"
In the ever-cracking-up audience. . .
Elk smiles and yells out, "Aromatic Grass!"
With a grin Mia shouts, "Catnip!"
"Aromatic Grass!!"
"Roses!" BlackRose giggles.
"Aromatic Grass, dammit!!"
Suddenly, Orca jumps up and yells, "Balmung!"
"Okay!" Kite gives him a weird look. ". . .Balmung. . ."
"AROMATIC GRASS!!!"
"Okay, BALMUNG," Kite says again, and rolls his eyes.
"HAHAHAHA!!"
Kite glares at the audience. "Okay, so let's do the Balmung Hoe-down."
Mistral (why her, I have no clue) then begins the Hoe-down music while the "Actors" walk over to their places on the stage.
Tsukasa begins to sing. . .
"Well, Balmung of the Azure Sky looks really fly
And with his sweet scent to match, you just can't deny. . .it.
That secret shampoo he uses smells oh-so-good.
Now I'm beginning to picture myself rubbing it on him while he's nude."
Kite is speechless, his face now looking like this: 0.0
The audience- . . .well, we all know what they're gonna do.
It is now BT's turn to sing. . .
"Little Tsukasa has a crush on Balmung, you see.
But who wouldn't with a guy who always smells of the sea?
I don't know what shampoo he uses or what cologne.
But, mmm, I can just imagine all the things we could do if we were alone."
Kite's eyes grow even wider: O.O
The audience- . . .once again. . . .
Bear now steps up. . .
"Some people say I look like Orca from .hackINFECTION
And I've heard he works with Balmung in the Azure Sky section.
There's just one thing, though, I don't get inside my head.
Why sit around all day with him when you could just take him to bed?"
Kite's eyes can now barely fit inside his head: (()).(())
The audience- . . .okay, let's just forget about these people.
Mimiru now begins her turn. . .
"I don't get why everyone has to be this way
And treat Balmung likes he's their sex toy to use all day.
I think he smells like dead fish in the ocean water.
Besides, that little wave master is way, way hotter."
Bear and BT then fall to their knees, out-stretch their arms with a grin, and finish with, "Way, way hotterrrrr!" Tsukasa just stands there, stunned until Mistral ends the song and then the "actors" take their seats.
"Yeeeeeeeeaaaahhh." Kite secretly begins to question the four's sanity and wonders why he even volunteered for this job in the first place, but then remembers that he sold his free will to the authoress for a cookie, so he forgets everything he was thinking about and the empty space that is his mind is filled with that lovely elevator music once again. . . Oh, wait, we have a show to do here. "Uh, let's move on to the next game. . .Scenes from a Hat!"
The audience clapped and Kite said, jokingly, "Well, it seems you all aren't high anymore. I'm glad." They then smiled proudly.
"Okay, here's how the game works," the blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person continued. "Before the show we ask the audience to write suggestions down and then we pick out the GOOD ones and put them in this hat."
". . .Tee-hee."
Kite glared as he took a magician hat out from under his desk. "THEN, the "actors" have to perform whatever the scene is. So let's begin with. . ." Closing his eyes, he took a slip of paper out from the hat. "Use Aromatic Grass for the next game or no mm-mm-mmhmm tonight- Dammit, Elk!" He gave the said Wave Master a death glare while blushing furiously. At this, Tsukasa, BT, and Bear's eyes grew wide and their jaws fell open. Mimiru began cracking up and the audience did a little "Oooooooooh."
Grumbling, Kite crumpled the paper up in his right hand. "Okay, the next scene is. . ." He took out another slip from the hat. "Ooh, I like this one. If Maha could talk."
Tsukasa walked up onto the middle of the stage and said, "I'm so addicted to this WEED."
The audience laughed. . .like always.
"Heheheh," Kite chuckled. He then pulled out another slip and his face immediately fell. "Oh my god. . . . What Kite does when no one's watching."
Mimiru walked up, turned around, and pretended to make-out with someone, moaning, "Ohhhhh, Elk. . . ."
