What can I say, all I remember is that it went dark, cold and it felt as if the air from my lungs was forced out of my body as if someone punched me in the stomach. After that, well your guess is as good as mine isn't it? We all know what happened that day and anyone who says otherwise is trying to live in a dream world that supports the premise that nothing bad can ever happen to you. But to perpetually live in a state of mind were you're ignorant to the cruel intentions of humans is naïve, naïve and dumb.
I don't know what to say, I don't know how to say it and most importantly I don't know a way of saying it in which you don't blame me…it's my fault. Dammit. It's really my fault.
But if I play dumb, if I pretend it wasn't somehow indirectly related to me, does that make it okay? Will it all be fine if I say I had no idea, no suspicion, and no hunch? If that's the case and if you promise to not think differently of me I guess I can be honest, maybe all I need in my life is a bit of honesty or maybe I'm just as bad as those people who live in their fantasies where nothing bad can ever happen.
You'd think being closed off from society for so long would affect me wouldn't you? You'd think that I would have reached my breaking point where I would just tell the voice of my conscious to "shut up" and to "pick a fight with someone else" but I can't do that, I'm too alone now to do that…I've made everything worse and quite frankly I deserve what I got, I truly do. I will perpetually look up to the skies and wonder if today will be the day I see a cloud float by, watch the sun rise, feel a gentle summers breeze or who knows, maybe even watch as a snowdrift blows in from over Lake Valor.
What season is it? What month is it? What time is it?
The only thing I can relive now is that conversation, and the way in which I interpret it now…if only I understood at the time, if only I listened to him, if only I took him seriously I'm sure things could of been different for me…it's all his fault and if I listened to the instructions I could have prevented so much these events didn't have to happen, none of them had to happen.
"Hey, Look outside Cam! Do it its funny!" the voice was shrill but through the shrillness excitement could be heard and no doubt the voice belonged to his brother, the person he disliked the most in the entire world.
"I don't understand…is it a dumb reason John? I mean you come back and tell us all to be home for specifically 10:00am, but you can't tell us why? You didn't even bring your Pokemon…so clearly this is something big, because I have never not seen you with Gallade by your side"
"Shut up and look Cam…this is big…and if you listened to me before you'd be able to know what this was all about. Crazy John may not be as crazy as the rest of the family thought"
"Speaking of the rest of the family John…where are they?"
"It doesn't matter at this point…it's too late…just look."
And I did look…I looked and I couldn't believe it, I thought I was dreaming, I thought that every nightmare I have ever had was coming to life to formulate this event. I thought perhaps I was already dead and what I was gazing out upon was a hell that I was destined to roam in for the rest of eternity…but in a sense it was hell, my own personal hell.