The Overwatch Christmas Party 2018

It was a cold christmas Eve. December 24, 2086. Winston was in his natural habitat, and by natural habitat; I mean his trash filled Overwatch base he calls a home that's full off banana peels, rabbit shit, and other deformed items. "I can't wait for the newly formed overwatch to reform again at my christmas party" said Winston. "I sadly didn't get to host the party last year because of the "STD banana" incident that happened the year before". Winston started to cry, but before he could have his temper tantrum; there was a knock at the door. Winston walked over and unlocked it. To his surprise, there were 4 people standing there for him! Lucio, , Genji, and Mercy were all there happy as could be! They hugged him and said hello as Winston let them in for some appetizers and warm air.

After some long talking and conflict over some "personal" issues, there was another knock at the door. As Winston got up to go answer it; stopped him and said that she'll get it for him as he was currently taking some oddly shaped bananas out of the oven. Dva opened the front door, before she could even see who it was; she was ambushed by 3 ugly lookin ass cunts. "You should've seen this coming bitch" said Junkrat as Roadhog put her her in a headlock. Mei was with them both. "Keep her still while I freeze her fucking soul out" said Mei. "WHY ARE DOING THIS TO ME, AND WHY!?" Mumbled Dva as her throat was getting filled with icicles. "You fucked us over for the last time! The annoying attitude, the defence matrix, the ultes wasted, and those STUPID mech bombs. The mech bombs… Those even give Blizzard employees PTSD". Dva said nothing as she was nothing more but a frozen figure standing in place; the teardrops running down her face turning frozen. "The job is done, our next target, Symmetra..." The cancerous group of 3 then hopped into their white van sprawled with the words "Free Ult Charge" on the side door. The van drove only 20 yards away only to slip off the steep edge of a cliff to crash and explode.

"What's taking her so long?" said Mercy. The phone then started to ring. Lucio picked up the phone and held it to his ear. Zarya and Symmetra were both on the other end. They blasted the phone with the loudest turret noise Lucio has ever heard. (Well, he didn't hear it because his eardrums fucking exploded) Lucio fell to the ground in a seizure, his body shaking in horror as he bled out through all of his cavities. "YOU FUCKING PRANK CALLERS!1, I'LL THROW YOU ALL IN THE TRASH!" screamed Genji. "I only learn from the best indian scammers" said Zarya on the other end. "You probably have some sort of wirus on yo computee" said Symmetra as she autistically shoots Zarya and herself both in the head. Seconds later, Genji heard 2 loud thumping sounds on the other end. "Well, there went 2 more retards-I mean heroes" said Genji as he hangs up the phone. "Make that 3…" huffed Lucio as his final breath left his body. "HE'S FUCKING DEAD MERCY WHAT THE FUCK!?" screamed Winston. "I didn't know what to do, besides, he's black anyways so who cares?" Said Mercy as she casually drinks her cup filled with Genji's Semen.

Meanwhile… Ana was with Soldier and Mccree as they casually walked up to the front door. "Hey Look at that ice sculpture!" said Ana. "That is one damn beautiful replica they made of " snarled Mccree. "Let's take a picture with it!" Soldier said as they bunched up together to take an awesome selfie. All could do was stare at them while she was frozen solid when they took their pictures; she couldn't even make a sound. Winston greeted them at the front door. "Hey, have you seen anywhere?" said Winston. The 3 of them shook their heads as they casually walked past Winston over to Lucio's dead corpse. "What happened to this fuckhead" asked Mccree. "Oh, just another victim to a Symmetra main' said Mercy. "I noticed you don't have any meat laying out. Here, I'll show you how to carve humans into solid chunks of meat!" said Ana as they all worked together to cut Lucio apart and turn him into an all you can eat meat Buffet.

Tracer and Zenyatta walked up to the front door with a red bag filled with ice cream treats and laxatives. Tracer looked at 's frozen body; still alive but barely breathing. "Hey, that's a nice ice sculpt-" Zenyatta cut her off to take a closer look at the frozen figure. "That isn't an ice sculpture" said Zenyatta as he inched away from her. Tracer couldn't control herself. A frozen oversexualized person out there in the open looking so vulnerable. The temptation was just too much. "Well, you know what the gay ones do best!" shrieked Tracer. "What?" said Zenyatta as he places an orb of harmony on . "CHEERS LOVE! FREE PUSSY!" Needless to say, Zenyatta passed out after what he witnessed. After 7 hours of time traveling lesbian 1 man gag bang; was covered in cum, snot, ice cream, laxatives, and more icicles. Tracer came to the realization that she was going to die due to the infinite time traveling she was doing. "At least I died after doing the only thing that was on my bucket list!". Tracer fell to the ground, got covered in snow, and died peacefully.

"What's all the commotion?" said Winston as he opened the front door. He peeked outside and saw Torbjorn sitting on Orisa with his big buddy Bastion walking beside them. "Sorry it took us so long" said Torb. "Bastion and Orisa were having a veeeeerrrrry intimate moment back at home, ain't that right?" "BEEP BOOP BEEP. "Well come on in!" said Winston. "We've got some fied black- I mean, huh, cooked chicken ready to be eaten!" "So where's Phara and Hanzo?" said Orisa. "They must be running late" said Soldier. "No, I saw Lucio kill them both last night, he said he wanted them for some "Music Testing"" said Genji.

Suddenly, the front door blasted open! "I told you I'd find them all here" said Sombra as she threw Zenyatta's unconscious corpse at Torbjorn's face. There were 4 members of Talon staring down the Overwatch heroes; Widowmaker, Sombra, Reaper, and Doomfist. Torbjorn thought fast as he scraped together Orisa and Bastion's body to create a super mega turret. Moira casually walked in after them. Everyone stopped and looked at her. "Yeah, fuck this I'm out" said Moira as she locked the door behind them. "TAKE THIS YOU EMO FUCKS!". The mega turret shot out chunks of Lucio meat at the members of Talon. They passed through their faces as they all fell dead to the ground. Zenyatta woke up. "Hey, we can use their corpses to make meat instead of eating Lucio for dinner." "But he's dead" blared Mercy. Zenyatta said nothing as he puts his hands on his crotch. "EXPERIENCE... MY ASSHOLE!" shouded Zenyatta as Lucio's dead corpse was put together and 's body became unfrozen. Tracer was still dead, but nobody cared.

As the remaining group of Overwatch heroes gathered to sit down with their newly fried Talon meat; there was one more knock at the door. Everyone peeked outside with their guns pointed in the darkness. "Hello everyone! I'm here to deliver the payload!" It was Reinhardt! There was a sleigh full of presents, christmas lights, and candy! "I'm so happy to be here with you all" yelled Reinhardt. "I thought you wouldn't make it!" said Lucio. The Overwatch family was finally reformed. Everyone walked inside and sat themselves down at the dinner table and ate some good Talon meat as they all laughed and told stories to one another. Even Hanzo and Pharah came back to life to attend the occasion. It was all a happy christmas Party.

Deep in the darkness, there with a pair of binoculars sticking out of a bush. There stood Jeff Kaplan and hero 27 peeking through the bushes. "I'm so glad we didn't join their stupid party this year". "Yeah, I hate being hero 26" said Moira "I can't wait to join in on that action one day" said hero 27. And with that heart warming moment; Jeff, Moira, and hero 27 went to his home and watched Star Wars The Last Jedi. THE END