Kite glared and pulled out another slip. "Heheheh. An entry from Subaru's journal."
Since everyone else was much too afraid of the blue-haired control-freak witch banning them from The World if they even mocked her in the slightest bit, Tsukasa walked up yet again and pretended to be writing something. "Dear Journal, I have just started playing The World and it is great. However, someone already had the name Supreme Ruler of All, so I had to use the name of a CAR."
"Hahahaha," Kite laughed, quickly looking around him right after to make sure Subaru wasn't anywhere around. She already gave him one high-heeled-boot-scar where the sun don't shine. "Okay, next one. . ." he continued, pulling out yet another slip. "If GUARDIAN could talk."
This time, Bear walked up and simply shrugged. "It all went to my thighs."
"Hahahahaha. Okay, last one. . ." He pulled out the last slip. "Heheh. Things Tsukasa could have said to Subaru to ruin the moment while they were sitting and holding hands."
Tsukasa's eyes widened and BT and Bear walked up together, holding hands. Then, BT suddenly turned to the old animal-named man and asked, "Have you ever licked a Popsicle in a mischievous way?" Bear just gave her a strange look.
"HAHAHAHA!!" Kite laughed, spinning around in his secretary chair. It was the others' turn to question HIS sanity. But he soon stopped and said, "Okay, everyone, let's go to a quick commercial break and when we come back we'll find out who the winner is."
"But you never gave us any points!" Tsukasa yelled up to the blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person.
"Stay tuned! =)"
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Helba was sitting at a news desk looking all important-like. "Can watching Whose Line cause severe brain damage? Tonight at ten."
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"Aaaaand we're back!"
"Not Tsukasa and Mimiru," Bear said.
Kite's ears perked up. "Huh? Why?"
"They went to the bathroom."
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Tsukasa and Mimiru are seen rolling around on the bathroom floor, making out.
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"Well, whatever," Kite shrugged it off. Anyway, it's time to find out who the winner is!"
"YAY!! =)" the audience cheered.
"Okay! The winner of today's show is. . ."
BT and Bear's eyes grew wide in anticipation.
"Elkie-kun!! =3" Kite exclaimed, a heart floating above his head.
The blonde and old animal-named man's eyes became even wider. "WHAT!!?"
With a grin, Elk ran down from the bleachers and jumped onto Kite's lap, making a "=3"-y face. His blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person boyfriend then began petting his little head, the pet-ee purring and making even more "=3"s.
"And remember how the winner gets to do something "special" with me. . .?" Kite whispered flirtatiously.
Elk gave a naughty smile.
BT and Bear's eyes were now the size of saucer's.
Just then, Mimiru suddenly came bouncing onto the stage with Tsukasa. "Hey, guys! Did we miss anything?"
"Oh, it's nothing you and Tsukasa didn't already do during your little "bathroom break"," the blonde replied coolly.
". . ."
"Okay, everyone!" Kite suddenly announced. "That's all for today's show! BT and Mimiru will read the credits for ya as two prostitutes in a cat fight while Elkie and I go to the "bathroom"! Goodnight!" He then gave them all a wink and left the two said girls to stand there with wide eyes, speechless.
"Well? What're you waiting for??" Bear spoke up. "Tsukasa and I wanna see some action!"
"Okay!" BT exclaimed with an evil grin. She then punched Mimiru right in the jaw. "HOW COULD YOU TELL TANAKA YUKIO'S WIFE ABOUT ME!?"
"Why you. . ." Mimiru grabbed a tight hold on BT's hair. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD FUJIMOTO AKIRA'S GIRLFRIEND ABOUT ME!!" she screeched back.
The blonde then stomped on the Heavy Blade's foot and screamed, "ONLY BECAUSE YOU KNEW RYUUTA SHINTO WAS REALLY A WOMAN, BUT DIDN'T TELL ME UNTIL AFTER-"She was suddenly shoved onto the ground.
"NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STUPID WHINING!!" Mimiru yelled, saving the audience from some very unnecessary details.
