A/N: Long time no see, but I had never the muse to write the idea into a story. I had said idea when I heard the sing for the first time, and being myself I made a songfiction out of it. And designed a choreography. But that's another story.
Disclaimer: I do not own "Detective Conan" or any related series and films. I also just borrow the song "Daylight" from Maroon 5 for a little time. Thanks for inventing those lines, by the way.
Claimer: The way the characters are composed (aka "the storyline") is my intellectual property.
Here I am waiting,
I lean in the threshold. Just looking at her sleeping form. The darkness of the night fought with the moonlight to shade or light her body lying under the covers. I unfold my arms and walk over to her.
I'll have to leave soon
This can't go on. I can't hurt her like that. She's the most precious person in my life and I hurt her like that. It's not fair. But for now it's all I have. So I lift the blanket und crawl under.
Why am I holding on?
I put my arms around her. Ran's body is so warm. So alive. Her hair a crown of silky black hair, so unwitting of the danger that could wait for her, because I'm here. I'm with her.
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
The "medicine" I'm on right now, the one that makes her turn towards me, snuggle into my chest and murmur a breathy "Shinichi" ran out. I have no more pills, no knowledge of how to make them and no shady genius to make a new load for me.
How did it come so fast?
Sherry ran away. Like she always did. She left me the package and a message and was gone. Vanished from the surface of this world. Even I couldn't locate her. It felt like ages ago when I was happy, because the first pill did its magic.
This is our last night but it's late
Now it feels as if it was yesterday. Or only this morning. The days have gone so fast, like they wanted me to acknowledge the fleetingness of the moment. I hug Ran a little tighter.
And I'm trying not to sleep
I haven't slept all these nights. I kept myself awake. Using coffee, doing not too much practice, eat practically nothing. All for the one in my arms. I draw a hand through her hair. I watched it grow, just like I did with its owner. But I ignored the blooming love on the sideway.
'Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away
The first night I could barely keep my eyes open. I felt so content, so right finally being able to be at her side. To not play the role of a little kid, but be the growing man I am. She was awake too, kissing me senseless, so I had to fight very hard not to lose control. It wasn't the time then and now it probably never will be.
*And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
I don't have to look at the clock on her nightstand to know when it's time for me to leave. It's every day the moment she starts to stir, when I press a kiss on her forehead and slip out of her bed.
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
My hand wanders down her sides, trying to memorize every inch, every part of her I was allowed to touch. She feels so good in my arms, pressed to my body, her warmth seeping through both our clothes, reflected by mine. She's not much smaller than me, and a part of me wants to scream of joy that she's not way taller than Conan.
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
Conan. When the veil lifts I have to be on the stage again. Sell my role to the people around me, to the one I love. I wish my parents didn't know. I wish she did. But it's enough that it tears me apart. I wouldn't be able to solely stand by and watch her suffer like I do.
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Tomorrow I'll learn every single chemistry and biology book I can lay my hands on. I have to know the formula. If I don't learn it, I can't live on. Simple as that. There is no need for a Conan Edogawa in this world, but it misses Shinichi Kudo. What wasn't born shouldn't live. Right now I'm not better than a piece of plastic, created in a laboratory to bring only doom to humankind.
Here I am staring at your perfection
Her breath on my skin is even. She sleeps deeply. And without tears. That is the most important part. There was no need for her to cry herself to sleep, to dry out her fears with tears. She knew I would come. She knew I would sneak into her room and lay with her. What she didn't know is where I came from. She never asked.
In my arms, so beautiful
It's not just about the looks, the outside, that makes her the best thing in my life. She's honest, sometimes not for her own good; she's got a heart of gold, that makes her believe In the good things; and she's open- minded, which would make her understand my problem. She's everything I'm not. A liar, a pretender, never believing without proof.
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
I lift my head from her hair. The new day wants to start. Birds begin to chirp to welcome it, to warm them up and bring them food and security. I want every one of them to lose their voices instantly.
Somebody slow it down
If I could turn back time, make the sun set not rise, I'd do it. If it just would be winter. Maybe the light of the day wouldn't come out then.
This is way too hard, cause I know
I sigh deeply. The circles I draw on Ran's back become slower. I inhale her scent deeply right from her neck. Even if it hurts to crane mine, I can't go without having done this. It is strange and creepy and I ask myself why I do it, but it comforts and assures me like nothing else. Except for her embrace.
When the sun comes up, I will leave
I give myself a few minutes more. I know it is dangerous. When she wakes fully and I'm still here she'd want me to stay. She'd ask questions and beg me to explain the whole situation to her. But only a few minutes are the risk I'm taking. Maybe subconsciously I want her to ask me all of her questions.
This is my last glance that will soon be memory
She's so peaceful. Like nothing in the whole wide world could ever hurt her. And she's right- nothing in the whole wide world, but the person right before her very eyes could. It would be mortal danger and she doesn't even know the half of it. I want to keep that image of her along with my thougths.
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
The sun rises. Ran shifts, but stays in dreamland. It's better this way, even if it concerns only her and I took the right to decide over it. Forgive me, Ran, I wouldn't do it if I could risk losing you forever.
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
I have to get ready to keep my distance again. To become not more than a ten-year-old. Become my worst nightmare. But no degree of self-loathing or regret is use now. Now I just have to pull back and go.
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
Shinichi and Ran. How nice that sounds. How much of the only right thing a life can offer. I turned it down. I stuck my nose in too deep. I started lying. Now it is my punishment to be alone, to not be allowed to touch her, talk to her the way I would crave to.
But tonight I need to hold you so close
If she only knew how much a smile, a laugh a simple swing of her hips makes me wanna jump up and hug her, never let anyone else touch her. In my head I'm the only one who can keep her save. But in reality, I'm the one who endangers her and the ones who really love her have to protect her. Have to save her from the darkness I provide.
I never wanted to stop because I don't wanna start all over, start all over
Why did I go after the guys in black that afternoon, why didn't I stay with her? Why can't I stop now that I know better? What happens if I come back to her to ask her if she wants to spend the rest of her life by my side. Knowing who I am, what I am and that I'll stay save just for her to never cry again.
I was afraid of the dark but now it's all that I want, all that I want, all that I want
Black was never a colour I liked, but now I hate it. The worst part of this whole mess is that I hate myself most. I could have avoided it. I could have asked her to come with me, have my back. No one in those movies and series ever walks into it alone and comes out bright and smiling. I was just too dumb to accept my own luck. I had to go and not only ruin not my life, but hers as well and ours in the process. Grief was what I deserved, but love was what life should hold for her. If not mine than someone else's. Even if that means me standing by and watching while my heart bursts like hers did when I walked out of her life.