Growling, BT pulled Mimiru into a headlock, but Mimiru then bit the blonde's arm. . .
Bear turned to Tsukasa. "Are you getting all this??"
"Yep! =3" he said, taping it all on video.
BT then did a body slam and hit Mimiru in the stomach with her elbow. However, the blonde suddenly found herself being flipped over, her hands being held behind her back. . .
.::.:::FADE OUT:::.::.
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%!%-ONIGIRI-%!%-NOTES%!%-
So, what'cha think? No wait, don't tell me- say it in a review! I was thinking of doing either a chatroom, Truth or Dare, or fairy tale parody fic next, but if you have any other ideas, I'd be glad to take it into consideration! I wouldn't mind doing another .hackSIGN&.hackINFECTION fic, but I also like writing with Fruits Basket, CardCaptor Sakura, and InuYasha characters. Well, 'till next time, ciao! =P
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%!%-ONIGIRI-%!%-NOTES-%!%
Hi, hello, and welcome to. . . .(doo doo doo doo!) my very first fanfic here on ! Thanks muchly for taking the time to check it out! (huggles you) =333!! . . . . .(ahem) Annnnnywho, I do not, I repeat, DO NOT(!!!) own .hackSIGN or .hackINFECTION or even Whose Line is it Anyway! Comprendé? Bueno! So, without further ado, I give to you (hehe, rhyming is fun ). . . .
WHOSE%LINE%WITH%THE%HACKERS!
------------by: yours truly,
%!%-Onigiri in a Sailor Uniform-%!%
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Standing in the audience, Kite smiles. "Hey, everybody! It's Whose Line! We've got a great show for you tonight, but first. . . . Bet you can't guess my gender, it's Tsukasa!"
Tsukasa glares.
"Who the hell doesn't like lettuce, it's BT!"
BT glares.
"Grandpa, buy me some candy, it's Bear!"
Bear glares.
"And trust me, that chest armor shouldn't be THAT big, it's Mimiru!"
Mimiru glares and secretly begins plotting Kite's death.
Our blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person then jumps down from the bleachers and sits at his desk. "Welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points don't matter. Just like those damned Crimson Knights!
The audience cracks up: "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Kite raises an eyebrow. "Um. . .yeah. . .? Okay, control yourself and we'll get started. . ."
The audience is now laughing even harder: "HAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA!!!!"
"What's wrong with them??" Kite mouths to the "actors" and jerks his thumb towards the audience.
They shrug and mouth back, "I don't know."
Kite then notices everyone's waiting for the show to continue snaps back to fictional reality. "Um, okay, let's get started! Our first game is everyone's favorite, Hoe-down!"
The audience applause wildly and this causes Kite to stop and stare into space, smiling. "Damn, I love that applause sign. . ."
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Kite smacks his forehead.
"Now look what you did, Kite!" Bear yells up at our blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person. The latter just runs his hand down his face and mutters, "Okaaay, well, let's begin before I burst a vein. . ."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Kite cringes and says through clenched teeth, "Now someone give me the name of. . ." He reads the card with a strange look. "Something that. . .smells. . .good. . .?"
In the ever-cracking-up audience. . .
Elk smiles and yells out, "Aromatic Grass!"
With a grin Mia shouts, "Catnip!"
"Aromatic Grass!!"
"Roses!" BlackRose giggles.
"Aromatic Grass, dammit!!"
Suddenly, Orca jumps up and yells, "Balmung!"
"Okay!" Kite gives him a weird look. ". . .Balmung. . ."
"AROMATIC GRASS!!!"
"Okay, BALMUNG," Kite says again, and rolls his eyes.
"HAHAHAHA!!"
Kite glares at the audience. "Okay, so let's do the Balmung Hoe-down."
Mistral (why her, I have no clue) then begins the Hoe-down music while the "Actors" walk over to their places on the stage.
Tsukasa begins to sing. . .
"Well, Balmung of the Azure Sky looks really fly
And with his sweet scent to match, you just can't deny. . .it.
That secret shampoo he uses smells oh-so-good.
Now I'm beginning to picture myself rubbing it on him while he's nude."
Kite is speechless, his face now looking like this: 0.0
The audience- . . .well, we all know what they're gonna do.
It is now BT's turn to sing. . .
"Little Tsukasa has a crush on Balmung, you see.
But who wouldn't with a guy who always smells of the sea?
I don't know what shampoo he uses or what cologne.
But, mmm, I can just imagine all the things we could do if we were alone."
Kite's eyes grow even wider: O.O
The audience- . . .once again. . . .
Bear now steps up. . .
"Some people say I look like Orca from .hackINFECTION
And I've heard he works with Balmung in the Azure Sky section.
There's just one thing, though, I don't get inside my head.
Why sit around all day with him when you could just take him to bed?"
Kite's eyes can now barely fit inside his head: (()).(())
The audience- . . .okay, let's just forget about these people.
Mimiru now begins her turn. . .
"I don't get why everyone has to be this way
And treat Balmung likes he's their sex toy to use all day.
I think he smells like dead fish in the ocean water.
Besides, that little wave master is way, way hotter."
Bear and BT then fall to their knees, out-stretch their arms with a grin, and finish with, "Way, way hotterrrrr!" Tsukasa just stands there, stunned until Mistral ends the song and then the "actors" take their seats.
"Yeeeeeeeeaaaahhh." Kite secretly begins to question the four's sanity and wonders why he even volunteered for this job in the first place, but then remembers that he sold his free will to the authoress for a cookie, so he forgets everything he was thinking about and the empty space that is his mind is filled with that lovely elevator music once again. . . Oh, wait, we have a show to do here. "Uh, let's move on to the next game. . .Scenes from a Hat!"
The audience clapped and Kite said, jokingly, "Well, it seems you all aren't high anymore. I'm glad." They then smiled proudly.
"Okay, here's how the game works," the blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person continued. "Before the show we ask the audience to write suggestions down and then we pick out the GOOD ones and put them in this hat."
". . .Tee-hee."
Kite glared as he took a magician hat out from under his desk. "THEN, the "actors" have to perform whatever the scene is. So let's begin with. . ." Closing his eyes, he took a slip of paper out from the hat. "Use Aromatic Grass for the next game or no mm-mm-mmhmm tonight- Dammit, Elk!" He gave the said Wave Master a death glare while blushing furiously. At this, Tsukasa, BT, and Bear's eyes grew wide and their jaws fell open. Mimiru began cracking up and the audience did a little "Oooooooooh."
Grumbling, Kite crumpled the paper up in his right hand. "Okay, the next scene is. . ." He took out another slip from the hat. "Ooh, I like this one. If Maha could talk."
Tsukasa walked up onto the middle of the stage and said, "I'm so addicted to this WEED."
The audience laughed. . .like always.
"Heheheh," Kite chuckled. He then pulled out another slip and his face immediately fell. "Oh my god. . . . What Kite does when no one's watching."
Mimiru walked up, turned around, and pretended to make-out with someone, moaning, "Ohhhhh, Elk. . . ."
Kite glared and pulled out another slip. "Heheheh. An entry from Subaru's journal."
Since everyone else was much too afraid of the blue-haired control-freak witch banning them from The World if they even mocked her in the slightest bit, Tsukasa walked up yet again and pretended to be writing something. "Dear Journal, I have just started playing The World and it is great. However, someone already had the name Supreme Ruler of All, so I had to use the name of a CAR."
"Hahahaha," Kite laughed, quickly looking around him right after to make sure Subaru wasn't anywhere around. She already gave him one high-heeled-boot-scar where the sun don't shine. "Okay, next one. . ." he continued, pulling out yet another slip. "If GUARDIAN could talk."
This time, Bear walked up and simply shrugged. "It all went to my thighs."
"Hahahahaha. Okay, last one. . ." He pulled out the last slip. "Heheh. Things Tsukasa could have said to Subaru to ruin the moment while they were sitting and holding hands."
Tsukasa's eyes widened and BT and Bear walked up together, holding hands. Then, BT suddenly turned to the old animal-named man and asked, "Have you ever licked a Popsicle in a mischievous way?" Bear just gave her a strange look.
"HAHAHAHA!!" Kite laughed, spinning around in his secretary chair. It was the others' turn to question HIS sanity. But he soon stopped and said, "Okay, everyone, let's go to a quick commercial break and when we come back we'll find out who the winner is."
"But you never gave us any points!" Tsukasa yelled up to the blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person.
"Stay tuned! =)"
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Helba was sitting at a news desk looking all important-like. "Can watching Whose Line cause severe brain damage? Tonight at ten."
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"Aaaaand we're back!"
"Not Tsukasa and Mimiru," Bear said.
Kite's ears perked up. "Huh? Why?"
"They went to the bathroom."
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Tsukasa and Mimiru are seen rolling around on the bathroom floor, making out.
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"Well, whatever," Kite shrugged it off. Anyway, it's time to find out who the winner is!"
"YAY!! =)" the audience cheered.
"Okay! The winner of today's show is. . ."
BT and Bear's eyes grew wide in anticipation.
"Elkie-kun!! =3" Kite exclaimed, a heart floating above his head.
The blonde and old animal-named man's eyes became even wider. "WHAT!!?"
With a grin, Elk ran down from the bleachers and jumped onto Kite's lap, making a "=3"-y face. His blue-haired Twin Blade host guy person boyfriend then began petting his little head, the pet-ee purring and making even more "=3"s.
"And remember how the winner gets to do something "special" with me. . .?" Kite whispered flirtatiously.
Elk gave a naughty smile.
BT and Bear's eyes were now the size of saucer's.
Just then, Mimiru suddenly came bouncing onto the stage with Tsukasa. "Hey, guys! Did we miss anything?"
"Oh, it's nothing you and Tsukasa didn't already do during your little "bathroom break"," the blonde replied coolly.
". . ."
"Okay, everyone!" Kite suddenly announced. "That's all for today's show! BT and Mimiru will read the credits for ya as two prostitutes in a cat fight while Elkie and I go to the "bathroom"! Goodnight!" He then gave them all a wink and left the two said girls to stand there with wide eyes, speechless.
"Well? What're you waiting for??" Bear spoke up. "Tsukasa and I wanna see some action!"
"Okay!" BT exclaimed with an evil grin. She then punched Mimiru right in the jaw. "HOW COULD YOU TELL TANAKA YUKIO'S WIFE ABOUT ME!?"
"Why you. . ." Mimiru grabbed a tight hold on BT's hair. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOLD FUJIMOTO AKIRA'S GIRLFRIEND ABOUT ME!!" she screeched back.
The blonde then stomped on the Heavy Blade's foot and screamed, "ONLY BECAUSE YOU KNEW RYUUTA SHINTO WAS REALLY A WOMAN, BUT DIDN'T TELL ME UNTIL AFTER-"She was suddenly shoved onto the ground.
"NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STUPID WHINING!!" Mimiru yelled, saving the audience from some very unnecessary details.
Growling, BT pulled Mimiru into a headlock, but Mimiru then bit the blonde's arm. . .
Bear turned to Tsukasa. "Are you getting all this??"
"Yep! =3" he said, taping it all on video.
BT then did a body slam and hit Mimiru in the stomach with her elbow. However, the blonde suddenly found herself being flipped over, her hands being held behind her back. . .
.::.:::FADE OUT:::.::.
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%!%-ONIGIRI-%!%-NOTES%!%-
So, what'cha think? No wait, don't tell me- say it in a review! I was thinking of doing either a chatroom, Truth or Dare, or fairy tale parody fic next, but if you have any other ideas, I'd be glad to take it into consideration! I wouldn't mind doing another .hackSIGN&.hackINFECTION fic, but I also like writing with Fruits Basket, CardCaptor Sakura, and InuYasha characters. Well, 'till next time, ciao! =P